The escape plan

Radio Liberty correspondent Roman Super shares the experience of obtaining Israeli citizenship and tells why this is needed

In Russia, for the first time, 16 years after the end of "Big Aliya" there is an increased activity of citizens who want to repatriate to Israel. In 2014, 4685 Russians left for permanent residence in Israel. The zero number of repatriates from our country did not reach 2000 people a year. Growth is more than double. But much more significant in 2014-2015, not quantitative, but qualitative indicators of aliyah from Russia changed: the repatriate has significantly younger, received a higher education and now it is almost always a Muscovite.

Radio Liberty correspondent Super this fall, among this fall, was among the repatriating Russians and found out from the inside how the system of obtaining Israeli citizenship works and for which the Russians leave for this country.

***

Moscow, December, near zero, underfoot a brown slurry instead of snow, corroded by reagents. A low gray heavy sky tightly strangled a hint of the sun. Nothing special. I'm going to work. On the approaches to the editorial office, I meet journalist Valery Panyushkin:

- Roma, hello. You are so tanned! Watch is already disgusting.

- Sorry. Just came from Israel. I received citizenship.

Valera does not answer anything. He presses his hand and runs further about his business. No surprise, no additional questions, no lamentations. Almost all of ours and Valera are common friends, friends and caps of acquaintances with the basis for Israeli citizenship, they either have already done it, or are doing it right now, or in the very near future they are going to call the Israeli Embassy in Moscow and enroll in a reception for a consul to receive a repatrial visa. Nothing special.

***

It all starts with this call. The phone numbers of the repatriation department are easily located on the website of the Israeli embassy. It is much more difficult to call on these phones: at first it is busy for a long time (excellent, then there is definitely someone there!), Then no one answers the same number, then busy again. As if you are calling the housing office, trying to break into the live broadcast of the radio station or the registry of the municipal clinic. The phone, as usual, is raised at the moment when you are completely despair. A female voice with a pleasant accent clarifies who wants to repatriate, asks passport data, reminds of documents that must be brought with him, and determines the date and time for an interview with the consul:

- We now have an entry in only three months. Will you wait?

- Listen, why so long?

- Because there are a lot of wishing. The number of repatriates increased two and a half times in a year and a half. We have a lot of work.

- Well, three are three.

- People begin to run into the building at 9 am. Please come early if you want to do everything faster.

Israeli Embassy in Moscow

The female voice did not exaggerate with a pleasant accent. At 8.30 in the morning, at the house 56, a long one was already trampled on the Bolshaya Ordynka, a 50 man, a queue. Her tail rested on the gate leading to the Catherine Church (the Moscow Center for English -Long Services). The head of the queue is in a frowning black -haired man with noble features in dark glasses with a headphone in the ear and hands folded behind his back. After a couple of minutes, the line is noticeably lengthened. Here are mothers with young children; Touching elderly couples, thinking about pensions by the sea; Families on the information television broadcasters who have repeatedly publicly swore to the loyalty of the Party of power (Russian); editors of glossy magazines; clerks with never quenching screens of tablets; a famous musician hiding in a hood; Modest educated people with kind, but tired eyes behind the thick lenses of glasses in the horny frame. Nothing special.

You will write that the Orthodox or Muslim is right away. You will write that the Jew will have to prove it: it's scary to imagine how

At exactly 9 in the morning, the exactly the same man with the headphone comes to the man with the headphone-as if a twin brother. He holds lists and mutters something in a walkie-talkie in Hebrew. The queue of goose steps begins to move. People are searched and strictly launched one at a time in the building, having previously seized all electronic devices (except phones) and liquid. From the dressing room, the line in portions shimmers into a neighboring building resembling a trailer in which builders live in large and long construction sites. In this elongated wagon with a low ceiling, everyone is given a frighteningly thick questionnaire. Among the numerous simple questions (where he was born, where he studied, where he worked), there are also tricky ones. For example, you are asked to tell about religion. You will write that the Orthodox or Muslim is right away. You will write that Jew - you will have to prove it: it’s scary to imagine how. Thank God I am an atheist.

You hand over a completed questionnaire in the window and wait. How much to wait is not clear. It happens that you are waiting for half an hour. It happens - five or even six hours. Once half an hour, a guard closes in this car, closed outside and invites everyone to go to the toilet. Again in the air, memories of the municipal clinic are hanging: waiting and queue, queue and expectation, expectation and queue. The door locked outside adds some piquancy to what is happening. But in general - nothing special.

Israeli Embassy in Moscow

For about every 20 minutes, they pronounce the names of the applicants for repatriation: "Mr. Ivanov. Mr. Vorobyov. Mr. Petukhov." Sometimes, as if in fairness, Rabinovich is looking for among people. According to the law on the return adopted by the Knesset on July 5, 1950, to receive the right to repatriation, it is enough to document the Jewry of the grandparents (according to my mother’s or father’s line), that is, to be a Jew in the third generation. The employees of the Israeli Embassy in Moscow on this subject even have a joke: you may not be a Jew, but you must be a citizen. There is nothing to be done - the law is the law.

- Mr. Super. Come on.

Needless to say, all the attention of the trailer got at that moment.

The consul - a strict and sonorous Jewish woman - also immediately paid attention to the surname and immediately made it clear without any shakes and ceremonies who I really really is:

- The surname is good. What does it mean, you know?

- A lot of versions. I don't really like everything. Especially the one on the surface, it is the most nasty: just an excellent degree? ..

- What is another excellent degree? Your surname from Hebrew is translated as a "writer". In Hebrew, the words "super" and "sofer" are written the same. So in Israel they will contact you differently - Roman Sofer. And "Sofer" is a writer. If they call the super, start to be offended. Supers in Israel are called exclusively shops, supermarkets. The writer is better than a supermarket.

- What a blow.

Listen, our ancestors wandered around the desert for 40 years, is it really difficult to go to the conditional Dnepropetrovsk for some extract from some-the devil knows what kind of house book

The strict and sonorous Jewish woman surrounded by three state flags of Israel (one large on the wall, one small on the table, the third very small on the badge on her chest) carefully studied the completed questionnaire, then asked to show documents confirming my Jewry. The birth certificates of closest relatives indicating a nationality - these, in fact, are basic documents that allow a person to get a repatriate visa. Basic, but not the only ones. In 9 cases out of 10, the consul will definitely ask to convey some kind of “simple” certificate, even despite the fact that no person in the whole world doubts your Jewry. Most likely, this is done for two reasons: firstly, so the consul gives you time to carefully consider the need for repatriation again. Secondly ... Listen, our ancestors wandered around the desert for 40 years, is it really difficult to go to the conditional Dnepropetrovsk for some extract from some-the devil knows what kind of house book? “Of course, it’s not difficult,” you will mumble in reply in response to this requirement, thinking to yourself: "This is an incredible hemorrhoid, here is a setup."

Photo cards of the graves of deceased relatives in a Jewish cemetery, photographs of the wedding of brothers or sisters near KhUPA, any letters and recommendations from any Jewish organizations brought with them for an interview with the consul are welcome, but they are unlikely to decide anything. Before getting a repatriate visa, I went to a strict and ringing woman three times: with all the ensuing almost international bureaucratic adventures and new bursts. Nothing special.

“Congratulations, Roman.” Today I will give you a visa and your family. They act for six months. If you do not have time to enter Israel on them, it will be a little more difficult to get them again. A little. More difficult.

The most difficult thing behind. Everything that happens next does not require practically any efforts. Having received a visa, the new repatriate must contact the Jewish agency "Dry", widely represented in different cities of Russia. It is not necessary to go to their office, it is enough to tell about yourself by phone or even by e -mail and send a visa photo. "Dry" will offer the new repatriate to fly to Tel Aviv at the expense of the Israeli state, and will offer to take the costs of transporting heavy baggage. This privilege can be abandoned and fly at your own expense by providing the Jewish agency with information about their flight (because you should meet you). In this case, the queue for paperwork in Ben-Gurion will surely be small. The main thing is not to fly to Shabbat and numerous Jewish holidays, when all state offices are closed in the country, into which the new repatriate will have to go. All four state offices.

***

As soon as the new repatriate is in Tel Aviv, he immediately falls into the hands of a strange Israeli bureaucracy. Its strangeness is primarily in the fact that you become a citizen of Israel without having time to get your luggage

I was warned by many friends who recently committed Aliya (the return of a Jew to Israel) that in Ben-Gurion you can safely forget about the series of unpleasant procedures related to the design of your repatriation. It was said that there will no longer be additional reference, locked from the outside of the doors and other unpleasant collisions with the system. All this is in the past, in Moscow. But still, according to the old Russian habit, I was waiting for a trick, so I was worried. As it turned out, in vain. As soon as the new repatriate is in Tel Aviv, he immediately falls into the hands of a strange Israeli bureaucracy. Its oddity is primarily in the fact that you become a citizen of Israel without having time to get your luggage. Nothing special.

The Aircraft of the Israeli Airline EL Al Al

The exit from the aircraft, passport control, the border guard finds your repatriate visa in the passport, most likely, in Russian (a million Russian-speaking Israelis lives in the country), thanks for Aliya and shows a finger at the black telephone apparatus on the wall. On the phone, the inscription in Russian "Communication with the Ministry of Absorption". You picked up the phone and instead of "Hello" you say "Aliya". You are met by an employee of the ministry and takes you into a special premises at the airport. There is a table with sandwiches and hot tea. On TV - a dear Channel One, on the first channel - the concert of Philip Kirkorov. Philip Kirkorov is tightened into a corset, from which fluffy multi -colored feathers stick out. We look at each other with your wife:

- Interestingly, this is not to injure the Russians at once? Like, do not worry, we have everything that you are so used to?

- Rom, pay attention to the fact that the sound of the TV is turned off.

- Ah, this, apparently, is not to injure French repatriates. They want to please everyone.

We flew to Israel at our own expense, so there was no line in the room for citizenship at all. Within half an hour we were given a blue crust (as one friend of mine says, the passport can be any, but blue!) - the certificate of the new repatriate (Teudat Ole). If you do not want to look like a zombie on the next document, grab a photo for a repatriate to certify with yourself: you will be photographed poorly here. Then, in the same room, a person is given a referral to the medical box office. It is better to get a direction now: at the airport and free. Otherwise, you will have to go to the mail and receive this direction for money. The repatriate is given a certificate allowing to open a bank account in Israel. And after another ten minutes, having controlled all the collected documents confirming your Jewry (do not submit these documents in luggage in any case!), An employee of the Ministry of Internal Affairs here will also give a repatriate a passport of an Israeli citizen (Teudat Zut). Together with him, a new citizen relies 1250 shekels in an envelope (approximately 21,300 rubles; a family of three people relies on more-2750 shekels), a free SIM card and a taxi voucher, which will also take you from Ben-Gurion to any point in Israel at the expense of the state.

***

On this, for many modern new repatriates, Alia, in fact, ends. People get passports and literally return home right there

On this, for many modern new repatriates, Alia, in fact, ends. People get passports and literally return home right there. The fact is that Israel is probably the only country in the world that gives its citizens two different types of passports. Three months after the receipt of Israeli citizenship, a citizen can draw up a temporary travel document (Lesse-pass, is drawn up immediately either for a year or two years, then extends twice another two years), which gives a person the right to enter more than 40 countries of the world without visas. Lesse-pass can be obtained at the same Embassy of Israel in Moscow, where a repatriate was given a visa to obtain citizenship. For many Russians, the meaning of this aliyah is just the receipt of this temporary travel document, which, strictly speaking, is functionally not much different from a permanent foreign passport - Darkon. In order to get this "fire -breathing Darkon", the repatriate needs to live in Israel for at least a year.

The conservative part of the Israeli society contemptuously calls such people "Darkonniki" and unprofitable opportunists. However, official Israel supports and welcomes Aliya in any form, not doubting that the promised land will sooner or later regain all his lost sons.

The repatriates who did not come for a passport, but for the second homeland, and want to connect themselves with Israel ... if not a strong knot, then at least a bow, for the next day after arrival, go to any Israeli bank, where they open an account for half an hour. With the account number, they go to the Ministry of Absorption (everything is also quickly there, almost no queue), where the Russian -speaking employee will ask them the account number so that within six months each month the state could send a “lifting” money, the so -called absorption basket: for six months a family of three will receive 43,333 Shekels (about 740,000 rubles). This money will come only if the repatriate is in Israel. As soon as a person leaves the country, payments are frozen.

The Ministry of Absorption with new repatriates kindly talk, talking about the numerous benefits that Israel offers newly arrived. And in the fatherly they are interested in plans for life:

- Well, guys, tell us what kind of education you have?

- Moscow State University.

- This is very good. And it’s even fine that Moscow State University. And who are you working, Roman?

- Journalist.

- Hm. OK. Well, who are you, Julia?

- And I am an art critic.

- Hm. OK…

The employee changes in the person, continuing to silently fill out some papers. Then, without raising his eyes, he returns to the conversation:

- Keep in mind, guys, that you are supposed to unemployment manual ...

After another pause, politely adds:

- ... Well, if you suddenly do not find work here, here is my advice, guys: Learn the language. When I was repatriated, many spoke Russian here, many read newspapers in Russian, listened to radio in Russian. But times have changed a lot. Israel has become a very Ivritooriented country. There is practically no Russian media market. Direction to ULPAN (linguistic and free school for new repatriates) give? ..

The third necessary authority is a medical cash desk, the direction to which we were previously given in Ben-Gurion. First year, medical care for the new repatriate is free. Monthly payments will begin after 12 months: 160 shekels per person per month (approximately 2700 rubles). If you want to be treated in Israel as an Israeli citizen, pay tax and treat yourself for free. If you want to be treated in Israel as a tourist, do not pay tax, but pay for the treatment of crazy money.

All admiring conversations that every Russian certainly heard about the legendary Israeli medicine are similar to the truth

All admiring conversations that every Russian certainly heard about the legendary Israeli medicine are similar to the truth. At least, my family was extremely positive. Having received insurance cards, we decided to timidly try how this system works. It works clearly and simple: you sign up by phone to the necessary doctor, the insurance company offers a convenient date and place. On the appointed day, you go to the proposed address. On the door of the doctor there is a piece of paper with the surname of the patient and the time when the door should open only for him. The door opens, the patient comes in. For my wife, the reception was completely free. Дополнительные процедуры обошлись в 27 шекелей (примерно 460 рублей).

Впрочем, израильтяне со стажем говорят, что так бывает далеко не всегда. Местные жители в один голос утверждают, что особенностью израильской медицинской системы является то, что к пустяковым болячкам эта система часто относится спустя рукава, но вот в случае серьезных заболеваний (например, онкологии) пациента берут в оборот по полной программе. Столетние, лысые от химиотерапии, но счастливые, облизывающие мороженое улыбающиеся старушки, гуляющие вдоль реки по парку Аяркон, – тому убедительное подтверждение.

В Израиле есть разные аптеки. Есть обычные – коммерческие, а есть государственные, которые прикреплены к больничным кассам. Когда врач выписывает пациенту рецепт, пациент, как правило, идет не в коммерческую, а в государственную аптеку. В государственной аптеке пациент практически бесплатно получает все необходимые, по мнению его врача, препараты, доплачивая лишь около 10 процентов от стоимости лекарства из своего кармана. Nothing special.

***

Tel Aviv

Несмотря на участившиеся уличные теракты в Израиле, жизнь в Тель-Авиве странным образом кажется неприлично расслабленной, неторопливой и спокойной. Люди не шарахаются друг от друга и никого ни в чем не подозревают. Теплое декабрьское солнце заставляет горожан щуриться и подталкивает полусонных прохожих к палаткам со свежевыжатыми соками. Здесь рыба пахнет рыбой и по вкусу напоминает рыбу, что поначалу даже сбивает с толку: господи, почему так вкусно-то, что они туда добавляют? Здесь фиги слаще, чем мед, а мандарины растут на деревьях в центре города, как яблоки на подмосковных дачах. Из любой точки в любую точку можно доехать на самокате или популярном тут велосипеде с моторчиком, не опасаясь оказаться под чьими-нибудь колесами. Здесь на улице легко можно встретить друзей из Москвы, или совершающего утреннюю пробежку по набережной главного редактора большого российского медиахолдинга. А в симпатичной квартире, которую мы сняли, есть прекрасный балкон и уютное бомбоубежище, которое вызывает не оторопь, а почему-то глупую улыбку.

Находясь в Тель-Авиве, очень скоро понимаешь, что ты немножко на другой планете. Для этого достаточно задрать голову и увидеть перелетающих с ветки на ветку разноцветных попугаев вместо голубей. Вечерами попугаев, правда, не видно. Вместо них от дерева к дереву, словно ласточки, проносятся мерзкие летучие мыши, которые, в отличие от бомбоубежища в собственной квартире, вызывают как раз оторопь. Идешь по бульвару в сумерках, грызешь яблоко, смотришь по сторонам и стараешься себя убедить: "Ну что же, прекрасно, летучие мыши. Ничего особенного". Доходишь до парка уже совсем к позднему вечеру, а там тебя встречают дружелюбные койоты и гиены, осторожно выглядывающие из кустиков. О'кей, койоты, гиены, мыши летучие. What next? Говорят, что дальше будет встреча со знаменитыми гигантскими израильскими тараканами, которые, как и израильские мыши, разумеется, тоже умеют летать.

Старый порт в Яффо

Тель-Авив стремительно джентрифицируется. Трущобы и ветхие арабские дома рассыпаются древней ближневосточной пылью и уступают место новостройкам и богатой публике. Яффо все больше напоминает старый добрый Гоа, населенный художниками, писателями и музыкантами: запах свежего кофе растворяется в запахе марихуаны на неугомонном блошином рынке. Район Неве-Цедек без предупреждений превратился в Лазурку. Аутентичных йеменских еврейских старух подсидели богатые репатрианты из Франции. Бульвар Ротшильда тенистый и легкомысленный. На скамейках влюбленные гей-парочки, профессура с кожаными портфелями читает утреннюю прессу. На Дизенгофе пикет леваков с плакатами "Остановите оккупацию": 10-15 бабушек очень интеллигентного людмилоалексеевского вида выступают за признание Палестины. С балкона свисает радужный флаг, под ним как-то суетливо семенит человек с пейсами в черной шляпе. И неизбежная мысль в голове ласково напоминает: море за поворотом.

Сын как-то спросил в Иерусалиме, зачем люди разговаривают со стеной? Вот и я думаю: зачем люди всю жизнь только и занимаются тем, что разговаривают со стенами? А не друг с другом

Правда, есть и другая мысль, которая все время держит тебя в тонусе. Связанна она с фантастической способностью российского президента портить отношения более-менее со всем цивилизованным миром в самые короткие сроки. Утром взгляд сам падает на новостные ленты и ищет сообщение о том, что Владимир Владимирович, наконец, поругался и с Израилем. Сын как-то спросил в Иерусалиме, зачем люди разговаривают со стеной? Вот и я думаю: зачем люди всю жизнь только и занимаются тем, что разговаривают со стенами? А не друг с другом.

Паб в Иерусалиме

Возвращение к реальности происходит всякий раз, когда ты идешь в супермаркет покупать еду и пересчитываешь ценники на мясо, фрукты и сыры с шекелей на родные рубли. Пересчитываешь и не веришь своим глазам. Потом снова пересчитываешь – все верно. But how is it possible? В Тель-Авиве запредельно дорогая жизнь. Здесь космически дорогое жилье, несправедливо дорогой общественный транспорт (который к тому же не работает в Шаббат) и необъяснимо дорогая еда, которую никто ниоткуда не привозит: ее выращивают в нескольких километрах от магазина.

Строгая звонкая еврейская женщина в посольстве Израиля в Москве была права: писатель – лучше, чем супермаркет. Я бы только добавил: писатель лучше и дешевле, чем любой супермаркет в Тель-Авиве.

Не так давно в Израиле случился большой скандал вокруг местного десерта Milka, когда кто-то из израильтян сфотографировал его в Берлине на прилавке в магазине. Выяснилось, что в Берлине этот самый десерт стоит дешевле, чем здесь, в стране, где его производят.

Один приятель, недавно репатриировавшийся в Израиль, после первого же похода в ночной клуб понял, что его тонкая душевная нежелательная организация осквернена местными ценниками круче, чем это могло бы произойти даже в дорогущих Осло или Токио: бармен протянул ему стакан виски и попросил 58 шекелей (почти тысяча рублей). Приятель возмутился и переспросил: "Вы не ошибаетесь? Это виски. И здесь 40 грамм". Бармен, немного смутившись, заглянул в меню и был вынужден извиниться: "Действительно, я ошибся. Не 58 шекелей. 59".

В Израиле очень просто стать миллионером. Нужно репатриироваться сюда миллиардером

Хожу по рынку "Кармель", яростно трясу огурцом и спрашиваю продавца: почему ваши овощи стоят как наркотики? Продавец разводит руками: "Пойми, друг, когда ты платишь за этот огурец, то ты платишь не за огурец. Ты платишь за свою же социальную защиту и за мирное небо над головой. Знаешь, как дорого стране обходится "Железный купол"?" Продавец из сырной лавки ответил примерно то же самое, добив меня старым еврейским анекдотом: "В Израиле очень просто стать миллионером. Нужно репатриироваться сюда миллиардером".

***

Открыв банковский счет, оформив медицинскую страховку и зарегистрировавшись в Министерстве абсорбции (на все уходит два дня), новый репатриант, желающий передвигаться по миру в ближайшие три месяца (то есть до получения временного загранпаспорта, который полагается только через 90 дней), должен сходить в последнюю инстанцию – МВД – и получить разрешение на выезд из страны. Многим, впрочем, удается выезжать из Израиля и без этого разрешения, часто его просто не спрашивают.

Поход в это министерство был для меня самым волнительным. Министерство! Внутренних! Дел! "Что хорошего можно ждать от ментов…" – предсказуемо думал я. Но оказалось, что израильское МВД не имеет вообще ничего общего с российским. Здесь не унижают людей. Никого не бьют дубинками. Здесь не хамят. С тобой разговаривают, а не лают. И, что совсем уж странно, здесь смотрят тебе в глаза и улыбаются. Справка, разрешающая выезд из страны без израильского загранпаспорта, была получена снова за неправдоподобные 15–20 минут. Я просто взял номерок, подошел к окошку, попросил бумагу, которую без промедлений распечатали у меня на глазах. Здесь же – в Министерстве внутренних дел – при желании можно поменять свое имя. По каким-то причинам надоело быть Митей? Станьте Мордехаем. Nothing special.

Дети в Иерусалиме

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Я вернулся в Москву и на следующий день пошел на работу. Декабрь, около ноля, под ногами вместо снега коричневая жижа, разъеденная реагентами. Низкое серое тяжелое небо намертво придушило даже намек на солнце. Поздоровался и перекинулся парой фраз с журналистом Валерой Панюшкиным, которого встретил у дверей редакции. Потом поднялся на пятый этаж, вышел в интернет. И немедленно купил билеты в Тель-Авив.

Осталось только заработать денег на израильские огурцы.