SOS! We are looking for mom

Mom in a children's village SOS is a profession, she has a weekend, salary and favorite work. And the villages themselves are something between an orphanage and a foster family

On May 20, the first children's village-SOS in Russia in the village of Tomilino turned 20 years old. In 1995, journalist Elena Bruskova brought the idea of ​​children's villages from Austria. For Russia of that time, the new form of the family device seemed an unusual alternative to the state -owned orphanage. Beautiful cottages and happy well-groomed children were not associated with an orphanage, just as an orphanage was not associated with charity work (villages-SOS exist for donations). Elena was able to agree with the city, and for the first 15 houses they allocated land in Tomilin near Moscow. So far, a skeleton of future life was built outside the city for many orphans, they were looking for “professional mothers” in Moscow. For an announcement in the Komsomolskaya Pravda that a “mother” is required, that is, a woman who loves children and wants to educate them, representatives of various professions responded.

One of the first “mothers” was a 38-year-old faith, by profession a mathematician-programmer.

Vera, 58 years old, 20 years old has been working as a mother in a children's village-SOS

I saw an ad in the Komsomolskaya Pravda and immediately sent the questionnaire: the note was very inspired. I always wanted to have a large family, but it so happened that there are no children. I thought to take a child from the orphanage, but my mother was sick, and it was necessary to work hard.

Elena Bruskova showed me the book “With the World on Shilling” at the interview, it all started with her. Elena I think the saint. Skinny, fragile, but it was she who had the strength to break through the gap in this bureaucratic system.

Then I was just an employee of the village, the work book recorded-“Mom-Educator”. The salary was worthy, and even today it reaches 30 thousand.

We were given an empty house. There was only a skeleton: construction was underway. 11 houses for 11 mothers, and for us they created a "school of mothers." Moms themselves equipped the house, drove to the carpets to the carpet plant to Lyubertsy. We were taken to various demonstration orphanages: for example, to an orphanage who supplied children for America. We watched how it works. They showed an orphanage, where people with disabilities were shown how to work with them. I liked one girl there - I still remember her, I really wanted to take it. And they said - no, it is impossible, specialists will be engaged in the selection of children.

Mom Vera shows a photo of her guys photo: Marina Bocharova

In 1995, the Russian Committee of the Children's Village was a social teacher - Elena Orlova, she was engaged in the selection of children and traveled to shelters. She asked her mother’s wishes: at what age and what sex she wants a child, showed a photograph, told his story. It was possible to refuse, but we took everyone. My first children were five from the same family. Their grandmother first was against the fact that the children here lived, because then it was considered simply an organization. If there are relatives who are not deprived of rights, but for some reason are not able to take care of children, their opinion is taken into account. The grandmother herself during the war was in a concentration camp, so even the idea that her grandchildren would be in some Austrian organization was unpleasant for her. But when she saw how we live here, she agreed.

It was nice that the younger ones immediately began to call me a mother. The eldest, Vika, was then 14 years old, she replaced her mother - the children were completely on her. Therefore, Vika did not know the multiplication table and did not even know how to determine the time by the clock. They lived, of course, not rich, everything was there: they climbed the garbage dumps - they were looking for me to eat.

There was a turning point when I felt that they had accepted me, trusted me. A week later, in the house, one of the guys, Sasha, began to choke. He lies on my knees in an ambulance and says: "You will not leave me there?" I was prescribed all the medicines, and I treated it at home.

SOS-Mama could leave the village four times a month, these days a “substitute” aunt came. One of my weekends, Vika fled and returned only the next day. Therefore, the director said that until she goes through all the tests (gynecologist, venereologist), will live in a separate house. She says: "Will you come to me?" Of course, I came to her and wore food.

The seventh child in our family appeared Pashka. We wanted a girl, but offered him - a year and a week, seven and a half kilograms. I had no experience with babies, I thought he was walking, as if he was sitting, talking, maybe. When he was brought from the house of the baby, he still could not hold his head. Rickets, there were not even teeth, plus 11 more related diagnoses. Pashka had the status of founding: on the third day, mother secretly left the hospital. When they gave it to us, everyone thought that he was not a tenant. And he grew up: 180 centimeters, pumped up, and now, he gave earrings to me. I spent all his scholarship accumulations. Once from the camp brought me a ring, ordinary, plastic, with something like a pearl. I still keep it.

For so many years we have already versed a lot: there were children with different deviations

We even now have most guys with the third health group. There are problems in psychiatry, they are registered. Our Olya is at risk - the family had three suicides. And the older sister, and mom, and uncle - all stepped from the eighth floor. Olya on supportive therapy, so far there has been not a single case. For so many years we have already figured out a lot of things: there were children with different deviations .

Recently, in the villages-SOS, mothers began to take their children under guardianship: all our guys, even after getting into the SOS-family, remained in the database for adoption. There were cases when children who lived in the village for many years were taken to foster families. And we, despite the fact that they were a real family for them, did not have a legal status. Now many of us are foster parents, but the guys have the status of an orphan.

Children's village-Sos in Tomilino Photo: Daria Fedorova/Wikimedia Commons

Relatives of our children are also different. We had a boy Vitya - he lived for only two years, and grandfather took him under guardianship. For five years, no one knew anything about him. Then it turned out that his grandfather had a bill of one and a half million to him for these five years, they say, sell an apartment, you owe me for raising you. Although Vitya was under his guardianship, and his grandfather received allowance from the state.

SOS villages are a place where the children get their mother and mothers get a family, because at first only single mothers came

We were the first pair to be allowed to live together in the village. It is good that we have a dad, and they see a model of relations between a man and a woman here. They see holidays and feasts instead of drunken fights.

SOS villages are a place where the children get their mother and mothers get a family, because at first mothers came only lonely.

And now I am both mom and grandmother. Of course, I am now the happiest person, because I feel their love. For so many years there were 19 children, with grandchildren - 29, and now eight under guardianship, we celebrate several days of birth every month.

Alina, 26 years old, one of the first graduates of the children's village-Sos Tomilino

We found ourselves in the shelter when my mother died. They lived there for a year, and then got into the children's village. I was six when we were brought here and said: this is your home and your mother. But we were five, and therefore it was easier than those who come alone. Everyone here became very friends, we have a family. The most important thing was to feel concern and realize that someone needed us. Although we understood that we were different from an ordinary family.

What the local children survived, not every adult could survive, and it is good that there is a children's village that can help them become people. Here they find an approach, work with psychologists. My son is now four years old. I can’t imagine what would happen if he had lost me.

Then I lived until 15 years old, then there was a house of youth in Kolomna. There we chose a profession from those who offered: a seamstress and a cook. Young House is an improved hostel. There are teachers who look so that you do not suffer at all, so that you do not abuse this freedom. I entered the school for a co-confectioner and worked since 16 years old.

There were different circles, campaigns, camps in the village, rode to Seliger, rafting on kayaks, came with performances to other children's villages in Russia. In the camps there were guys from the orphanages. But we have one trouble, we do not share - or not or not.

The guys and I experienced a lot: we cursed and supported each other. It is important to worry about this with the family. The most important thing is to survive and forgive. It seems to me that in life it is very difficult to meet people, even in a family who understands you so and all the time with you, where everyone is like relatives. In life, it is difficult to find such a person.

Larisa, 56 years old, 20 years old has been working as a mother in a children's village-SOS

I graduated from the Moscow Aviation Institute and until 1993 worked in Zhukovka (N.E. Zhukovsky Air Force Academy) by the head of the thermal department. There was nowhere to grow further: either epaulets or candidate. But if not for what happened in the country, I would not have left. Then she finished the courses in the accounting case and for some time worked at the Research Institute of Dar. Then I had no thoughts about working in an orphanage, it was something incomprehensible to me. But I wanted to have children, but there was no mine. Therefore, I sent a questionnaire on an announcement in Komsomolskaya Pravda and went for an interview.

At the first stage, in the children's village there were several meetings with a psychologist, tests on a computer and a school school. Only after school they say exactly whether you pass or not, and sign a contract. The conditions are women from 27 to 42 years old, physically healthy, with a residence permit in Moscow or the nearest suburbs, without young children.

Children's village-Sos Tomilino Photo: Marina Bocharova

I consciously asked for more than one child at once, because I am absolutely sure that when the child comes alone, this is a breakdown. And for an adult and for children who are already in the house. The first four children from the same family should have been scattered into four different orphanages, and in life they would simply have lost each other, and our system, fortunately, allows you to take everyone together. The same thing happened with the second family, there were three of them.

At first we looked closely at each other. Surprisingly, these two small families were friends with each other even more than inside their own. I don’t know when the moment comes and you begin to understand that we are one. You cannot come to the child and ask: call me a mother.

It is either felt or not. At some point, it clicks-and they do it, and you only quietly rejoice-it means that you have reached, something has grown together, it turned out. And then the most ordinary life begins: study, clinics, family holidays ...

The moment came when the older guys came and asked why they were here. And I said: I would be madly happy if you lived at home, but fate has developed in this way. Change something, make your mother return, we cannot. Time will pass, and she may be aware ... But we need to somehow live now. You saw how it was, I can tell you and show you what could be different.

You cannot come to the child and ask: call me mom

After the release of who went to the construction school, who studied for a cook or confectioner. The main thing is that there is a specialty, and they chose this specialty themselves. There is an opportunity to get higher education, but not everyone has the ability to do this. Of the entire seven, only one girl received the highest. After the ninth grade, she herself came to me and asked to help with a transfer to a gymnasium to prepare for admission. She had a goal. She acted the second time, finished and now works in logistics.

Last year I had a retirement age. All the guys that I took little, I have already let you into the youth house, and this year the youngest will be 18. I brought them “to a logical conclusion”. Initially, such a task was set. As for the foster parenthood, this is for a couple. I am one hundred percent Kinderdorf ( kinderdorf - (German) Children's village. - TD ) employee and I will remain. Therefore, I am very glad that the administration heard my arguments and did not offer custody more, and we remained SOS-seven. They were not just that they wanted all mothers to take guardianship, but in general they bowed to this. This is the tendency that occurs in the country. To date, we have three people who work as SOS-mom.

There is no restriction when mom needs to retire, this is done by the conclusion of a psychologist. When he understands that either physically a person does not cope, or psychologically difficult, then they gather and think that next. Mom from the neighboring house retires, and three of her guys go to me. But I'm not going to leave yet. If health allows, I will release the youngest in 2025, although I do not make so far.

Siddhartha Kaul, President of the International Association SOS Children's Villages International

In 1996, when we began to build the first children's village-SOS in Russia, the state was the only partner. Today, money comes from everywhere: from state -owned companies and from ordinary people from around the world. Children's villages exist already in 134 countries of the world, in Russia there are now six (in Russia, the villages of the villages are supported by large companies: Gazprombank, Sberbank, Ikea and others.-TD).

In Russia, there is still no children's village for children with developmental features, because they require special care and conditions. While we are not sure of these conditions, we will not be able to provide them. For them, there is not enough ordinary children's village. Now there are several such special programs around the world, three of them in Germany, where there are someone to look after children. There the village is completely on state support, but ordinary people also support it. Society needs time to understand that children with developmental features have the same rights, and we must be responsible for them in the same way as we are responsible for the rest. We have a difficult choice: try to change all two thousand (the number of orphanages in Russia. - TD) or help another child. We never said that we can solve the problem of the whole world. We can only show the decision.

Anatoly Vasiliev, Director of the Children's Village-Sos Tomilino

This model has achieved success, because the state did not delve into its essence, and this is happiness. This project does not need to be done by state, no more villages are needed. The essence of the children's village is that there is an affection between the mother and the child, which is impossible in the conditions of the orphanage. All six children's villages are not state status. The state share is 10 percent - these are the same 12 thousand benefits for each child.

We were affected by the reform of orphanages. When Decree 481 ( the government decree “On the activities of organizations for orphans and children left without parental care” entered into force on September 1, 2015.-TD ), where it is said that children in orphanages are temporarily, and the main task of orphanages is now to transfer children to foster families, and not to educate themselves, mothers began to formalize their choice. We offered them such an opportunity - to save children in the family, and they designed. Everything remains as before, they just become legal representatives. Now almost all the children in the children's village are in foster families.

Territory of the children's village - SOS Tomilino Photo: Ilya Talev/RIA Novosti

There is a commission for a set of children, but we have not received children from Moscow for a long time. The child is in the shelter for six months, during which time he is selected either guardians or a foster family. If nothing happened, he goes to the orphanage, and then they call us. We look at the child, at his personal business, we communicate, consulting in advance with his mother. We cannot take children with severe disabilities, since there are no medical centers and schools nearby for their rehabilitation. It is important that everything is in walking distance.

The first direction of SOS is a long-term custody for orphans, that is, children's villages and youth houses. The second is programmatic, prevention of social orphanage, working with families of risk group of parental rights in the regions. We already have success stories. The state does not have, they can’t do it yet. For 20 years we have been engaged in consequences and dealt with children who were already without parents. Now we will engage in strengthening the family in which there are problems. There is already a state and a program, tested in the Murmansk region, in the St. Petersburg region, in Vologda and which will be launched in Tomilin. This is what we are working on now and why SOS has good technologies.