Exodus. Bartender who knew nothing about masturbation

Approximately 9% of the population of Israel attribute themselves to the chared community - an ultra -orthodox religious Jewish community. The Israeli media claim that every year , every tenth leaves the chared communities. In most cases, these people find themselves in a marvelous new world without close people, secular education and livelihood. The Gilel organization, founded in 1991, helps young people who have left the ultra -organizational communities, adapt to Israeli society - helps with employment, prepares to enter universities or draft in the army. Samizdat “Batenka, you have a transformer” with two immigrants from Hadim, today the twenty-eight-year-old Shai, volunteer Gilel and a bartender from Tel Aviv, tells his history of the outcome from the closed Jewish community.

I was born and raised in Jerusalem, in an ultra -religious family, where there were nine more children besides me. My grandfather on my mother’s line came to Israel from Turkey when he was small, and grandmother's ancestors are scattered throughout Eastern Europe. Papal's parents are Moroccan Jews, they have no concept of “ultra -orthodox”, just everyone observes traditions, but, being in Israel, some of them decided to join the chared community .

I studied at the School of Litvakov , where a terrible neglect of immigrants from the eastern communities reigned: it was believed that they knew the ultra -organizational world only in Israel, unlike ashkenaz, who opened the first such Yeshiva in Europe. They treated me well, because my dad is a student of a famous rabbi, and my family lived in Ashkenaz's foundations.

As soon as the boy goes to school, his childhood ends: already in the elementary grades you study until 16:00, in the eighth grade we have already studied from eight in the morning to eight in the evening, in the last three years they often study from seven in the morning to twelve in the morning. Studying at the university, I laugh when they warn me that there will be a long day. All school years are preparing you for your further study in Yeshiv. After graduating from an ultra -religious school, you do not receive a normal certificate: mathematics - a maximum to the level of interest calculation; There is no English at all - I did not know how Latin letters are pronounced; Geography is limited to Jerusalem and part of other areas of Israel, and in history lessons they talk only about the events related to the Jewish people. From the point of view of the leadership of such schools, the story ends on the Holocaust - nothing is said about wars in Israel. The word "Zionism" is prohibited, the concept of "state of Israel" is not mentioned at all. The attitude to the country and people is extremely superficial, detached. If you are a Muslim, a Christian or just a non -religious person, you do not exist. They are not worried about either the past of the state of Israel, nor the present, nor the future, although some go to vote in order to strengthen the positions of ultra -organizational parties in parliament.

In childhood, I considered all the non -religious unfortunate, to observing, but not chared Jews, I treated the weak people. About the same way as the majority applies, for example, to the janitors: on the one hand, this is his work, he provides a family, on the other-he is still a janitor, you do not care about him, you will not be friends. There is a certain rating: in the upper position your community; then ultra -orthodox Hasid; Then the one who I was - not Litvak, he is a little mistaken; Then Jews, observing only traditions, they are mistaken even more; And finally, all non -religious - they are completely wrong. So my brains were washed.

Talking with a woman, you can look at her only if she is your mother, sister, grandmother, in extreme cases - aunt, you should not speak with the rest, and if you have to, you need to look away.

We did not know anything about sex. There are moments related to the wedding, divorces in the Talmud, there are religious laws regarding, for example, menstruation, but guessing about something is much harder when you live in a closed society, fenced off from women, television and the Internet. Even physiological development occurs a little later: usually boys at ten to eighteen years can already notice some changes in their body, in the chared society this happens at fourteen to sixteen. You are embarrassed to talk about it, most of this are not even trying to discuss. Once I went to class and saw my friend who masturbated behind the school bench. We were about fifteen years old, but I did not understand what he was doing, and asked: “Yakov, is everything all right?” He replied that this helps him concentrate on studying. Neither he nor I knew that it was, and they did not understand that they were not doing this in the class. In eighteen and nineteen years, you will slowly learn something-someone will hear somewhere, retells to another. One friend of mine told me that for two years after the wedding he did not know how to have sex. He and his wife went to the rabbis to find out why they could not get pregnant, but they could not explain them normally what was the matter. Time passed, and according to religious laws, the absence of children is a reason for a divorce. As a result, one of the rabbis guessed to send them to the doctor. He was smart enough to directly ask if they know how to have sex. So, on tables and pictures, the doctor explained to them that all these two years they had no chance to get pregnant.

In non -religious families, you rarely meet parents who beat their children. In the society where I grew up, the slap from my father or rabbi is normal.

I was a fat, happy and always smiling child. He returned home at five in the evening, dinner, then he went to additional classes to study the sacred texts and canons - there were always distributed sweets there. After school, I continued my studies in Yeshiv, where I achieved great success - the most respected rabbi gave me lessons. These were serious classes: you study the topic for a week, come to Yeshiv, and after forty minutes your brain explodes-you do not have time to not only understand anything, but even write down. Of the thousands of students, thirty of such a lesson fall on such a lesson, of which fifteen run away in an hour. As a rule, in the classroom, topics that are in no way connected with life, but the ability to keep so much information in the head and build logical connections is a very useful skill. At the university you have a semester, you pass exams and everything is a goodbye. In Yeshiv, you are always striving to reach a new level, you are lifted up the bar all the time. When you get into such lessons, you automatically become an excellent student.

Once I realized that I did not know what to do next, and decided to devote two years to completely new things, to find out other people. For six months, I studied at Yeshiva Mahon Meir in Jerusalem, where those who are preparing to become closer to religion gather mainly - I gradually departed from it. It was insanely interesting!

Suddenly, all those people whom I considered bad turned out to be good, the state of Israel - permitted, the army - please work - of course.

One of the rabbis there told me a phrase that I will never forget: “You must become completely non -religious to understand if you need it at all. Find out the world, you will return - well, you won’t return - it means that it is necessary. ” Then I began to look around. For example, I was dressed not as a religious one, but I looked just terrible: somehow I saw a guy on the street, dressed in a blue tracksuit with stripes on the sides, and decided that everyone dresses so, so I selected one-color clothes. Beige boots, trousers, a shirt, a jacket - then the same thing happened to the blue. I don’t understand why no one took me into a corner and said: “Listen, man, this is not a thing!” Everything then was new to me: it seems that people around spoke in Hebrew, but it seemed that in some other language.

For the first time that something is wrong in my community, I thought at the age of fourteen when I was discovered by diabetes caused by obesity. Until seventeen and a half years, I weighed more than one hundred and thirty kilograms and did not deal with my health. Then I sat on a hard diet and dropped seventy kilograms for six months. I began to go to a nutritionist and communicate with nurses, that is, with girls. In a chared society, one cannot talk about diabetes, because it is something that distinguishes you from others. You cannot go out in the middle of the lesson to make an injection or, conversely, eat sweets, because everyone will understand that you are some other. It seems to me that it was then that what they were afraid happened to me: I behaved like everyone else, but at the same time I saw the community from the outside, I had my secret. For the first time I listened to the rabbi and mentally did not agree with him, although in the end he acted as he and his father said. After that, I began to pay attention to other things - how our family works, because even in Tanya dad works, and my mother is responsible for the house. Then I did not think that I would leave the community, but I knew for sure that I would work. The doctor is the only profession that the chared Jews recognize. I had no idea about biology, chemistry, that I need a certificate. I thought, for up to twenty years I will study in Yeshiv, and then I will become a doctor.

After graduating from studying in the “liberal” Yeshiv, a friend called me and offered to move with her to Tel Aviv. I agreed, although I had no money at all: after my father saw me not in a black jacket and trousers, he stopped giving me money so that I could not buy for inappropriate clothes. I got a job as a waiter, my boss turned out to be kind and literally gave me normal things. For hours I wandered around Tel Aviv to understand the rhythm of the city, to see people. In Jerusalem there is a bus that takes you away from home and takes you to a religious beach in Tel Aviv-in childhood it was my image of the city. Four months later, my friends appeared, but nothing kept in Tel Aviv, and my neighbor and I moved to the north of the country. Everything that I thought about in those days is how to find money for housing and food. As a child, I did not understand where my parents got the money from: my mother worked a bit, dad received 1000 shekels for teaching, often there were donations, packages with food. The apartment in a chared society is bought immediately after the wedding-the right amount is collected in different ways, it all depends on the community. The weddings themselves are very cheap, and parents pay for them. It is customary to give kitchen utensils, some bring money, which then also go to the apartment. If there is still not enough money, they take a loan for twenty years and pay 500 shekels per month. In chared stores, everything costs one and a half to two times cheaper than in ordinary ones, in supermarkets they buy only by promotion. There is no Internet, they do not go to restaurants, do not travel. The costume and hat, the usual clothes of Litvakov, are usually expensive, but they also buy them once a year. I do not remember that we called the master home. If something broke, or dad repaired himself, or one of his students.

Money is for another world, they do not need it

However, recently we bought dad a gift for 300 shekels. My brother took the calculator, divided the amount into seven, according to the number of adult children, each should have been 33.50. I gave 100 and said that they can divide the remaining amount among themselves. The brother was in shock, he had to count everything and return several shekels to the rest. In that world, every penny is considered, they are constantly discussing where to buy more profitable.

At first, I did not recognize hints from the girls. Sometimes they told me: “Why are you such a snob? Where does such arrogance come from? ” I did not understand anything until at some point I realized that if the girl spends ninety percent of her free time with you, apparently she wanted something from you. After the end of the contract, to rent my first room, I collected things and thought where to go further. Then one of the neighbors began to cry. I did not understand how she was so upset, until the girl explained that, from her point of view, we actually met, but now I throw her. As a result, we moved to her father’s house near Haifa.

Then I entered college for a psychologist, rented an apartment with the guys who taught me how to communicate with girls. I decided to become a psychologist because I like to talk and sit on the couch. In addition, I believe that this is the only profession that is able not only to solve the problem, but also to make a person happy. In college, I recognized Latin letters and the fact that they are printed and capital. In the first lesson, the teacher drew the parabola on the board and wrote “A” and “B”. I only knew the capital “A” and “B” and spent two hours, not understanding anything. After the lecture, I went to her and asked to explain where what letter is on the board. I was immediately allocated an assistant, who then became my friend. Six months later, I myself already began to help students. At the entrance exam in English, I received fifteen points out of a hundred possible. I guessed these fifteen. The teacher explained to me that if in a year I will receive English less than sixty, my average score will be lower than normal, and I can not continue to study for a psychologist. A year later, I came to her with a result of ninety -seven points.

I will never forget, as Shabbat first violated. It was that night when I lost her virginity. Moreover, this happened at the same time. It seems to me that this is the most idiotic thing that I did in my life.

My ex -girlfriend and I had sex. There was a switch next to the bed, and in the process I accidentally touched it, stunned by the fact that I turned on the light in Shabbat, and continued to press the switch until she asked: “What are you doing?”

Today I do not observe a single commandment. I am one of those who eat Chisburger with a pork in Yom Kippur and does not understand why all the roads are empty on this day. Ninety -percent of the population meet on this day, which means that the remaining ten can celebrate normally. Imagine empty beaches in Tel Aviv! In the north of the country, kibbutzniki arrange holidays for children, with barbecue and music. I am infuriated by the presence of religion in everything regarding the wedding, divorce, Shabbat. I gave myself two years to find out the world. As a result, it took three. I figured out the girls, study and housing and realized that faith is cognitive, I have questions for God, as well as, for example, to Darwin. If I am late for the bus, fall or win the car, I will not connect these events with God. My parents can win or lose 3,000,000 shekels and go to sleep calmly, because they do not feel responsibility for this and dump everything on God. Just like all my childhood, they did not feel responsibility for me: did I return home at eight in the evening or at two in the morning, they went to sleep at ten. I understand that the responsibility for each of its steps.

My current girl is from an absolutely non -religious family, her parents do not even want to get acquainted with mine. She is amazing, once we get married, and God forbid we will have children - I already have enough brothers and sisters. In this world, there are enough children, including those who do not have parents.

I want you to have your children-this is something very selfish

I could meet with a Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, unless she is religious. I am against religious weddings, and this is the only format in Israel. This state is shit. If I had strength, I would have left for another country. But once I already emigrated, learned a new language and I can’t go through it again. I would not want a girl to accept Judaism for my sake, and rather I have married a non -religious Muslim woman than at least a little religious Jew. I have friends who, having come out of the chared communities, retained traditions, joined the “knitted piles”, for example. In most cases, it depends on their partners: if the religious component is important to the wife, they give children to a school with an in -depth study of traditions, she covers her head, he puts on a pile.

My parents, on the one hand, miss me very much, because I was a very cheerful family member, on the other hand, they are against what I am doing now. They want me to come to visit, but as a hazored, they want to chat with me, but not about what can cause disputes. In fact, at a meeting, I don’t say anything and hear only reproaches: girls in your world are dressed wrong, you are a bartender, which means that all your friends are alcoholics and crazy. All this led to the fact that I visit them once every three to four months for several hours. They say the same thing again, and I'm leaving. If I am going to visit them, I have to be in a breeze, at family celebrations I must look like everyone else.

There used to be moments when I was lonely. Probably the same is experienced by immigrants. I changed seven or eight places of residence: you just find friends - and immediately move, you have to look for new ones. There were holidays, Shabbat, which I met completely alone in the apartment. Once he broke his hand in the middle of vacation, and there was no one who could cook my scrambled eggs in the morning or bring a cup of tea. I am very responsible because of my parents. My girlfriend says I have her. I admit her rightness, but I can’t explain what it feels like when you are sitting alone on a holiday, even without a computer or TV.

I often do volunteering. Once the organization of Gilel helped me, now I come to them, communicate with those who have just left closed religious communities. Often such guys do not get along with alcohol at all, so I, as a bartender, spend a lecture for them on how to drink it correctly.

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