School Donald Trump

Despite the forecasts of most analysts and common sense, Donald Trump won the US presidential election. The editor -in -chief of the Samizdat “Batenka, you transformer” Peter Manyakhin, using the example of his school elections, explains why, ceteris paribus, the one who behaves is not in the same way as befits a successful candidate, and whose image does not correspond to the high position that he claims.

We had two huge watman, seventy-five felt-tip pens, several sexist jokes and many photos from a photo shoot for the graduation album, as well as chips from a neighboring stall, two and a half thousand ratings in Dota 2 and a plastic bottle from under the “sprite”, wrapped in foil. Not that this would be enough to win in the school elections. But if I decided to become a "gymnasiumist in the year", it is difficult to stop. The only thing that caused me was a fear is the teacher. There is nothing more helpless and irresponsible than a student before the teacher. I knew that sooner or later we would face them.

I entered the struggle for the title of "gymnasiumist of the year" quite late. Domestic primaries dragged on, and then it turned out that only excellent students and good ones can participate in the elections. I had a three physical education - to understand why, just look at any election poster. I went to the head of the election commission (the head teacher for extracurricular work) and asked what to do if the will of the people (my classmates) is contrary to the constitution (the position of the competition). She replied that there was only one way out - to retake physical education to correct the assessment.

- Elections? What are the elections? - surprised the young Fizruk, who quit school next year.
- School. I just talked to the head teacher. She said that I need to correct the assessment.
- With yourself? - Fizruk frightenedly pointed to the ceiling.

I nodded.

- Come on the magazine, I will correct.
“Maybe I’ll run a cross or what else?”
- No, since she said, no.

There were girls from two other classes. One, as I knew from the sources in her headquarters, did not support the whole class, because she won the primaries with a small margin. The second three weeks before the elections with might and main launched agitation and managed to get into a small scandal. She came to tell tenth graders about herself (they and the guys from the ninth are hesitation of voters, so working with them is extremely important), and then she decided to treat them with cookies. The initiative of the candidate was met ambiguously, and authoritative publications, that is, the school “overheard”, equated this to the bribery of voters.

Realizing that you can’t go far from opponents' failures, I urgently gathered the headquarters. We needed to write a scene, take off a pre-election video, develop posters for wall campaigns, draw up a plan for promotion on social networks, come up with online and offline and cards, and most importantly, to understand what I should appear before the voter.

As Hunter Thompson wrote in one of the texts of the cycle “Fear and Aversion of the Emergency Race - 72”, not a single party will put forward a candidate for human presidency, more than twenty percent of the image that seems acceptable and correct to most of the voters. In the previous elections, the “gymnasium student of the year” was won by pretty guys, mainly excellent students who told from the stage about how cool they were. We decided to go from the nasty and give something new to the electorate tired of monotony. True, with the fact that the boys won, it was pointless to argue. We came to the conclusion that we need to emphasize the candidate’s masculinity, and poured a bunch of my photos with different girls and hashtag #choosing a bunch of my photos specially created for the Instagram elections. My two classmates were even photographed under the emblem of Russia with Kalashnikovs in their hands and the inscription “Go Hard Like Petr Manyakhin”.

The peculiarity of the school elections is that the vote takes place in the assembly hall immediately after the candidates' performance. Therefore, the task of my headquarters was to turn all this into Shapito and make it clear how close the voter and candidate who speaks from the stage of the school’s assembly hall are such things that are not accepted about here. This was necessary to cause adolescents a predictable reaction to the violation of the norm - laughter, hold them out in the right condition until the end of the speech and force voters to put a tick in the right place.

We also sent letters to different celebrities - from Khabensky to the mayor - with a request to support me in the election of a video message or Signa, but no one responded.

Until the day of the elections, some agitates dangled on the doors of the classes, one of my rivals even showed short videos at the breaks, and I behaved, in principle, as a normal candidate-I looked from posters with an eagle gaze, making sure that schoolchildren did not run along the corridors. It all started during the "debate". I realized that you should not answer the way others answer. It is necessary to confuse everyone, to joke badly and in every possible way deconstruct the image of a successful candidate.

- Where will you go after school? -asked one of the teachers sitting in the hall.
“I want to study physics and computer science and engage in science,” the first candidate answered.
- I am equally interested in both physics and humanities. I think I will go to Moscow State University, ”the second grabbed and did not lie.
“Home,” I joked poorly. “And seriously, I have no idea what I want to do at all,” I said, correctly catching the mood of the main part of high school students, all the career and educational aspirations of which were limited by the will of the parents. “School of the School”, to the most indigenous white with an average income, I want to drink at absorptions, walk with the chan and watch memes, but not think about future work.

We decided to burn further. The day before the elections, about fifteen people in masks with my face danced near the director of the director a strange dance, folding his fingers in the form of the letter “M”. “M” means Manyashka. The next morning, those who left for some military-patriotic games voted prematurely. As it turned out later, among them I was a leader with a small margin, despite the fact that they did not see the main part of the performance.

Having studied the history of elections in our school, we realized that voters are primarily looking at the pre -election video. My rivals talked about how kind, cute, smart, how many interests and friends they had (all this, of course, is true!).

We developed the concept of three strokes packed in a terribly recorded interview with me.

The first blow is on Dotra. "Journalist" asks me how to properly distribute his time. I come home, sit down to make lessons, but Pudge's voice calls me, and now I am already draining the Foreign Ministry with might and main. The episode was met by a friendly laughter from the back rows, and in the next election lesson, the tenth graders of half an hour told the teacher of history what Dota 2 is.

The second is on school uniforms. An absolutely idiotic episode came out, how I help a boy who came without a form, hide from the head teacher leaving the office under the soundtrack of "Master and Margarita." My beloved is the third blow: on those who did not hurt the previous ones. These were "crazy pens." I told how to cut a hole in a plastic bottle, wrap it with foil, crumble foam, incomprehensible bags of grassy contents were lying around, and in my hands there were yellow and blue felt -tip pens, which was already read in those times a symbol already read in those days. It was a real splash - it seemed to laugh the whole hall, the teachers sat in a numb. From the bottle, foil and foam we made a rocket and pasted the school flag (it is also yellow-blue) on it, and laid a portrait of Gagarin nearby.

So that no one had any doubt that I am crazy, four of my subpersonalities participated in the scene, which evaluated the actions of Peter Manyakhin in the past.

-A programmer woman is like a guinea pig: neither to the sea, nor to pigs! - Two years before the election, I answered with this bearded sexist joke teacher of computer science, standing on stage.

Putileness came to the conclusion that, of course, I did not do very well, but this joke was repeated several times. The same teacher was sitting on the front row. Honestly, I was ashamed in front of her. But the hall laughed - either remembering either the performance of the two -year prescription, or just over the joke.

I won, gaining more than half the votes. When they handed me a heavy ball from onyx, the stone of the kings, and I began to make a gratitude speech, the teachers began to defiantly get up and leave the audience - only a few people left, who realized that all this was a banter. One of the losers of the candidates ran away from the stage in tears.

The chosen “gymnasium student of the year” was supposed to represent the school at some city festival. But the teacher's council, shocked by my performance, did not let me go there and sent my classmate, a very smart and calm blond, now a student of MGIMO.

The elections were canceled. When a wall will build a wall on the US border, a heavy ball from onyx will finally break the shelf.

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