Mom, I can myself

Special children also grow and become completely different. But someone must teach them ordinary life

Help Anton here to help nearby

A spacious bright apartment in the sleeping area of ​​St. Petersburg. Her residents return home with a smile. Everything is consistent, together, peaceful. Someone changes into home, someone goes to the store, and someone is already cutting the salad. Family? Almost. Residents of the apartment are adults with autism, who for the first time in their lives live their own lives without parents, with their peers and learn to be independent every day.

To understand what is changing in their life with the advent of a “ training apartment”, “such things” talked with the mother of Masha living in this apartment. Tatyana Yuryevna spoke about Masha, autism, parental work and what the project “Anton here is nearby” for Masha and her loved ones.

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About childhood

We learned the diagnosis quite late. Masha was already about four years old. She just didn’t speak in time. Outwardly, until she spoke, there were no developmental features on her. The husband reacted to the diagnosis calmly. Accepted it as a fact. It happened and happened. We have not lost interest in life. They just found out that Masha is different.

In Soviet times, we were not at all autism. IMBISITY, mental retardation, horror stories ... If you really believe those diagnoses, then what is the point of dealing with such a child? But at that time there was such a doctor Kogan, a psychologist, he was one of the few who, in Soviet times, believed that there was such a diagnosis - autism. And we were lucky to meet him.

Mom Masha Tatyana Yuryevna Photo: Natalia Bulkina/ Schschi for TD Masha photo: Natalia Bulkina/ Schschi for TD

So that Masha was not alone in the apartment, we left out of town. The husband built a house with his own hands. We started cats, a dog, put Masha a large pool so that she could swim, because water for her is a lot, she removes the negative.

The best period was when Masha studied at school. She then had an even mood, more often major than a minor. We had an ordinary correctional school, and it has a unique teacher who stood for such children. All her children were difficult. There were seven of them. She took them over and pulled them for 12 years, defended from the director of the school, who always tried to expel us to home schooling. This teacher understood that there is communication and life for these children only outside the house.

Masha does not need to talk about your feelings. She herself understands everything, looking at another person

But when the school was over, the trouble happened: it was about 10 years ago. Masha felt inappropriate, she lost herself. What happens to an ordinary person when he, for example, loses his job? He is not easy. And a person with the features of development perceives it much more acute. Communication is over, the help is over.

School, music therapy, art therapy, hippotherapy ... All this was paid by the state. Until Masha was 18. As if in 18 disabled people ceased to be disabled. Almost nothing has been paid from this pore. And there was nowhere to go. We have only a center of post-school employment, but it is located in a three-room apartment in which, in addition to our adult children, someone else is engaged in completely different things. There are a huge number of people who want, but there is nowhere to do with them there.

In a training apartment photo: Natalia Bulkina/ Schschi for TD In the center "Anton here" photo: Natalia Bulkina/ Schschi for TD

And Masha has a sharp mood for six months. She became very restless, alarming. And then this anxiety ceased to leave it at all.

About "training apartment"

With the advent of Anton, we finally saw the sun in the sky. Suddenly again, very slowly, gradually, the tension began to leave Masha. This was especially noticeable when Masha came to the "training apartment." Here Masha returned to life again.

The atmosphere of the "apartment", goodwill and communication benefit Masha. She is a very company girl: she loves to have people around her, it is important for her to be something busy, she should be interested. Living in your apartment in four walls, communicating only with parents, is very difficult. Masha needs peers. One of the miracles of this project is that the tutors of the guys are their peers. It is interesting, for example, that Masha does not perceive help from me, some explanations. In this situation, she says: "Do not teach me!" And if I continue to tell her how best to do, she is angry. And here she is easy to study. For example, Masha never knew how to beat eggs - but here please!

Probably the only common common to them is that the guys are always difficult

Prior to the "training apartment", Masha did not have a skill in cooking. And here she trains him very fruitfully. This is cool! If Masha turns out to be alone, she will remember how to cook food, and will not remain hungry.

When Masha went to the "apartment", I was surprised: it turns out that I have lived in such a tension in recent years. And this is very wrong. We cut it. We began to worry in unison. And with the help of the "apartment" this, fortunately, collapsed. When Masha comes home for the weekend, it is much easier for us. And I can already control myself: my emotions, my heart.

Masha photo: Natalia Bulkina/ Schschi for TD In the classroom in the theater studio photo: Natalia Bulkina/ Schschi for TD

The "apartment" is a return to life for us. Moreover: what is now happening in a “training apartment” for only five months a year is an ideal life for such guys, and not under the care of mom until old age.

About autism

People with autism are very different. And each has their own set of skills. Probably the only common common to them is that children are always difficult for them. They are scared all the time. I see my task just in order to somehow explain this fear of Masha.

“If something does not work out, then I'm so bad.” If there is some kind of skirmish between people nearby, Masha can project this skirmish on herself.

Masha does not need to talk about your feelings. She herself understands everything, looking at another person. How does he feel what he feels. Masha is like a locator. Is it restless in my heart? She already understood this, felt and quickly reacted.

Special children are developing all their lives - especially with a diagnosis of autism. Some of them at the age of 40 only learn to find out the time, read the numbers of buses. This is such a diagnosis with which you can and should work without ceasing. And in no case at home.

Masha photo: Natalia Bulkina/ Schschi for TD

My dad said that if everyone were like Masha, it would be the kingdom of God on earth. Why? And because she will never deceive, she will never take from the other in her favor, will not betray, will not offend, gives everything out that she had. These are pure people. It is very important that special children are bright children, these are kind children. And if they had an adequate social environment in which they could exist and feel comfortable, they would be amazing. They also have breakdowns just because they feel inappropriate. They are abandoned. They don’t have what they need. What is in our state now is extremely few. And especially for adults.

It is impossible to treat a person with autism with drugs.

About others

The fact that people are afraid of Masha is natural. If she, for example, yells in a cafe. This is inadequate behavior. Naturally, people are afraid of inadequate. Not because ordinary people are bad, cold, they don't care. They just do not know this, do not know how to be with it. It is necessary to change the attitude itself, not to change people. It is completely indifferent to me that people think when Masha squeals, falls, kicks. Others, seeing my calm reaction, and they themselves react differently. If at the airport, when Masha was thrown with bags, I scaredly rushed in different directions, we would simply be taken to the police.

About work on oneself

How to educate yourself and allow your child to be independent? This is such a huge question! Parents need to work with themselves, work with psychologists. Because special children also grow and become others. And this is absolutely necessary for acquired skills, achieved - it is fixed. Because if the child gets into the same environment, to the same mother, who has not changed at all and is not ready to trust him, then nothing happens. The child rolls back.

Masha

When you are a parent of a special child, the main thing is not to lose heart. Now, when the children have already grown up, I look at parents: everyone has adapted. They have life in their eyes, there is no state of doom. And when our children were small, and we just learned about their diagnoses, we, of course, were in great confusion. Over time, you learn to live. You need to be configured that, if possible, the child jumps out of this state. To work all the time, but to work with a good mood. It’s not as if you were hung on a bag, and you carry it, you are not, there is no strength, but you are resting. So that this is not the case, so that it was not with a tear, so as not to tear himself and the child. And easy, joyful and kindly.

Of course, we are all very afraid of the future, especially those who do not have other children - sisters, brothers. And the “training apartment” and classes in the center are the hope that the guys will cope, and they have a future without us.

Today, according to the “Center for the Control and Prevention of US diseases”, every 68th child in the world is born with an autistic spectrum disorder. In Russia, such statistics are not conducted. The Center “Anton here nearby” supports more than 120 families of children and adults with autism and other developmental features. The project "Training apartment" was launched in the fall of 2014. During this time, 17 people managed to participate in the program. For the project to continue its work, he really needs your help. Please issue a regular donation for any, even the smallest amount. This will help.