Choose and love

A successful business woman did not want to get children without a husband. And suddenly she turned out to be a happy single mother of three adopted children

Natalia Rush never loved children. I did not understand why they were needed, and did not imagine what to do with them. If someone, the Yekaterinburg fashionist, a careerist, a lover of fun companies, said that in 10 years she will have three adoptive children, and she would raise them alone, she would never believe it. But the facts are a stubborn thing: Natalya Rush 41 years old, her senior adoptive daughter is 24 years old, and nine and five younger children.

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The perfectionist Natalya planned to build her life according to a perfect model: the first man is necessarily a husband, and if children are only married. And even if the family of her parents was far from the ideal-her parents were divorced, her father drank-she herself will be different.

Natalia married for love. But there were no children. It did not work out, or maybe not fate. The marriage broke up.
A few more years will pass, and she will understand: to create a family and enjoy motherhood, you don’t have to wait for so long and you should not even look for a special occasion to go to the orphanage and take your happiness from fate. Just need to collect a few simple certificates. For the lawyer Natalia, this was the most perfect nonsense.

Life of loan

“It is even amazing with what lightness we can get human life! How is it possible?! Someone has accumulated for years to the apartment, takes a mortgage ... And then you just collect some pieces of paper, and you are given a small person ... Forever! ” - Natalia is amazed.

Eight years ago, she moved to Moscow from Yekaterinburg. A successful lawyer, mother, and recently, grandmother plans to finish repairs in a large and bright apartment near Moscow in the near future.

In a new apartment. Natalia and children live in a rented apartment. But she already received the keys to her. Every weekend, and sometimes in the week, she has to travel for building materials and check the progress of construction. “I hope that in February-March we will completely move” photo: Vasyev for TD

“It is believed that the family should begin with a man. In my case, the family began with the child. Maybe the man will be tightened later? " - laughs Natalya.

It is even amazing with what ease with us can get human life

- How and why did you decide to take the child from the orphanage?
- I was 31 years old when this thought occurred to me. I then lived in Yekaterinburg, came to the hospital to donate donor blood. I was offered a direct transfusion for a particular child - my blood type came up to him. This idea itself is to do something for a particular person, and not for everyone, I have already touched me. And under this impression, I underwent various examinations. It was a regional children's hospital, in the corridors there were many children without parents. I started asking staff, why so many children? I was told that these are children from orphanages. And I decided: I have to disassemble!

At that time, I already had all the conditions to take the child into the family. Apartment, car, free time, money and mental strength. I had a need with someone to share this all. Therefore, the decision came very easily. I found the movement "Roads of Good" to find out the topic better. There they helped me understand that there are two main questions that are important to answer: how to choose and how to love. If you find answers inside yourself, you can move on. Sasha was eight months when I took her from the orphanage.

"We made up"

- You did not doubt your decision?
- It so happened that in a week I would pick up Sasha, and I suddenly remain without work. This is me, who was going to take the child, to plant him at home with a nanny and continue to work! For a couple of days I thought and even scared: how can I provide it? But then she came to her senses: if I can feed myself, then I will feed the child!

Natalya says that it takes up to two hours daily for lessons. “These two hours we are fighting, weeping and laughing, it is very difficult to explain to them why we need to do homework, but nothing - we can handle” photos: Vasyev Vasyev for TD

Now I understand that there would be no happiness, but misfortune helped. Having planted a daughter with an outsider, I would deprive myself of many joys of motherhood. And it is very good that my confidence in my own decision shaved before the child’s appearance at home.

Love did not immediately arise. Four months passed until I realized that this little person is now forever my child, learned to recognize her moods, take care of it, show tenderness. Usually serious diseases help us understand and feel something important. And in our case, a turning point was a disease.

Biological mothers are preparing for birth nine months before, we got out of our

I sat for 10 months without work. At first I didn’t even look for, I decided to use this time in order to stay with Sasha. This gave me the opportunity to build the right relationship with my daughter and make fateful decisions (moving, new work, new interests). Biological mothers are preparing for birth nine months BC, we got out of our own after.

"At least he will have a mother"

After the adoption of Sasha, Natalya, along with like -minded people, continued to go every day off to orphanages. There, children were waiting for volunteers, prepared concerts, performances and games for them. In one of the orphanages, Natalya met a fourteen -year -old Katya. She began to take the girl every weekend to visit her. Since then they have practically not parted. Now Katya is 24 years old, she has a family and a little daughter. But all the holidays, holidays and weekends are still together. Recently, Katya changed her last name to the name of Natalia.

Her eldest daughter Katya and her daughter Ksyusha and another Katya - Dima photo: Vasyan Vasyev for TD came to Natalia

A few years after the appearance of Sasha and Katya in the family, Natalya realized that she was ready to accept another child. By that time, she had already moved to Moscow. And this time I decided to follow the path of the least resistance. Or the greatest favors.

I looked in which direction there are fewer traffic jams. And I chose Tver. I left the house at six in the morning. Databases begin to work in eight. I saw a photo of the boy, asked in the reference: "An orphanage on the way to Moscow?" - "Yes, along the way." So I came for Cyril. He was then a year old. They carried it to me: frail, weak, no tone, no life's look, smells of something fish. The employee of the orphanage persuaded me for a long time: “Why do you need this? You deprive the child of a full -fledged family! " I say: "Something I do not see in the window of the queue of full-fledged families who want to take Cyril or one of the children." “You know that you take one, he will not have a father,” they continued to convince me. "At least he will have a mother."

And after half an hour of our conversation, Cyril, lying in my arms, raised his eyes at me, as if he only noticed that I was here. It was unbearably touching. At home, his sisters, grandmother and great -grandmother were waiting for him - so many women around at once! He quickly got used to it and smiled already on the second day, and a week later he began to get in the crib, before that he had not even sat.

I agreed at work on remote and partial employment and left with the children for a month in Montenegro, where we spent all the time together. A month later, the son began to walk. If you look at Cyril now, then there is no shadow of the child who was then taken out. Now he is almost six, he is a real man in the house, an assistant in the household, a favorite of all girls in kindergarten.
“ Wasn't you scared to choose that way?” Many carefully study the history of the child, heredity ...
- It all depends on the motives. If an adult has made an adult decision to find a child in a certain state of health, with certain external data, then he will simply look for and choose. In my case, the list of criteria was small, and the database employees took into account them. If I need a child, and this child needs a mother, then what's the difference, what color is his eyes? The rest can be attributed to the category of questions called "fate".

After work, Natalia is in a hurry to have time to take the children and immediately take them to a music school. Sasha plays the violin, and today they just came to the New Year tree. Sasha was awarded two diplomas photo: Vasyev Vasyev for TD

When I went after my daughter, the data system has not yet worked through the data bank, and I was simply brought into a large room with the kids, offering to choose the right one - the impression is not for the faint of heart. Now the system is working more in a civilized way. Regarding heredity, this is one of the components of the miracle of the appearance of a child in the family (both blood and foster). Here, in any case, there is an element of the lottery, and the younger the child you take, the less predictability. It seems to me that every person is born as predetermined, regardless of “heredity”. Simply, you need to decide for yourself whether you are ready for surprises.

I generally believe in fate. I think that our children are given to us by capabilities (both blood and adoptive). The best and more that we can do for a child is simply not to interfere with him to grow and be near, providing a sense of security.

Tales of parents

- Do you know the biological parents of your children?
- within official information from the documents. I only tell my children the best, we come up with good fairy tales about them. With one of my children, a withdrawal from the family occurred. I think it was not without guardianship. It was written in the documents: the mother did not know how to feed. But at the same time, the hospital card shows that the mother took care of the child, as she could, regularly underwent medical examinations. Honestly, I feel great compassion for women whom fate has divorced with children. I understand how much they lost in life. But, apparently, they did everything they could - gave birth, and thanks to them.

Just standing in line for adoptive children means stimulating the cycle of interruption of family ties

And I also think that you need to take care of mothers so that they do not part with children. Just standing in line for adoptive children is to stimulate the cycle of interruption of family ties and the destruction of families. Let's finally support families who were on the verge of leaving your child in an orphanage. I am ready to help such families!

Kirill in the Peter and Paul Cathedral in Moscow Photo: Vasyev Vasyev for TD

I went to increase

- Did you want to give birth to yourself?
- I do not exclude such an opportunity. Simply, when the thought of the child arose, there was no man nearby. But I am not ready to give birth without a man. My main idea is to reduce the number of children without parents. The child should be born in love in a full -fledged family. And if there are already born children who need parents, then why not take care of them. At least children will have one parent. And we will definitely find dad someday!

Natalya graduated from the school of foster parents for the third time. And again wants to become a mother. It is no longer necessary to take a course, but she considers visiting classes necessary and useful.

- The first time I picked up at the school of foster parents in Yekaterinburg. It was rather a club of foster parents. Then the passage of the school was not mandatory. We just supported each other. The second time I went through the school of adoptive parents when I was preparing to follow my son. And for the third time - to "improve the qualifications." After all, even after you go through the school, questions remain. In the classroom, you get the theory. And when the child appears at home, you go to practice, forget everything completely and encounter new questions.

Everything is fine with us, and we can attach someone else to our system

- What is the benefit of these classes?
- I went to school to understand how much my desire to accept another child is correct and relevant, to deal with my motives. I wanted to look at the people who are engaged in school. To see in them a kind of reflection of yourself and understand what is happening to me, why I am so pulling here.

Every year on December 24, Natalya and children visit the Peter and Paul Cathedral in Moscow. To the question: "Why Catholic?" - Natalya replies: “I am at the roots of the German, so they began to go there. Although I don’t really understand this - there were just relatives there, and Sashin also a German teacher invited us there ” Photo: Vasyev Vasyev for TD

- And what decision did you make: will you have another child?
- Will! I want to be fun at home. The appearance of a new family member is an explosion of the system. Now in our family everything is tired, we were injured in each other. Everything is fine with us, and we can attach someone else to our system, make someone happy, and our family is more. More people are more love. Here I am about what.