What if your child draws “blue whales”? Instructions

In mid -February, Russia was again massively talking about “death groups” on the Internet and the game “Blue Kit”, where “tasks” are distributed to adolescents, which supposedly lead to suicide. The flurry of publications in the media on this subject causes a sense of confusion and anxiety for many parents. How not to succumb to panic and what if you notice your child’s interest in the game? At the request of Medusa, psychologists Artem Kondrashkin, Anastasia Krysko and Ekaterina Bianchi advise how to behave in such a situation.

What should not be done

Watch the correspondence of the child, his personal diary or account in social networks. The first desire of many parents is to check everything that will reach. But, firstly, this greatly violates trust in relationships, and secondly, it still will not help you. Even if you find something frightening, any attempt to use this fact in a conversation will only spoil the contact.

Yes, sometimes there is a desire to view the social networks of a teenager, to make sure that he is out of risk. But it is important not to cross the personal boundaries of the child: there are many other opportunities to participate in his life. To do this, you need to be able to talk and build a trusting relationship, and not to follow what he does behind your back.

Prohibit the discussion of the topics of “whales” in the family. Talking on “dangerous topics”, contrary to popular belief, do not provoke dangerous situations, but rather help to avoid them. Oddly enough, the best way to find out whether your anxiety is in vain is to talk about it directly. Do not try in every way to limit the child from “bad” information, talk with him frankly, without intimidating or threatening. It is really important for a teenager that you are able to understand his feelings, problems and interests. But to defiantly avoid this topic in a conversation, to pull the whales at every mention or to prohibit talking about it, on the contrary, it will not lead to anything good. From this, the child will only feel more acutely to feel his loneliness and come to the conclusion that one of the adults is unlikely to understand and support him.

To pretend that it does not care at all. Obligating yourself and your feelings is an important skill, it helps to make decisions in difficult, emotionally tense situations. So restraint and tranquility are faithful allies in any conversation with a teenager on an exciting topic. But do not confuse them with indifference. It is appropriate to show that you do not care, but you will not panic.

Control every step of the child. Control is a very difficult topic in relations with adolescents. It requires great parental art so as not to slide into one of the extremes. Too strong control is to track all the calls and SMS of the child, to demand to “respond” to you every hour, to introduce an “extraordinary” home regime. All this will only lead to the fact that the child will become secretive and irritable, and this is a big blow to trust. Too weak control, on the other hand, can be perceived as indifference or permissiveness. It is important to recognize situations in which the child is already completely independent, and where he still needs help and leadership.

For example, a teenager may well decide when to go to bed, if in the morning he gets up in time and goes to study. But there may be the opposite situation. Suppose you agreed that the situation with your studies needs to be corrected, you chose a policy of non -interference, and by the end of a quarter or trimester nothing has changed. So, the child has not yet coped with this responsibility and you need your participation.

What to do

Interested in the life of the child. When something frightening parents happens to the child, it is important to correlate this alarming signal with the general picture of his life. What else is causing anxiety? And what, on the contrary, inspires optimism? This may concern the environment of the child and his emotional state and behavior. If the child listens to sad music and his mood often changes, this does not mean that the matter is bad - all this is quite typical for ordinary teenagers. So unambiguously assessing the situation to parents is not so simple. It is necessary to distinguish well when a teenager meets with the usual difficulties for his life and age and copes with them, and when he does not cope.

First, try to carefully evaluate: is whales the only thing that bothers you, or is there any other problems? For example, a child could suddenly start a little (or a lot) to eat or sleep, you noticed that he was depressed or sharply closed. An alarming signals can be attempts to quit school, conflicts with friends, loneliness, threats to leave home or even shoots. On the other hand, appreciate whether he has in his life and something that supports, gives the strength to cope with difficulties.

Talk to the child. The most important thing that you can tell your child - that you notice him and it is important for you what is happening to him. This conversation is better not to postpone, but choose the time when it will be convenient for him to talk. If you have a good contact with your child, you can openly tell what bothers you in his behavior and ask directly to what a whale means for him. Why does he do this, what is the point of this sees, does he need the help of parents? It is important for teenagers that in this situation there is a person who can carefully listen to, without evaluating or interrupting, but asking clarifying questions.

It is important to learn how to talk with a teenager on serious topics: “What is life, what is its meaning?”, “What is death?”, “What is friendship and love?” Children are not just fond of these topics: teenage experience is the time of awareness of themselves, their values, so it is important for them to hear and understand what is valuable for their parents. Do not be afraid to share your own experience, thoughts. It is important to show the teenager that life itself is value, that you can enjoy everyday events and overcome difficulties.

Talk with someone from his environment. It can be a class teacher, a social teacher, a school psychologist, a coach or a friend of a teenager - the main thing is that you have good contact with him. Otherwise, the question "How do Peti have things?" It will only cause anxiety.

It also happens that an worried class teacher or someone else gets in touch from school. It's time to find out how the child actually is doing with lessons or classmates. At the same time, you can find out if the school “Blue Whale” is in the course of the game, what they think or do about this. It would be nice to understand whether they can help at school or inflate the fears and concern of parents.

Do not be afraid to seek help. There is nothing shameful in the fact that you feel fear, do not understand where to look for reliable information or help. In fact, there are medical, social and psychological centers where you can seek support if the situation becomes unsafe. You are not required to cope with everything yourself. Moreover, help can be useful not only to adolescents, but also to yourself. It can be individual or family consultations, private or state centers, support groups, trust phone. Know that you always have the opportunity to rely on other people and their experience.

Artem Kondrashkin, Anastasia Krysko and Ekaterina Bianchi