Nine circles of fear

The mother of two children-years for nine years old suffered beatings and humiliation from her husband. She was looking for help in both the police and in the guardianship authorities, but everywhere she stumbled upon a blank wall from bureaucracy and indifference. She was helped only in the Aistenok family center to break out of the trap of her own fear

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Irina is a beautiful and confident woman. She is a successful individual entrepreneur, loves ice cream and go to the cinema with children. It is hard to believe that a few years ago her life looked like a nightmare.

With Sergey, a tall blue -eyed handsome, they worked together. She was 29, he was 26. They began to meet, went to the cinema, to the cafe. Irina paid for everything, but it did not bother her. On the contrary, she felt that she was saving him - from endless beer and burning life. Once he went to visit her (Irina then lived with her father and brother), and remained so. They did not form a relationship.

Nikita was born. But Sergey, instead of enjoying the baby, literally hated him - it seemed to him that his wife was too focused on the child. He himself was in no hurry to take care of his son: he slept in the next room, did not work anywhere, now and then he went into the runs and twisted the novels on the side. Irina suffered.

Nikita was not yet a year when she became pregnant again. I didn’t want to give birth - I already understood that this is not the relationship that she needed. But I could not get rid of the child. “On the day when I had to go to abortion, my daughter sent me such love from the inside! I have never experienced such feelings in my life. And I decided to give birth, ”recalls Irina.

Irina cannot remember when he beat her for the first time. It was erased from memory - there were too many worries then. But he remembers how Sergey spread his hands on the street. Dasha’s daughter was about a year. Irina made a sanitary book to get to work in a kindergarten - it was necessary to arrange the elder in a nursery, and the family would not interfere with the money. “We walked along the street, and suddenly, for no reason, just out of the blue, he began to beat,” Irina recalls. None of the passers -by came up or helped. Irina wrote a statement to the police. The court appointed Sergey correctional labor.

The punishment (Sergey got a job) did not correct anything. Everything became only worse - now he got angry at his wife for a criminal record. He did not just began to beat her regularly, now he did it with particular cruelty and tried to humiliate it with all means. Everything happened at night-I knew that Irina would not scream because of the children.

Why didn’t Irina expel her husband when he first raised her hand to her? She was very scared. His fist is the size of her head. Height 187, weight of 100 kilograms, and Irina herself is low and slim. He came and declared: I won’t go anywhere, here my children. The woman called the police, asked to drive him out. Housing belonged to her, the marriage was not registered - Sergey had no reason to be there. But the police did not help.

The first time Irina decided to change something in her life when the children were five and six years old. For help, she went to the head of the kindergarten. She listened and advised to go to the guardianship authorities. Irina did so: she went, told. The family was immediately automatically registered as a dysfunctional, they called the spouses to the commission (where Sergei, of course, did not come). After some time, the commission itself came to their apartment. Irina was at work, and Sergey, on the contrary, at home - he only returned after a three -day ruin, was satisfied and calm. After a conversation with him, the lady from the commission called Irina reproach: “As you are not ashamed, you have such a wonderful husband!” And in response to the objection, Irina said: “You have not seen bad families where the husbands drunk are lying, and the children are sitting among the bottles.” Irina did not see the guardianship authorities anymore. He doesn’t even know if they took them out or not.

It is necessary that he beat you at least three times

Irina even managed to buy an apartment - one -room, in a mortgage. Hope to move without Sergey was warming up in the soul, but it did not work out. He came again and refused to leave. Beating, moral pressure and humiliation continued. And the neighbors had to spend the night, and in pajamas barefoot in the entrance to stand. Once she could not stand it: she took the children and came to the police. She said she was afraid to go home. But the head of the department only spread his hands: “It is necessary that he beat you at least three times, then he can impose the article“ Torture ”. “And if he kills me the first time?” - “Well, sorry, we have such laws. We cannot help you with anything. ”

Irina was no longer hoping for anything when she noticed an advertisement on a passing car: “Help for women in a difficult life situation.” But the phone recorded - just in case. The situation was not long in coming.

That day Irina was at home, gathered for an interview - she changed her job. Sergei came drunk and, as usual, attacked her. But this time is especially merciless. He beat and raped his wife, for some reason shot it all in the video. When he calmed down, he left the cigarettes. By a happy chance, he left her a phone, and Irina called the very number that she saw by car - it turned out to be the number of the Aistenok family center.

They arrived instantly. Together with her rescuers, Irina took the children from the kindergarten and went straight to the police. But the police were stirred only after the president of Aystenka Larisa Lazarev came to the department. Irina accepted the application, the interrogator came, and Sergei was finally detained - for five days.

“I am very grateful to the investigator, he managed to talk with Sergey so that he was seriously afraid: he turned white, green - he realized that this time nothing would come off his hands,” recalls Irina. - I understood that I could easily break his fate. If Sergey was imprisoned for rape, life behind bars would be a nightmare for him. Actually, the interrogator promised him. But I only needed one thing: so that he finally left us alone. ” The inquiry officer demanded that Sergei be encoded and bring him a certificate. And before that - so that his legs were not in the house of Irina. “If such a conversation occurred earlier, perhaps much would not have happened,” Irina thinks.

Sergei really encoded - and ... returned again. As usual: he went for things and refused to leave. Irina, for so many years, accustomed to be afraid and indulging her husband in everything, reconciled again.

They lived together for another year. Sergei raised his hand to his wife, but less often and not so cruel. All this time Irina worked on herself. In this, psychologists from the "AISTRA" helped her. First - get out of a stressful state, then - become confident and not to be afraid. Together with the children, she went to the Aistenok for holidays, talked with teachers, lawyers and wards of the center. And gradually prepared the ground in order to finally break off relations with her husband.

Meanwhile, Sergei appeared a lover. And Irina grabbed onto it-finally a reason to part.

Together they have not been living for three years. True, a ten -year -old Nikita is still afraid that a drunk father will come, so he always closes the door to two castles. He also asked his mother to buy him a new SIM card and not to tell his father's number. Daughter Dasha for dad experiences only warm feelings. This is understandable: he never did anything bad to her, she was always a princess for him. “Probably, that's why I continued to live with him. I understood that in the first five years the girl really needed a loving father - as an example of a real man, ”Irina thinks.

Sergey Irina did not forgive. But hatred in her words is not felt. Recently, she went to him on business and brought a package of products. “I always serve on the street, it's like alms. Man is 39 years old, he does not work. Not even out of pity, just gave it off, ”Irina explains.

You can help Irina and other mothers in a difficult life situation if you arrange a monthly donation to the Aistenok Foundation.