Translated material
How to deal with Internet addiction
Study
" Life on the air "
Dependence on the computer-online games or social networks-can destroy life as effectively as alcohol and drugs. For help they turn to God, fortunetellers and forums, but everything is pointless until the dependent admits that it is addicted. The journalist of Taigi.info Rita Loginova specifically for Samizdat “Butenka, you are a transformer” found out how to escape from Internet addiction and whether it is necessary to do this at all.
I thought that if I turn off the notifications in all messengers, I will stop skipping deadlines, driving in the front cars, lose money, time and go bankrupt at the fines. But the hand itself reaches for the iPhone, and on the working computer the tab with the FB, VK and Twitter open themselves.
"Mom, why are you all the time on the phone?" “Not all the time, son.” But whom I am deceiving.
At the same time, jokes are jokes, and I still come to the editor, get out in the apartment, cook something, read my son for the night. And I was not quite rinsed to refuse a trip to Lake Baikal or from seven kilometers of walking to the Krasnoyarsk “pillars” in favor of somnambulic Internet surfing. Probably, it is too early to diagnose your own computer dependence on the avatar. And my friend, in the evenings for half an hour playing some kind of strategic crap with knights and dragons-is definitely not a finished online chronicle, simply because sex, sport, cinema and food is clearly more interesting for him. We have obvious problems with discipline, however, and this, if desired, is fixable, but not everyone is so lucky.
I
Liya’s husband from his youth played mainly in step -by -step strategies: Civilization, Total War, Morrowind, Disciples. “The peak itself was twenty-twenty-two years old, and this turned out to be that he flew out of the second year of the law faculty. Then he got a job as a consultant to the music store: he played at night, and fell asleep during the day. All this time he lived with his parents, and therefore his mother was dissatisfied more than all that was happening. Yes, then it was a clear dependence, because instead of going to hang out somewhere more often the option “to move” was chosen, ”Lia says without much tear. - Then we started living together and played together, but less, since there were enough other things. And then the son was born. Now it sometimes happens that a husband can sit all night at the game, but I calmly relate to this, since it is a little addict. ”
One friend of them “drove everything, including a family”: his wife left with the child, he himself almost does not leave home and plays online constantly, he is kept by his mother, although the guy is already thirty. “Well, it looks launched, the apartment is cleaned once a month, and he has few real friends,” says Lia. - So an example where all this can lead is before our eyes. You can, of course, “go out”, but, as with any addiction, you must be neat with a dosage. ”
The topic dedicated to the “overdose” from the online game is at every second women's forum. Here on Woman.ru :
“They started living with a guy, the first six months everything went well, I did not know that he was playing because she worked in two works, one of which was on a night shift. Then she began to notice that he was sitting for several hours every night at a computer. First for three hours, then until two in the morning, then until the morning. Sex once a week - and then if I beg. And she walked with her ass naked - nothing helps: “I’ll finish it down right now and have sex”. And what am I to him, a toy that can be turned on when it seems? I heard about this, but first collided. Now I am with another person and happy. It is nice to communicate with someone who wants to develop further, and not degrade! Throw such assholes, because the most valuable thing is the time spent - no one will return you! ”
“I’ll finish it down right now and have sex.”And here on Prihozhanka.ru :
“We have a problem with LA2. He lives in it, goes into real life for a checkmark, performing some household duties. I knew that he had a computer dependence. But when I moved to him to another city, he swore that he did not play as much as before. It turned out that not ... He and his first wife turned out because of this game, from his first marriage his son threw the university because of the same game. When he has a prime, you must definitely be officially in the game from nine in the evening to one in the morning, but until four to five in the morning, he usually has constant showdowns, oh, mats. He almost lost his job because of the game. ”
And one more thing: “How to help my husband get rid of passion for online games? He has been playing for more than a year every day for several hours, saying that he needs it, it is necessary that the experience be (these are the subtleties of his game, playing tanks). He forgets about everything, also attracted his son to this, he sits nearby and looks. No persuasion help, I don’t know what to do. Maybe give what advice? Our priest said that everything was useless until he hesitates this passion and would understand himself. But I want to help him. He, if he plays, becomes evil, rushes at everyone, we suffer everything. Save God! "
II
The priests generally often turn to the councils of the dependent for the advice, but if the experience in combating alcoholism and drug addiction at the Russian Orthodox Church as a whole has been developed, then with computer dependence more and more complicated. Anton is a priest with a small Siberian parish, an educated person, modern, progressive, and how much time the same social networks are taking well.
“The issue of addiction always pops up in communication with the person who comes to the temple, because this is one of the fundamental moments in the church teaching about a person who is always dependent on something,” Anton explains. - The apostle Paul, for example, says: “Everything is possible for me, but not everything is useful.” And the apostle Peter in the Epistle says: “Whoever won with what is the slave.” In this form, this is found in the Scriptures, and it is understood that addiction is bad. ”
Another thing is that there are no miracles, because one of the main conditions in liberation is an awareness of your own instability and dependence. “If a person comes to the temple, and he has no consent with the faith of the church, then the church will not help,” the priest is sure. “We can and will pray, we can talk, but until he begins to lead a spiritual life, he himself will not turn to God, he himself will not try to look for answers, the church can play a minimum auxiliary role, but not the main one.”
Participation in the sacraments, participles are a certain anchor and for Anton himself, a good stopper that does not allow his dependence on online, working, however, subject to awareness: “I constantly ask myself what is happening inside me, what I am doing or not and how useful I need and is useful.”
"The root of the disease is inside: in dissatisfaction, alone, in the inability to express yourself."The brain works on the dominant, the priest explains, and the dominant of dependence should be interrupted not so much as such as such as a strong aspiration for a positive dominant.
“The dependence on the social network or game itself is a symptom, and the root of the disease lies somewhere inside: in dissatisfaction, alone, in the inability to express yourself,” the priest suggests. - If you listen to you on the Internet, they are welcome, if there is a certain life that you do not know how to live here, this compensates for problems, this is attractive. Well, computer games give a person an experience that he cannot experience in reality. The question is how to reduce a person with a real life so that he likes it and holds him stronger than virtual. ”
The issue of isolation from the subject of dependence remains unresolved for Anton. “With alcohol and drugs, if you want to recover, you need to practice a complete refusal, but how much is possible in the modern world to completely abandon the computer or phone? Both children and parents must constantly do something there at work or study, I myself will spend half a day after a monitor, one way or another, ”he argues. “But in any case, there should be a radical desire of the person himself: I understand that I should change.”
III
Where they are ready to guarantee isolation is in numerous rehabilitation centers that grew up on the troubles of the spinning and racing Russians. It was simply to treat drug addiction and alcoholism in the list of services, treatment of computer dependence was added. In the center "Development" on the call of a sad woman complaining of her husband playing the tanks of the tanks, they reply that they are being treated.
“We have a direction for this type of dependence. This is a course of psychocorrection, but treatment involves isolation and passage of this program only in a hospital with accommodation in our center. The center is isolated, located in the suburbs of Novosibirsk, there is a quiet, calm atmosphere, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist are working. To undergo therapy, it is precisely a depression and removal for a period of at least four months, ”the administrator explains on the phone.
And if, a sad woman clarifies, the husband refuses to go for four months in a quiet suburb? Then, the administrator says, you can call a psychologist to the house, who will conduct a “soft intervention”: he will try to convince, bring the arguments and accompany the patient to the center, where he is guaranteed three meals a day for 30 thousand a month, group and individual trainings, events and classes (literally “dense graphics”), as well as security that does not allow outsiders, including a sad woman, if she is also a sad woman, if she is also a sad woman, if she is also a sad woman He will want to visit her husband, without agreeing with those who lead him under the recovery program. Patients themselves, without the consent of relatives, do not leave the center until the end of the program.
“We also work with denial, at the first stage the consent of one of the relatives, parents or spouses is enough,” they specify in the Rebtsenter. -When he arrives at the center, he is examined by the therapist to identify the condition and a psychiatrist. If there are no mental deviations, work is underway to be convinced. The first stage is the recognition of its dependence. Approximately like with alcohol and drugs, this disease is just about the class of non -chemical dependencies, it does not have physical craving for this, there is only psychology. Communication with relatives - on schedule. Our experts also work with relatives, because you need information about how he goes through the program, what support he will need later. ”
The patient's legal capacity is certified by phone, staying in the rexenter will not affect in any way. “This is not a psychiatric hospital, namely the rehabilitation center where psychocorrection is underway, our drugs are not used,” the administrator reassures. “We do not register, this remains within the center, an agreement is concluded between the center and you to confirm the fact of payment.”
How many times during rehabilitation it will be possible to see the dependent, do not immediately say.
“The first month will definitely be limited by communication, because the adaptive period is going on, he himself will need to get used to it himself, and the excessive emotional load on the part of relatives is out of the rut. From the second month, perhaps there will be meetings, you will be informed in advance - they promise at the other end of the wire. “Everything will depend on the dynamics, results, on his readiness and yours.”
In the “Development” group of VKontakte, there are no reviews of online rehabilitants or their relatives, but many thanks to the parents of drug addicts and wives of alcoholics were written. It’s good if they really treated them more humane than with the inhabitants of “motivational houses” .IV
Humanitarians Zhenya from Novosibirsk State University to Motivational Houses and no one handed over rehabilitation centers, they will not scandal about this in his family, although he plays from the end of the nineties.
“If we talk about online games, I started with“ online ultimas ”in the ninety-eighth. I think everyone who found those days on the Web still recall the sound of Dial-up with warmth. Then there was “Ragnarok”, “Lineej”, “Warcraft” and dozens of projects. The last large project that I actively played was Blas, it was our clan that was the first to capture the capital, - Zhenya is proud of. - The most dense online I, perhaps, was in Aiona, there were even seventy maraphones, then I was about twenty years old with a tail. Now this is not there, I play for four hours in the evening. Our clan belongs to one of the largest in the Russian-speaking sector, at the moment in different games there are about three to four thousand fighters. ”
When asked why play and spend so much time at the computer, Zhenya replies: “Can you kill the dragon in life? Or ride a stoton colossus along the streets of your town? Games give the scope of imagination. Imagine, if you didn’t just watch a movie, but participated in it. Again, in our age of individualism, the game is a little that requires good communicativeness. Management in the game hundreds of people is no different from management in reality. And I know far from one married couple who met in games. ”
He explains that the game requires great attention usually only at the start, when you need to "have time to capture all the most delicious": "At such moments, people take leave and turn into nullifers ." When asked whether he thinks an online game as a dependence that interferes with living, snorts that such a setting of the topic always surprised him: “Is it possible to count chess or athletics with dependence? Games exist as much as humanity, simply, like everything else, are modified. In any lesson there are too enthusiastic people, as well as in games there are extremes like people selling apartments for the sake of some game values, ”Zhenya quotes the arguments. - No matter how hard the manufacturers try, the black market for the exchange of gaming things for real money has always been, is and will be. Many large projects have now been provided by official channels for entering real money into the game, the same EVE or Warcraft with their own plexus or tokens. The most scandalous characters usually spin around this. But mostly noulaifers are an Asian syndrome. ”
Eugene calls people who consider players sick as “ill -willed worldviews”. “How much do Zenit Arena build? And for how much did Cyber-Arena built in Moscow? - He is indignant. - The prize in tournaments are considered already in millions of dollars. Important gaming matches have long been shown on TV. Maybe it's time to look at reality soberly? "
V
“If a man is thirty, and he sticks out at the computer constantly, you need to think. If this harms him himself, and he does not do anything at all, the stomach grows, health spoils, this dependence, of course, - says psychologist Anastasia Gudkova. - It just happens that the man has nothing except the tanks, and his wife “chopped off eggs” (“Do not do it, don’t do it, the motorcycle is dangerous, and fishing is a booze”). How will he fulfill his marital and family duties if you castrated it? No way. Naturally, he needs to realize his strength somewhere. Where? In the tanks. I sometimes take the side of men, because women in Russia are so arranged, they were brought up like that. Women who come for consultations for seven years have been married, there are children, and I find out from them how a man is realized in addition to tanks. ”
To marry, the psychologist notes, you went to another-for the one who famously chased on a motorcycle or loved to hunt with friends. “Okay tanks, while others begin to drink or stab hard. And he sits at the computer, because you have forbade him everything, ”Anastasia explains.
To save the family, you can just talk to the addicts first without accusing him: “He also wants and knows how to talk, imagine! On the other hand, if a person earns grandmothers, then why not, let him play, - partly she will solidify with the player of Zhenya. - True, some run to fortunetellers. Charlatans see the following: “Yes, I’ll speak you a computer ...” ”
"And he is sitting at the computer, because you have forbade him everything."Simply, if you are a parent of a child who does not get out of the computer, or the same wife, prone to hyperpek, then you need to start with yourself, the psychologist advises.
“And then you need to come together to a psychologist or psychotherapist who has a good practice of saving such drowning people. And the technique is the same as with other dependencies: it is necessary to show the joy of life in reality, ”says Anastasia. - Everything that you want in unreality can be realized in reality, but in another way. The very first step is to admit that you are dependent: on toy, on a social network. If a person does not admit that he is sick, everything is useless. ”
It’s good if the dependent still has hobbies: campaigns, burning on wood, but anything (remember about a positive dominant) - you can switch to them. It’s not bad if the dependent has an authority in life - a friend, grandfather, boxing coach - whose words can sobrin: then you can turn to him for help. Therapeutic communication with the same dependent on the computer can help. “No one will help the addict as another dependent,” the psychologist quotes the literature of anonymous alcoholics and drug addicts. “It’s a pity, there are no such offline groups everywhere, they are bumping there, on the Internet, on the forums.”
VI
Okay, I realized: we must constantly ask myself questions in order to exist to the maximum consciously, and also to be attentive to loved ones - a child, boyfriend, a friend - in order to fix the dependence in time, prevent her from developing and understanding where the legs grow from.
On points. Discipline and order. The self -hypnosis and rule "who first grabbed the phone, he pays for everyone in the bar." Плейлист не «ВКонтакте», а на «Яндекс.Музыке», например. Время от времени перечитывать статью «Как избавиться от привычки постоянно проверять почту, мессенджеры и соцсети» и выключать телефон дома.
На всякий случай захожу на TheQuestion. На вопрос «Как перестать быть зависимым от соцсетей» — девять ответов. That's glorious. А на вопрос «Трахаются ли водитель маршрутки с кондукторшей, с которой работают вместе?» - five. А на «Какой породы Скуби Ду» — один. А я безнадёжна.