At home is better

For six months, a journalist of “such cases” took two teenagers from the orphanage by “guest visa” for several weeks, then for a couple of days. She talked about her experience on her page on Facebook, and then collected posts in one material and commented on it

“Guest Visa” is not the most popular form of arranging children in Russia in Russia. The guest is issued by those who do not have the opportunity to take the child into the family for good. Or those who have, but first they want to make sure that they can do it. Despite the unpopularity, this form is important. First of all, for orphans. It allows them to look at the device of a real family from the inside and learn a lot to what is not available in the orphanage.

Who is in the plus

Igor and Lesha were removed from the family seven years ago. Today they are 14 and 15 years old, and they also have a younger brother and sister. Their mother and dad were deprived of parental rights for drunkenness and cruelty to children. Father was imprisoned. Throughout the deadline, his father called and promised to free himself soon and take him home. The children believed and waited. When his father was released, he continued to call and promise. Last year, his father committed suicide, and Igor and Leshka stopped waiting.

My young man Anton introduced me to the boys, who has been communicating with them for many years as a representative of a public organization. Several times I went to the orphanage with him, where they live, a couple of times we visited them in the summer in the camp. Igor is a calm, modest guy. Lives football. Lesha seems poor and terribly naughty. Igor is studying well, Lesha on the Troika. When Anton informed me that he wanted to get a guest visa and take children to our house for the weekend, I was scared to death. Because they are strangers and adults. Because these are children of a complex fate. And for sure they will spit on everything that I tell them, because - "Who am I?"

But the understanding of how important it is for them has overpowered fears. To get a positive conclusion on the possibility of temporary transfer of children to the family, we went through a bunch of doctors (from a venereologist to a psychiatrist), we received certificates of no criminal record. And immediately they took the guys for the spring holidays. The discoveries began on the first day.

From the FB “Opening the first. They wash the dishes. Yourself. Without reminders. In fact, I am now not mine at all. Yesterday they fed me with a salad of their own cut. And they also play with my cat, which I do not do because of a lack of time. They wake up early and decently lie in bed, go on tiptoe, say in a whisper. Bottom line: I am so far in an absolute plus. There was even a time to scatter the eye. ”

Comments:

Boris : Tell me more, what is this program? Will the children then remain in the family or return them back? What and to whom is this plus?

Evgenia: This is the so -called guest visit. The guardianship issues permission to temporarily stay children in the family. You can take them from the orphanage for the weekend. Plus - children. In an orphanage, they do not see a family model, they do not understand how the domestic world works. When they leave the orphanage to a big life, they get down into flocks out of habit, with difficulty getting up with families. Not to mention the fact that staying in the family teaches elementary household things. How to live when not on everything ready? Tomorrow, for example, we will cook borsch together. Today, the guys first learned that coffee is not soluble granules from a can, but grain (you would have seen eyes that stared at a coffee grinder in bewilderment).

Stanislav : This is a very big problem, the socialization of pupils and graduates of DD. Speaking briefly, these guys should make a choice every day. In actions, communications, etc. But it turns out that in orphanages they lived and were brought up by consumers for a long time and only. They were deprived of the right to choose. They always made decisions for them. The main task is to show the children a variety of life options in the social environment, to give them the opportunity to learn how to make their choice and try so that their choice is not fatal.

"Household education" begins immediately. Together with the guys we are going to go to the store. Before leaving, I turn off the TV that Igor watched. "Hey, stupid deer, why did you cut the TV set?" - Igor turns to Lesha, deciding that it was he. Lesha looks at me. I look at Lesha. We are starting to laugh wildly. “I turned it off,” I will explain to Igor. Igor blushes. "Well, not that you are a deer ... I didn’t want to say ... Simply, why turn off?" I tell the embarrassed guy about the savings of electricity, he nods knowingly.

Catering children

In the orphanage where Lesha and Igor live, in one of the groups there is a kitchen - a gift from a public organization. So that the children learn to cook. This group has a wonderful teacher - she is ready to spend time and effort on training children. That is why Igor and Lesha know that the dishes should be washed after eating. Or maybe they just want to seem good. So that we take them yet.

Illustration: Rita Cherepanova for TD

From the FB “For breakfast, I decided to stir up an omelet. “Will you be an omelet?” I ask the guys. “No, don't,” - Answer. And in the eyes of a fright. What, I think, did not please them? And then I understand that my omelet and their omelet These are different omelets. In the orphanage they are given such squares of eggs with milk as in schools. And this is an amateur. And I did not mean something completely! She explained to the boys that there will be tomatoes, and sausage, and green beam - Very tasty. "Well, let's" - Give -up. I wore all this beauty, sat down at the table. “LLC, well, such an omelet, of course. They will never prepare this there! " They ate, licked the plates. I'm sitting, proud of myself. What happiness is. She showed children what real life is.

After half an hour, the dry hair is dry. Lesha flies flies. "Are you here soon?" - "What happened?" - "I am now getting rid of!"

I dry my hair in the kitchen, looking into the glass of the microwave ... I had to cook porridge and not show off. ”

Comments:

Stanislav : Yes, orphans are children of catering. Homemade food is difficult for them. Most likely, they quickly eat up. Yes? And in DD - only recently had lunch and an hour later hungry again. They ran to the kitchen for bread.

The rules of a good house

Guys always want to eat. I do not have time to wash the plates, they again drive their noses towards the kitchen. In the orphanage they are fed six times. And everything is standard with us: breakfast-good dinner plus snacks, if you really want to. How do home children have a snack? Squad, banana, cocoa with cookies. And Lesha and Igor ... I did not immediately understand where bread was going on from the house. On the first evening, I bought two loafs with the calculation for a couple of days. In the middle of the next day there was no more bread. The next day, I increased the number of loaf to three - they dared just as quickly. With each meal - a lot of bread. And also between: in sandwiches and just like that. “These are bread children,” Stas Dubinin, the head of the Samara postminth support center, explained to me. - Imagine a family where they thump and have nothing to eat. They will throw a piece of bread to them, they are happy. And when they run from the orphanage, they will buy bread and seemed to eat. This is a habit from childhood. Even when their cooks tried to feed them deliciously and satisfying in the camp, they ate everything, and after half an hour they ran for bread. So get used to the fact that the main food for them is bread, everything else is capabilities. ”

In addition to bread, sugar is uncontrolled. When I saw how much sugar Lesha puts in tea, it was frozen. It takes a bag of sand and poured into tea with a hill. And when we left them in the car for a short while, they found in it bags of sugar and poured everything into their mouths - they had a snack.

Another big (and pleasant for me) difference between guys and home children: everything seems tasty to them. No to you: “I will not” and “I don't like it.” About the lap-lap with chicken: "How much meat!" About banal boiled potatoes: "What a delicious!" About coffee from the Turkish: "Mmm, do you cook more?" It is a little strange to open a simple household world to two adult guys. And joyfully at the same time. However, in the domestic plan they themselves are not a mistake.

From the FB “I was preparing something like pilaf and, since there are no suitable dishes for this in the house, the bottom of the saucepan was pretty digging. I soaked her, tried to tear her away. Not a fig. Left to then throw it away. And today I come home, sit down at the computer, and someone pokes me in the back. I look, Lesha with a saucepan stands, pink cheeks, eyes are on. "I ... washed the pan." And under my nose to me. I'm watching - Really, retired. The bottom sparkles. “How,” I ask, “how, boy, you did it ??” - “Fork,” replies . These children will not be lost, oh, they will not be lost. ”

“I try to attract guys to the household. For example, to cook. Not small already, it's time to learn to be cooked. Today we decided to create borsch. Lesha volunteered to clean and cut the potatoes. I was engaged in cabbage carrots and did not follow what he was doing and how. And when I looked, it became not good for me. He cleaned the potatoes directly dirty, with the ground and set it up with rings. "Are you going to throw it into a pan in this form?" - "What is it?" She explained what is it. He sighed heavily, but washed and cut smaller. They cooked borsch and overeat. One has so tasty for me, it seems, it has not yet succeeded. ”

Children of home silence

Before equipping the wagon behind the children, we carefully thought out how we will spend time with them. For a week I wanted to show them everything in the world and entertain to the fullest. Bicycle, trampoline, cinema, scientific town, exhibition of robotics, virtual reality club ... Do not sit at home! But it turned out that all that they want is just to sit. On the couch.

"Can I just lie at home?" - Igor asks when we offer to go for a walk. And he explains that their group has six beds and always a crowd. And here you can lie and watch TV. Or just out the window. And no one will scream in the ear.

We take Leshka with us to the store, leave Igor on the couch. Two hours later, returning, we find him there. "Warked?" “No, I was good.”

And yet, we jumped on the trampolines (cool, finally!), Looked at scientific experiments (dull rotten), rolled on the greats (I, I, first!), Went to the cinema (fire!) And rode in carts in the store, discovering celery and nuts cashews.

"Do you lie with us until we fall asleep?"

Lesha grabs Anton by the hand when we rise from the sofa, where all together watched the movie to go to sleep. We are both lost. I did this five or seven years: I asked my mother to stay nearby, lie down a little on the edge of my bed while falling asleep. It was calmer for me: my mother was nearby, the women will not come. Leshe 14, a big boy. But life did not give him so much love that he would like to catch up right now, right here, while there are people nearby who he is not indifferent. Anton flutters his crown and sits on the edge of the bed. Lesha quickly falls asleep, hugging his knee with his knee so much that it is not to be taken away.

Children September

I am embarrassed to ask the guys about the past. Who is mom and dad, how were they in an orphanage? What do they think about their life? But once at dinner they tell themselves.

Dad Igor and Lesha is an alcoholic. They lived in the village, there was no work, dad drank. When I drank, I turned into a beast. Hearing his steps in the corridor, the children were hiding in the corners - they knew that they would come to the room and get to the bottom. Dad was digging pervertedly. He took the knife and slowly made cuts on the knees of Leshka and Igor. And then with these knees he put them on salt. Or on peas. Or buckwheat. And my mother dubbed the children with a rolling pin on the head for the lessons, also drank and drove home men, while my father was not at home. Lesha recalls all these horrors and laughs. “And once, you can imagine, I felt so ashamed! I described myself. Hi-hee. Directly natural. Dad came drunk, took us by the scruff, raised us high and leaned against the wall. “Now I will kill you,” said. And I described from fear. And Igor too, we described at the same time! Father put us on the floor and left! "

“This [Leshka] went more often,” says Igor. - I remember how my mother once said to her father: “Why are you just hit, and Igor is an untouched go?” Unjust, they say. My father beat me ... Well, we were taken to the shelter, then to the orphanage. One, then the second, that's where we are now. Dad has recently died. Hanged. I don't know why. And mom lives in another city. She promises to come soon, now in September. Lesha often talks to her on the phone. ”

Illustration: Rita Cherepanova for TD

There were already many from the FB “September, but the children never saw their mother. Despite all these horrors, the orphanage and betrayal, Igor and Lesha talk about parents with love. “Dad only when he drank was bad. And he was normal. He made sure that we studied well, helped with lessons, check the learned poems. If we could return to them, we would return. Whatever, they are still parents. I love them. "

Comments:

Victoria: Thank you, Zhenya. Iarina and Irina and I, the head teacher of a boarding school from Omsk, spoke exactly about this. “Vic, here it is blue, skinny, a cloak gaping on it dangles, a bag of bottles rummies in her hand, and for him she is still the most beautiful mother in the world.” I cried then, listening to Ira.

Tatyana : I probably understand them, no matter how bad my father was, I could not hate him. I felt sorry for him, and I miss him. I ignored SMS from him, and now they will never be again.

Children Source

There is an opinion that all orphans want a family, they want mom and dad. Initially, the chances that Lesha and Igor would take someone under guardianship were small. According to the law of brothers, you cannot share - if you take it, then all four. And who will take four? And, nevertheless, those who wanted to be several times. But nothing happened, because the younger ones wanted to, and the elders refused.

From FB: - And many do not want to go to the foster family.

- Why is it? I only hear about how children in an orphanage want to go to the family, how they are waiting for the potential mom and dad and they will pick up.

- No. Who understands everything, he does not want.

- What - All?

- They need us for the sake of money. More children - More money. Here the “mother” came, she has ten of her, and she wanted to take four of us. Where are we here? Okay, I am big, and our youngest needs love and care. How can she give them love when so many children? And there have come a lot of such ... Better in the orphanage.

And yet, now, after a while, Igor wants their brother and sister to gain their parents.

“It's too late for me in my family. I am already finishing the ninth grade. How many I will live with them for two years? Meaning? And after 18, I would not want to live with my parents. Freedom hunting. There is no freedom in the orphanage, there is a daily routine. Lifting six, two hours before school. Why am I so early for me? I’m at home at home, I would get up at seven and had time to do everything. He ate, dressed, went. And so in everything, everywhere a schedule, you can’t solve anything yourself. And you also need to adapt to everyone. The educators are different, there are those with whom you will not say hello, she is offended and may not go out, for example ... "

“We will take away your child”

“We have a teacher,” Lesha interrupts, “we call her“ Poodle ”. She has curly hair, and she barks all the time. Here it goes straight along the corridor and barks. Gav-Gav-Gav! And so we call her that, she is offended. Why be offended by the truth? "

“ It seems like now there are talk that we can be divided,” Igor continues. - And this is good, the small ones need to be pulled out of there. Have you come to us, saw toys on the shelves? Any beautiful. Do you think they are playing them? No, you can’t play them. They are for beauty, for commissions. I remember the Big Commission came from Moscow. So we covered the tablecloth for lunch, got the salad bowls, put the squash caviar, a piece of meat was normal, like people. Well, I understand them, of course ... Children get dirty, spoil everything. But still unpleasant . "

I drew attention to the fact that whenever Lesha leaves the shower, wet underpants remain on the battery in the bathroom. “What a clever man,” she thought. “Erases it right after him.” And then I found out that in fact, Lesha does not wash his underpants. He washes in them.

This is what Lesha does. The shower cabin in the orphanage is transparent, and, besides it, the bathroom has washbasins and a washing machine. The door does not close, everyone can go about their own business. Children cannot retire and wash, so they do not undress. And it settled so much on the subcortex that even in our house, in the bathroom closed on the castle, Lesha cannot relax.

Illustration: Rita Cherepanova for TD

At the same time, the orphanage in which the guys live, differs from many others for the better. Yes, a transparent cabin, yes, not to retire. But then you can wash and go to the toilet when necessary. In the orphanage, in which the children lived before, the toilet was opened on schedule: early in the morning and evening. The rest of the time it was closed. “At first I was written. Then I learned to endure, ”says Lesha. And he explains that if I really wanted to go to the toilet, you could approach the teacher and ask for opening. But this is, firstly, ashamed. And secondly, everything depended on the mood of the teacher. Good - will open. No - tells to endure.

After school, Igor, like almost all graduates of the orphanage, will go to the technical school. I could go to grade 10, but I thought that this was extra two years. “Anyway, what I really want, I don’t shine, so what's the difference, where?”

Igor wants to at the St. Petersburg Academy of Zenit, but he assures that it is unrealistic to go there without connections. “To get there, as without a passport to a European country! If I had connections, I would go there in the tenth after the ninth. But like me, it will not work. Such dreaming are a million. Plus, so many pieces of paper will have to be collected due to the fact that I am an orphanage ... So I’ll go by a tech. ”

Ближе к концу наших «каникул» Антон вдруг получил от Игоря смс (сказать лично парень не решился): «Антон, скажу прямо мне нужны кроссы. Мои зимние и почти порваны, а в дд там страшные выдают мне в них стремно даже было к те приехать».

Из ФБ . Как-то между делом Игорь поделился, что ему стыдно гулять с девочками, потому что одежда, которую им выдают в детском доме, до них, красивых, не дотягивает. «Выдают не старую, новую. Но такое ощущение, что на рынке оптом берут, не глядя». На мой вкус Игорь выглядит очень даже прилично. Обычные спортивные шмотки, джинсы. А вот с Лешей беда. На Леше черный свитшот с Путиным верхом на медведе и надпись во всю грудь «Россия, вперед!» На смену есть футболка. На ней тоже президент. «Это у тебя откуда такой прелестный свитерок?» — « Выдают в детдоме . А чо, не нравится? Я готов поменять, купите мне другой!»

После кино везем Игоря в магазин за кроссовками. Выбирает сам и тщательно — кайфует от самой возможности. Объехав три магазина, не находим таких кроссовок, какие бы ему понравились. Но он говорит, что в его городе в одном магазине есть, какие надо. Даем ему денег. Он сильно смущается, но берет. И уже в следующий приезд хвастает новыми кроссами. Сам сходил и купил!

Illustration: Rita Cherepanova for TD

Когда они уезжают, в доме становится невероятно тихо. Мы с Антоном садимся за стол на кухне и молча смотрим друг на друга. Кажется, за одну неделю с нами произошло нечто невероятное. И нам еще только предстоит осознать, что именно.

Впрочем, тишина длится недолго. Уже через несколько дней Леша присылает видео: он прикрутил к шахматной доске колеса от старых роликов и гоняет на ней по группе. Звуковое сопровождение видео — оглушительный треск: шахматы из доски Леша решил не вынимать.

Через две недели они снова озаряют наш дом. На этот раз на два дня, которые пролетают как два часа.

Из ФБ: Вторые выходные с детьми проходят по-человечески проще. Леша приволок мне из детского дома подарок — блокнот. Вручил и смылся, не дождавшись спасибо. Игорь теперь обращается ко мне на ты (прогресс!). Один все время катается на велике, другой кайфует на диване — счастье лежать в комнате, где, кроме тебя, только кот. Мы ржем, тупим и ваще не из-за чего не паримся. И даже кот Дарвин не нервничает и как будто привык. Но они по-прежнему едят, как не в себя (запасы хлеба заблаговременно пополнены). И куда в этих «макаронин» только все влезает?

На прощание Игорь и Леша обнимают нас, каждого по очереди. Через несколько дней получаем многозначительное смс от Леши:

«Антон, у нас с этой пятницы опять каникулы. Я прочетал Женину статью мне понравилось, но мы не макаронины передай ей».

Антон: «А кто вы, Лешенька?»

Леша: «Люди!»

The material uses links to publications of social networks Instagram and Facebook, as well as their names are mentioned. These web resources belong to Meta Platforms Inc. - It is recognized in Russia as an extremist organization and is prohibited.

The material uses links to publications of social networks Instagram and Facebook, as well as their names are mentioned. These web resources belong to Meta Platforms Inc. - It is recognized in Russia as an extremist organization and is prohibited.