Father to his son

Maxim grew up in an orphanage for children with disabilities, then he got into a neuropsychiatric boarding school and miraculously escaped from there. For 15 years, he has been coming to the Big Change charity foundation for knowledge and help. Now not only for yourself - for the sake of your beloved son

We help to teach you cannot be refused. Put a comma collected 1 915 530 R required 1,898 320 r

The collection of funds is over

Normal, but another

Maxim is late for a meeting for an hour and a half. The educational center of the Bolshaya Change Foundation is located between the two metro stations, and although Maxim has been engaged in it for many years, he always went from only one. And then for some reason I decided to choose another station, got confused, lost, walked in circles.

“Do you remember how we agreed to calculate everything yesterday, so as not to be late?” - asks Irina Ladygina, the curator of Maxim from the "Big Change".

Maxim throws up with his hands, scolds public transport in general and the metro in particular, says that there are not enough signs.

“You're well done that you still came.” How did you find the right way? Did you ask people? What do you think, what else could you do?

Ten minutes of painstaking analysis - and Maxim himself comes to the conclusion that he could call and clarify the road. And he could, if I agreed to come to a certain time, choose the usual path. Irina says that they will once again return to the situation later and discuss everything in detail. And again. And yet. Ramps are a frequent and natural thing for wards of a “big change”, one cannot count on the fact that once the acquired skill will remain forever. Maxim with his diagnosis and life circumstances - a former orphanage with a slight degree of mental retardation - will always be a little alien in our life. “I'm normal, well, only this one, how to say? I am different! - Maxim tells me and once again clarifies. - Not like everyone else, but normal! "

Stand on your own, go to the end

- I stood on my own and conducted my investigation, walked to the end. How did I get into such an institution? What is my circumstance that this happened to me? - says Maxim. “Such an institution” is a common name for official houses in which Maxim was from birth to twenty years. First, the child’s house, then an orphanage for children with disabilities, then a neuropsychiatric boarding school. This is a hungry road, which in the vast majority of cases involves staying in PNI until the end of life. It is very difficult to prove your legal capacity, it is almost impossible to get an orphan apartment.

Maxim in the Center "Big Change" Photo: Anna Ivantsova for TD

- All this is the fault of our parents and very strong, I made a report on this topic - why people throw their children. I proved this ... - Maxim goes into his senses, hangs a long pause, very noticeable, because in general he speaks incessantly.

“What have you proved, Maxim?”

- I proved that, despite the mistakes of the parents, the children do not make their mistakes. They are not required to make mistakes. They continue their lives. I have achieved, and I will go to the end. I will go to the end and I will go.

“Mine” is Nina, Maxim's wife. Personally, he addresses her “Lapul”, in a conversation with his son - “our mother”, proudly says to everyone else - “mine”. Maxim met Nina in a neuropsychiatric boarding school: “I once went out - and mine stood with my girlfriends. We met. And since then we keep life to each other. ”

Nina left the boarding school earlier than Maxim, defended her legal capacity on the Bolshoi City Commission, graduated from nine classes in a “big change”, studied in college for a nurse and has been working in the hospital in the hospital for many years. This is a fantastic story for a person who has grown up in an orphanage for children with disabilities, growing up in a neuropsychiatric boarding school. A person who has come out of the system, which is arranged so that it is impossible to break out of it, aimed at ensuring that a person is closed by a lifelong walls, deprived of the opportunity to move freely and generally somehow dispose of his life. Nina had enough strength and perseverance to overcome all the obstacles in her path, and even pull the future husband out of the stump.

Maxim shows the plants that he planted near the entrance of his house photo: Anna Ivansova for TD

To get married, I had to abduct Maxim's documents. “We put our lives and experienced what it is, preparing for the wedding. We had to deceive, ”says Maxim. “We asked my passport under another pretext, played a role well, did not give up and went to the end.” He shows a simple engagement ring and a wedding photo: Nina in a white dress, curls are grabbed with elegant studs, she looks embarrassed from behind a bouquet of flowers. Maxim runs a finger several times from the photograph, stroking Nina on his cheek.

To get married, I had to abduct the documents of Maxim from PNI. "We had to deceive"

A few more years after the wedding, Maxim was listed in the boarding school, although he already lived with his wife. It was not immediately possible to go through the commission, but to receive the apartment that was being supposed to maximum, it took ten years. He went to institutions and departments, collected dozens of certificates, learned to write complaints. Talking about this, Maxim often repeats “standing on his own” and “walked to the end”, two of his main life rules.

“It goes to the end” he is in search of his mother. She is lonely and sick, lives in one of the former Soviet republics, where she left after the birth of Maxim. Of her five children, three died, one of Maxim’s sisters lives in Moscow and does not communicate with her mother. A man restored all this information bit by bit, he shows me the pages of social networks, the section on the forum of the "Wait for me" program. Maxim’s mother is photographed against the sun, this is a tired, elderly woman with firmly squeezed lips and narrowed eyes.

"My eyes are dark, but she seems to have Olezhka, right?"

Oleg is the five -year -old son of Maxim and Nina, fair -haired and gray -eyed. “I told my son that he made my dad a grandfather and my mother’s grandmother,” the man adds. “She is your grandmother, son, she just lives far.”

Oleg plays board games in the Big Change Foundation Photo: Anna Ivantsova for TD

Sister refused to communicate Maxim, mother too. He still plans to go to Tashkent, although the matter is costly and difficult in the organization. “I want to prove that I did not abandon my son, and I grow him,” the man says. - I want to prove that it does not matter what child. I won’t correct your mistake, but I haven’t done mine, I want to say so. ”

Olezhka

- For me this is the first attempt. I have never seen a small child! - Maxim talks about the first year with his son and digs in the refrigerator. Nina on the work shift, today Oleg from the kindergarten is taken by Maxim - and again goes to the "big change". The boy needs to collect food for a snack, and his father puts a sandwich, two cucumbers, candy and juice in a bag.

-I was very afraid of trusting someone. After my mother came to me, I could not entrust him to anyone - this is my first child and my first life.

“After my mother came to me, I could not entrust him to anyone - this is my first child and my first life”

All the walls of the little "Khrushchev" are hung with family photos. "I will show your eyes!" - Maxim pulls by the hand to a large formal portrait. A fair -haired boy in a sailor looks sadly into the camera, the photograph was taken after the holiday in the kindergarten that Maxim was late for. A man in faces shows how he came to the very end of the performance:

“I saw that he was like that, like that! - He twists his head, looking expectantly at the door. - I need it, but I am not! And his look - a lesson for me for life and memory. And I began to look for work so that he would never be late for him. To be at all his holidays. ”

Jewelry and family photos on the wall in the apartment of Maxim Photo: Anna Ivantsova for TD

Maxim has been working as a cleaner for many years. Several times I tried to get somewhere else, but for this it is necessary that a lot to deal with: the correct schedule, the willingness of the employer to communicate with a person with an unusual, unconventional appearance and speech, is not too far, because it is difficult to calculate time.

In the “Great Change” they go all the way to search for work with students and say that if the employer is still ready to attach a ramp for a disabled person with motor problems, almost no one wants to endure a person with mental characteristics, even if these features do not really interfere in the work. Such a person is not so fast, not so easily converges with people, requires a little more effort and involvement. Why contact?

Maxim shows Oleg’s books, a regular preschool set - Chukovsky, encyclopedias, a pack of books about cars, tanks, excavators. With these books, a man goes to the educational center for speech development lessons - he reads them along with the teacher, so as not to make mistakes, then reading his son aloud. A multiplication table hangs on the wall, Maxim proudly says that it is held in the second grade, and Oleg already knows most. He is engaged in all the diverse "development" with his son himself:

“I bought him a globe, I say:“ Find Australia! The first hint is to you - it is yellow! ” He twists, turns, searches. Mine wants to help him - I say: “Mother, wait a full back yourself! The second hint - look for the letter “a”! ” He thought a little more - and found it! You can’t swear, you can’t crush, you can always explain. The child can do everything himself - I proved it. "

“You can’t swear, you cannot crush, you can always explain. The child can do everything himself - I proved it "

Dad can

Maxim is looking for his son Vetrovka - it is hot on the street, but he is worried that he can get colder in the evening. I recall the kilometers of read articles and books about children: how to talk with the child and listen to him, how to engage in development, so as not to discourage the desire to learn. How to treat, how to feed, which approaches to use in education. It seems that Maxim read them all, analyzed and chose the best. Where does his “alien” go - the father is assembled, practical and attentive in everything that concerns the son.

Maxim and Oleg Photo: Anna Ivantsova for TD

Five years ago, with the birth of a boy, Maxim himself, by his own request, completely changed his curriculum. For many years before that he tried to receive a certificate of comprehensive school, not quite imagining what he would do with him. Irina Ladygina says that it often happens with students in a “big change” - and the main task and assistance of the fund to graduates of orphanages is not to get a “crust”, but in setting the goal. When I ask what for the goal of Maxim now, he says very simply: "I must be my son Father."

Maxim's program in the "Great Change" grew with Oleg. Speech development to speak and read competently. Biology - to know about plants and animals and tell your son about them. Mathematics - to consider the family budget. Computer literacy - to look for information and be able to work with it. Geography and history in order to be able to answer questions of the younger - a very developed and smart child. Starting next year, Maxim wants to add English to these subjects, because Oleg teaches him in kindergarten.

“Educators are shown to me, they ask him in English, he answers something,” says Maxim. - I tell him: “Well done, son!” “And I myself think more quickly: I need such an object that Olezhka does not overtake me much.”

Maxim is preparing a afternoon snack for his son photo: Anna Ivantsova for TD

We go to the kindergarten past the school where Oleg will study, and the art school, where Maxim and his son recently received a letter for a joint performance with the song “Together to Walk”, past the favorite playground of Oleg and the field, where they play football with their father. Along the way, Maxim greets the police patrol, flutters by the ears of the brown Labrador, shouts to the teenager in the cap: “Congratulations on the new great!” He knows everyone, and everyone knows him, he learned every path and a passage between the houses, every store and every playground. This green sleeping quarter is its world, full of joys and dangers, where everything is investigated and verified - for the sake of his son. A store where Oleg's favorite juice is sold. Parking, where the car can come from unexpectedly. Book, where Maxim buys developing manuals.

The boy comes out of the kindergarten gloomy. He slurred something under his breath and seems to be ready to cry. Maxim squats before Oleg: “Do you behave like that because you are upset? You were upset because I came early? Did you want to stay in the kindergarten for dinner? Son, I understand this, but now we need to prepare for the campaign. Will you go camping with me, son? "

Oleg Oleg overthrow us on a scooter. He leaves far ahead, but before each congress on the road he stops and waits for us. Dad taught.

* * *

The Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation gives such statistics - 75% of graduates of orphanages need further social support. This streamlined wording means that people who have grown in orphan institutions live in our world as in a foreign and hostile environment. Unable to cope with everyday life, not knowing how to study, how to get a job, how to communicate with other people. We have to solve dozens and hundreds of minor tasks every day, which people do not even think about without such experience, and the world around them does not help them at all. For example, in banks, even the most respectable, they like to give loans to graduates of orphanages, including those who have a disability in mental illness - they give a disability pension. The social teacher “Big Change” in banks almost spends the night: communicates with the authorities, disassembles every specific case, persuades, explains that special conditions are needed for her wards.

Maxim and Oleg Photo: Anna Ivantsova for TD

In addition to a social teacher, a psychologist works with the wards, the curator makes an individual curriculum, and helps to solve daily household problems. He does not decide for them, namely, he teaches, tells, leads them to an independent decision. This is jewelry and daily work. And all this is the same social support, not counting, in fact, educational tasks, preparation for the exam and GIA, numerous circles and additional classes.

In order for this whole complex system to work, you need to pay salaries to the fund employees. Please provide “social support”, there is no one to provide it with more former orphanages. One -time help or a monthly donation, even the smallest, will make the world around the wards of the “big change” more understandable and friendly. This is not only necessary for them - we need it with you.