I would like not to know

Doctors do not promise Valentina Alexandrovna for more than six months of life. This is very scary, but in the hospice she at least does not feel lonely

- You would like not to know?

Valentina Alexandrovna reflects a couple of seconds and says firmly:

- Yes, it’s better not to know.

The fact that she has pancreatic cancer, 83-year-old Valentina Alexandrovna found out a month ago. The tears left for this month, but the adoption of the disease did not occur. Therefore, she is more and more silent, she says, as if reluctantly, through force.

- Nothing hurt, and then suddenly chopped severe pain, right all the insides. Sugar rose to 18, although there had never been diabetes before. I called an ambulance, there are examinations, tests and diagnosis - her face stones, in her eyes, confusion and tears.

The diagnosis was not immediately made. A week later, she was already preparing for the discharge, but she was suddenly taken to the operating room. The only son, Vadim rushed to the hospital. He was immediately told that there was no hope for recovery.

“They didn’t say anything to her,” says Vadim. - A week, while she was lying in a single room, it was possible to hide the diagnosis. Then she became better, she began to walk along the corridor, go to the dining room, communicate with other patients, and someone was surprised that she was kept in the department for so long. Mom immediately undertook to study medical records. Suddenly she began to read without glasses! And I understood everything. I reassured her as much as I could, just came, hugged, stroked my head, and she cried ... it was unbearable ...

Valentina Aleksandrovna photo: Fedor TELKOV for TD

No one gives accurate forecasts - from several days to six months. They wrote out from the hospital. Doctors recommended the hospital of the cancer center, but it is impossible to quickly arrange there. Valentina Alexandrovna returned home. Vadim had to take care of her himself.

- Mom was very shy. She had a scar under her chest, at first it was very awkward that I was treating the wound in such a place. I had to command: it is necessary to dress up - it means it is necessary, ”he says.

Valentina Alexandrovna was afraid to be alone, even fifteen minutes, while her son went to the store. His arrival was happy as a child. It was as if in places they changed in places: he is a father, and she is a little girl, and she needs to know that she will not be thrown, that she will not be left alone. At night, I asked to leave the doors in the rooms open.

But Vadim could not be nearby around the clock - work, children, grandchildren. And Valentina Alexandrovna began to give up. She did not remain alone for a long time, but this time was enough to be piled on melancholy and despair.

“I figured it out to the maximum - six months,” Vadim says busily. It can be seen that it is not easy for him. “What is she, all this time to sit and sour at home?” No matter how much time is left, let it spend it in the best conditions.

Then he already knew about the hospice, but only the word "hospice" was raised longing: how so, to put his own mother in this institution? Even such a thought could not allow. They told him - go look at how there. I did not go. I decided that the hospital is better.

- My mother and I arrived there, she needed to go about ten doctors. We were enough for only three. Huge queues to the offices, almost fights between those who are “by recording” and “live queue,” recalls Vadim. - To the doctors, it seemed that we did not care at all. Imagine, we are in the office, my 83-year-old mother sits undressed, and the doctor with a nurse is scratching for another ten minutes about something about something, they don’t even look at her.

Urgent chambers (those that Vadim saw), an annoyed medical staff and a persistent feeling of uselessness - Vadim already understood that he could not send his mother there. They did not continue to continue the physical examination. The hospice remained.

On the first day, he spent several hours there with his mother. And when he arrived at the next, he was surprised to hear a lot of enthusiastic reviews. Doctors, nurses-all polite, friendly, turn only by name-patronymic, sincerely care, are interested in well-being, mood. Developing contrast with a hospital.

- While she was lying at home, she did nothing. And because of this, she psychologically passed. And then there are some kind of contests, then relatives, then doctors, nurses, psychologist. They invite you to lunch, everything around it is spinning. This, you see, is very pleasant for an elderly person, ”says Vadim.

Valentina Aleksandrovna of those people who are accustomed to not sit still for a second. She was the eldest daughter in the Old Believers in the Artinsky district. In childhood, during the war, from dawn until late in the evening she worked in the fields. Then she studied, taught. Every summer I went to my parents in the village - helped with the household. I also did not rest in retirement: in winter-grandchildren-asserts, in the summer-again the village and economy. Her mother lived without two days until 101, and, of course, she needed help.

Valentina Aleksandrovna with brother photo: Fedor TELKOV for TD

Here, in the Hospice, Valentina Alexandrovna constantly receives guests - her son, grandchildren, great -grandchildren (very soon she will have six: the eldest 13, and the youngest will be born from day to day). Some great-grandchildren have just gone to kindergarten, and they have a lot of impressions. And, in spite of everything, they are very fond of being at great -grandmothers. And she with pleasure speaks with them on their favorite topic - about cartoons. She, of course, is good with her relatives. But a little sad. She understands why she is visited so often.

Valentina Aleksandrovna very much would like not to know her diagnosis. This knowledge is difficult for her, but she, as she herself admitted, brings herself up. He says to himself: do not cry, do not. When she tells this, the voice becomes quieter and trembles a little. The horror tearing everything inside was left behind, but the tears did not dry until the end. Yes, I lived life, long, interesting, happy. On August 20, she will be 84. Can it be comforted? It is unlikely. Unless a little.

- Previously, she cried several times every day, but now for three days she doesn’t cry. And somehow easier, ”says Vadim.

The first Yekaterinburg hospice is a unique one of a kind. Death is not felt in it, but the house is felt. The state allocates funds for basic needs, but they are catastrophically lacking. Not enough money for medicines. And to the organization of the Hospice Otkvynaya Service. The other day they will bring materials and repair the third floor will begin. After the repair, the number of places in the hospice will increase from 30 to 52, and this is already half of the stationary places necessary for the city. But all this was bought not on budget funds, but on donations, on our donations.

For example, in the budget for food, each patient has 67 rubles per day. You can imagine how to feed a dying person 67 rubles. Therefore, we collect funds for this: for food, and for medicines, and for repairs. If you arrange a monthly donation even for a hundred rubles, one of the hospice patients will become easier. He can at least eat normally. Even a small amount can help Valentina Aleksandrovna and feel alive to many others.