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The line between life and death gives rise to a million questions. And you really need the one who answers them

We help Vera help

- Well, tell me how the day has passed. Details, from the very beginning, ”the grandmother asks her granddaughter, putting a plate of borsch in front of her.

The most important events in the world, of course, take place in her family, large and friendly. Two children, five grandchildren. Why the grandmother in her is the main one, no one thought. It's just that and that is good. Maybe because the grandmother knows how to rejoice at what they usually do not pay attention to, and she notes and appreciates. We are always drawn to someone who is sincerely interested in us. To the one who really loves us.

Grandma was the first to whom Dasha came running when she won the English Olympics. She knew that she would be proud of her most. So it was when Dasha was already an adult came to stay from Moscow. “In the life of grandchildren, grandmother took an active part, was aware of all our affairs,” recalls Dasha.

Lyudmila Fedorovna Photo: From Personal Archive

Lyudmila Fedorovna all her life first tried to feed everyone. Hungry military childhood affected. She cooked and worried that granddaughters did not know how. Shortly before her death, she gave each according to the book with her own recording recipes. And all her childhood Dasha passed the products prepared by her food with grandmother's acquaintances. So she supported the people who, as she seemed, lives much worse than herself ...

A hundred questions

Lyudmila Fedorovna was diagnosed with cancer at almost 80 years. The struggle for her life lasted two very long years. “For our family, this was a difficult test,” says Dasha. And her voice trembles.

“We were completely confused. Nobody was ill in our family before that, we had no idea about him. ” Reled took out her grandmother from Novomoskovsk, where she lived, to Moscow for examination. Lyudmila Fedorovna underwent surgery. And then it was necessary to take care of her. Relatives were ready to be near day and night, but ... what exactly to do? How? A million questions that are no one to ask.

“None of the doctors spoke to us, relatives, no one explained anything. Not a word about complications, no sound about how the disease will develop. We were like in a fog. This is a very strange state: it seems that they are, doctors, and you are in full information vacuum. Absolute, understand? "

Daria Baibakova at home photo: Andrey Lyubimov for TD

“We asked oncologists a bunch of questions: how to feed a grandmother, can she walk, what to do if pressure, sugar jumps? All these panic questions are asked by all these cancer patients, and for doctors this is the basics. But doctors have no time to think that we do not know the most elementary. When will the terminal stage begin? How to prepare for dying? What medicine to buy so that she does not have pain? Deterioration - where to call, where to run? And hundreds of questions. But there are no answers. ”

Those people

Most of the time, dying are at home. Doctors see them in the operating room and in a matter of minutes of planned techniques. The rest of the time is sick and his family is alone. Alone with panic, helplessness, impotent anger - after all, he would give everything to help a dear person, but how?

The author of these drawings is Natalia Belorusova, the sister of Daria. She drew this series after the grandmother was gone an illustration: Natalia Belorusova

Of course, the Internet is extremely contradictory on the Internet. “But still, it was the Internet that helped us: I came across information that there is such a service,“ a hot line of assistance to incurable sick people, ”says Daria.

Most of all, Lyudmila Fedorovna was afraid of pain. Yes, the whole family was afraid of this - everyone has heard cases when men can’t stand it, they throw them out of the windows, end with them in any way ...

After a year and a half, metastases went. And the pain began ... Then for the first time Daria called the hotline. “And it turned out to be exactly those people who answered literally all my questions, not only a medical plan, but, no less important, legal. We had a difficult situation: my grandmother came from the Tula region, we registered her in Moscow, and she lived in Lyubertsy. Where to get painkillers? What to insist on when we call an ambulance and take it to the hospital? Can we call the field palliative service and where, if the registration is Moscow, and the grandmother in the suburbs? It was very important for us to know what and from whom we can demand in order to be ready to turn the situation when you are closed.

Daria Baibakova at home photo: Andrey Lyubimov for TD

Grandma's disease taught our whole family to live today. She fell in her level of white blood cells - happiness! I was able to go out with my grandfather for a walk - a miracle! I found the strength to cook something-we want to sing! Even when my grandmother was out of sorts, we walked happy - it means, it is better for her, there is strength to grumble. They put Magomaev, specially bought a record. Songs of her youth, beloved singer ...

The hotline staff answered all my questions calmly, thoroughly, patiently. I called them day and night. I was painted the route of my actions, step by step. ”

In August, Lyudmila Fedorovna was gone. Very little time has passed, Dasha cannot talk about grandmother's illness calmly. She recalls that even in recent months, warmth and love came from her grandmother.

“When it covers despair, it is extremely important that there are people who will calmly, from the outside, will evaluate the situation and give a competent advice. When you talk to the doctor, it does not leave the feeling that you are asking idiotic questions, distracting the trifles. And only calls to a “hot line of helping by incurable sick people” gave me a feeling of confidence. They just took and pulled out of despair. When you clearly understand what needs to be done, how to help, it becomes easier ... ”

Drawing Natalia, sisters Daria illustration: Natalia Belorusova

Grandma's disease greatly influenced her granddaughter, made it clear what is really important in life. Daria resigned from a highly paid position of a financial auditor in a large company and began to work in the field of charity. “It always seemed to me that if you work a lot and earn a lot, then at a critical moment the money would help. But when a path situation really happens, you suddenly understand that money is not so important. It is much more important whether there are people nearby who will help. No matter how independent, independent, successful, such a situation can arise in everyone’s life. ”

The “Hot Little Little Controls Help” was opened by the Hospice Help “Vera” and the Hospice Help Association. Hot line operators work around the clock and seven days a week, answering questions regarding palliative care. Every day there are calls from all over the country from people who are to no avail looking for support where they could.

“Hot Line of Help with an incurable sick people” helps everyone. To everyone. But so that this is how to continue, you need money to pay for the work of operators, doctors, psychologists, lawyers, for renting equipment within a year.

The hot line exists on our donations. For a year of work, you need 4.5 million rubles. If each of us - one of those who understand that no one is safe from anything - will sacrifice 50, 100, 200 rubles, we will pick this amount. And the hotline phone 8-800-700-84-36 will always work.

So, no one’s scream for help will not remain unheard.

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