Gifts of the Magi

These children do not need your gifts

The unfortunate child immediately wants to console with something, wipe tears, buy sweets, arrange a holiday. If this is a stranger child, then our kindness can turn into a quinca edema for an allergic, a jump in sugar - for a diabetic, injury from loud fun - for a child with races.

The social consequences of the gift of an orphan child from someone else's adult are not so obvious. But at the same time, they are destructive no less. With good intentions, inept volunteering and falsely understood by kindness, children are caused by great harm. Every December those who regularly work with orphanages talk about the right ways to help. Correct ones are not gifts with gifts and not New Year's concerts, but completely different.

This year we again invite everyone to the “Soul Bazar” to tell how to tell. And about how it is not necessary - this text. Everything written happened in foster families and happens right now. All stories are real, only the names of the heroes are changed.

History No. 1

The suitcase to assemble is half an hour. Vladik stands in the hallway - already dressed, his eyes are clear:

- Take me an orphanage.

It began back in November, after the holidays. During the holidays, Vladik very much asked to the camp, the former, social, where he went for years earlier: there are guys, everything is familiar there. After the camp, he returned to some kind of darkness. With bitterness, he dropped: "Leha has news, Tolyan has a telephone, Miha has a player." Natalia recalled: “So you have everything you need. There are sneakers, and boots for training, and a phone with a built -in player was bought in the summer. Why change so often? It works. " And she said.

After a week, the phone stopped working. Vlad, looking into her face with the same clear eyes, said:

- Breeding. We need a new one.

Natalia was confused. She did not want to leave her son without a mobile phone-after all, a connection was needed, and suddenly she will pull to old friends. The orphanage, of course, is on the other edge of the city, you won’t go for a walk, but you never know. She explained that only a simple “caller” without the Internet will fit into the budget, and then Vlad became furious as if he had been unjustly deceived. He hid the caller deep in the backpack, missed both calls and messages. Or maybe he didn’t take it specially, Natalya thought.

Illustration: Ksyusha Rodkina for TD

Vladik did not call her mother, of course, too much already. I tried to somehow manage without treatment, just on "you." In an orphanage, he called her Natalya Gennadievna, at home she offered to go to Aunt Natasha, but Vladik grunted:

- My aunt in prison shaves a term. You are not aunt.

Well, not aunt so not aunt. It would warm up, Natalya thought, and he will decide how to call. Not crushed. She generally asked only about the most necessary: ​​it is necessary to study - a fact, it is necessary to wash the dishes - a fact, to take a shower and brush their teeth, and wash clothes, and socks ... But for each demand, Vlad exploded desperate: “Why am I! Why on earth should I! I'm not going to! " Natalia understood that there was no habit. Patiently repeated again: “This minimum for a healthy person will not do. Come on yourself. Can't you? Let's teach. ” Vladik muttered: "Yes, I can handle it, do not teach me, to teach me."

I don't know how, I don't want, I will not

Then, in the summer, Vlad agreed to go to the family almost immediately. Natalia found out all the details: she is engaged in football, she studies normally at school. She said: “Since you have abilities, you will fit in the summer, go to a good sports school, then you can then at the institute. Everything will be fine with you. I will help. "

Then it turned out that there is no knowledge. At school, they probably painted grades just like that, or maybe they felt sorry for the orphanage, what is the demand from him? Vlad used to new demand as painful as washing.

- Yes, why should I teach this! Why do I need it! They will put me like that!

“Vlad,” Natalya patiently explained. “They put you in an old school so as not to teach.” And then how do you live with an empty head is not their sadness. But it will not happen here. Introductory exams ahead ... well, we can hand them out with you.

A month later, Natalya realized - they couldn’t, with the dream of a sports school will have to say goodbye. Vlada crushed this.

“Why didn't I roll them?” Didn't you want to take the discharge?

- Well, what are you. It’s just that knowledge is needed, ”Natalya reassured. - You go to a regular school this year, work out, pull yourself up, and then, after graduation, we will try to enter the physical education college. I will help.

But Vlad did not add up with classes. The tutors that Natalia found unanimously said: the guy has no knowledge from the elementary school. To just pass the final exams, you will have to plow. Plow hard. Vlad first started, turned on, it seems that it hurt him. I walked regularly for a quarter. Then he asked Natalia as a reward for a trip to the former social camp, where they took out the entire orphanage every holidays: “They will give you a ticket to me, you can tell me - take a rest, see friends. With the remaining boys in the orphanage.

And he returned completely extinguished. With the general of them with Natalia, one of them for two computer corresponded with friends on the social network, the Likal of their photos-“We are in the water park”, “We are at the master class in the pizzeria”, “We are at the Skalodrome” ... Natalya saw that her son was fingering. I tried to arrange sorties to them. True, there was neither money for frequent trips, nor time - she worked in shifts. Vlad studied at school, and on weekends he chased a ball in a steep sports section. And then a bell rang, and the coach asked: “How is Vlad's health? He does not go to the training camp in winter, of course, the preparation is zero, and he has been missed for a month, but let him get better, and by the summer we will still play with him. ”

Where he was on the weekend, Natalia never recognized. Vlad apologized, said that he simply couldn’t, he didn’t pull, and the coach of the beast, and then he flared up, slapped the door and disappeared in the darkness of the November evening. He returned, however, quickly. Natalia sat next to him on the bed until late, talked about the fact that she had to work, because he has all the makings.

- Vlad, you just don't know how to work yet. This is nothing, you had no chance to learn. At first it is always difficult. I will help you.

Vlad nodded, was silent and took his eyes to the side.

One weekend, coming from the shift in the evening, she did not find Vlad. Closer to night, the embarrassed social pedagogue of the orphanage called:

- Listen, and Vlad with us. He says you let him go with an overnight. But we can't like that ... Well, yes, yes, I thought so! Vlad, well, get home quickly!

Natalia went after him herself, taking from the orphanage for the second time. Half of the way went home in the evening snowy city: after the third transplant, the buses did not go, and there was no extra money on a taxi. Natalia asked: “Why are you missing? You would say we would go to visit, we would bring the cake to the guys. ” Vlad was silent.

"Return me back"

Two weeks before the New Year, Vlad threw to go to school. "I will never learn it anyway." And on December 26, Monday morning, he stood in the hallway - assembled with a suitcase of a belt, in a jacket buttoned up for all buttons, in a hat and gloves.

“Take me an orphanage.”

Natalia said - for nothing. She explained, screamed, persuaded to give herself a chance. Vlad opened the door and stepped behind the threshold, throwing it:

- I know the guardian address.

After ten years, the child has the right to vote. And he has the right to abandon the family - no matter how you try to stop him, no matter how explain the guardianship and people around that he is just used to another life. To life where nothing needs to be achieved. To life where everything appears itself.

Natalia continued to call once every couple of days.

- We spoke here with the coach - if you want, you can continue to study in the section. I know that no one will carry you out of the orphanage, but I can carry.

- Not. No need.

- Vlad, you loved football.

- Well, yes ... but this is the weekend. And on the weekend we have events. Today, these banking ones will come to us. Let's go to the water park. I am busy, in general! Busy! Goodbye!

Vlad hung up.

Nearby, an older guy looked at him intently.

“You didn't go home for the sake of these muzzles?” Are you completely?

Vlad wrinkled:

- And there is - to sit, look at the carpet, do your homework? Yes, nafig is needed.

-Vlad, you fucking, or something, at all, why did you return here?

- Yes, tired.

- Natalia, it was like normal? Not like the previous ones.

Vlad jerked. The fifth time with him is the same. He goes to the family, hopes for something-but the meaning? Well, really to the family, under guardianship-he went for the first time. And before, just “to visit” rode. Collect a couple of certificates of adults, draw up permission in the custody, and you're ready - take the children for the weekend, if it permits an orphanage. Vlad was offered, Vlad and traveled. I thought every time that it would be normal, and there-no trips, no purchases, some rules, some kind of classes, some conversations. They will and beg them - about the family, about duties, about all kinds of affairs. And Natalia too. Pour these fairy tales of his syrup about love, about the family, about responsibility, about the future - what is it for Gonevo? I will have a normal future! I don't need anything! And no one is needed! All the same, this is temporary everything that they care about him, well, what they lie to him everything! And this Natalia is lying, she is not aunt for him, and not mom ... Nobody she. Nobody. And she does not need me, I know that for sure. Nobody needs me. I will be an artist - the artists went to us, the dough is normal, here I will be the same. I will get out of here at eighteen - neither Natalia, nor upsets, nor the director, my own boss. I will buy a car for myself.

Blue ...

History No. 2

Lenka opened the door. UV, managed to break out for three hours, even though finally had a haircut, otherwise the last six months completely overgrown. Still cutting time to meet with a psychologist. But this is definitely not earlier than in a week. Mom is often asked to sit with children.

The bag on the mirror in the hallway, unfasten the boots ...

- Mom, hello, it's me!

The door of the nursery opens, and her kids run to her. My daughter and son, Olenka and Kolyash, small, not thin by age, her, completely her. For six months now, her. Lenka squats down so as not to scare, reaches out to the children:

- Well, hello, my good!

But those, barely reaching, turn out of her hands and raise their roar. Olya screams, beats and cries: "You are not a mother, you are not a mother!" Kolyasha lugs her cheek in a scale. Lenka from surprise loses its balance and spits to the floor. In the hair of the daughter, sparkles, the mouths of both children are smeared with chocolate. And the eyes are completely feverish. They have a prank, the same “who are you?”, Of which they have just got rid of. And panic. A lot of panic. And Olya's hands ... Oh, Olya's hands are towering again in meat.

- Mother? Ma-am? Mom!

Mom stands with her back to her, fiercely crumbs carrot.

- Mom, tell me, please, what about the children? .. Did you walk?

Mom, without turning around, says irritably:

- And they took a walk. Take a walk, yes! Here you have a Christmas tree in the area today, in the square - there are sweet gifts to all children. I found out in advance what would happen. I know, I can google!

Mom pronounces “all children” with pressure.

“Are you sorry for children toys? They didn’t have life anyway! ”

Lenka sinks to a chair. Fatigue. Endless fatigue. And hopelessness. Now she cannot even be angry. A calculator is turned on in the head. How much time will children last this time? The minus doctor next week, minus stores, of course, although it is time to buy winter, but now this cannot be done. Now they can’t go to anyone in this state. They only have to be at home again. On home quarantine. Where is only one adult.

Lenka raises her eyes:

- Mom. I told you - we! Not! We celebrate!

Mom purses her lips and crumbles carrots:

- Oh, stupid things! Children need to rejoice. They have no mother’s mothers, and you deprive them of a holiday? Are you not ashamed? They do not know how to behave like wild ones. Mowgli, not children! We came to the holiday, they heard the music, they began to rush to everyone - Olka lifts the dress, Kolya pokes his fists under his knees. The sweets begged! We climbed to women in bags! Kolya from some boy began to take away the machine, I barely beat off! Then we walked back, my knee cried me - you generally, he says, threw them all the toys. I came home-and really, there are no toys. Do you understand that they were hungry for care for toys? You hold the children in a black body, you did not give birth, you do not understand ...

Lenka closed her eyes. Do not start, do not listen, her forces will need her strength today. You can’t spend them here. But it does not withstand and breaks away:

- This is not about education, not about decency - this is a reaction to stress! These holidays are for them like a bomb in the heart, you don’t understand what? They break toys, but I do not buy new ones, because it is important to learn: if a thing is broken, it disappears, and that’s it!

- Yes, think, break! And who did not break in childhood? You don't love them just, and that’s it. And if the truth is in the eyes of your eyes, so sit with them yourself!

Illustration: Ksyusha Rodkina for TD

Mom shouted the last words already from the hallway. She slapped the door so that the mirror started. Left. Lenka clenched in a chair in a lump. She can’t get to a psychologist in the coming weeks, then. There is no one to leave the guys with. Yes, and with anyone but mom, they can not be long. Passing by the mirror in the hallway, Lenka smiled sadly for herself: “She painted, cut her hair? So enough for you, draw from here the strength for another month. There will be nowhere else. ”

The unfinished one was spinning in my head: this Christmas tree, gifts ... And Olya Mom drank on the holidays tightly, the girl was seized on New Year's Eve, they brought it to the shelter, and there - this bacchanalia, gifts, grandfathers of frosts, Aunts, unfamiliar candies are poked. Do you understand that she was thrown there for every blonde: “Are you a mother? Where is mom? " But Kolyash did not see any mothers from birth at all, he’s intimacy - this is such a feverish attention, to knock him out in any form.

... You don’t understand, mom, where do you understand. You grew up in the family.

Stolen holidays

Hug a stroller. Calm down. Do not let your sister, mother, himself, intercept the pens. Do not let another T -shirt to tear. Do not allow yourself to punish. To intercept and cleanse hatred, all hatred, accumulated to adults. Take the palms of his son in his own hands, large and warm, and gently stroke him in the face with them. Both Sistrekin and Mamin. Do not let it hit. Do not let yourself harm. Bumps, scratches, cuts and bruises - because there was a holiday, and he tried so hard to please, and again no one came to him. Or aunt came, he thought - they would take it away, but the aunt left gifts and left, and the teacher said: “Of course, who was indulging yesterday, who did not obey? Moms do not go to such children, they don’t take them! ” And which are taken away, good, right? Will they take this? And that? And he beat everyone indiscriminately, and then ate, and beat him again, and choked again with sweets until they took it away ... and broke the donated machine at once so that no one would be shed, so that no one would get it.

But they selected quickly, even broken.

To hug, hug, hug Olya, listen to her “you are not a mother”, listen to her anger, fear, rage and not to let yourself be directed, small, not to give herself to punish. And Olya is bad, Olya is to blame. Olya did not obey, she behaved poorly, she wouldn’t cry then in an empty apartment - and they wouldn’t take it from her mother to the shelter, everything would not have to be crying, bad Olya, bad, you will grow up in your mother, a drunk, you will die under the fence, why are you roaring, that you roar, a disgrace, only you spoil the holiday.

To obscure these voices in Olina’s head, sing new songs, delicate songs with your voice. Pray that they can be heard.

... In the evening, Lenka cried in a pillow. Why was her children stole not only a family, but even an opportunity to rejoice? The holiday for them is a time of frenzied survival: fuck your mouth with sweets, stuff food into yourself to vomiting, hide more under the mattress, break the gift, otherwise the elders will take it away. Destroy, scratch, beat, take out anger, desperate anger at mom, on yourself, for the whole world.

Her family has not yet a new year, or gifts, no Christmas trees - nothing ... It's okay. We can handle it. Children will come to their senses. In a couple of years, you can calmly go out and look at the Christmas tree decorated for the holiday. Making new feelings about the holiday is others, joyful, magical. Those who are familiar to children in the family.

History No. 3

The doors to the orphanage open, and the noise knocks down - they shout like everything at once. Children's voices sound in painted parties. Someone laughs willed, loudly, on one note, interrupted only for inspiration. Someone says: “Do you have a baby at home? Where is your baby? Where is your baby? ”, Someone endlessly asks“ What is this? And this? And this? " Intonations do not change, the confused voices of the respondent adults are changing. Someone runs along the corridor-like without a goal, but past each of the standing, crowding, spreading, passing into the hall. In the hall where the concert will be now.

In the hall is stuffy, chairs are placed in rows, balls and bright ribbons are tied, kids are squeezing at the entrance, someone is silent, someone is hiding behind the backs, someone focused on the understandable, on a dot from the wallpaper. Every now and then they turn into a corridor - to where the crowds of adults all arrive. Everyone looks expectantly: “Are you behind me? And you?" Older girls begin to laugh. The sound is high, breaks on one note, crumbles.

Someone goes here in the car, is late, says on the mobile phone:

- Girls, the last time I know what? One “mother” said my baby! I called me my mother right, yes! Oh, I was so spread immediately ... No, we are going to another center today. Well, there will be a concert, gifts ... Well, what if orphans, they are not supposed to be a gift, or what? Predged! Well, then I'll throw you pictures, look. I didn’t go in vain at all! There you immediately feel that you live not in vain.

The music sounds, louder, louder, the clown laughs into the microphone.

Someone is huge, in rustling, leaning closer:

- Vlad, Vladik, smile! Well, look what an important uncle came! In the th-oh, did you come to us, yes, Vladik? To see the de-it, to bring them to them. Well, what are you roaring, well! Excuse me, he’s new, not used to it yet. Recently brought. Vladik, you have a machine. Do you want a machine? Want? Want?

Синенькая!

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