The story of an unsuccessful date was The New Yorker's most popular material. Men and women see this story in a completely different way

In the December issue of The New Yorker, the story of the young writer Kristen Rupenian Cat Person (“Koshamnik”) was published. He is dedicated to how the correspondence flirting led to an unsuccessful date and ended with poor sex. The story has become one of the most popular materials of the magazine for the whole of 2017-including because men and women perceive it in completely different ways.

The worst solution in life

“Margo first saw Robert on Wednesday evening, at the end of the autumn semester. She stood behind the counter in an arthouse cinema in the city center, he came up and bought a large popcorn and a box of vain sweets Red Vines. “A strange choice,” she said. “I don’t remember that I have ever sold a Red Vines box.” Thus begins the story of Kristen Rupenian “Koshatnik”, published by The New Yorker in early December.

The main character of the "Koshatnik" is a 20-year-old student Margo; The story is written by a third person, but from the position of a girl. Little is known about her: the heroine lives in a hostel, makes an acquaintance on correspondence from boredom and, apparently, falls in love. Robert seems witty, slightly old -fashioned (as it turns out later, he is 34) and pretty pretty; He writes that he lives with two cats. A few weeks later, Robert invites Margot to the cinema, but everything goes not as she imagined. Robert turns out to be silent and boring, the film is a gloomy drama about the Holocaust, and the first kiss is terrible: “He attacked her and practically poured his tongue into her throat. It was a monstrous kiss, shocking bad; Margo could not believe that an adult can kiss so badly. ”

Despite this, they go to the bar; Alcohol revives the conversation, and Margo begins to blame itself for insensibility. Pity for Robert, past fantasies about their novel and three glasses of beer lead her to the idea of ​​having sex with him; The girl practically begs to the man home (where there are no cats). Already there she understands that this was a mistake, but does not know how to say about it. “She was not afraid that he would force her to do anything against her will, but she realized that it would now mean to demand to stop to look spoiled and capricious-as if she ordered a dish in a restaurant, and then changed her mind and returned it to the kitchen.” In addition, Margo is flattered by the thought of how cool she seems to Robert.

They have sex, and Margo calls it “the worst solution in life”: what is happening seems mechanical and spied on porn; She feels herself with a used rubber doll.

After that evening, Margot ceases to answer his messages-since he still does not understand how to explain everything; Robert, obviously, does not know anything. A month later, they collide in the bar; Later, at night, the man throws her with messages: “I should not say this, but I miss you”, “What did I do wrong?”, “Was your boyfriend with you?”, “Are you sleeping with him?”, “Are you sleeping with him?”, “answer me”, “answer me”, “whore”.

"I am embarrassed, nightmare and recognizable"

“Foasts” read more people than any other story published in The New Yorker in 2017; He also became one of the most popular materials of the publication for the year. As explains The Atlantic, the story about poor sex on a long -known date resonates with the current public discussion about men, women, power and consent now. The editor of the Literature of The New Yorker Deborah Traisman confirmed that the magazine specifically published a story right now - when the society is discussing sexual harassment caused by accusations against the Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein.

Although the story is not about violence, the author of the “catnet” Kristen Rupenian believes that everything is not so unambiguous in this story. On the one hand, Robert knows that Margot is drunk (and treats her with beer, although she is not 21 years old ); On the other hand, Margo herself agrees to sex so as not to seem tactless, and does not see the opportunity to just say no. “In the end, she wonders why the memories of what had happened cause her a feeling of fear and disgust. She blames herself for reacting too sharply, because Robert did nothing bad, ”says Rupeenian.

The blogger and author of the Huffington Post Ferra Alexander called this story “wild, awkward, nightmare and recognizable”. Women began to share similar experience on the Reddit website, describing situations in which they could not say “no”, but they were not interested in their desires. “I had a dozen cases when men arranged a show in the spirit of shitty porn instead of asking what I really want,” one of them wrote.

Impressed by the “catnet”, the author of the feminist erotic prose, Ella Dawson wrote the essay “Bad Sex - or Sex that we do not want, but still do it.” She explains that “bad sex” is not a rape, because no one forces anyone. For such sex, writes Dawson, women are pushing their upbringing: it is easier to agree to him than to say no and look rude and selfish. The only way out, Dawson believes - sexual education: “No need to teach children not to have sex before the wedding. We must teach them not to have sex until both really want him. ”

The second side

According to The Economist, the viral success of the "catnet" is also associated with the fact that the story turned out to be a kind of "gender test of Rorshah." Women, as a rule, perceive the story as a story about a girl, whose youth, inexperience, pity and intoxication brought her into a hopeless situation. However, men, according to the publication, see the alignment of forces in this story differently: many call the hero of the story a deceived mattress, and the heroine is responsible for what happened. “Why does a woman believe that men should be clairvoyants and know what she thinks about and what she wants? Perhaps everything would have turned out in a completely different way if she were more open and honest with him, ” wrote one of Twitter users.

On the website of the BBC published a satirical story "Koshamnik: what Robert thought about." Who is its author is unknown. In it, the whole story is told from the perspective of a man-a 34-year-old “decent taxpayer with decent work”, who had not had a relationship for a long time. Robert in this version is uncertain in himself, constantly worries about what impression he makes - and even comes up with a story about two cats, because “women like them” (although in fact Robert loves dogs). The hero tries to be delicate, charming and witty, worries about Margo's feelings and is sure that she liked sex: “He decided to fulfill his duty and first give her pleasure-because he was not any selfish chauvinist. He knew that he succeeded: it was noticeable by moans that she could not restrain. " Even the fact that the girl decided not to stay at home at night, Robert interprets in her own way: by his assumption, Margo does not want him to see her without makeup in the morning. In the final, he cannot cope with his feelings and insults the girl, although he understands that this is bad.

The Cut publication asked men to share real stories similar to the one that happened to Robert. According to the majority, they repeatedly thought that everything was going well - but it turned out that no. Men noted that the story demonstrates how not obstructing can be consent (or its absence) for sex - and also how often we take the desired for the real. Some said that they turned out to be in the role of Margo: “There were cases when I had to have sex with a woman because I did not want to disappoint her. <...> But, as a rule, in such a situation, I simply stopped showing interest and everything somehow was absorbed. ”

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“Koshatnik” is the first publication by Kristen Rupenian in The New Yorker. According to The New York Times, she has been composing for five years, graduated from a collection of stories, and now she works on the novel. On Twitter, Rupeenian (before the publication of the “catnet” she had 200 followers, now - 35 times more), only one tweet is devoted to the discussion around the story: the writer admits that she does not know how to evaluate it, and now she needs to “take a walk in the snow and hug her dog”.

Olga Strachovskaya