The girl spoke about an unsuccessful date with comedian Aziz Ansari. Now everyone protects it - and they urge you not to confuse persistence with violence

In the women's publication, Babe published the story of a 22-year-old girl who went on a date with a comedian, screenwriter and star of the series “Parks and Recreation areas” and “Not all hands master” by Aziz Ansari. According to her, he was in a hurry to move on to sex and molested her, ignoring that she did not like it. As a result, the girl experienced "the worst night in her life." The column caused a stormy discussion in social networks and the media, and the reputation of Aziz Ansari was under blow. However, unlike dozens of other stories about unacceptable behavior, public opinion was on the side of Ansari. And that's why.

Incorrectly understood the situation

A 22-year-old photographer from Brooklyn, who was called Grace in Babe (her real name is not revealed), first met with 34-year-old Aziz Ansari on September 17, 2017-at a party after the Ammmy Award. Both had the same film cameras with them, which was the reason for dating. They dedicated a little, the girl left Ansari her phone. The next day he wrote to her. After that, they exchanged messages for a week, and when the comedian called her on a date, the girl happily agreed.

They met at Ansari at home, drank wine, and then went to the Oyster bar nearby. Grace says that the man was clearly in a hurry - and asked for an account when they had not yet finished wine. After dinner, they again went to his house, where Ansari immediately began to kiss her and undress. The girl recalls that from this swiftness she was uneasy - and she asked the man to slow down. He continued to kiss her, including in the most intimate places, and then asked the girl to have oral sex with him. “All this took about ten minutes,” Grace recalled. She also said that Ansari “seven times” put her hand on his penis and did not let her pull away. “For half an hour I got up and moved away, and he was approaching and continued,” Grace said. And she added that with all her appearance she made it clear that she did not like what was happening: “Mumbled and pushed it away”, and at some point “squeezed my lips and petrified”.

According to Grace, the man either completely did not read her signals, or intentionally ignored them. She remembers that she asked not to force her to be for anything (Ansari agreed with this, but then offered to have oral sex), and then said directly that she did not want to have sex with him. The man invited them to dress and watch the series - but then he began to pester her again. As a result, Grace pushed him with the words “you are all the same” - and went home by taxi in tears.

The next day, the comedian wrote to her that he had a great time. The girl replied that for her the situation was unpleasant and she should be more sensitive with other girls. Ansari asked her forgiveness, saying that he misunderstood her. In a conversation with the Babe journalist, Grace compared Ansari manners with the behavior of an 18-year-old lustful and rude guy. She emphasized that she did not expect anything like this from him, since Ansari is known for her professional views and always respectfully speaks of women.

After the publication in Babe, Aziz Ansari published an official statement in which he confirmed the words of the girl. He claims that everything that happened looked completely voluntary in his eyes - and when he found out that the girl was uncomfortable, he was seriously upset and explained to her personally. The actor emphasized that he continues to support the struggle against harassment and considers it necessary and long -awaited.

"The worst that happened to #Metoo"

The publication of the history of Grace caused conflicting reviews in social networks. Some wrote that to seek sex, not paying attention to the response, is terrible; Others drew attention to the fact that this has nothing to do with Harassment and violence. American publications, over the past months, exposed harassment and sexual violence in their publications, sided with the comedian, not Grace.

For example, the Columnist The New York Times (the publication that was the first to publish a harassment and sexual violence by the producer Harvey Weinstein) Bari Weiss entitled her article “Aziz Ansari is guilty. The fact that he does not know how to read thoughts. " She calls the publication of Babe the worst what happened to the #Metoo movement, and writes that this story is an example of retrograde ideas about what consent to sex and sexual violence. According to her, Ansari in this story looks stupid, stubborn and selfish - but the girl had the opportunity to stop the date at any time.

Weiss was supported by publicist Kaitlin Flenegan, entitled his column in The Atlantic “Militia of Aziz Ansari”. She writes that during her youth (that is, in the 1970s), such a story would be used as a visual example of how the girl behaved incorrectly. “We were not raised by mathematicians or athletes, they were not prepared for a serious career. But in one we were taught to be strong - in the ability to speak “no” to a man and always have money with a taxi with them. ” The author of the column calls the published story “Porn” and believes that the #Metoo movement crushes everyone indiscriminately - monsters, cruel people, and simply unlucky.

Distorted ideas about sex

Many publications note that this story does not concern the problem of sexual violence - but raises another, also important: how articulated should there be consent to sex so that what is happening is voluntary?

The human rights activist and feminist Jill Filipovich in a column for The Guardian calls the story of Grace a big journalistic mistake. In her opinion, this text could have become an opportunity to talk about the role of a man and a woman in sex, but in the end everything happened to accuse the celebrity of unacceptable behavior.

She compares this story with the story “Foast” about poor date and sex published in The New Yorker at the end of 2017 and caused a feeling of recognition from many readers. According to Filipovich, women often find themselves in a situation where they do not know how to say “no” to a man - because they are taught not to go into conflict. In turn, men see when a woman does not want sex, but they know what can be pressed - and then she will agree.

According to VOX journalist Anna North, engaged in gender issues, the story of Ansari is “ordinary”, and that is why it is necessary to talk about her. She emphasizes that this case is not an example of a harassment and is unlikely to destroy Ansari's career, but clearly shows what distorted ideas about sex have developed in modern society. In her opinion, society and pop culture instill in men confidence that sex needs to be achieved, since they want him more than women-and if a woman says no, then most likely she means “yes”.

According to The Guardian Columnist and feminist Jessica Valenti, many men will not see anything out of the framework of ordinary normal interaction during sex in this story. “But this is what women are talking about now - what was considered normal, does not suit women and often harms them,” concludes the Columnist.

Olga Strachovskaya