"We always play alone"

This beautiful tired woman has two sons. Lesha elder, Seryozha is the youngest. And both suffer from an autistic spectrum disorder. Mother is very tired, but for the sake of sons, she overcomes the most difficult obstacles and obstacles

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A sea of ​​hopes

Nadia writes the word "sea" on a piece of paper. And he turns to his son: "Write below MO-re." The boy looks with an incomprehensible look. She patiently repeats: “Mo-re. Write MO-RA. " And he begins to tell his story.

“My children were born the most ordinary. They developed like everyone else, shouted, twisted their legs, responded to the voice. And then suddenly ... stop. You tell him: raise your leg! ” And he does not raise. "

Our ordeals began with a diagnosis. When this happened, and even with both boys, it became clear that I could not work. Alien people often tried to send my children to a boarding school. “Do you really not understand that it will only be worse further,” they told me. “You cannot work, raising such children.” But these are my children. I do not complain and never ask why I have it.

I still believe that autism is not a disease, but a special state of a child with whom you need to work, gradually teaching it the basics

It's like choreography. A beautiful coordinated dance begins with basic movements. The faster society will understand that autistic children cannot be handed over to boarding schools, where they are stained with psychotropic drugs, the better. But we do not like children with disabilities. That's when some large influential official has such a child, then in our country, maybe something will move.

The same song

- Son, what subject do you like at school most? - Nadia turns to Seryozha.

“You love at school,” the boy echoys and falls silent, turning away.

-Autist children do not know how to build a dialogue, repeat words, sentences several times. They like to walk the same road. If the song, then the same. All in cycles, ”the woman explains. - We must constantly deal with them. No, they are not dangerous, not aggressive. They can only begin anger if they do not have the opportunity to express what they want. Or when they do not understand what is happening. When there is no communication. He may have his head hurt or stomach, and he is not able to explain it. It's like a foreign country to come, where no one understands you.

Nadia and Seryozha photo: Vasily Kolotilov for TD

- Seryozha, why do you take his tablet? Ask your older brother if you can take his tablet. Ask. Le-sha.

“Le-sha,” the boy obediently repeats.

- Can.

- Can.

- Will I take your tablet?

- Can I take Seryozha to play your tablet? - The boy finishes.

-Seryozha once took a piece of something edible from a plate from an unfamiliar uncle. And put it back. The uncle yelled: "What are you doing?!" The pause was three minutes. The man thought what to do with this piece that touched someone else's boy. Still thrown away. It was, of course, comical. And Seryozha was simply hungry, but did not even understand that this cannot be done. Or Lesha once put a hat in a cafe right on the table. The young girl sits, looks, and her eyes are squeamish, incomprehensible, and pulls this: “It’s immediately obvious, the children are badly educated.” When your child behaves like that, you first experience terrible shame. But then it passes. I believe that our environment will begin to understand this over time. My children are full -fledged members of society, you just need to deal with them more and devote a lot of time to them.

"The hardest when your child does not hug you"

- I want to play! - screams Seryozha.

- No, Seryozha, we won’t go there. There are too many children there, we will interfere with them. You will write words now, and then you and I will sway on the swing ...

“Ordinary children have not yet accepted mine,” Nadia explains. - We always play alone. But the worst thing is not at all the reaction of strangers. The hardest when your child does not hug you. You reach for him, and he does not even react ... turns away or just remains indifferent. But I believed that this would happen. Believed. The first hugged him and waited for him to hug me back. I believed that this was possible, and it happened. Therefore, the most memorable moment was for me when my eldest son hugged me for the first time.

When there is no faith left

“At first, I was very hoping that my relatives would help me. But they immediately clearly made it clear: "Sorry, everyone has their own life." The ex -husband, with whom I did not live at that time, wrote me out of the apartment. The fact that I became a person without a specific place of residence, there is my fault. I did not know all the laws. When the agenda came to the court for the division of property, I thought, why did I need this refrigerator? But it turns out I had the right to part of the apartment.

At first, she rented housing with the children. When the money began to melt, I asked for friends who settled at home. As the poor and the mother of two disabled children, I was hoping to soon get a dwelling under a social rental agreement in Moscow.

Since 2011, my family has enjoyed all the social support that the residents of Moscow provided: children visited specialized educational institutions, received medical care. I hoped that the ordeal was over, and we finally heal happily our little family.

Lesha photo: Vasily Kolotilov for TD

But in order to get the right to an apartment in Moscow, my family was supposed to be recognized as poor and have a permanent Moscow registration, which we did not have. I myself am not from Moscow, but at that time for more than 10 years of residence in the capital I gained a sufficient qualification qualification. And the children were born in Moscow. This was the first reason for registering us.

But then we were deprived of social support, drug support. Everything is on the same basis - the lack of permanent registration.

It was necessary to do something. I have two disabled children in my arms. It took me several years to collect the amount necessary to buy a small room. I got into great debts, but I collected the desired amount for the purchase of housing. I had to use part of maternity capital. This is a small room in a communal apartment - only 9.9 square meters. Soon my whole family was registered in a new place of residence. It seemed that our troubles were over. But no.

"The room I purchased in a communal apartment not only did not resolve problems, but also became a locomotive of new troubles."

The room I purchased in a communal apartment not only did not solve problems, but also became the locomotive of new unexpected troubles. The state considered that since I had real estate, it means that I am no longer unimportant. I was refused to provide a public service-a monthly benefit for two disabled children. We were not just put on the brink of survival, we were plunged into poverty.

Hope for a positive solution to the issue with the manual appeared only when the children's human rights project “Patronus” began to help me.

Help everyone

“We convinced the officials that the room was partially purchased for maternity capital, that the family had two children with severe diseases, that Nadia, having bought a room, not only did not improve the standard of living, but worsened it in some ways,” says Svetlana Viktorova, a lawyer of the Patronus children's human rights project.

Nadia photo: Vasily Kolotilov for TD

“We also found legislative confirmation of our position: property security is defined as the amount of the value of property owned by family members and the taxable, and the monetary expression of the income of all family members. At the same time, the cost of family members on the right of ownership of residential premises or their parts is not taken into account.

We were able to convince officials. Nadia Kalmykova returned the benefits and the status of the poor.
And only after that, Nadia “gathered” every reason in order to stand in line for those in need of residential premises. It was necessary to collect a lot, sometimes the most unexpected documents, I consulted it endlessly, we went to an appointment with the city property department, I wrote lawyer's requests. So far, finally, an order has not been received on registering Nadezhda Kalmykova family in need of the family in need of residential premises. Now we have another task - to get housing out of turn in connection with the diseases of the boys. ”

Lawyers of the Children's Human Rights Project “Patronus” help parents who find themselves in a difficult life situation, advise on all issues, collect the necessary documents and protect the rights of families with special children around the clock. Their help is free. Please subscribe to a monthly donation - give the project the opportunity to exist and provide legal assistance to such families. Thank you!

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