What is tomorrow

Dima has a medium -sized mental retardation. It requires constant attention and communication, like a two -year -old child. Mom for him is the whole world. And if other mothers recall with a sigh, “how the children grow quickly,” and they miss this attachment, the mother of Dima is tied forever

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Everything should be in order with me

On the threshold is a woman - well -groomed, with burning eyes and a beautiful manicure. Invites me to enter. For her, this is a rare opportunity to talk ("otherwise he will not give, you will see it yourself"). For one day, Dima was taken by friends from the Association of Gaordi-the very one that the parents of the same children with disabilities founded, trying to at least somehow help each other. The project is called "Divide Plus."

Dimina’s mother was just in the process of “respite” - she made a manicure for his birthday and invited her friend to visit in the evening.

- And so, probably, there is no time to make a manicure? - I ask, embarrassed by my own question.

- No, it is. Not so beautiful, of course, but I do it-I’ll put Dimka to sleep and, if I sleep quietly (we often have problems), I run to the next house: there, in the cabin, the master knows me and quickly and quickly, after closing, puts my hands in order. I work in a leading position, I communicate a lot with people. I must be in order - both externally and internally.

There should be Dima’s grandmother who sits with him when mother works. This is not every day, but two or three times a week, the rest of the work, with papers and on the Internet, mom does at home at night. Because when mom is at home, the son does not move away from her a single step. Grandmothers seem to be not at that moment. But the grandmother should be, because if something happens to her, then it is not clear how to live. She understands this and holds on with all her might, praising her beloved grandson: “He pity me. I show him with my hand that it hurts, or so I will close my palm when it starts to rage, and he immediately changes: it comes up, strokes carefully. He understands that it is difficult for me with him, I’m already old. ”

Dima is difficult to navigate in an unfamiliar space. He needs support photo: Natalya Bulkina for TD

When a social teacher Svetlana comes to the family from “Divine Plus” (and this occurs only for the last two years) is relatively infrequently and not for long, because there is a regulation of two hundred hours a year, that is, only ten days a year - Nina, that’s the name of Dima, devotes this time to her mother: that sore knees must be taken to procedures. Nina can practically not engage in her own health, endlessly repeating to herself the mantra about internal and external order and sometimes getting out to a social psychologist.

She offers a “seagull” and adds in a suddenly trembling voice: “You know, I try not to talk about these problems at all, not to raise them from the depths. In order not to become modest. I live here and now. So far, mom is alive. As long as I still have the strength. So far there is support from Gaordi. They want to develop, attract and train more people for patronage, build houses of stay, so that people like Dima can look after and engage in them when we cannot. That's why I decided on this conversation. The development of assistance is necessary, otherwise, as he later, without me? And there are many people like him ... "

Nina begins to cry. Me too. Tomorrow is a dead end. And someday he will become a reality for Dima, which he will not even be able to realize, but will simply rush among strangers who do not understand him, as in a nightmare.

- What loves Dima most? - I ask.

- Books! He just loves books!

Mom's eyes shine again with energy. And I am leaving with the thought of tomorrow's meeting with a person who has an adult body, and the soul and consciousness of the child. For some reason I'm afraid.

Bread and spectacles

Armed with two books, I stand on the threshold again. I am met by a red-haired boy, in appearance to him for 12 years, in shorts, bursting something in syllables. Mom helps him formulate every remark.

-Guo, at!

- Yes, Dimochka, the guests came right. Remember, I told you that Sasha would come?

Dimins eyes are half -closed, from this he has to lift his head to see. He is glad, smiles and repeats: "Go, at." Seeing the books, and even with the pictures, Dima eagerly pulls them out of my hands and, grabbing one or the second, heated pages, commenting on every picture. Everything is like children when mothers teach them to talk.

-Wow!

- That's right, snail. Say well: "U Lit-ka."

-Uh-Lie.

- Well, well done.

Dima and mom photo: Natalia Bulkina for TD

A greedy recognition of objects and actions in the pictures lasts about twenty minutes. We are sitting in a room with Dima, mom and grandmother. But for Dima there is only a mother. He tells her about his discoveries, sometimes takes her hand or reaches for her to kiss. Then he notices that mother has hair gathered:

-Goh! In the same!

“Yes, I just stabbed my hair, Dim, hot,” his mother translates his bird's tongue.

- We need a new go, we will buy it!

- Will we buy a new head? - Mom laughs.

Dima thinks that you can buy a head, probably the one with which is not hot.

- Bad you are with me! - Mom affectionately calls.

Dima loves when mom calls him a bald. He laughs and repeats: "Balda, Balda."

We talk about Dima, he is in the spotlight and shines with a happy smile. Grandma says that he loves bread very much, but stopped sharing. Mom talks about the features - how Dima has everyone to herself and does what he needs, and not at all what the teacher prepared for the lesson. He also says that Dima feels a lot of people: if a person is nearby with negative emotions, he will immediately buoy and indignant.

Then, forced by my grandmother and mother, Dima pays attention to me and begins to carry toys from his room without much enthusiasm and show them to me. Each time, returning with anxiety: did my mother go. Because usually, when someone from the “break” comes to sit with him, it means that mother will leave now. For some time, suddenly brings a guitar-an old, gifted, childish size, with somehow tattered strings. And he plays a few chords, shaking his head to beat. Gives the guitar to me. I also “play”, and after the concert, a caring mother offers to drink coffee. Dima immediately jumps up and runs after his mother to control the process.

Who is the master in the house

In the kitchen, Dima "includes the owner." He watches the mother put the dishes so that everything is right, eagerly enough cookies, and then drinks the remnants of her mother’s coffee, so decisively grabbing the mug that the mother cannot take her away. Then he gets up next to the sink and does not let her mother go a step away from her until she rewinds all the dishes.

Dima plays the children's guitar in her room. He likes sounds, he brings the guitar to the ear of the photo: Natalia Bulkina for TD

At this moment, it seems that he is not a child at all, but such a strange small, but still the owner of the house, taking care of the order and the correct course of things. Dima does not realize his age, but nature takes his own - and it is increasingly difficult for him to combine a forced eternal childhood with the same one, which he lives physically and emotionally.

At the age of 20, he began epilepsy, which in the very least in a few years they coped and reduced attacks, but Dima is increasingly annoyed, he requires more, as if he understands that he should be a master in the house, but cannot.

Dumas is sealed with tape

"Let's read, do you want?" -I ask Dima, who brought from the room several of his favorite books: an art album, an album for children in the development of speech, serving him as a translator, when someone from the "respite" instead of his mother with him. You can poke into the picture and voice your desire, which is too difficult to say, for example: "I want to go on a tram." By the way, he knows that in English the tram is Tram. And there are many more English words that they taught with their grandmother and who are unlikely to be useful, but the grandmother still asks every time: “Is it like in English?”, And Dima recalls and says.

All books are gnawed from the part of the page turning, as if their mice had eaten. It turns out that when Dima is dissatisfied, it begins to bite the pages. And the shelves from Dumas had to be sealing with tape even, because he demanded that Dumas have an endlessly, no one could stand it, and when his mother broke, he began to methodically gnaw at the collected works.

“I explain to him - well, then microbes, dirt, and he says to me:“ And you stole it. ” We iron the book with him with an iron. But laminated pages do not recognize. Tried. "

Finally, I manage to attract attention with a new book, and we begin to read aloud. Mom and grandmother are immediately sitting and listening. First, Dima is important at first, as if I were reading excerpts from the accounting annual report, and then he thaws more and more, laughs, throws his head back and moves closer, gently puts my hand on my hair, like my mother. And the touch is really very tender, full of love and does not know anything about death and that tomorrow this love will have nowhere to go.

Dima photo: Natalia Bulkina for TD

Dima is only 27. So that in the future he had the opportunity to read books, he needs friends, caring and caring adults, capable of if not to replace his mother, then at least make him feel safe and peace.

The Plus Divide project is ready and wants to give such an opportunity to Dima and others that have not matured children. Since 2016, he provides parents with children with disabilities for the services of accepting families. People who have undergone special training, for a minimal reward from Gaordi (150 rubles per hour) help with caring for such children at any time of the day, feed, conduct classes and go for walks. This enables parents to urgently go on business, go to the clinic or just relax. They get a little free time, their physical and emotional state improves, the quality of life increases. At the moment, 27 families have already received the help of the project “Divide Plus”.

Please arrange a monthly donation - and there will be more assistants at the “respite”. And most importantly - Dimins grandmother and mother and dozens of the same parents will not be afraid of what will come tomorrow every day.