Away from the "Count of the Valvoi"

Social orphanage in Russia almost always has one plot: parents abuse alcohol, they are deprived of parental rights, children fall into the boarding school. This is the first series. In the second, most often these children grow up, drink and already lose their children. It is very difficult to break out of this closed circle if there was no other life scenario before my eyes

Help the constant help

“I’ll go get drunk,” Olesya went out onto the porch of the district court and lit a cigarette. Parental rights to her sons were deprived of her. Two hours stigered with shame - inspector for minors, district police, social protection. They listed how many warnings were made, how many times the defendant was caught in a state of intoxication, in what conditions the children were kept, which Bedlam was in the house. Olesya sat, dumbly bowing her head. Listening to all this was unbearable. And inside the evil light flared up: "Well, since I am so, in your words, hopeless and terrible, then what to restrain." The court accepted the certificate and characterization from the narcologist that it was encoded and motivated. But the case has already been decided. The representatives of the plaintiff did not even wait for the court decision to announce - and so everything is clear. In addition to Olesya, only one person remained in the hall to the very end in the hall. It was he who on her chopped-up-out cry of intention to get drunk urgently, since no one believes in her sober, briefly threw: “In vain”.

The daughter of the countess

It is difficult not to follow in the footsteps of parents when he was born in a "star" family. Olesya could not resist. I rushed over 12 years along the same path that my mother passed before her eyes. And Olesya’s mother is not easy - “Countess”, the legend of a small town. The famous moonshine. To a stately prominent lady by the name of Grafov, the nickname "Countess" glued by itself. Everyone knew the graph family in the city. Olesya was born in the early 80s, four years later a brother appeared. At first, things in the "count" family went well. Good well -maintained house. Money from the trade in firewater. But then the countess could not resist, sat on her own product and rolled. She kicked her husband, suspected of treason. He picked up, asked to return more than once, and then he was stiffly washed down. And a few years later he committed suicide. The day before he came to the neighbors - to ask for money to dare. The neighbor is already such visits, and in her hearts she threw a rope lying in the corridor into it: "Go - hanging, still no sense from you." He went and hanged himself in the barn behind the house.

Olesya and Ilya walk in the park of love and fidelity photo: Anna Ivantsova for TD

Olesya does not remember the bright and joyful about childhood. But he remembers very well how mother could grab her for any offense, wound her hair long daughter and - clap her forehead on the pantry door. As I locked in a dark room. Especially it went, if she did not take his younger brother with her in a girl's company, and he ran to complain. When Oles was 12 years old, the countess was completely deprived of parental rights. Aunt took the girl to her, and an eight -year -old brother, who gave a rustle to everyone already at a young age, got into the orphanage. To take an uncontrollable boy to her three children and Olesu, Aunt did not dare. The countess did not even try to return the children. Again, Olesya returned to the parental house already an adult, when her life rolled in the wrong direction.

Twisted, carried

After school, Olesya entered the school and moved to the hostel. At first she studied decently. I tried alcohol only in the third year. Someone at the party brought a bottle of moonshine. I drank once, the second, and it started. In a cheerful student frenzy she married, a son was born. The unknown fun of his son with his young wife and the mother of the mother -in -law did not like on her neck, and she ensured that her son would continue to walk alone. And Olesya with a two -year -old baby returned to her parental house, from which she was taken away ten years ago.

Everything was still at home. Brother who returned from the boarding school. The countess disappeared for months. Electricity was turned off for debts. Olesya tried to somehow establish life in such conditions. Prepare, wash, wash for a short winter daylight, and sit in the evenings by candlelight. Counting mansions turned into counts. The mother lost a decent house in the city center, receiving in return Halup, into which everyone moved. The cereal place was on a pencil at the police, and when a child appeared in the house, Olesya and her son immediately fell under the close control of the commission for minors. Olesa took warnings, temporarily removed her son to the shelter, she pulled herself together and, in order to be closer to her son, was arranged to work in a shelter with a nanny. The manager, who knew the whole family, repeatedly told Olesa that it was necessary to tie up until it was too late. That she sees that Olesya is not hopeless, she has a chance for a normal life, you only need to change the environment. After all, it is difficult to resist when they drink everything around. Either mother is in a binge, then a brother in a binge, all friends drink.

Olesya photo: Anna Ivantsova for TD

Olesya was not enough for a long time: his son was returned, but soon it all started a new one. The whistle lasted ten years. In a rampant company, Olesya married a second time and gave birth to another son. “Before the court when I was deprived of my parental rights, I did not take all this seriously. She kept after the warning, stopped checking - relaxed. They came, however, they always, as soon as I drink. Only the first sip is a shout behind. The district police officer and inspector came, ”says Olesya. - When cleanliness is at home, order, and all sober - they do not come. It just rushed - it is right there. " In one of these runs, children were completely taken away. In the fall of 2015, when Olesya was deprived of parental rights, the youngest was two years old, the oldest was 12 years old. As much as Olesa, when she was left without her mother. When the verdict sounded, for the first time she became truly scary. It’s scary for the children that they will repeat their fate with their brother. Olesya decided that she would fight for children. The games are over.

After the trial

It is difficult to rewrite the script of your life when I have not seen other plots, and there are no people nearby who will support, believe and extend their hand. Only an evil whisper around: "Well, what to expect from her, she and her mother is the same." Oles was lucky: when the children were taken away, a psychologist was given contact in the commission on minors. The procedure is now.

Olesya says that after the first meeting at the second she did not come, walked. I came only a couple of weeks before the trial. She admitted that she wanted to quit drinking, but it doesn’t work out. The psychologist convinced her to go to the narcologist. I decided, okay, for the sake of a certificate for the court, I’ll go up, encode. But from that moment on everything turned upside down. “Of course, it was necessary to take up the mind before. But I believed that coding is a “fu”. I want - I’ll quit drinking it myself, ”the woman admits.

To return the children, Olesa had to, a brick behind a brick, rebuild his whole life. Search for work, housing in which it will be possible to pick up children. In the "Podochnaya", as Olesya’s mother calls, it is more impossible to live. She rented a room in the house of a lonely grandmother. She was first taken to work in a children's cafe out of pity, because she was asked for her. A few months later, Olesya was raised, they began to be awarded, and a year later the director not only wrote a good description for the court, but also came to support it at the meeting.

In January 2017, Olesya achieved the restoration of parental rights. And the children were returned. She proudly shows the photos of her sons on the phone. Here with the youngest in the park, and this is from the holiday in the kindergarten. And this is from the graduation senior in the ninth grade. In winter he will be 16 years old. In the fall, he will go to study at an industrial technical school. She is very afraid that her son can repeat her fate, as she repeated to her mother. I asked children for forgiveness for how everything worked out. “The youngest does not really remember anything, and I always say the eldest:“ Do not drink, then you will lose your children, ”says Olesya.

Field psychotherapy

“When a child gets into an orphanage due to the asocial behavior of parents, when he grows in an environment where everyone around is drunk, he simply does not know other relaxation mechanisms except alcohol. And in his life, what he saw in his life. If he does not come to the rescue and not support at a difficult moment of growing up, his own children will repeat his fate. There are thousands of such stories. This is a vicious circle that can be broken only by providing support, ”says Evgeny Smirnov, a psychologist of the Constant charity foundation. What he most often has to do, Smirnov calls not psychology, but field psychotherapy. He is convinced that Olesya has a good chance to interrupt this chain. She managed to break out. She has not been drinking for almost three years. If at first Smirnov literally led her hand, and she called him on any trifles, now he copes herself. I found a house for the purchase, defended my right to maternity capital in court, and I was able to accumulate the missing amount from its small salary. I have achieved gas and communications. He tries to support his mother and even convinces his friends to tie. He says that this is a fun for an hour, and in the morning it will be replaced by a hangover and a lack of money. He recalls that she herself has been in such a situation more than once and knows how difficult it is to stop. First, from Olesya, they dismiss as an annoying fly. But she is not offended. He remembers that she behaved in the same way. And he knows that in the morning they will say thanks to her for stopping.

Olesya with her son Photo: Anna Ivantsova for TD

Olesya admits: without support, she would be very difficult. And it is very important that it is not alone. That nearby was a man not from her circle who believed in her. In difficult times, one could turn to him for advice and moral support, says Olesya about Evgenia Smirnov.

The Constant charitable foundation is the only Million Tver region to help families with children in a crisis situation. The special concern of the fund is the prevention of social orphanage. It is very easy to separate a child with parents who have lost their way. It is much more difficult to help the family stay together, get on their feet and cope with difficulties. Oles, in addition to supporting the psychologist, the “constant” helped partially pay off debts and now helps to put the house in order.

Every year, the fund provides support for 200 families with children, provides legal, psychological and humanitarian assistance, giving them the opportunity to get out of the crisis, save children or return them to the family. Over seven years of work, the Fund supported families in which almost two thousand children are growing. For an individual approach to each case, the coordinated work of the team - the project coordinator, the social worker and psychologist is required.

Please support the work of the constant fund by any feasible amount! 50, 100, 200 rubles a monthly donation - this is a cup of coffee, a passage by the subway, but the children of the two hundred families will not be separated from their parents, they will be able to stay at home!