Exit from prison

After the second stroke, my mother stopped getting out of bed, and Marina's life has completely changed. She devoted herself to the care of her. And she could not admit to anyone how hard it was

We help the school of patronage care "Attention and care" to help

“It got to the point that I considered myself a monster. A heartless monster who dares to be angry with a weak mother. I hated myself for these feelings and even more tired of it. There were days when I just did not want to wake up. I felt in a real prison, ”Marina says, embarrassed, embarrassed.

Two years ago, Marinina Mom lived alone in a private house in the village of Khudny near Nalchik, led a household, and went to visit neighboring grannies. Once a month, Marina flew to visit her. Everything was fine. And then there was a stroke. And one more. After the second, she could no longer get out of bed.

At that time, Marina was already retired, an adult daughter with two grandchildren had long lived separately. She transported her mother to her Moscow and began to take care of her. At first, my mother did not speak and almost did not move. Give medicines, feed, turn over, wash, change clothes - Marinin was reduced to this.

Marina photographs mom photo: Maria Ionova-Gribin for TD

“I never came across this and never imagined how hard it was - just physically,” says Marina. - Mom, like me, is small in stature, but it turns out that it is incredibly difficult to turn a person, not like to plant. And when she did not speak, it was impossible even to understand whether it was convenient for her, whether it hurt. ”

Gradually, the speech was restored, but it did not become easier. Mom lived alone for a long time, she was always independent and proud and even in a helpless state never complained. The pressure is 210, and it is silent. Marina constantly called doctors or an ambulance. And all the time I thought that I was doing something wrong.

She did not pay attention to emotional fatigue for a long time. How can you get angry with a sick mother? How can you afford to complain? How can you want to relax? When it became completely unbearable, I tried to complain to loved ones. But the daughter of their worries with young children, and friends simply did not understand.

Listen and talk

When Marina was looking for any nurses for patient care on the Internet, she wanted to find medical care first of all. But when I found a school of patronage care “Attention and Care”, I received it, not expecting it, much more.

“In addition to the obvious topics, such as how to feed correctly and what, or how to move the patient without prejudice to his back (it turns out, it is possible!) How to provide first aid and so on, the school tell a lot about psychological aspects, and this is very valuable,” says Marina. - It turns out that emotional burnout - namely, happened to me - normal. Already just to tell someone about how I feel was an incredible relief. And the fact that they not only hear me, but they understand, and support me - there are no words. It became much easier for me. ”

In addition to the classes themselves, Marina also had communication with people in a similar situation. It turned out to be just talking or listening to someone else's similar story - already huge support. Not to mention the advice, to whom it helps, who is distracted how and where he finds strength and energy. And of course, when you learn to properly transplant a person from the bed to the stroller so that it hurts him and not to tear his back, the quality of life, both the patient and the caring, increases greatly.

Marina with her mother on a walk photo: Maria Ionova-Garbin for TD

For six months that Marina goes to school, she never called an ambulance or a doctor.

“Most of all I was struck by the activity of communication,” says Marina. - It turns out that you need to say everything you do or are going to do with the patient: now we will eat, now we’ll change clothes, now we’ll go out for a walk. As with a small child. I did not think about it at all, I did everything in silence. And this is very important, because a person begins to understand what is happening, and does not feel just an object that is moved back and forth.

Of course, I'm still angry sometimes. Only now I know that this is normal. Sometimes it seems to me that my mother is doing some things in spite. We regularly go out for a walk, I put her on a stroller and roll it into the yard. And during these walks we train the memory: I ask her name, how old she is. At first, she generally forgot everything, but now she learned and answers. But sometimes, I feel it right if she is unhappy with something, she as if to spite me: “I don’t know, I don’t remember.” And sometimes she simply does not recognize me. Or he says that he does not know who is in front of her, or believes that I am her mother. This is a terrible sensation.

And yes, sometimes I want all this to end. At school, I communicate with one woman, she looked after her father, who had dementia for three years. It was very difficult for her, he also went, and could go out of the wrong way and to do something crazy. And recently he died. I thought it was a relief for her - to finally live my life. And she says that on the contrary, she now lacks him so much, even what he was the last three years old. And now I often remember her words and think - when my mother will die, I will probably also feel that. I will forget about the prison, and I will just miss her.

Therefore, while she is with me, albeit in this state, I will do the maximum of what depends on me. Thanks to the school, I know how. "

Mom Marina, Galina Afanasyevna Photo: Maria Ionova-Garina for TD

The Particular Care School “Attention and Care” is absolutely free to teach relatives, cores and volunteers to properly care for the lying patients. They teach how to cope with emotional difficulties, how to feed and wash the patient, how not to harm him and for himself when moving. The school has already trained about 500 people, and next year teachers plan to conduct about 60 seminars and trainings for another thousand people. For those who will not be able to take a full -time course, the school specialists will develop and remove a series of educational videos.

The school exists on donations. Money is needed to buy equipment, teachers' salaries, rental premises, program development and roller production. It is not much necessary - one and a half million rubles. We have already collected a third of this amount.

None of us, absolutely no one, is safe. Anyone can be lying or faced with the need to care for a relative. It is difficult, it is unbearably difficult, yes. But at the school "Attention and Care" they know how to cope with this. Let's help the school share this knowledge with those who need it so much. Follow a regular donation - this is fast and simple. And very important.