We are good, it is bad

Even in the best schools in the country - their outcasts

This release of "parallels" is about bullying. Not because of the Kerch events. And simply because each of us in one way or another was in contact with this. And also because in each of the cases known to us - and in Kerch also - parents do not understand what is happening to the child. In the same way, the mother of Dilan Klibold, who arranged a massacre at the Columbine school, did not know that her son had depression, because he was poisoned at school. And children with adults do not talk - and adults with children too.

There is no idea that the problems can be solved at least somehow otherwise than violence: "And you give back." The system of assistance to adolescents with psychological problems works poorly (our authors regularly write about this - in our network version there is a whole section on mental health).

We see that the state draws attention to questions about the mental health of adolescents only when they begin to kill each other. We see that adults do not notice teenage conflicts or do not interfere in them. And sometimes adults themselves become the object of school persecution - children are fighting with teachers and with each other, parents with the school, children with parents.

Worse, we understand that even if the state begins to deal with school persecution and identify the “shooters”, then this will give rise to new unsubscribes.

Although something is manifested somewhere: attempts by systemic solutions are already there, and it is good that the state gives grants to funds who are trying to do something (we will tell you about the “Travel.net” program in this tab).

Bulling does not so often lead to tragedies with public resonance, but this can become personal tragedy in each case. Do not wait for systemic changes to begin - this does not remove from each responsibility to talk with his children and learn to resolve conflicts. Without violence.

Ocornaggle of "Parallels"

We gathered in the locker room every week after dinner: four girls and from one to six boys. They discussed how to involve our classmate in the team (let's call him Ilya): to fight with him or limit ourselves to jokes and ditties; We talked with the main hooligans and told them - when Ilya should be lifted up, and when not.

It is believed that bullying is found in "bad" schools: children instead of studying fight, harass classmates and teachers. However, it can be very civilized:

The excellent girls and activist boys, worried about the atmosphere in the classroom, discuss how to explain to the classmate that he does not suit them.

We poisoned us tritely: they called, fought, composed jokes, retold gossip. Yes, maybe a little more integral than in a "bad" school.

There were enough unusual and strange people in our school. But we made up a common team, which Ilya did not fit into. If he wanted to become “steep”, he could not put himself in the team at all, his jokes seemed stupid to us, the manners were unpleasant, statements were illogical. He seemed to us one of the "boys from the region" - arrogant, focused on strength. In addition, he reacted very emotionally to everything. The boys just lifted him, and he began to get angry, and this could result in a half -hour running around the school.

It seemed to us that it was better to arrange everything peacefully, without fights. Therefore, we discussed how best to build interaction with it. But they did not exclude the possibility of "dark", for example. After one of these discussions, I went in tears, because I was very arguing with the boy, who compared Ilya with a square, and all of us with circles. According to his logic, Ilya had to be discouraged, and since he believes in force, then it can be by force. The girls and I believed that first you need to openly talk and make it clear that the whole class does not approve of his behavior. The rest of the girls left with me, and our circle broke up. Everyone gradually got used to Ilya, he got used to our life, over time everything normalized. Subsequently, he made friends with many guys.

When I try to understand who we poisoned, I see that those who were more emotional.

One girl behaved emphasized asocially, shutted others, but when something was upset, she quietly went to cry to the toilet.

She was hardly touched. The other flashed, as soon as her things touched or told her something unpleasant, it was very easy to bring to tears, and sometimes it happened right in the lessons. Almost everyone lifted her. The same thing happened with Ilya. The object of persecution is usually distinguished by something that is considered strange and unpleasant (voice, emphasis, manners, hobbies, appearance), or acutely reacts to jokes and bullying. In our school, unusualness as such did not become a reason for bullying - rather, it was a question of human behavior in society. However, a person himself may not understand what will seem unacceptable to others.

So, in fact, persecution is a lottery, anyone can become a victim.

What to do then? It may be easier for someone to move away from the team, attend lessons, but do not communicate with anyone and not notice anyone. Someone is to restore a normal attitude. Someone-ask for help from teachers. Someone is to form their company.

Some teachers do not see anything special in bullying: "Well, they will fight, at the same time they will learn life."

In our class, during the story of Ilya, meetings were arranged, discussed the "defendants in the case." We came a large company and explained why we went to conflict. We were told that we must be calmer and kinder. I think it helped.

But it is important that the teacher who says this is authoritative - otherwise such conversations are only annoying. As a result, we somehow got to each other, outgrown-and everything was fine.

Marara, 18 years old