Translated material
From non -existence
How in Krasnoyarsk they help and cannot help the Kolesnikov family
The government is ready to consider and introduce a bill tightening the regulation of adoption and guardianship. This is an extension of life for orphanages, "Lightprom". This is not about living warm children, but about the cast -iron system, its preservation and reproduction. She beats for our children not for life, but for death. Not their own - them. About some nuances of this fight.
Valentina got to the hospital with her son and daughter, next to the newborn "refuseniks" lay nearby. The threat retreated from her children, but Valya could not sleep, she helped the nurses look after the strangers: “She fed all night, sung it, carried it in her arms. Then I realized that I could be a mother not only to blood children. ”
Valentina Kolesnikova has eight children. Four younger ones are reception rooms.
Ira seven. The family has five years.
- How she ate! Huge portions of the eldest, 17-year-old, brother every hour!
It was wild that the crumbs tall and weighing no more than a one -year -old child constantly eat. She collected crumbs from the floor. I ate all the pieces from the table. Despite the fact that we had no hungry in the child’s house or we have.
It was strange. The swing was held in the first week, but the finger is still sucking. Wild fear of pets. The cat was afraid more than a dog. Apparently, I saw dogs through a grid of the fence in the child’s house. The cat was a completely outlandish beast. Absolute ignorance of domestic rules - that there are sharp objects, the edges of the table, hot pots, etc. We watched constantly. Used to it.
Ira’s biological mother is a heroin drug addict. Ira is treated. And toxic-metabolic problems recede, and the murdered, which, seemed to completely resurrect from nothing. Her health is already almost order, says Valentina.
I inform you that I will take pictures, and Ira runs to put on a white dress. Takes my technique from me and takes a picture of me. We go out into the street, says: "Put on the hood, catch a cold."
And Vlad holds me by the hand - when we go out into the yard. And it is addressed to me “Dy-Dy” to “PA-PA”. His language is not developed; spasts; He successfully pronounces only those syllables where the tongue is not involved, lies. And we go down the stairs, it takes all attention to this, “PA” is easier to speak.
On February 2, he turned five years old. His biological mother is mentally retarded, incompetent in court. Valentina says when she first saw her, she took her as a child. Naive, blue -eyed, and for a person under 30 years.
- I saw both demented and crazy - there is another look and reactions. And she is the same child as Vlad. But about Vlad not to say that he is insane? A normal, ordinary child. We took it on September 25, 2015. According to the documents, he was healthy. We all knew about mom, and dad is healthy, and the chance of the child’s appearance in insoluble problems was not so big. Yes, there will be no excellent student, yes, most likely, a correctional school, but we already had experience with our Ira, so we did not expect any special problems.
At first, Vladik stopped sleeping at night. Two weeks later, as he was taken, night breathing stops began. He was at that time 1 year and 9 months. His older sister died in a dream in the child’s house. She was 1 year and 10 months.
SIDS (sudden children's mortality syndrome or “death in the cradle”) - infants fall asleep and do not wake up - this is about children up to one year. Vlad and passed this line, and as if not-due to a lag in development. SIDS research is not completed what is happening, we do not know, we can only state in this particular case: these are not cats sitting on their chests to suck their lives - there are no cats in the child’s homes. And one more thing for sure:
It is good that Vlad was given Kolesnikov - in the second such death, after his sister, the wine fell on the system, even if it is not formally guilty. It would be like a murder, albeit unintentional.
- In the three years that he, of course, has changed with us - heaven and earth. But - apnea ( breathing stop in a dream. - A. T. )! Any night could become the last. He did not sleep at all. Either swayed, or wandered around the apartment. If I fell asleep, breathing stop followed. In the custody of Kyzyl, where we lived, they did not help us. They said: "If something happens to the child, answer in full." I was scared, took Ira and Vlad and went to live with them with older children in Krasnoyarsk, where they studied (now they work). The first six months were very difficult - they did not know anyone. The guardianship authorities and the development center for family forms of education supported us. But Vlad has not yet been diagnosed, they have not given disability - but he is not talking, a huge delay in the development of both physical, mental, and mental. And the doctors mainly said: "This is psychiatry, refuse."
But how is it-someone will come, will take it from your hands and take it? How will we live with this? So I got stitched. I slept with the monitor of breathing. Well, how I slept. A little began a year ago-on Phenibut. But now he is sleeping at night - at once, like Sonya (the youngest), we have appeared, right away, as she was brought, from September 28 last year. I don’t know what this is connected with. Per week, maybe only one or two nights are not sleeping-the weather is replaced. Crying, complains about the head. And none of the neurologists about the causes and forecasts speak. It has gone, at any moment can return, in adolescence or earlier.
In one book about SIDS: “This is a topic that parents, grandparents are very afraid to read and not read too.” The thing is that doctors cannot but deal with children's apnea, but are afraid to have.
The only doctor, with whom, according to Valentina, they were lucky in the framework of the compulsory medical insurance, is the district neurologist from the clinic Olga Konovalenko. She pushed Vlad from death, helped him in a jerk forward.
Kolesnikova asked the regional Ministry of Health to appoint a disability to Vlad. Deputy Minister Mikhail Rodikov replied: this is not in the competence of the regional authorities, the prerogative of the Center (now they answer everyone for any reason and is always almost that is the nature of the constructed federation), and “the testimony for sending a boy for medical and social examination has not been established in order to recognize the disabled, since he has no persistent violations of the body's functions”.
He does not know how to breathe correctly. He does not know how to chew and suck normally. With rhinitis, blue. He runs, raising his knees high and spreading his fingers. Yes, the brain assimilates the information correctly, the problem is not in the highest nervous activity, but the speech apparatus is damaged: the language is thin and weak, the muscles are abrupt. Cannot pronounce the words. This leads to a delay in intellectual and psychophysical development.
Until now, every time the light is turned off in the room, it is not clear how it ends; Each sunset is fraught. Vlad can just stop breathing; "Fast painless death."
But "does not have persistent violations!" I would welcome the optimism of the Ministry of Health if the child was adequately treated. However, what he needs is not included in the compulsory medical insurance. And if it enters, it comes out not the case. For example, a massage is prescribed. But - queue. So far you will wait. And the difference with paid massage is huge - for free they will only be stolen.
- In June last year, they visited a day hospital of a psychiatric hospital. I sent a speech therapist to a defectologist, a defectologist - to a speech therapist (without prescribing neither treatment nor classes), the psychologist sets tasks that Vlad do not do to Vlad. As a result, the child was sent to a deep rollback. He stopped sleeping again, was afraid to leave the house, as in the first months. They refused to do massage-because of scratches (and as without them-there was summer, it is a street, a garden). No one wanted to look for an approach to a special child.
I turned to defectologists. But they have great abbreviations, they didn’t take it to classes - everything is busy. Most likely, it is. Employed by disabled, for other places there is no. And classes and treatment are necessary now. Then it will be too late.
The prospect was outlined after meeting with Lidia Senchenko and Nikolai Shcherbakov from the Happy Children Foundation. Thanks to them, we got into a private clinic to a neuropsychologist, speech therapist, and psychologist. The result of a two -week correction course stunned. Vlad began to make a speech. But classes were interrupted - the treatment is only paid. Parents with children with disabilities are saving money from a pension and collecting through funds. So they have discounts. We do not have a lack of disability. It does not fall under any rehabilitation programs. A guardian benefit is paid for a child - 10 thousand rubles. 10 days of treatment in the clinic - 13 thousand disability are needed for money, nothing more. He, as an enchanted - doctors in the public sector are either afraid to treat, or do not know how to treat. There would be a disability, they would look for other doctors, and although they would collect money for treatment abroad. But you will not ask if it is healthy according to the documents.
Shcherbakov began to work with Ira and middle children, one - Ruslan - was sent to the tutor through the fund. And most importantly: thanks to the Vlada fund, psychiatrists from Moscow were shown. And they gave the hope that he would completely recover to school.
The presidential grant program to support the foster families of the Happy Children Foundation ended in 9 months, as was calculated. And the stories of these families - the Foundation of 150, as Shcherbakov says, "long -playing, with other terms for financing life and fate." What next? In a message to the parliament, the president suggested from July 1 to raise benefits to families with children with disabilities from childhood of the first group from 5500 rubles a month to 10,000. And also remove restrictions on the deadlines for a preferential mortgage for families with children. Great. But here is a real family: they do not put disability to Vlad, and therefore, they cannot receive these money. Do not get a mortgage - neither preferential nor any other:
“The credit history is spoiled,” says Valentina, “when they left Kyzyl, there was an unpaid loan for the car.” They did not have time to extinguish in time.
Having escaped to Krasnoyarsk, the Kolesnikovs rented a three -room apartment, they still live in it. In one room - four oldest and middle children, in others - parents with children's children. They were able to sell an apartment in Kyzyl only recently (there it is not at all easy).
In parallel, the presidential message was going on (is still) work on the bill on the protection of children's rights. If they accept, it will enter into force from 2021. And he would have acted already - Vlad, and Kolesnikov would not see other children. For example, a ban on the transfer of a child under custody of families is provided for families where each resident has a “less accounting norm for the area of the dwelling”. Another prohibition is to move without the consent of the guardianship authorities, and it is possible only after examining the living conditions at a new place of residence.
Vlad had to be saved, look for doctors. And the Kolesnikovs threw everything in Kyzyl - schools, kindergarten, work (Valentina was the head of the laboratory), urgently left for Krasnoyarsk. By the way, in Kyzyl they did not arrange a foster family, they did it without any problems only in Krasnoyarsk. Would they give them consent in Kyzyl?
Vlad would no longer be if the law would have taken to prepare early.
But there are few legislative initiatives, the Russian state is his concern for orphans and sick children everything seems insufficient. Now RT is starting the charity project “We will continue to act: it differs from the funds, it“ helps to collect funds directly to the accounts of those who need this help. ”
That is, the TV channel, which carries the truth about Russia on state considies, offers not to give these state consumedia back to the Russians, but quite the opposite - to sacrifice the Russians themselves for salvation and assistance to compatriots.
The idea is beautiful, there is always someone to help, the question is only exactly the settings of the helping mechanism.
If “directly to the accounts of those in need” is the same cast iron as the orphanage built by the state. This is not what you need blue and wretched.
Both a family is better than orphanages, and money should be transferred not directly to those in need, but to the accounts of non -state funds. These are basic things, they cannot be changed to any state.
Experts know better than parents how to treat children. And it's not about trust. The older Kolesnikovs are outstanding people and quite competent people. And it is not the fact that the vultures will certainly be twisted around - it is worth going to transfers. It’s just that the funds exist for that so that the money turns into benefit. If you want to help Vlad - make a note when transferring, and the fund will spend everything to a penny on it. If you want to help other families accompanied by the fund, sacrifice without any special instructions.
It’s like the poor. You can give out money, but better food coupons. Even better - for healthy and correct food. And caring for the poor will turn into the benefit of both business and the whole society. Such as Vladislav, the rest are needed, so as not to fog (for parents he is completely a guide to the kingdom of heaven), and such children are given to society for development, the money collected to save them will go to the medicine and, undoubtedly, to education. Vlad will study.
Nikolai Shcherbakov
Psychologist of the Happy Children Foundation and the crisis center "Verba", teacher of the Siberian Federal District
-I worked at the boarding school. Mecca of Siberian defectology, the brainchild of leading psychologists. 120 pupils from 3 to 17 years old, as many employees. Wahters, agricultural, pediatrician, nurses, manager, accountant, carpenter, technicians, drivers, laundress, deputy tb, storekeeper, cook, librarian, teacher, speech therapists, psychologists, defectologist, musical worker, choreographers, educators (daytime, night), social workers, head permits, director, secretary. Open lessons, scientific publications.
And in my century, only one employee, the night nanny in years, took the child from there, Denis is 14 years old. I took it to my native district center, made the diagnosis of mental retardation. Denis graduated from 9 classes, learned to an electrician (more than once winning in student competitions), now he is graduating from an agrarian university. Several of his classmates who did not get into families, meanwhile, received conditional and real terms, several girls gave birth without husbands and live on benefits. And why was the herd of employees to keep if the institution is steadily producing ugliness? .. And reproduces: graduates of orphanages often supply new pupils for them.
Now about us. Sometimes they think that if the fund helps orphans, it helps orphanages. In vain.
I say to the orphanages honestly: “Our main concern is that you disappear as soon as possible. And all the children lived in good, loving families. ”
We do not help orphanages, but to the children in them. We select, teach and accompany individual nannies and volunteers who are engaged in children: nannies-in hospitals, mentors-in orphanages, minimizing the consequences of the deprivation and deficiency of adult participation (orphanages, seeing the results, they value us very much). We help potential adoptive parents find children, shooting a video about orphanages.
But the main (and at the same time is the most “poor”) our program is “children at home” (assistance to foster families). People often do not understand why they can help: after all, children are already in families who often receive benefits and salaries from the state.
Everything is not so simple. In order for the adopted child to live well in the family, both he and she often needs serious help, more and more psychological.
I do not idealize the adoptive parents at all. I know well, the need to educate orphans often “eats” them, parents, psycho -traumas and emotional deficits. In part, the school of adoptive parents helps to prevent the transfer of children to not quite suitable people. But there are many foster families who are already raising children, and what to do with them? With misunderstanding, volcanic negatives on both sides, with aggression, violence, with the return of children to institutions, after all?
One foster family broke up with a first-class daughter: her first teacher called, demanding that her mother sit with her child in the lessons: "Writes, interferes with others." At home was the youngest disabled son, his father worked. The family decided: we will not cope. The “difficult” first -grader would return to the orphanage, but the program “Children of the House” was able to find a foster family who teaches children at home (mother is a teacher). The second year is the girl there, there are no problems with her.
Many former orphanages need a corny tutors: schools are not “not pulling” them, classes with parents often only worsen relations (for parents are still not needed for study), and the benefit is not so great as to pay tutors. Many people need a neurologist, speech therapist, sometimes a neuropsychologist, a defectologist, a surdopedagogue, etc. Here the fund helps.
So a person is arranged: he develops fully only in the family, and if he did not have it in childhood, it grows up by a psychological “stump”. And few are able to then drag themselves by the hair from the swamp of resentment and learned helplessness. More often, on the contrary, they get stuck and pull others.
Therefore, it is necessary to accompany families that raise orphans. To return everything from head to feet.
I am sure that over time of the orphanage, this is the Higher Heritage of the Gulag, will give way to professional foster families.
After the documentary “John”, shot by the Robertson psychologists in 1969, in England, all the houses of the child were closed for 4 years: the orphans began to be placed in foster families. Then the orphanage disappeared there. The same thing will be with us with time: we will also understand that “cleaning the guns with brick” is worthless. But it will not happen to be: someone must try, overcoming the stereotypes of society and the inertness of the state mashmash.
How to help
Children's charity fund "Happy Children"ИНН 2465310993
КПП 246501001
Расчетный счет 40703810131000000463
Корсчет 30101810800000000627
BIC 040407627
Банк: Красноярское отделение № 8646 ПАО «Сбербанк»
Назначение платежа: программа «Дети дома»
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