The most ordinary story

Such as Lena - thousands. Few people want to help them. More often they hear the favorite "Why gave birth?"

Helping a warm house help

I am a fundraiser in the St. Petersburg Charitable Fund "Warm House". We support families from which children can remove. And I really want to tell you the most ordinary story. History, of which there are thousands in our country. About a mother who cannot be finally helped in a year or in two. Which, perhaps, will always need to be a little support. Such, about which it is customary to write in the comments: "Why gave birth?" And about children, in which it is customary not to believe in the fact of the birth of the “wrong” family. Such mothers without support are usually quickly deprived of parental rights. They get drunk. And go into oblivion. And children grow up in orphanages. And everything is repeated again.

Lena Photo: Lisa Zhakova for TD

I want to talk about one of these mothers, which has been supporting a “warm house” for almost six years.

Lena is 31 years old. It is not even known where it was born. The documents are dash. A graduate of the orphanage, graduated from a correctional school. After the boarding school, I learned in vocational schools for a cook and a seamstress. Mother of three healthy children. Glory - five, Ksyusha - three, Nikita - a year. The father of the children is Lenin a former classmate. He does not live with his family, but sometimes he helps with what he can. It will bring a thousand, or even six. He is also a graduate of the orphanage: to live outside the official walls, to build a family, no one taught him a father.

Lena Photo: Lisa Zhakova for TD At home at Lena photo: Lisa Zhakova for TD

Lena has more than 150 thousand utilities. The fact is that Lena after the orphanage did not know at all what kind of heating, water and electricity should be paid. At some point, she found out about it and began to try to pay the bills, but the debt accumulated anyway. For Lena, the amount of debt is space. And state social support (GSP) with a debt for a communal apartment cannot be received. Although the GSP could have more than half a debt. Lena with three children lives in a small room in a communal apartment. For children's manuals, irregular assistance to the father of children and material support for the “warm house”. He also works as a cleaner in the garden, to which older children go. In fact, Lena copes great. Especially compared to how she coped six years ago.

Lena and Nikita Photo: Lisa Zhakova for TD

Then she came to our fund drunk and pregnant with glory. She was told about the fund at the district center for assistance to families and children. Before pregnancy, Lena has never seen babies in her life in her life. And she was desperately afraid that she could not even just take the child in his arms so that he would not harm him. Lena came to the fund with the question: "What should I do if I'm afraid of children?" We called the pregnant Lena to go to our support groups for mothers with babies. There, Lena first saw babies and other mothers who cope. Giving glory was no longer so scary. I did not work in the fund then, so I torment the social worker Dasha:

Lena and Nikita Photo: Lisa Zhakova for TD

- Dasha, tell me, where is this line that Lena left to drink? For which you finally felt that the children are safe and Lena is coping?

- You know, there was a moment when we were seriously going to contact the guardianship. But in Lenin, she works very poorly. Children are not taken away even from families where people drink without drying. But, on the other hand, we almost immediately felt how Lena wants to stay with Glory. How she loves him and tries. Does everything that can. She could not very much. But we believed in it. No wonder, as you see.

Lena with children, Ksyusha and Nikita, in the "warm house" photo: Lisa Zhakova for TD

Lena stopped drinking when Glory was a baby. Since then, we have never seen her drunk. When Glory began to crawl, Lena was very afraid to let him out of the crib: suddenly what would happen. When Glory began to walk, Lena made him a helmet of foam. The doctor in the clinic scared her that if the glory had cones, then she would take her son. And so Lena came up with a decision. When the glory in the foam helmet appeared on the group in the fund, our psychologist talked for a long time with Lena about why it is important to learn to use his own body and evaluate dangers. Lena took off her helmet.

Lena plays with children in the "warm house" photo: Lisa Zhakova for TD Ksyusha and Glory in the "Warm House" Photo: Lisa Zhakova for TD

Of course, we told Lena about contraception, but Ksyusha still appeared, and then Nikita. Healthy and beautiful children. When Glory was small, Lena could shout at him. And even hit. Now Nikita, Ksyusha and the glory of Lena never screams. Lena is waiting, negotiating, pity, worried with the children.

- Lena, what is the most difficult for you in motherhood?

- Well, you know, you give cards to buy products. And it is very difficult for me to choose what exactly is needed in the store. At first it was quite difficult. It’s good that Natalya Sergeevna walked with me and helped me. Now it is also difficult, but I already remember what I need.

Lena plays with children in the "warm house" photo: Lisa Zhakova for TD

Natalya Sergeevna - social worker of the "warm house". All these years we have been helping Lena comprehensively. We wrote petitions to take the children out of line to kindergarten, we go to the guardianship, we found the children of the crib, bought a refrigerator. We went with Lena for groceries and in the MFC to find out about benefits and debts. Here Lena takes diapers and clothes for the guys. We always pick up the phone and answer Lenin questions, we talk with her for hours, if necessary, and go to her home.

We are not only helping Lena. Lena has talent - she wants to help. Because she herself, even having nothing, constantly seeks to give. Having received a manual detained for several months, she bought a sled for children for children in an orphanage. A huge watermelon paid for work with Lena, and she brought him to our fund - from the outskirts of the city, getting with three children to treat other children. Parents of the guys from the kindergarten, where the children go to Lenin, bring her clothes and food, conductors in buses bring strollers, people on the streets bring things. At the same time, she still often has to hear the question: “Why gave birth?”, Especially in state institutions. Then Lena is very upset and tells about this a psychologist in the fund.

Lena with children in the "Warm House" Photo: Lisa Zhakova for TD

Lena argues differently. I don’t know what this is connected with-with a long-standing pedagogical neglect, or nevertheless with the reality of some diagnoses with which it ended up in a correctional school.

For five and a half years now, Lena has been going to weekly family groups in a “warm house”. Here she learned not to be afraid to take fame in her arms, do his massage, fearlessly let him crawl, even despite the fact that bruises can remain on her knees. And the guys found out what it feels like to be heard and important. And here they can scream loudly, run quickly and quickly, get dirty with paints and naughty ... that is, to do everything that cannot be done in a ten-meter room in a communal apartment.

“Sometimes I get so tired and so far go, but still every time I’m going to a“ warm house ”. Because I rest here, or something. I will draw with them, I will play. Because I can be small here. ”

Lena had no childhood. And now, after decades, she can also play, laugh, sing songs. And finally grow up.

I am sure that, with rare exceptions, every graduate of the orphanage or a girl who grew up in a dysfunctional family, who decided to give birth, really wants to stay next to her child and give him a childhood that she did not have. But she has no experience, and she is very scared. And instead of support and faith in it, society, doctors, social services often scare her even more. But not believing that you can be the best mother for your child, it is impossible to become her. But you can give up your hands. It’s good that Lena did not happen to Lena. And Glory, Ksyusha and Nikita are growing at home, in love and security.

Lena and Nikita Photo: Lisa Zhakova for TD

At the same time, there are things in which Lena will always need support: for example, in filling out documents and defending his rights. But this is such nonsense in comparison with everything that Lena has already learned.

It is not very difficult to collect money, telling a story about a mother, who accidentally, yesterday, suddenly ended up in a “crisis” situation, and now we will help her for a couple of months now, and everything is fine: work, prosperity, measurable success ... But our wards are not always like that. These are mainly lonely mothers who are behind a dysfunctional childhood. And they need to be maintained longer. But this help is not meaningless. And I really need it. At least their children will have more chances to live another life. And for this, the "warm home" really needs your support. Any donation-50, 100, 200 rubles-will help unable to childhood by unarmed girls to finally grow up and become the best mothers for their children.