I had nothing but the game

Very personal human stories are always hidden behind space blasters, gold armor and magic rings of online games. Samizdat opens a series of materials about game communities with the history of growing up a small and naive ESKA, daughter of the Virtual Regiment of the Great Dominion clan. To talk about how the game changed her life, the author Olya Voskanyan again became an uncertain fourteen-year-old girl, who was brought up by the community of the On-RPG Perfect World.

Everything went to this for a long time. On the evening of December 30, 2010, we gathered with the whole clan in the city of origins. This was the last sunset that we met under Dominion banners. With a numbness, I watched how the familiar names of the excluded comrades are painted in the chat and the emblems of our clan disappear.

As soon as the Dominion inscription disappeared above my head, I wrapped tears and closed the game client. Three days later, I will sell my character to my friend and leave for another server. The same Eska will never be online again.

***

Hi, my name is Olya. When I was fourteen, my life was spinning around the online game of Perfect World for three years. Imagine, for several years I could not go to the cottage on the weekend, because these days there were clan wars for the territory. Such people are usually called “nullifers” - people without life. Probably, I was. At one time in real life I did not have a single person whom I could call my friend.

Now I have an interesting job, many cool friends and acquaintances. But you know what is the strangest? I am not sure that I would not refuse her present life in order to return that time. I am a little sorry today: as if, having sold the character, I betrayed him, betrayed my Escape and the clan. Nothing will replace me with my Dominion, an alliance in the online game Perfect World, which existed from 2008 to 2010.

Viva La Dominion

Dominion was the most powerful alliance of the "Worlds", the 4th server Perfect World. Together we created the history and policy of the server, and also painted a map of the game world in the color of our alliance. While ordinary players could not get together to kill an ordinary boss, we played a completely different game. We were friends, loved, weaved intrigues, betrayed. I won’t be surprised if the period will no longer be brighter and more fun in my century.

I got into the alliance at the very beginning of my journey in the “ideal world”, I was accepted at the Dream Academy only three days after the creation of the character. Since Perfect World is a typical online songwriter, upon reaching the character of the maximum level, the social component becomes the only source of entertainment in the game. The strongest clans preferred to have two or three compositions to “educate” beginners, starting from the initial levels.

Organize people, you kill hordes of monsters, and you collect stars that remain after their death

Dominion had three compositions: the Dream Academy for completely new players, the second composition of Dominion - a place where you could already feel like a full -fledged combat unit, and the first, where the strongest server players gathered. It was possible to get there by developing the character to the heights that seemed to me unattainable. I could not even think that someday I would be in the first composition. Ironically, I will get there very early, being three times weaker than all my Soklans and not having any right to do so. I will become the daughter of the regiment.

The daughter of the virtual regiment

I was not only weaker than all in level, but also five to six years younger. Sometimes it seems to me that that's why they kept me in the clan: I was an integral element of the team and left few indifferent. Someone bribed my sincerity and naivety, I annoyed someone. And about my love to talk at all there were jokes and legends.

I was not close enough with my mother to talk to her that a 14-year-old girl usually worries. But in Dominion there were women who were ready to listen to me and give advice. Together with me, they experienced my first and numerous following loves, betrayal of friends and school problems. I still remember conversations with one of them, and I am very grateful to her for them. The older I become, the more often I remember it.

Before getting into the “perfect world”, frankly, I had problems with social skills. Although it will be more honest that I did not have these skills at all. I did not go to kindergarten, at school relations with classmates did not work out, and I did not have time to walk in the courtyard with other children because of a huge number of courses and tutors. I was very naive, open, obsessive and did not think at all about what I was talking about and what I looked from the outside.

For two years, I began to turn into Dominion from naive Sansa Stark. Because the clan is not only a community of friends, it is also a team in which not everyone gets along with each other. Few people treated me seriously, but many trusted me. Therefore, my memory turned into a clan cemetery of skeletons without cabinets.

Over time, I discovered a gift from the “Soul Soul” - I learned not only to listen, but also to make me telling what I need. In the online game, it is much easier to learn to communicate: someone does not follow what he says, someone does not seriously treat what is happening. And also online communities in 2010 were very transparent. You open the clan server, where everyone communicates in a voice, and you already see who is with whom and plays. You communicate with one person from each party - and you already know everything about everyone.

The game gave me faith as an organizer and leader. When within six months you participate in three or four mass events for fifty people every week, sooner or later you feel that you are the person who can take control of your own hands right now.

And then you organize people, you kill the hordes of monsters, and you collect the stars that remain after their death, and create a very valuable ring - the “seal of eternal loneliness” , on which your name is written. This ring will go to the clan, it will be given to some werewolf, and with it it will defeat the territorial wars, painting the world of the Dominion turquoise color. This is an amazing sense of involvement for which you play.

But the feeling of involvement is far from the only thing that kept us. Most of all, I loved clashes with hostile clans. This is an amazing feeling of unity before the common enemy, and a fun pastime with friends, and adrenaline. Yes, there were a lot of adrenaline. We usually were two to three times less than our opponents. If 90-100 people gathered on our side, then 250–300 were advanced against us. And we still won! We could not otherwise, because we did not want to bring darkness.

The heart of the sect

North-eastern part of the map, the village of Rybakov. We hang in the air, and in our face the salted air blows into our face. This place is also called the 10th volume, in honor of the quest that we do here every day. In front of us hordes of enemies soar. I see several dozen pairs of wings and flying swords and try not to look up and down, because there are too many of them. And then I hear a familiar quiet and always calm voice.

Gloom appears in the village, the most powerful server player. He was the first to reach the 100th level, the first was the owner of the legendary Zi I Sword. He is the most wise leader whom I have ever met in my life. When the darkness appeared, we began to win: the whole clan threw his affairs and advanced into battle. Sometimes our “batching” gathered five hundred people at one point in the card, the server could not withstand their loads and fell.

I am very sorry that I have no screenshots of how we fought with the whole world, for me they were like memorable photographs. I deleted everything in attempts to forget, to devalue everything that was.

And what it was, I myself do not know. Who were we? Two Ternders who liked to sit their lives in an online game? No, rather, a sect gathered around a charismatic leader. Even now, nine years later, darkness causes me almost religious fear.

***

The heart is pounding harder. I am nervous and afraid that I will start talking. In the headphones, the gurgling sounds of Skype are heard. I accept the call. In the notebook on the table there are two lists of questions, in my head - an algorithm of conversation, but when I hear his voice, it seemed to be shocked. On the chair in front of the monitor is no longer a breakdown and brave Olya, but an uncertain girl of Esca, who has nothing in life except the Dominion online game and clan.

- Hello, darkness.
- How long have I not heard your voice ... How are you?

Somewhere in my head suddenly becomes completely empty. The darkness asks to tell how I do and what I live now! To this, my nervous system and brain are not ready. This is wrong: he is a great gloom, who subjugated the whole world to himself and departed to the undefeated, and I am just Esca.

For me, he was a deity, in other words, one cannot convey my reverence. Probably, it all started with the history of my hit in the first composition. It so happened that the second composition of Dominion had to be disbanded, and, according to the rules of reception, I should be sent back to the academy, but for some reason he decided to take me in the first composition.

These are not games at all Valery Romanov , Alena Belyakova , Elizabeth Kochergin as the game Silent Hill, Metal Gear Solid and Crash Bandicoot deprived Russians, calm, caused guilt and forever remained in their memory

***

I don’t know if someone deified the darkness as strongly as me, but everyone respected him. He was our circulatory system, Dominion himself.

Dominion was conceived as a clan for friends, but he was drawn into a server war after a merger with the Dream clan, which then very much needed allies in the political arena. Dream found allies, and Dominion - people with vast experience in the military aspect of the game. One of these people was darkness.

So Dominion began to turn into a serious clan that wants to participate in the server policy. The participants have grown requests and requirements for the leader: “People who were already with us demanded a higher level of self-government, self-game, clan management, so that some kind of infrastructure is developed internal, external diplomacy ... People then treat this very seriously,” the darkness recalls.

The turning point was two lost wars for the territory with the Ghosts clan, the universal evil of the server. People were already starting to look for new clans, they wanted to leave. At this moment, it was decided to convey the post of master of the darkness, who then spent a lot of time in the game. People were ready to follow him, and he felt that he had the strength. But the main thing is that he already had a certain goal then:

“When I became the leader clan, I really wanted to win,” says the darkness, “I wanted to make a strong clan, it was interesting for me. I did not have such that I was bad somewhere in real life and I didn’t succeed there-and I wanted to reproduce it in the game. No, everything was fine with me, I felt very well, I had a lot of friends, and I myself ... I looked good and did not feel any discomfort in communication. I just wanted to be the best. "

I know very little about the darkness as a person, we saw each other only once. I know that he is from the eagle, that his name is Sasha and that during the heyday of Dominion he was 23 years old. As much as I am now. Probably, having the opportunity to interview him eight years ago, I would begin to ask him about the family, school and hobbies. Now I do not want to know this, because it will destroy his image. The gods do not go to school, they have no parents and their favorite hobbies. They just exist, and we honor them.

"F2, pull yourself in Def!"

We completely captured the world on July 4, 2010, painting the entire card to the turquoise, the color of our clan. Unfortunately, the colors on the map on the map are randomly issued, because if we have a choice, I’m sure that our color would be red as our emblem: a white heraldic lion on a red background.

This was the same victory that the darkness is talking about - a complete dominance on the server. The capture of all 47 territories. To do this, it was necessary to win in territorial wars (TV). To win a lot.

TV took place on weekends, and this was the main event of the week. It seems to me that getting a place in the main combat composition at some point was not just my main goal-it was the meaning of life. Because nothing can be compared with that magical sensation when you sit and listen to the last 30 seconds of silence before starting and waiting for the passage to the battlefield. The idea that you are not the only one, but you are eighty people and you all now go to fight against a common enemy-there are still eighty of them-overflows you, makes you involved in something great and important. It seems to you that you are creating a story.

The darkness was not only a sensitive leader who knew how to unite and lead people. He steamed the battle and led the leaders of the groups: he told them where to go and what to do, coordinated the attack, intelligence and defense, and we won.

The most exciting were those moments when the darkness had to play two or three fights at the same time. And sometimes four to five. Because when we captured 90 % of the territories, our opponents got the opportunity to attack us at the same time. We called such TV dubles, trips and quadrips.

“During the quadriclov, I did not play at all. I sat and just muttered the team, there was no time to press the keys. I sat and processed the information that I acted. ”

- F2, pull in Def
- Accepted
- M2 in def. When the Kats fall, we will go forward with the attack. Tirael, how are you doing?
“PIN Assist,” was usually heard in the channel at these minutes

***

For me, TV passed very simply. Until I reached the maximum level, I was intelligence, an eye. My goal was to run to the enemy castle and die over the central gate, and then say the darkness of what was happening and where the enemy attack went. Over time, I began to get into the combat team, usually I was distributed into one of the detachments on the flank, and then our goal was to help attack and defense, depending on what is now required to win.

After victory or defeat, there was a truly sacred action: we all gathered in the voice chat and listened to the darkness and other officers. Then it seemed to me completely obvious that we are, we have a master and we must listen to it. Everything is simple and clear. Only now I understand how surprising it was.

Think for yourself, here you have 25-30 years, and maybe forty. And so you worked all week, then an hour and a half actively played, and then you sit down and listen to half an hour or an hour, as a person whom you have never seen and is unlikely to see, reports you. Well, or praises. And you listen, you do not leave, do not turn off the voice chat - you really listen and take it seriously.

***

Emotions overwhelm me. Listening to the darkness, I seem to be experiencing the years and a half that we had.

- I did just like a company, because you can’t plunge deeply on the clan on a simple interest. People are not on a salary.
“I understand very well what you are talking about,” I answer, realizing that I finally could comprehend everything that happened to me. - I was a terrible noulaifer, I had nothing but the game.
- You were not alone, there were many of you.
- Yes, and that's great!
- All the people who were there pursued one goal.
- To be together! - I interrupt. Emotions overwhelm me. Because this is true, this is exactly what I was looking for in the game: I wanted to be together, to be with someone.
- Win, to be together ... And all this was imposed by me so that the clan worked. You pursued my goal - at this moment he laughs sadly - and my goal was to advance dominion forward. The main thing was not to lose. And in fact we lost, everything lost. And I - the most.
- I would not say, I'm now ...
- We comfort ourselves.
“You know, now I'm not worried about my life,” I continue, “I had rather decadent moods.” And now I listen to you and understand that everything is fine with me. I am so glad that it was all with us.

The darkness laughs again. This year he will be 32 years old, and, probably, from his bell tower I really look funny. If for me he is still a master and leader, then I am for him - the same naive girl.

We speak for almost two hours, and this conversation drinks me to a drop. For these two hours, I, in my opinion, experience a whole range of feelings that I am capable of. I would like to urgently fill the inscription Viva La Dominion somewhere. Sensations-as if she starred in a fucking series, cool, like “Game of Thrones”, only everything is a little more truly. Now it seems to me that I understand that this story meant to both of us.

Perhaps the truth in my life will no longer be a better time, this is a kind of legacy that will always be with me. It makes me who I am, and it's great.

No.

I did not lose.