"Every two lessons ran home, fed her daughter"

Study, courts, problems with parents and money and one important decision - “such cases” talked with three girls who have become pregnant until 18 years old, about how to be a mother, if from the point of view of the law you are still a child

Katya, 17 years old, Sverdlovsk region

I gave birth at 14. We met with Sasha before two years, or rather, did not meet, but talked. The relationship spun rapidly, then he was also a minor, but at the time of the birth of his daughter he was already 18 years old. When I found out about pregnancy, I studied in the seventh grade. I immediately told the father of the child - he had even more joy than mine.

Nobody spoke about contraception with me. But we generally knew all this. It was both consciously and unconsciously at the same time.

First, that I am waiting for the child, we told his mother, then my dad, and then my mother. Everyone had their own reaction. My parents unanimously insisted on an abortion. They said that I have a future, prospects, since I studied very well at school, that it’s too early, I have to wait, graduate from school. I can understand my mother: she was worried about my future, and I was very tuned to work, career and generally thought that the birth was at 30 years old. Only Sashin’s mother supported me not to have an abortion. Due to the conflicts of the house, I went to live with my uncle, but they continued to persuade me to have an abortion, and at some point I agreed.

I handed over all the necessary tests, and we went to Yekaterinburg an abortion. At the reception, the doctor began to ask consent to abortion and spoke about the possible consequences. He told my parents: "You risk your daughter’s health." Then I said that I would not have an abortion, and ran out of the office.

I got to the hospital for preservation, my pregnancy was difficult. I was lying a lot in hospitals, there was a threat of miscarriage. Then they got the case to Sasha and my mother, to the courts of Sasha, I went to the pregnant woman, I was very afraid that he would be sentenced to a real term. Sotosopeki employees also persuaded me to have an abortion. For some reason, their psychologist began to tell me, they say, Katya, do not give birth, you will become terrible, look how my figure has deteriorated after the birth of two children. I sympathize with her customers.

Due to the conflict with my parents, I supported the deprivation of my mother of parental rights. Now I think that it may have been a mistake. The guardianship of me issued my mother for Sashin. With the father of the child, we continue to live together in his mother’s house, because I am still under guardianship. He now works, however, part of the salary pays the state - this is how the court ruled. This is even funny: I was recognized as the victim, and the money is paid to the state.

After the birth of my daughter, the relationship with my mother got better: she loves her granddaughter very much. And with my dad I do not communicate at all.

I did not interrupt my studies at school. During pregnancy, I went to evening school, but I went there little-I constantly lay in hospitals, and there were many health problems due to stress. And after the birth of my daughter, I returned to my ordinary school near the house. Every two lessons ran home, fed her daughter. Now she has been three years old, she went to the kindergarten last year, sings songs, tells poetry. This year I will go to the 11th grade. The farther I will do, I have not decided yet. It is difficult to choose a future profession.

In the eighth and nine class, it was hard because I missed a lot in the seventh grade. Especially the first three to four months was difficult to study. But all the teachers helped me and supported me. Classmates reacted differently. Someone supported, it was mostly girls. Someone, on the contrary, said: "Why did you give birth, what are you, a fool or something?" For them, I sank below the plinth. Someone generally did not care, although maybe they were in shock, this topic was shocked in general in general.

After the birth of the child, the most difficult period was the first six months. I constantly felt pressure, nervous, there were frequent breakdowns. I was even ready to leave the child, left the house. It seemed to me that I couldn’t do anything that I have no feelings for the child. I knew that there is postpartum depression, but since childhood I am a very emotional and suspicious person. But six months have passed, and everything worked out: both the maternal instinct woke up, and love for the child is simply endless.

I hope that my daughter will not get pregnant just as early, but even if this happens, I think, you can’t press the way as I had, with such conflicts. When my daughter grows up, it will be necessary to very carefully observe her circle of communication, to build a trusting relationship. And talk to her on all topics without hesitation. Unfortunately, my mother could not have such a conversation.

Julia, 31 years old, Moscow

I gave birth at 17. With the father of the child, we have been in a relationship for a year: he was a little more than a year older than me.

I remember how the doctor at the ultrasound told me about pregnancy and immediately offered to interrupt it. But I refused. Immediately said about this to the father of the child. We had conflicts for several months on this subject, because he had fears: he himself grew up without a father, we were poor students. Probably, after five months everything settled down, and we decided to get married. He was just 19 years old then. After the wedding, he moved to live with me.

Natalia Yamshchikova for TD

By that time I had already graduated from school. In the 10-11th grades, I studied in parallel on Saturdays at college, so immediately after school I went to study at the second year of the full-time department of the Moscow Tax Institute and worked in parallel.

I grew up in a very strict family. Years up to 14, I talked with my grandparents on "you". When I was 10 years old, my mother divorced dad, and my sister and I stayed to live with my mother. But when I was about 14 years old, I had a stepfather, and the relationship with him did not work out right away. So at the age of 15, I decided to move to live with dad. Mom later broke up with a stepfather, and we reconciled with her. But I remained to live with dad. He then had problems with alcohol, and I was essentially left to myself. Therefore, at the time of the decision on whether to give birth or not, I was a fairly independent person.

At first, I did not dare to tell my dad about pregnancy for a long time. But in the first trimester, I had to go to the hospital for preservation, and I had to admit. At first he called, he motivated it, but then he came to the hospital and said that everything would be in order: "We will handle it." From that moment he stopped drinking, because he had a very important role - to be a grandfather. More than 13 years have passed, and he had no more problems with alcohol.

Pregnancy proceeded as a whole easily, there were not toxicosis, no special problems. I walked a lot, read about pregnancy, childbirth and raising children. I understood that I have neither life experience nor knowledge. In the summer, when my daughter was born, I went on work on work, and when studying at the institute began, I continued to ride classes on Saturdays. Grandfather was sitting with my daughter, my dad.

At first it was very difficult financially. It was 2006, her husband had a salary in the region of 10 thousand rubles. This total lack of money acted on me very much. This also affected the relationship with her husband. Then he began to earn good money, but this continued only until the crisis of 2008-2009. Then we had a second child - a son.

The daughter was very accommodating, slept well from infancy, could play on her own, so I had a bunch of free time. I learned to sew, opened my studio, then took up the decor, began to ride on the shooting and a few years later, after the birth of the second child, opened her own photo studio.

After the birth of my daughter, I lost contact with all the old friends. But, I admit, I do not regret that we parted. Yes, I lost that circle of communication, but acquired a new one. I went out into the courtyard with a stroller and met other mothers, although they were 10 years older than me. Sometimes I saw that people were looking askance, they say, why I was so young, but honestly, I was all the same.

In my childhood, there was very little educational work on the topic of contraception. Yes, even now there is very little information. Each doctor advises his own, you begin to try one or the other, nothing is suitable, the selection of a contraceptive goes on for years. We need to talk more about this, talk in the same school, because some parents simply do not do this.

I explain to my daughter that everyone has very different fates. It’s early to give birth - neither good nor bad, but just such an option. If she, too, becomes a mother at such a young age, then I will certainly accept this. But a person must understand that he takes this responsibility for himself.

Of course, I would not want her or son to become parents early, because objectively it is more complicated. Unions of mature people are more productive, and they have more chances. Three years ago, I divorced my first husband, and this year I got married for the second time. In adulthood, decisions are made in a completely different way.

Tamara, 17 years old, Moscow region

I became pregnant when I was 17 years old, and the father of the child was 20. We were protected, but still it turned out somehow.

Natalia Yamshchikova for TD

Now I am at the eighth month of pregnancy, waiting for my son. When I found out about pregnancy, I told about this to the father of the child. But he immediately began to deny, said that this was not his child, that I was walking. He turned his nose, turned away, then it seemed to began to do something, came, met his parents, but in the end he disappeared.

Then she told her parents. I had to do this because I went to the hospital with pain in the abdomen. It was necessary to make gastroscopy. But due to pregnancy, gastroscopy was canceled and said that my parents need to be informed to be discharged. At first I told dad, then mom. They reacted very negatively: everyone was against pregnancy. It was said that it is too early for me that I have no husband, that it is difficult to stay alone at that age with a child. Mom said that her whole life was crumbling because of this, dad generally threatened to leave the family. But I have already made my decision.

Relatives came, said: "Make an abortion, you will be better." At some point, I agreed, and my mother and I went to the hospital in the gynecological department. They began to dissuade, and I remembered my original decision that I was not ready to kill my child. And ran out of there. Mom then left home without me, and I stayed in the department. The hospital found a help fund that helped to find housing. For three weeks I lived at home with one large family, we still communicate. And then she moved here, to the house for the mother of the Service service, where I live. Now I just live, walk, help other girls sit with a child if they need to go somewhere. So we help each other.

My parents did not drive me out of the house, but I ran away because I know their character: living there would be unbearable. The first months I constantly lived in stress due to pressure. Now there are fewer conflicts: apparently, they have already got used to the thought, all the more so there is no point in persuading - the term is not the same.

Mom knew that I had a young man. I always hid from my dad, he did not like the guys. He said that in the first place there should be studies, that it is necessary to first build a career, and only then think about relationships. Parents hinted that they needed to be protected. This was never said directly, but I understood what was being discussed. It was now that they began to say everything as it is, and then, apparently, it was somehow inconvenient for them.

I don’t communicate with the child’s father anymore, and it is unlikely that he will ever become interested in my son. I learned that he, it turns out, already has a child who is now for four or five years. And there he also does not communicate in any way, he does not pay alimony.

There is no trust in men. Although I see that there are good ones. For example, we have a normal family. But now I don’t even want to think about it. Probably, I will forget about all this for a long time.

At school, I studied average and after the ninth grade I went to the courses of the hairdresser and the masters of the nail service. Then she tried to get a job, but few people who want to hire a minor. I didn’t really think about the children as a whole before, I wanted to finish my studies first, start earning, and then I will turn it as life.

Pregnancy proceeds well, there are no special problems. Unless now the legs began to swell. Like the face of my son, I will live a little more here, and then I will rent a room and I will live separately. At first it is unlikely that I will work out, but I want to get a job, I have two professions. I will engage in my son, raise him. Probably, I will talk to him on all these topics, given what boys are and how they do not want to bear responsibility. But I don’t know yet how I will explain it.