How I blinded, became a rock musician and programmer

Eight years ago, Penzenets Stanislav Uskov completely blinded. His wife left him, he had to learn to live again, fight his own gender stereotypes and learn to earn a living. He gathered a rock band of blind keyboards and vocalist, one-armed guitarist and bassist with muscle myopathy, who does not allow him to perform more than one song. In a joint series withYandex.Practic, we tell the story of Stanislav, who is now carried away by programming and is developing his own game about Ferbi, the younger assistant of the govnochist.

One winter morning I blind. I was 21 years old. A phone call woke me up; Then still sensory phones on android have just appeared. He did not immediately understand what had happened. He answered the call, and then I see that I don’t see anything, only lubricated red-brown-black spots in front of my eyes. I reached the kitchen, pulled the curtain, I drive with my hand in front of me-everything is still. I cursed obscenities - how will I continue to live? And in my head a picture: here I am a blind on the couch, I am a cat, I listen to the TV, sometimes friends come - and so all my life. I felt doomed, and it scared it great. I'm used to being in motion - family, work, sport, and here ...

I was born in Kronstadt, and when I was three years old, my parents and I moved to my mother’s homeland - to Penza. Then doctors diagnosed me with diabetes. But the disease did not interfere with the life of an active life: at school I was engaged in dancing, football, parkor and Wushu. On the day I blind, I was able to call my parents, and we went to the ophthalmology hospital in Tambov. It turned out that I have diabetic retinopathy . And the doctors told me all their lives that with diabetes, the risk zone - the kidneys and legs, were silent about the eyes, and everything was normal with vision, so no one thought about it. In ten days, four operations were done, and I began to see my left eye: I distinguished objects at a distance of about 25 centimeters with lateral vision. But the doctors warned that it was not for long and in the end I would be blinded again. I immediately began to walk with a white cane. In the afternoon he was guided by the border (only he saw him: cars and buildings were blurred by spots), in the evening - on lanterns, well, from memory. Two or three months later, I finally lost my sight. Now, if I look right in the sun, the monotonous darkness in the left eye becomes a little lighter, and I understand that the street is a day.

I met my future wife on the Internet, and then it turned out that we lived on neighboring streets. When we were 17 years old, we gathered - and family life began. I can’t say that I really dreamed of something: there was simply no time for this nonsense. My wife and I entered the same technical school, studied in the same group for merchandisers and worked together for some time by sellers in the network supermarket. Then I entered the university for management, but family worries and work took too much time and time, it was not up to the exchange rate, and after six months I quit my studies. After some time, he acted again, unlearned the semester, but then blinded. The wife filed for divorce almost immediately. My blindness was not a reason, just a impetus: everything went on for a long time and slowly. After parting, we still talked about three or four months, and then this came to naught. Honestly, I was worried then more due to a divorce than because of blindness. Still, my wife and I grew up together, I was used to falling asleep and waking up with her, share experiences, and then-Hop! - And that did not. And I moved to my parents, because I could not be alone.

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How I got rid of blindness

My parents were worried about me and supported as best they could. Mom at first cried a lot and took me too much. I say that I need to learn to do this and that, I’m starting to delve, and once-and quickly will do everything for me. I had to constantly remind her: “Mom, don't! I myself! " After all, at first, I could not even pour myself a tea. Many difficulties have become in everyday life. For example, each thing should lie in its place, if you moved a bit, I immediately lose it. Well, and all the chairs in the house should be pushed, and all the doors are either open or closed, otherwise it is easy to injure. Or I went out with a friend in a cafe, I wanted to go to the toilet. And I, as a man, was very ashamed to ask the girl to bring me to the toilet. How so: I am a man, everything can - and ask for this!

Over time, I realized that these moments except me were not embarrassed. People are adequate, I am even pleased to help some. Of course, my masculine pride was hurt: I am a man, I have to earn money, do something, and suddenly became a diverse, a burden. It was very difficult to accept. Before the loss of vision, I earned 17–20 thousand a month - just below the average in our city. With a stretch, but my wife and I had enough for life. Now I have a pension of 15 thousand. Parents say - to spend on themselves. So they both work: the father is a butcher, mother in guard. They buy products. I mainly go on a taxi, and so I don’t really need them, I was always indifferent to the material.

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Having lost my vision, I began to read out anymore (listen to audiobooks), I wanted to understand who I am and how to interact with the world. Previously, I read only fiction, and then when there was time, and then it hit philosophy, psychology, esotericism. I read everything indiscriminately. He became interested in where what came from, how everything works. I started a family early, twisted care-and somehow it was not to these questions. So I began to know myself. I tried to understand how to present myself to: how is a disabled person or, conversely, to make a hero out of himself? You can, after all, and that way. And how is it right, how is it comfortable for me? I didn’t like Nietzsche, I did not agree with him in many ways. But the “Silence says” Eckhart Tolle and “how to become a bad guy” by Vadim Shlalater in a sense hardened me, taught me to control my “I”, and I also began to understand why other people (and I myself) behave in certain situations in this way and not otherwise. For the three years that I read, the values ​​and priorities have changed very much, I realized that I had lived some kind of nonsense before. He himself narrowed the circle of communication to the family and a couple of friends.

Having mastered a little with my new condition, I asked my friends to bring a speaking phone from Moscow, Sleutsung - a simple button “Samsung” on the Java platform, reflated by our blind craftsmen. It has a special software that voices buttons and inscriptions on the screen. Dubbing was, of course, terrible, but I was terribly happy that now I myself could “read” the SSMESK. Then I found out that it is quite possible to use the computer, you only need to install Screen Reader on it, which would voiced all the actions. I have mastered the blind printing method, which many with normal vision own, I can use hot keys. I went to special courses, I knew it myself. Now I’m calmly oriented around the keyboard: on the stationary computer, the F1 - F12 key is divided into three blocks, I feel the intervals between these blocks and move on them further, and on the laptop I am guided by the sticker over the key F7.

In general, my speed is the same as that of the person who sees.

How I went to network marketing

When I got up to work with the computer myself, I realized that I could and want to help the same as me, and created a group on VKontakte. I thought that healthy people would go there and transmit information to their blind relatives. But somehow it did not particularly work. As a result, now ten comrades in unfortunately will not be typed in my environment. Then I entered the institute for the third time, now - to the state and municipal administration. But soon, finally, I realized that I did not need the institute, and, without finishing up, threw it. When I saw, I needed a crust for career growth. And then I came across reality: even if I have an education and I am a good special, they won’t take me to work. Firstly, many employers have prejudices and stereotypes, and secondly, according to the law, in order to hire the blind, you need to convert the office and make signs according to Brill, and not everyone has extra money and time. Although, frankly, we do not really need these signs.

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Then the friend with whom we studied at school called me in network marketing. We sold energy, juices and sportpit. At work, I talked a lot with people, not only engaged in distribution, but also spoke for life, expanded the facets of consciousness. I realized that the majority want to earn a lot of money, but they themselves do not even know what to spend it on. And when you ask what they really need, they cannot answer. I was horrified that so many people do not understand why they live and work for days. I did not go to network marketing for money - they always interested me little. There is something to eat - and okay. I liked the working movement. In my city, I was such a local star, I was constantly called for some kind of party, and I periodically went with my friend to train in Moscow, he accompanied me everywhere. In Moscow, I quietly learned to move quickly for myself. The city is active, I have to adapt, although, of course, I was tired of constant concentration. Now, when I ask a passerby to help me reach, for example, to the stop, he goes slowly, thinking that, since I am blind, I need to think about every step. And I can’t go so slowly and rush. The people are surprised, of course.

How I collected a "defective" rock band

At some point, I decided to engage in music and sat down at the drums. I consulted with blind musicians, where to start, knocked on a week, and then found a teacher at a music school who put a blow to me and taught me the basics. And then I studied on the Internet on the Internet. I just had to shove a lot of videos: some musicians do not pronounce their actions, but “we take this way like that”, but I need in detail, such as “a wand in my hand should be felt as if you are holding a tennis ball to throw and catch”. In addition to self -employees, he also asked friends of the Council. Then I wrote in one of the music communities on VKontakte that I am a drummer, looking for a group. The guys responded, sighted, - the Abu group appeared: “Analysis of banal statements” (but in general, these are just the first letters of our surnames). I wanted to develop, and I entered the musician as a student, but went exclusively to the profile subject. The teacher saw that I was already playing, and did not bent his line, but only answered my questions. Having studied, I went into free swimming and changed several groups, trying to find myself.

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Soon I met the administrator of the cafe at the Art Hall “ Quarter Louis ” (rehabilitation center in Penza, created according to the model of accompanied residence) and gathered his own group from the residents of the center. All participants were “defective”: I, the keyboard player and vocalist - are blind; The guitarist did not have the right brush (he put on the stump of a case and attached a mediator to him; he could not play complex things, but completely, with a battle - quite); The bassist because of muscle myopathy could not perform more than one song-fingers refused. We somehow got out, for somewhere pulled, we talked with the public, so that all this was not so noticeable. Then I left the group and muddied the rock band “in the closet” with one vocalist-guitarist: the music sounds everywhere, but there was not in the closet yet. Well, in Penza there is a club, there the entrance to one of the halls is made in the form of a closet, as in Narnia. My partner wrote the texts himself, excellent, I must say. We even began to ride in different cities, they began to invite us to bike-festivals. True, the name had to be changed to “rock in the closet”-after some producer from Israel wrote to us and stated that we were violating copyright. Then I abandoned the drums, because problems with my hands appeared: the brushes were sick. A year later he returned. Recently they found a bass player, he, thank God, everything is fine with health. So now the three of us travel, in December we have performances in the Krasnodar Territory, the city is being coordinated so far. And our group is now called the "alchemist."

How I started programming

After the divorce, I did not enter into a constant relationship with anyone, was engaged in self -development. It was lonely, of course. I wanted to find an ordinary adequate girl who would understand why she lives. It turned out that it was difficult. When I lived with my wife, I looked at everyone else at the middle clan: that a girl, that a guy is people, but she is my wife. And when he began to look closely at women, he saw that some depraved were very much, others were obsessed with iPhones and cars. And in 2015, I met a girl through common friends, she herself called me. Somehow quickly we spun, we gathered. And her disease was more serious than mine, at some point she could no longer walk. It was very rallying us. We helped each other. With her, I learned to enjoy the moment, caught myself thinking that I was happy about the warm wind, although I had not even noticed such trifles before. I admired her strength, courage, resistance. She was my hero. I myself, without understanding it, grew spiritually. And in January she died. Before that, I treated everything evenly, and I had to try to somehow hurt my feelings. Life with diabetes, loss of vision, divorce - all this hardened me, and I easily tolerated adversity. But her death became a tragedy for me. I turned to faith to find answers to the questions that I had to the universe after her death. I read the gospel, and it placed everything in my head on the shelves, I have no more questions. I finally felt happy.

I decided to direct all my unspent love to good deeds: love for people should be active. I again began to develop my group on VKontakte, but the blind did not contact me. And then veterans called from the house and offered to teach people with normal vision on computer courses. I agreed, but warned that I had not done this before. And in eight years that I do not see, the Windows interface has changed. When I teach the sighted, they see with my eyes, and I am with my ears: I put on the headphones, I hear how Screen Reader picks up, and I understand where to move the mouse in terms of frequency and height. And then the program voices all the labels. So I work. My students are from 40 to 70 years old. From the side, of course, it looks strange how the invisible to the seer teaches. Back in the 27th Inclusive School, I teach the blind and visually impaired who do not want to lose the rest of the vision, to use Screen Reader, and in the branch of the All-Russian Society of the Blind Learn to work with smartphones.

It is interesting to read

And then, already this year, I began to study programming, in March I went to Zheleznogorsk in a rehabilitation center to study at the PC operator. I had fleeting thoughts about earnings by creating sites, but they quickly left, because I really do not need money. I had an interest in programming for a long time, I just did not understand before what to start. When I just lost my vision, I came across a site with text games (in its principle, if very rude, they resemble tests: some kind of location is described and actions are offered; you choose-and the plot develops depending on the choice), and they were so short-you can pass in an hour. I still thought that if I could, I would write a big game.

In the rehabilitation center, I learned the basics of HTML. Now I can write sites, but I am not interested. I decided to make a browser game. At home, I took up the study of CSS (this is a graphic language, it will not work to master it completely, because due to blindness I cannot evaluate the visual component) and Java scripts. Then he went to the guys who write text games, asked what and how, and there is also his own programming language, but simple. In general, I started to understand. I quickly realized that Screen Reader does not voiced many things (gaps, for example), I have to double -check each letter half a day. I got to write games in a text notebook, and then convert to QSP format. Now I am writing a large game built on simple everyday situations, but if a person is churchly at a time, he will see something for himself in it. More than half has already written. Once, inside the game, I actually created an entire operating system for a mobile phone of one of the characters (there is a flashlight, and a recorder, and the vitality converter). It, of course, is simple to disgrace, but the fact itself is important.

The game is called "Ferbi and Yasif." Ferbi is the younger assistant to the senior shit -chistle in the barn, Yasif is his bird. The boss sends Ferbi to the city to buy new shovels. Gives him a mobile phone and tsitsi with hoodies (game currency). Ferbi travels by train and meets a homeless beggar at the station. And then you choose options for actions, for example, "offer money." The beggar refuses money, says that he despises it, and asks it better to buy him something to eat. You go to the store and decide what to buy. The homeless thanks you: “You can ask what you want” - and again there are different options for actions. This is a purely text game. There will be more than a hundred locations. I will add and post it for free access.

So I live. Четыре дня в неделю преподаю, два — занимаюсь музыкой, один день, воскресенье, посвящаю Богу, а в свободное время программирую. Времени катастрофически не хватает.

Один таксист меня расспрашивал, как мне живётся без зрения. Нормально, говорю, живётся: недавно с гастролей вернулся, а позавчера с другом на лыжах катались. Таксист такой: «Ну, ты молодец!» А в его голосе чувствуется жалость. Потом он о себе рассказывать начал, что вот он целый день таксует, домой приходит, его жена пилить начинает, и, чтоб её не слышать, он чекушку выпивает — и спать, а утром опять на работу. Я про себя думаю: да, у меня нет зрения, но у меня жизнь куда более полноценная, чем у тебя, но ты этого не видишь, и это мне тебя должно быть жалко, а не наоборот. Нет, я не выпендриваюсь — типа я такой красавчик. Я ведь обо всём этом и рассказывать никому не хотел. Просто подумал, что моя история может кому-то помочь в тяжёлой ситуации. А раз так, то и ладно.

Сменить свою участь

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Как я голодал ради работы мечты Анна Алексеева , Егор Мостовщиков , Валентин Ткач Россияне ненавидят свою работу, но не меняют её, а нижегородец Роман бросил всё, выбрался из долговой ямы и вопреки всему стал программистом