Translated material
“Everything happened banal and simple”
“Everything happened banal and simple”
The story of an HIV+ medical student from NovosibirskPlease confirm your age
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Author: Tima MutaevaIllustrations: Alexandra Shigina
Publication: 24/03/2020
The stigmatization of HIV-positive people is very rarely discussed in the student community; in most cases, HIV is discussed in the context of jokes. Our hero, a medical student, talked about how he accepted his diagnosis, how his life changed, and how he managed to convince his teacher
on issues related to HIV.
In December 2019, according to Rospotrebnadzor, the number of registered cases of HIV infection was almost one and a half million people. There are no exact statistics on the number of people with HIV among social groups: it is unknown what percentage of all
HIV-positive people are students. The figures closest to students are the age group from 15 to 29 years.
It is important to understand that in 2020, HIV is not a fatal diagnosis. There is a therapy that makes the life of a person with immunodeficiency practically no different from the life of someone who lives without the virus. Fears of HIV transmission through sharing utensils, touching or even kissing should have remained a long time ago
in past.
and from mother to child.
HIV-positive people face stigma and sometimes homophobia. There is still a stereotype that transmission of the immunodeficiency virus is possible only between homosexual men. In the first 10 months of 2019, 60.6% of people became infected through heterosexual contact, and only 2.5% through homosexual contact.
There is no HIV agenda as such in educational institutions, both Russian and foreign. One of the few projects that can be found within the walls of universities is carried out by AIDS.CENTER (a foundation founded by journalist and politician Anton Krasovsky). The school of young doctors “Vera HIV med school” organized by the foundation is aimed at additional training of medical students in the aspects of diagnosis and treatment of HIV infection.
Below is a monologue by Vladimir, a student at the Faculty of Medicine at Novosibirsk State University. He told DOXA about how he found out about his HIV status, completed training at the AIDS.CENTER school, and is now engaged in educating and helping HIV-positive people in his region.
Vladimir Student of the Faculty of Medicine of NSU, HIV+ activist
Student of the Faculty of Medicine of NSU, HIV+ activist
Everything happened banal and simple: I had a partner with whom I met three times in total. Our meetings were quite extended in time, three or four months passed between them. For some reason, all of them were without protection, he immediately aroused some kind of trust in me. At that time, I had an HIV-positive friend and, due to my medical duty, I understood that it was important to protect myself, but this is a story in which trust played against me. After two meetings I was checked and everything was completely clear. When this happened the third time, I thought: why? It worked last time, and it will work this time too. We met in July 2018, after that I went to my parents, everything was calm.
School has begun, September, and he writes to me: “We need to meet.” Out of the blue. I assumed that this was an intimate meeting, although there was a feeling that something was wrong. He would have suggested it differently. After a couple, I’m going home, and in my head: what if he’s something f*cked [Bad. — Ed.] wants to tell me? Background anxious thoughts, nothing special, all typical. I arrive, he drives up and says: “Get down.” I asked if he would come up to me, to which he replied: “No, let’s talk in the car.”.
Okay, I go downstairs, get into the car and the following dialogue occurs:
— In short, I was diagnosed with HIV.
- Well, it’s cool, it’s cool, but it’s definitely not from me (I knew this because two days before we had contact, I received my last negative tests for HIV, and this chance was excluded).
“I understand that this is not from you, but you should get it checked.”
“
All plans for medicine and personal life just immediately collapsed and it was not clear how this lego from aliexpress could be made of it now
collect something
I have a friend who works at an HIV prevention NGO, where I now work. He had free rapid HIV tests. I call him, explain the situation, and go to his home to get tested. We sit and chat while the test is being done, ten minutes later he says that we can already see the result.
Silence. He turns this test under all the rays of light. I actually ask him what's going on. He says that a second thin stripe has appeared there. This means that there are antibodies. No matter how thin the line is, the test is still considered positive. I think: okay, here we come. I was, of course, in some kind of super confused state, I didn’t understand anything at all. I came home and told my best friend about it.
It was over the weekend, on Monday I already went to a private clinic, took a blood test, everything needed to be confirmed. I was told that if the result is negative, it will arrive in the mail on the same day. If the result is questionable, the analysis will be sent for a ten-day reference. It happened on the ninth of October: a super chilly, super slimy day, everything was so depressing.
In the evening I told my classmate friends about the situation. I told them that the test result would come today and we needed to open it together, because I was still really pissing. In general, we get together and open the letter. I think that since everything arrived in the mail, it means everything is cool. I say: “Girls, I’m not looking, press.” They squeal: “Hurray, negative.” Great joy begins, they hug me, and I look: the negative is the reference values, the norm. And directly in the results it is written that the test has been sent for rechecking.
The next 10 days were the most difficult of my life. The worst thing about accepting a diagnosis was during this period, because you are literally hanging around in the unknown, flying into the abyss and not understanding anything. It’s as if the ground is being removed from under your feet all at once. All plans for medicine and personal life just immediately collapsed and it was not clear how to assemble anything from this Lego from Aliexpress now. October 19, my birthday, I’m more or less fresh, I’m sitting in English - a call, an unknown number. They ask if I can come pick up my tests. I explain that I asked to send them by mail, but in response they strongly recommended that I pick them up in person; they refused to send them.
In the evening I take my friend, it’s already dark, we approach this clinic, I tell her: “Let you stand here, I’ll come in, pick it up and that’s it.” I go out with the envelope, open it... positively. I didn’t even cry, but my friend hugged me anyway. He says: “I don’t feel comfortable asking, but will we celebrate?” Of course we will. I'm talking about my birthday, if anything, not my status (laughs). It was the weirdest birthday party of my life.
“
“For medical students, everything is like our own, we have no queues, everything is done through connections.” They spoke as if they already had some precedents, although it seemed to me that I was so young and therefore completely alone in all this. Maybe I was wrong
I immediately told all my close friends about this, but didn’t tell my parents. I am the type of person who needs to immediately discuss my problem with someone and get advice. Quite a large part of my social circle are adults and experienced people; it was important for me to get some comment on this matter. Regarding the party: the girls brought me a case of beer, it was completely mine. They prepared everything, and I just received some kind of sympathy, congratulations, sympathy, congratulations.
After that, I began to resolve the issue of registration, it took a very long time to resolve. You just need a registration to receive antiviral therapy. At least temporary. I didn’t have one in Novosibirsk, I spent a month and a half trying to get it. I thought that I would go now, get tested, and register. I come to the aid station, [a clinic providing HIV therapy. — Ed.] I take tests, and they also tell me: “For medical students, everything is like our own, we have no queues, everything is through connections.” They spoke as if they already had some precedents, although it seemed to me that I was so young and therefore completely alone in all this. Perhaps I was wrong.
On the night of December 31, I sent documents (resume and motivation letter) to the school of a young doctor [“Vera HIV med school.” — Editor’s note] of the AIDS.CENTER foundation. I was selected there. Shortly before this, I received the results of my tests, but did not have time to receive therapy, because they took tests for ****** [damn] a month. This whole story dragged on for a very long time, I had already arrived at the AIDS.CENTER foundation. When they found out that I was still without therapy, they quickly helped me with registration and registration. Well, since then I’ve been registered in the Moscow regional center, I get cool pills, I live happily. The worst has passed. I am friends with AIDS CENTER. I love the whole bunch of them, I respect Anton Krasovsky. I love the work they do. In Novosibirsk, I first volunteered, and now I work at the NGO “Humanitarian Project” [a support resource center working in the field of healthcare. Deals with issues of HIV, drug addiction, tuberculosis and hepatitis. — Approx. ed.]
I'm going to open a committee on sexual and reproductive health at my university. All in order to have representative statistics on awareness of the topic of HIV/STI prevention and sexuality education. So, in general, students with various requests also come to the test mobile to be tested. The questions are about the same as others, nothing special usually. Students are initially less interested in getting tested, but they are easier to convince of the possible risks than super-confident adults.
“
While waiting for tests
with confirmation and some time after confirmation of the diagnosis, thought
that I will not be able to realize myself professionally,
it was just killing me
Working in medicine was the main reason for all my fears, suffering and fears about HIV infection. While waiting for confirmation tests and for some time after the diagnosis was confirmed, the thought that I would not be able to realize myself professionally simply killed me. I was very much afraid that I would not be able to achieve what I had already been going to for quite a long time at that time. I was less worried about not being able to find a mate; I was much less concerned that I might die if I didn’t start taking the pills. Thank God that I had friends with whom we sifted through a huge layer of information, dug into the law and realized that there was nothing of the kind, I could work in medicine. But for university practice they only require a medical record, it does not contain the results of an HIV test.
I had a story connected with a bioethics teacher. She and I initially had a wildly tense relationship. The topic of one seminar was “Stigmatization of HIV-infected people.” I, as the chief speedologist of my course (laughs), had to prepare a report. She and I got into an argument.
She says:
— So I conducted a survey among fifth- and sixth-year students about how they would react if a child with HIV-positive status went to kindergarten with their child, and they knew about it. The guys who showed the greatest professional awareness said that they would take their child to another kindergarten.
I answered:
- That's not how it works. The child will most likely be on effective therapy. Even if this does not happen, children in kindergarten, as a rule, do not have sex. The trauma that is present in the garden is still not enough for infection. For transmission through the blood, large wounds are needed, a sufficiently large volume of fluid, and many conditions must coincide. This is rather a theoretical risk, by referring to which you do not simply stigmatize the diagnosis and discriminate in the most direct way against people who live with the status. It is not right.
I still changed her attitude towards this topic. She chased me around for 40 minutes when I finally handed over the report to her: “What is this? Why is this?” He provided links to studies everywhere and explained everything. She said that if I needed a platform to share my knowledge, I could contact her.
At the university I gave a very intimate lecture. I hoped that there would be a lot of people, but the people who were responsible for announcing the event screwed it up. There were about 15 people. After finishing, they didn’t let me go for another 20 minutes. Everyone was so interested; everything was new for the students. I was also asked questions about post-exposure prophylaxis on Instagram. Well, the guy who was at my lecture came to my friend to be tested.
Many people on the course now know about my HIV status. Some because of rumors, others guess, seeing that this topic is not indifferent to me. Unfortunately, there is a stereotype that if you save giraffes, then you are probably a giraffe yourself. It works exactly the same with HIV. Of those I told myself, everyone reacted normally. There was not a single frankly shitty confession. Some just didn’t react quite correctly and showed pity, for example, from time to time people to whom I didn’t come out let me know that they are aware. I still don't know how to feel about this, I just accept it.
“
My mother asks me what kind of pills I tell her, vitamins.
Therapy, of course, is not vitamins. But perhaps only one constant distinguishes a person living with HIV from an HIV-negative person - timely treatment. You just need to take the pills once or twice a day and that’s it. At first, you need to be especially careful and frequently monitor your viral load and other indicators. After it becomes undetectable, even if you really want to infect someone, you won’t be able to do it (laughs). A person living with HIV is still the same person: an individual, a person. It is important to educate people nearby. If you have an HIV+ friend, brother, sister, matchmaker, help them accept their status. Help them become committed to therapy and understand that they are still with you, still close.
Parents still don't know. My mother asks me what kind of pills, I answer her that they are vitamins. Maybe someday I’ll tell you about it when I come out. This doesn’t really bother me: I’m open with all my friends, absolutely with the whole world, except for my parents. But they don't even ask. It's pretty easy for me to guess that I'm gay (laughs), and I think they do. If I really feel like it, I’ll tell you.
Analyzing everything that has happened during the time that I have been living with HIV - and this is already a year and a half - I understand that my life has become better. I made such acquaintances, such wonderful people around me. I feel like I'm doing something important. I even managed to go to Africa for an educational event for young HIV activists. I was in Lesotho - an enclave in South Africa. It is one of the top three [countries] in terms of infection, 25 percent of the population has HIV. I am pleased to convey to people my preventive mission. I have become more stable, more aware, stronger. I began to be more careful about my health. You might think that I am promoting some kind of HIV positivism now, but this, of course, is a special case.
Vladimir’s experience, as he himself noted, is quite positive and, unfortunately, not the most common. During the preparation of the material, DOXA spoke with a large number of HIV-positive people, in particular with students. Of these, only Vladimir was open to dialogue. Many respondents did not want to give even anonymous comments, fearing that their acquaintances would recognize them.
In Moscow, HIV-positive people and their loved ones can turn to AIDS.CENTER for help. An important part of the foundation's work are support groups that are held weekly.
Marina Nikolaeva, specialist in the development of non-medical services at the AIDS.CENTER Foundation:
— People who are affected by a common problem should have space for communication. When they listen to each other and share personal experiences, they help themselves too. In such cases, the principle “by helping yourself, you help others; By helping others, you help yourself." You can, of course, adapt to your HIV status outside of a support group, but for some people these meetings are important, it’s important for them to have a community. It’s important for people to just come and be able to say: “Hello, my name is Vasya and I live with HIV,” because they can’t say this anywhere else. This space was invented for people to come and get acquainted, knowing that they can return at any time. It looks like it is shown in the films: every Thursday at 19:30, “Room 13” opens in the foundation’s space, where people come, set up chairs, and introduce themselves. Then they just start sharing their experiences. A person, seeing a variety of options, chooses his own path, which he then follows himself.
We have few students, but this does not mean that students cannot come to us. In the fund space, we really don’t care what age a person is. If he came to us for help, then he will be given it.
Issues of the immunodeficiency virus are practically not raised at Russian universities. DOXA was unable to find local support groups or a helpline, so students like Vladimir take responsibility for education. Sometimes at universities and colleges, local organizations hold outreach events - students are told about HIV and given the opportunity to check their status. Such promotions are very inconsistent, but if you want to check your HIV status, this can be done at the clinic at your place of registration, and in Moscow also in places from this list .
advise those interested
on HIV/STI issues.
You can write to him on Instagram
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