In the arms of the void

Six months ago, I lost the child. All this time, from the very moment of loss and even now, I am watching my condition, fixing acute feelings, I try to give them a name, accept them. Each time, experiencing pain, I seem to look at myself from the side

I remember very well the day when I got to the hospital. Fear, panic, denial of what is happening. The control point was the phrase in the ultrasound office: "Conclusive, but the pregnancy froze three weeks ago."

At this moment, all life was divided into before and after. They reassured me and said: "You are still young, you will give birth again!" But none of them could even imagine what was happening in the soul of a woman who has lost her child.

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From the series "In the arms of the void" Natalia Tikhomirova From the series "In the arms of the void" photo: Natalia Tikhomirova

I was put in the operating room. Before my eyes, a girl was brought in about twenty years after cleaning a frozen pregnancy. She was still under anesthesia, and her body fell on the bed like a piece of meat. She came to her herself for a long time and hard, called her child. It was painful and scary to see. For a minute I forgot about myself, I felt her grief and could not restrain her tears. The loss has no face, age, number of children up to ... at this moment, everyone is equal.

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From the series "In the arms of the void" Natalia Tikhomirova

Later they came for me. Lying on the operating table, I saw a moth flying out the window. He circled and flew. Fear released me.

From the series "In the arms of the void" photo: Natalia Tikhomirova From the series "In the arms of the void" photo: Natalia Tikhomirova

Many feelings have already dulled, but I still remember how I was left alone with a fear of emptiness. How my body was empty, like a veil of anesthesia forever changed my life. How I was seized by a sense of despair, powerlessness, the inability to cope with my own body and grief.

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From the series "In the arms of the void" Natalia Tikhomirova From the series "In the arms of the void" photo: Natalia Tikhomirova From the series "In the arms of the void" photo: Natalia Tikhomirova

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From the series "In the arms of the void" Natalia Tikhomirova From the series "In the arms of the void" photo: Natalia Tikhomirova

My story is an opportunity to visualize your fears, overcome them, accept what happened. When they say to me: "You are strong!" - I think about that girl from the common chamber and about many other women who have lost children. I want to support everyone and with my example to help cope with the loss.

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From the series "In the arms of the void" Natalia Tikhomirova From the series "In the arms of the void" photo: Natalia Tikhomirova children mother psychology