Strawberry glade

When Nail was very small, Nastya gave him to an orphanage. I thought that she could not. But it turned out, it cannot without him

Nothing happened, just life

Dad died in 2000. The year was snowy. At the windows of the barracks there were high snowdrifts, but on December 31 the snow decided to take a break. And the dad who came from the cemetery - there he dug a grave for a relative of the boss - he also wanted to take a break. He lay down on the sofa - and soon his shoulders stopped trembling. Nastya was 11 years old. Dad 38, his heart stopped.

Mom fell in September 2015. There was a dinner time, she took a plate to pour soup, and suddenly everything collapsed-both mom, plate, and more or less established life. The ambulance said: a stroke, what's next, they do not know. And Nastya and his sister did not know. And then they decided: the sister will remain at work, and Nastya will sit at home. Will nurse mom, no one else.

Nastya and Nail photo: Julia Skorobogatova for TD

Nail was born in August 2009. And three months earlier, Nastya was said to be on the examination: in the head of the child a cyst, it must be treated. Nastya asked: how to treat if a child is in his stomach, and a cyst in his head? But the doctors convinced that now the main thing was not to be nervous, pricked something, somehow comforted.

Nastya waited for the diamond and everything would finally form. But the diamond did not come, but the unfamiliar girl called: “I am also pregnant with diamond. You are giving birth in August, and I am in July. ” And something else muttered. Nastya replied: "Let him stay with you." And picked the phone.

No, he did not come running. I did not ask for forgiveness. Only when he found out that Nail was born and almost died, transferred a thousand rubles. All.

"I left it"

Now Nastya was 31 years old, and when Nail was born, it was 20. Closer to the birth of a cyst at the ultrasound was no longer visible. Nastya was preparing for the appearance of the baby: she chose a place for the crib, thought how she would bathe and eat. They then lived in the hut, the conditions are so-so, but Nastya grew up in them and four of her native brothers-sister-all strong and healthy, nothing terrible.

But something happened during childbirth. What exactly, Nastya still does not know: the doctors fussed, nervous, and carried away the child. Nastya managed to see only her son’s head as a fragment, like a photograph - and this photograph frightened her.

“What about him? Is it my fault? I?" She repeated endlessly.

“This was born,” the trainee answered.

And what is the "so"?

Nail photo: Julia Skorobogatova for TD

Seven months Nastya and Nail lay in the Kanash hospital. The medical card is puffed: children's cerebral paralysis, weighed down with epilepsy, multi -faced brain degeneration, hydrocephalous syndrome, diverging strabismus and more, and more ... with such diagnoses, children do not live long. But Nail clung to life, and Nastya clung to Nail.

And they got out to a stable state, you could go home. But before the discharge, the head physician called Nastya and strongly advised him to send his son to the boarding school: the child is seriously ill patient, there are no conditions for normal care in the hut. Nastya rested: I will not give it. Other doctors, nurses, a commission came ... They rinseed and snapped-and Nastya gave up.

She returned from the Alatyrsky house of the child, not seeing the road: “There they undress the child to the diaper, and the mother is given things. And you go with these things that smell of your child and in which he is no longer there, and you cry all the way. I realized that I made a mistake, and gave myself the word to return it. ”

It took nine years to happen to do this.

Dates in the state house

For nine years, Nastya visited Nailya. At first in Alatyr: I got up at five in the morning, at six at the railway station, I got to the house of the child for three hours. There is a date in a small treasury room - no more than 15 minutes. Nail was sleeping more often. Nastya examined him, kissed her fingers. I was surprised that he was not growing in one time all the time, he did not smile, as if he did not live at all.

Why Nail was so, it became clear only four years later, when the boy was transferred to the Kugesian boarding house for mentally retarded children. They then began to let Nastya on long dates, and there she saw that in fact in their hut, Nile would be better. That there are only two tortured nannies on a large group of sick children, that diapers can be wet and the child can be hungry. And if someone cried and demanded help, then Nail had neither a voice nor strength-he slept all day or looked at the ceiling.

Nastya with the naile photo: Julia Skorobogatova for TD

Nastya was not returning home herself not her own: she discussed with her sister how to pick up Nail, complained to her mother. Their hut had to be settled in new apartments for a long time, but in order for this to happen, it was necessary to sue, but the family had no money for a lawyer. Nastya tried to earn money, put it off, went to the MFC, to lawyers, even at the appointment with the Chuvashia Commissioner for the Rights of the Child. As a result, she dried alimony (for all the years, Father Nail has so far paid only 12.8 thousand rubles), and two years ago she received a clean one -room apartment on the outskirts of the city. After that, she was given to her nail.

He was nine years old then, and he weighed six kilograms.

Many give, take - units - units

Nastya lives with her mother, nailens and a thick ridiculous cat. For five years, Nastina's mother almost recovered from a stroke - she can play with her grandson or sing a song to him. But the main care of Nail still lies in Nastya. He now eats through the gastrostrostom - the boy had surgery, he became calmer, began to smile, and sometimes just laugh. Nastya still does not understand why he laughs, but he knows: when Nailya is painful, he clenches his fists. Then Nastya is looking for the reason: is the ear is not broken, is gastrostoma good, is there any temperature?

"Every day I regret that I gave it ..."

In August, Nile will turn 11 years old. He looks like a four -year -old child, but rather strong and pretty. For two years, he scored 10 kilograms at home. Attacks of epilepsy have gone, bypass frequent bronchitis earlier. Nastya abandoned the air conditioner in the apartment, every day she washes the floors and ventilate the room. Causes a doctor, seeks appointments for examinations, curses.

Recently, Nail often has a photo temperature: Julia Skorobogatova for TD

In a word, Nastya is a good mother. In them with the nail of life, sensitive doctors and kind people appear. Here, for example, Irina Lapshina, head of the Ani Chizhova Foundation. They met Nastya in the Palliative Department, where Nail undergoes an examination once every six months. Irina is proud of Nastya - because many children give sick children, and take a few. Moreover, Nastya is very responsible: he always knows what his son needs, and clearly formulates wishes. The fund bought Nail Gastrostoma, then they brought a dais for bathing, consumables, and lawyers of the Fund gave consultations to recalculate alimony, to receive special -public from the state. Nastya copes with everything else.

- What is your income? - I ask Nastya.

- Ordinary: 15 thousand son’s pension, 10 thousand on the care of Mom's Pension. And now we are very helping ... - Now I will show.

Salvation at the edge of the forest

Nastya leads me to the balcony and shows: there, on the horizon, the edge of the forest stretches. And at the entrance to the forest, a large strawberry glade. And while the season, every early morning after the procedures of her son, she takes a bucket and goes after strawberries. Collects three hours. Then he runs to the market and sells 250 rubles for a liter jar. If it sells four banks - good. This morning I was waiting for me, so I did not go to the market and the collected strawberries remained in the refrigerator. When Nastya opens it, a tiny kitchen fills the sweet aroma.

- Do you know that in Sweden the expression “strawberry meadow” denotes a happy place, a spiritual shelter?

“I didn’t know,” Nastya wonders. - Although I am collecting strawberries from early childhood. When my mother had a stroke, I left work, looked after her, went to Nail. Strawberries helped us live ...

Nastya puts Nailya in a deck chair so that he sits a little photo: Julia Skorobogatova for TD

- You are afraid that the son ... - I freeze, because it is difficult to end the question of death.

- That he is not so much measured? - Nastya answers quickly, because I thought about this innumerable times. - Of course I'm afraid. I have no other children, or maybe it will not ... when I gave it away, I suffered very much, at one time even drinking began to drown out the pain. But at those moments, I regretted myself, not him. Now, when he is nearby and for three months there are no attacks of epilepsy - but they were terrible, the child was shaking for two, three hours! -I'm finally calm. And I am very grateful to the fund that we are not the only one that we had friends and help.

There are already 330 such wards as Nail, the Any Chizhova Foundation. Coordinators help someone to find good doctors, someone send expensive equipment, consumables, medicines or even looking for nannies when parents need to leave. Times are not easy now, but it is somehow possible to collect the money. How? Sometimes there are large philanthropists, but more often with the help of ordinary people: someone receives a salary and decides to share, someone subscribes to a donation of 100 rubles from a pension. Monthly 100 rubles from ten people are a thousand that Nastya helps out on particularly successful stray days. And he buys a medicine for epilepsy or baby food on it. And then it turns out that 100 rubles is a lot. Click the red button under this text - over time we will tell who else your donations helped.

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From Nastya, I left with the thought that I needed to reach the edge of the forest and find a strawberry clearing there. For a long time she walked past the summer sector, got confused, went out into the field and got lost again. In the end, she met an old man, from whom she asked about a strawberry glade. He said that he had never heard of her and if I do not know the forest, it is better not to take risks. Strawberry clearing is found only by those who really need it.