"Are you sure Christians?"

The story of Julia Orlova, who wanted to find friends, but got into a sect

In the summer of 2017, journalist Julia Orlova, unexpectedly for herself, was in the religious sect of Sinchondi - although she planned to practice Czech and find new friends. She told the “cold” about her experience for the heading “ from her words ”.

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I then lived in the very center of Prague - on the square of the republic. This was my second year in the Czech Republic: I moved to Prague immediately after the end of the Moscow State University to continue my studies. At first I lived in a hostel and taught Czech. And a year later, she entered the magistracy of Karlov University, began to earn extra money as a teacher of English in a large company, and my friend and I moved to an old apartment in the historical center of the city. I adored this area, my room with high ceilings, a yellow house with a courtyard and the fact that one of the main squares of the city was 10 steps from the house. In this same square, two girls approached me in July 2017: “We write a musical about a young girl who is looking for himself, we need prototypes for the main character.” After my nod, a request was followed by the priority of the family, partner, work, friends and God. God was in the last place. “Unfortunately,” I added. This aroused their interests, and they began to ask me why "unfortunately" and as it was before. In my hands was a brochure with an invitation to a seminar about God and a relationship with me. One of the girls - Teresa - gave me her phone number, she is still recorded as “Teresa musical”. The musical, of course, did not exist, like the thesis, books or research - other prepositions under which young guys and girls were lured on the streets of Prague in the Sinchondzhi sect.

The scheme was the same: to ask about the attitude to God, to meet individually and conduct a psychological test, indicate to a person to his problems and propose a solution - the true word of God. So people were lured to study the Bible, which was actually the study of the sect doctrines. Despite the fact that the Czech Republic ranks first in Europe in the number of atheists, many are used to going to the church, some profess Catholicism or Protestantism or are actively looking for answers to questions of faith. On such uncertain, seekers, this network was designed, which I got into.

Julia-vulgar

My mother sang in the church choir in the main cathedral of the small city near Moscow. One of my very first memories: I stand next to her on the choir and look around, altas and soprano are smiling around. I barely get the crown to the pupiter, and I don’t know a musical notation, so I sing quietly, by ear. I liked how they jokingly called Julia-Fettle and allowed me to watch the services from the forefront-sometimes I even managed to look into the altar from the clergy. Then I began to go to Sunday school, memorized the symbol of faith and cried over the fate of the born in poverty and doomed to the suffering of Jesus.

Otherwise, I was a completely ordinary child: I went to school, followed my younger brother, porged over the piano. But at night I sometimes dreamed of how Jesus pulls me out of the swamp. I felt under protection, but I needed it. It was restless at home: my father was a quick -tempered man, he could easily yell and sometimes beat me, and my mother worked a lot, and she was often not at home. Therefore, I closed in the room and asked God to be left alone. I remember how my father rejoiced at my dreams about God, only he did not know that God defended me from Him.

In adolescence, I continued to believe in God, look for him, but lost faith in the church. I continued to sing in a church choir because of a love of music. But I did not like going to church, I saw the wrong side of church life, and it was less spiritual than it was presented. The priests, as if in an anti -clerical video, were eaten in McDonald's during Great Lent, traded for the temple richer and coming closer to Moscow. In relation to faith, I raised in myself, as it seemed to me, “a healthy vein of skepticism”, and my father did not like it. My attempts to ask questions ended in reproaches. I remember how my father quipped for some kind of fault: “And you go to church, you sing in the choir. I suppose you no longer dream of how Jesus saves you from the swamp. ” Then I decided that it is better not to ask questions and generally not to raise this topic.

Once, having come from school, I found my parents during a conversation with a friend of our family, who lamented that at the age of 40 he could not find a young believing wife. Father offered him a 14-year-old wife. I remember very well the “Uncle Viti” evaluating gaze on myself - I became disgusting. Then the parents wrote off all this on an unsuccessful joke, and the story was forgotten. At heart, I understood that faith and religion are completely different things, but both were now associated with a mandatory Sunday wake, prohibitions and humiliations, and a stuffy temple.

Over the years, I have lost the last religiosity at Moscow University. For the first time I was not afraid to be sarcastic, openly express my skepticism and laugh at the "Turgenevo girls" of the Faculty of Philology. Inside, I envied them. I felt that I had lost something important-the core of faith that supported me in my school years, as if staying at home. After moving to Prague, I felt real freedom, but with her loneliness and realization came that I was unlikely to feel the protection of God ever. I very rarely remembered my church past, and recalling, I felt guilty and shame for my betrayal.

Therefore, when two friendly cash girls called me to the seminar, I saw this as an opportunity to understand my feelings about God and faith. In addition, it was a great opportunity to practice Czech, with whom I had great difficulties. And if you are lucky, then finally find a girlfriend and find a cow-speaking company-in two years I had friends in the Czech Republic, but there were no local among them.

With such thoughts, I came to the first seminar. Most of all I was surprised how many people were there - hundreds of three, half of them were Koreans who speak English, the rest spoke in Czech, and the out of my ear I heard Russian. Everyone smiled broadly and were very friendly. I quickly found Teresa, and she introduced me to her interlocutors. The seminar itself was actually a lecture, the main message of which was that the path of love for itself goes from love for God and his neighbor. It seemed to me not very interesting, I was much more impressed with the cohesion of people: when the lecturer called the verse number, everyone suddenly took out their bibles and began to read the desired verse with enthusiasm, ending with the loud “Amen!”.

After the seminar, Teresa invited me to coffee to chat and discuss the lecture. I said that I used to be a believer, but for the past 10 years I have not been going to the temple, which I sometimes regretted, what Teresa offered to read the Bible together and said that she was taking place a biblical course where she learns to correctly interpret biblical metaphors. Her proposal at first did not cause me enthusiasm - but then my thirst for communication in Czech and a subconscious desire to return to spirituality woke up. I remember exactly how I asked the question: "Are you sure Christians?" After her smiling “yes” my conscience calmed down, and I agreed to meet in a cafe a week later, no obligations.

My friend Teresa

After several individual classes with Teresa, we really got closer. Every week we met in a coffee shop for an hour and a half, during which time I managed to train my Czech, and she-to explain to me the next Bible metaphor. Her explanations were not unfounded, she poured quotes, sometimes reading poems from the covenants by heart. Sometimes we met to just taste the cake in a new cafe, ride bicycles in the park or choose a new indoor plant. Gradually, my every day began to begin with the wishes of a good morning from Teresa, during the day she could send me a couple of lines from the Bible “to raise the spirit”. Invisible, she took a very important place in my life - we talked every day, told each other about the personal: about childhood, about the dislike of myself, about families, about unsuccessful relationships.

The study of the Bible stood for me in the last place, but, on the other hand, I liked how systematically it explained to me the content of the book that I read since childhood, but I never understood. Sometimes I had questions that Teresa could not answer, for example, how the creation of the world of God and the theory of evolution, or what the Bible says about the equality of men and women. Therefore, once she took me with her to the Bible reading lesson. A lecturer named Dyslav answered my questions in detail, and then gave a lecture on chronology in the Bible. I sat on the back desk and watched the enthusiasm of people chanted poems from the Bible, nodded to the exclamations of Dislava about God and sang chants about Christ at the end of the lecture.

At our next meeting, I shared my doubts with Teresa. “This is not mine. I do not want to sing chants, it’s uncomfortable for me to read the Bible loudly and scream "Amen!". " To this, Teresa called me arrogant, said that I do not appreciate what she and others do for me, and I need to work on it. Then I first burst into tears in front of her. I could not understand how my protective reaction could seem to her arrogance. Later, the therapist will explain to me that Teresa simply used the collected knowledge about my complexes against me. I could be the kindest and most modest, but so far I was not interested in the sect, Teresa would have found what to blame me for.

Then I did not know that it was a manipulation. I instantly believed that I was arrogant and ungrateful, and decided to prove the opposite. After a couple of days, I came to an interview to join the new biblical course and start training from the very beginning. The interview was scheduled at 6 am on Sunday at the other end of the city. They told me how important and unique this course is and asked why I think that I worthy to go to him, and how much I love God. Did I love God? Definitely not. Did I want to get involved in this course? Now I understand that there is no either. Then I wanted to be chosen, counted worthy. It was like an interview for lousy work - the employment is huge, the salary is small, but you have already made so much effort that now you just have to get it.

We were taught to answer that we go to coaching

From September to mid -December 2017, I am studying the Bible in the interpretation of Sinchondi. This name is tracing paper from Korean, literally translated as “New Heaven and New Earth”, the official name is the Church of Jesus, the temple of the tabernacle of evidence.

Of course, then I did not suspect this. Three evenings a week (from 18 to 23 hours) I spend in the room with another 12 people, we listen to lectures together, pray for each other, have a snack, make a small warm -up, share our impressions and experiences. Sometimes on the weekend we go to the park with the whole group or play volleyball. We are all different, each has its own life outside the group: Katerzhina is a nurse, Alena is a student of the chemical faculty, Khan is a teacher, Patrick served in the church. We help each other: one girl checked my essay for the university, I helped someone with English. We celebrate birthdays together. I remember my very well in November, the whole group agreed and bought me flowers, gifts, everyone wrote wishes, and Patrick even baked a cake for me. I felt the happiest.

The Sinchondi sect became widely known all over the world after the outbreak of coronavirus in South Korea. On February 18, a month after the first identified infection in the country, the next positive test was received from the 61-year-old parishioner Sinchondzhi. It is known as “Patient number 31” (31st infected in the country). After that, in two days the number of detected infections was tripled. The country's authorities associated this with the fact that the parishioner with the already manifested symptoms continued to go to collections of sects - all supporters of the beliefs began to massively test the virus. Sinchondi still remains the largest fixed focus of coronavirus spread in South Korea, 38% of cases are on the sect and related contacts.

Teresa also went with me to the same group. It seemed a little strange to me, because she had long studied the Bible, but at first I did not attach any importance to this. In fact, in each group (and there were about 10 of them), half of the participants were converted, and the second half were experienced mentors who monitored our training. We were forbidden to communicate with each other outside the group - we still had a weak faith, you never know what we would think of without mentors.

Gradually, we are dedicated to the secrets of reading metaphors in the Bible. For example, a seed, fire, light, bread - this is all God's word, and a field, a river, dishes are a human heart. At first, everything was quite innocent, but by winter we began to disassemble the metaphors more serious and finally reached the point. The basis of the teachings of Sinchondzhi was that the apocalypse should come from a minute for a minute, the new Jesus, who gave us this new interpretation of the Bible, is already walking around the world; We, studying his truth, chosen and correct believers, and now we must become the messengers of God's will and go to save the rest until the world has come to an end.

“Do you think this is a sect? Of course not! Are we asking for money from you? "

Before the information about the second Jesus, I believed that I was simply studying the Christian Bible. After her, I strongly strained, and I was not alone. Our lecturers are most likely accustomed to the fact that information about the new prophet exposes the students to the students. Therefore, then a lecture on the traitors - the most terrible people in the Bible and in the world, was promptly read to us, about those who came to the true God's true Word and, about horror, did not believe him, doubted it. After that, at each lecture we were repeated that we were elected, we were given a “treasure”, “blessing”, and now our task is to hide it, burden, believe in it and continue to study. “Do you think this is a sect? Of course not! Do we ask you for money? Or do you come here for the sake of snacks? Fun company? No, for the sake of God's truth! ” Sinchondi understood that if we talk about a newly condensed treasure, relatives and friends would twist a finger at the temple. Therefore, we were taught to answer the questions where we disappear all the time that we go to coaching or see each other with a new possible partner. We laughed, nodded and obediently shouted: "Amen!"

All in doubt, I felt very bad. On the one hand, there were my mind, experience and knowledge from the past, on the other, new knowledge and wine for unbelief. I was not the only one to whom the new dogma was difficult. Later, I found out that after me two more left the group due to the fact that the teaching did not correspond to Orthodox Christianity. Alena, a girl from Siberia, publicly ashamed that she was baptized before eating and during prayer, which did not correspond to the teachings of Shinchongzhi. And in the group there was a “skeptic” Alexei, who was always in the time of the Holy Spirit and Trinity, who did not recognize in Shinchongzhi. To each of his question, the lecturers answered that he is doubting, because of which he tried to prove the opposite in every lesson. As a result, he believed in his faith and called himself the “most devoted servant of God” - the technique of manipulation “Psychology from the opposite” worked with him.

Those times I remember as the most difficult. I had terrible mood swings and panic attacks. Our smiling, friendly lecturers very often manipulated our feelings, mentioning one of our fears, complexes or injuries. I remember how I managed to cry for one of the three -hour lectures about my childhood, and about my failure to accept myself, and that no one had ever loved me and, perhaps, will not love me. In an instant, I could go through the whole range of emotions from reverence and fear of God to horror from awareness of my own unworthy and to happiness that I was given a chance to study the “God's Word”.

It was then that I began to believe. Maybe I was emotionally exhausted, maybe pressure or support influenced, but I began to believe. In my uniqueness, that I really gained something rare and precious. My skepticism was replaced by a sense of safety and gratitude, I again felt under protection, I forgot about my loneliness in a foreign country. I no longer seemed wild to smile all the time, at the lectures I experienced euphoria, I wanted to share my joy with someone. Once I sent a verse from the Bible to my mother, but she only asked dryly why I sent it to her. To my response “for inspiration” (we were taught how to answer), she did not respond, so I did not try to share new knowledge anymore. And I also wanted to write dad, I wanted him to be proud of me and see that he was mistaken and I am still a very spiritual person.

"I feel how to manipulate me"

I was not long in euphoria from newfound protection. Several events at once provoked my “awakening” and care. Firstly, we have changed a lecturer. We spent so much time together that it was very difficult for me to trust a new person. Несмотря на увещевания наставников, что ничего не изменится, уход ставшего родным Растислава меня немного выбил из колеи — было тяжело сразу открыться новому человеку. Во-вторых, я получила письмо, обличающее моих лекторов как пособников корейского культа Синчхонджи, — это был первый раз, когда я увидела это название. Письмо прилетело с неизвестного мне, состоящего только из цифр адреса, и в нем была буквально одна строка. (В секте имели доступ к адресу моей почты, поэтому я думаю, что кто-то из бывших «учеников» решил открыть глаза остальным.) Этого было достаточно, чтобы несколько дней я провела в поиске информации. Но тогда, в 2017 году, никто еще не знал, что эта корейская секта действительно пустила корни в Праге, что мой лектор Растислав лично виделся с лидером Синчхонджи Ли Ман Хи в Южной Корее. Я нашла некоторые совпадения в учении, но без имен или фотографий я не могла быть уверена. Интернет показал мне фотографии богослужений в Синчхонджи: все в белом, на коленях — мы никогда ни в чем подобном не участвовали. Однако то письмо оставило очень неприятный осадок, и я решила повнимательнее взглянуть на мои библейские курсы.

Последней каплей стало то, что я влюбилась. Я понимала, что я не могу начать строить отношения с вранья о том, где я провожу половину вечеров в неделю. Не могла я и привести партнера на свои курсы: он очень осознанный атеист, навязывать ему новую веру казалось мне абсурдным. К тому же тогда я уже испытывала сомнения, хочу ли я туда возвращаться.

Я сходила на еще одну лекцию и внезапно ясно увидела, как безумно наша новая проповедница выглядела со стороны, как в одно мгновение она уличала нас в неверии, а затем восклицала, что мы избранные, как она публично кого-то пристыдила, а затем пригласила нас на первое богослужение — и сказала надеть все белое.

На следующий день я лично с ней встретилась. Меня трясло от страха и вины — нам внушали, что тот, кто перестанет изучать это «живительное слово Библии», — предатель хуже Иуды, что я будто сама еще раз распинаю Христа и теперь попаду в ад. Я почти ничего не помню из своего разговора с ней, помню только, что я плакала и повторяла: «Я чувствую, как мной манипулируют». Она даже не пыталась меня переубедить, только грустно смотрела на меня и говорила, что мне будет очень трудно вернуться к Божьему слову.

После того разговора я пошла на работу. Я сидела за рабочим столом и плакала, я чувствовала себя просто ужасно и жалела о своем решении. Из «нормального мира» мне было не с кем поделиться своими переживаниями, никто не знал, что я состояла в секте. Я так часто отказывала друзьям во встречах и переносила планы, ссылаясь на «коучинг», что меня уже привыкли редко видеть и не задавали вопросы. Моя влюбленность тогда еще не переросла в отношения, поэтому мне оставалось только переживать этот ужас в одиночестве. Я почти позвонила Терезе, мне хотелось, чтобы она успокоила меня. К счастью, я решила дать себе отдохнуть эмоционально и уже на следующий день поняла, что мое нервное состояние — просто последствие чужих игр с моими чувствами.

Мы навсегда связаны Божьим словом

Раньше я думала, что надо быть либо очень слабым, либо недалеким человеком, чтобы попасть в секту. Я верила, что люди с определенным уровнем интеллекта не попадают под влияние и не поддаются манипуляциям. Теперь я знаю, что мы недооцениваем манипуляционные техники и силу коллективного давления. Я точно их недооценивала.

Сейчас я горжусь тем, что я нашла в себе силы уйти. Моя жизнь за полгода в секте наполнилась новым смыслом, мне было просто быть ведомой. Первые пару недель после ухода были очень тяжелыми: вера, Бог, Библия, — все это ушло, и образовалась гигантская пустота. Иногда я буквально не знала, что с собой делать, и просто сидела в комнате, смотря в пустоту. Было очень тяжело признать такой провал, и сначала я надолго зависла в стадии отрицания. Помогла мне последняя встреча с «подругой» Терезой. Она подтвердила мои опасения, упомянув имя корейского «пророка» Ли Ман Хи. На мой вопрос, была ли я когда-нибудь ее подругой, она ответила полным энтузиазма «да», ведь мы навсегда связаны Божьим словом. Она пообещала мне регулярно со мной встречаться, и сейчас мне немного грустно от того, что больше я никогда Терезу не видела.

После отрицания я прошла через фазу злости. Мне хотелось разоблачений и мести. Однажды ко мне на улице снова подошла девушка и задала тот же вопрос про приоритеты, только теперь она «писала книгу». Я очень зло ей ответила, что знаю, что она врет и книги не существует, что я была у них на курсах, и они манипулируют людьми. Девушка растерянно захлопала глазами и ушла. Несколько раз я порывалась что-то сделать: пойти в полицию, в какой-нибудь костел и натравить на секту католическую церковь, в конце концов, написать знакомым журналистам. Каждый раз меня останавливал страх, что я выйду из этой истории более подавленная, чем я уже была. Что при любом раскладе я буду проигравшей, жертвой, что я не смогу избежать манипуляций снова. И я решила спасать себя, чем и занялась со своим психотерапевтом.

Уже после моего ухода, в феврале 2018 года, пражский филиал Синчхонджи попал в газетные заголовки. Сорок членов секты вышли на Вацлавскую площадь , чтобы привлечь внимание к убийству кореянки Ку Чжи Ин ее собственными родителями за отказ принимать их веру. Рассматривая фотографии оттуда, я увидела несколько знакомых лиц — трое были со мной в одной группе. Из-за той акции пражские журналисты и религиоведы начали раскапывать эту историю и саму секту. Пару месяцев везде были заголовки «Уйдешь — попадешь в ад» и «Заразная корейская секта разоблачена в Праге». Молодые девушки и парни рассказывали о манипуляциях, о том, как лгали своим семьям, о лжетрактовке Библии и о своем поиске веры после Синчхонджи. Я знаю, что филиал, куда ходила я, закрыли, но, возможно, открылся новый.

После той истории мой личный поиск веры приостановился. Про себя я даже иногда сравниваю РПЦ с Синчхонджи. Я избегаю разговоров о Боге, не читаю Библию, но отношусь с пониманием к ищущим и верующим. Это тяжелый труд — искать то, во что ты действительно веришь, и отделять истину от лжи, неважно, как эта ложь преподнесена. Я рада, что наконец-то научилась принимать свои убеждения. То, что тогда Тереза назвала высокомерием, на самом деле было моей интуицией, и теперь я не боюсь ей верить.