Give to win

How to help yourself in the November wave of pandemia and taxi from the crisis without breaking into chips

Someday, recalling the year 2020, unforgettable, we will understand that quarantine in March was not the worst time. In March, the day arrives and the snow melts. In March, the body knows that the summer is ahead, and rejoices at this, even on the wreckage of the collapsed world.

The November wave turned out to be much worse: November is already the most gloomy point of the year, it was already difficult to survive. Puddles freeze, hands too, snow flies, darkens even before you leave work. In November, we include the most ancient instinctive programs - we are looking at each other, looking for our own, preparing to winter. It is more difficult for us, it is difficult for us to be alone. Even the most persistent fall into the so -called subdepressive states - a feeling of powerlessness, fatigue and evil longing. This is not clinical depression, but, you know, very unpleasant.

When we find ourselves at a safe distance from 2020, it will be easier to see how much the general unpredictability of life has exhausted us. How much effort we spent on adaptation and anxiety, to cope with the sense of disaster. But now we are still in the epicenter - and we need to understand how to cut it out of it without breaking into chips.

Recognize the measure of fatigue

Almost everyone describes the same state to me. The frightening confusion of thoughts and distraction-forgotten affairs, confused meetings, “I sit for ten minutes at the schedule and I can’t understand what to do next”, “I just talked-and I don’t remember what they discussed”, “I went out to the store-I forgot the PIN code from the card”. And a feeling of complete loss of meaning, and often a life failure, some big losing.

Anastasia Rubtsova photo: from personal archive

Everyone is sure that this happens only with him. What is this? Maybe the early Alzheimer or some other brain disease, middle-aged crisis or iron deficiency? It is difficult for us to see how much we are all exhausted not even by quarantine as such. And by the fact that the usual world, on the strength of which we used to rely, was turned upside down and broken.

We all woke up in the after -the -grin, where a strange invisible disease is raging, which is either deadly or “just flu”. The general alarming background, as a high level of radiation, and after six months has not disappeared. We are angry with those things that are closer - the closest, of course, relatives, and work, and the damn school distant, and the need to cook food every day. But in fact, our entire “stability” is swept along with plans for the future.

For a Russian person, this is very similar to the 90s. Many this year literally abandoned, as in a time machine, in the same feeling of the unsteadiness of the world and terrible disappointment. And bitter resentment. And the unwillingness to do nothing at all. And terrible distrust of the authorities, which is now lying, then not talking, then clearly does not understand what to do. Everyone thinks that he makes this immersion alone, but no.

Every minute we are looking for an equilibrium point on a shaky deck in a storm. At the same time, we have families, work and obligations on our shoulders. We are very tired, and this fatigue is with us for a long time.

Give up to win a little effort

No need to try to live, as in those long -standing non -renavigation times, to demand productivity from yourself, make plans and set goals. And you don’t have to scold yourself for how little you can do. For the strange conditions that we fall into when we only want to lie and howl. Every day I hear how people, describing the symptoms of extreme fatigue and almost nervous breakdown, simultaneously scold themselves for not doing everything “as usual” - work, engage in households, monitor children and themselves. Well, yes, the hell is going on in the world that they agree, but what prevents me from living and going to their goals? After all, everything is still in my life! No.

Previous goals remained in a world that no longer

The head can stubbornly deny the obvious. The head may not come to terms with this stupid year, when so many plans did not come true and so much effort had to be spent on what used to work. And by the way, we did not have a reserve of these forces, no one warned.

Disappointment and resentment, a completely childish resentment against all this is world madness - these are the feelings that they tell me most often. Even very adults and serious people. This disappointment will have to survive and surrender to him. Recognize that this will be the year of our personal inefficiency and crop failure. Only by surrendering, we will save the remnants of strength - and so we can win in the future.

Take care of the body

The body is an unaccounted but important player. It, however, is difficult to even call him an individual player. Belief sensations much more affect our thoughts than I would like to think. Everything that happens in the outside world, the brain passes all the conversations, impressions and working tasks through the filter of internal bodily signals: “cold”, “stuffy”, “dark”, “I sit motionless all day”, “locked up”. When we are physically bad, any events and conversations will paint over this “bad”, like a black marker. And so now, this winter, we should be physically good. This is a difficult task.

First of all, let it be warm and soft

With the first cold, muscles and joints are clamped and can cause background, but physically tangible pain. Our task is to warm ourselves, wrap it up, dress warmly and conveniently, at least at home, even on the street, as a beloved child.

The next point is to establish a dream. I made it a rule to be sure to ask customers: "How do you sleep?" The dream, on the one hand, is the most accurate barometer of how much the nervous system copes, on the other hand, the guarantor of immunity. At the same time, we adults often do not hold even the simplest set of tools at hand to establish it.

What helps to fall asleep? Cool in the room, dense dark curtains. The mode - I understand, sounds dull, but the body loves repeatability, it is really more convenient for it to produce melatonin “windows” if we go to bed at about the same time. The skills of muscle relaxation are the simplest, when we first strain all parts of the body in turn, so that later they relax reflexively. This is perfectly taught on yoga, but without yoga, it is easy to master such a skill. Respiratory exercises, of which the simplest is the breath “on the square”: a slow deep breath is a hold of breathing (we mentally count up to ten) - the same slow exhalation - again a hold of breathing (we mentally count up to ten or more).

What else does the body save? Light. If there is no time or time, you can get closer to the lit window and work near it. You can buy a sunlight lamp - in the end, which is worse than tropical plants?

When anxiety and a sense of common senselessness of life are rolled, stretching helps excellently. This is a way to deceive the body a little. When we are in a balanced, calm state, when the parasympathetic nervous system is active, the muscles relax themselves. But the same wheel can be launched in the opposite direction - stretching artificially relaxes the muscles with spasm, and the brain receives the signal “Everything is OK, Safe around”.

Food is also a universal source of joy. During these six months, someone began to use food cooking as a field, where, thank God, everything is still under control: people cook useful, establish food according to the regime, eat "products that strengthen immunity." All this is fine, because it reduces the degree of anxiety to the ended. For some, food has become a field for creativity: those who have never prepared in their lives, experimentally experiment, exchange recipes, master Sevich and cream moss from eggplant. If you feel that you are overeating, it is useful to remember that chewing, the movement of jaws and tongue soothes us. So, you can thoughtfully chew cabbage, carrots or even inedible things like pencils. The desired effect will be all the same.

To whine and let others whine

And please, let's rehabilitate nagging. Over and over again, my clients say: “I suddenly realized that I am there and I have, but I do nothing ...” And I constantly hear from my friends: “Why will I whine, do you have few problems?”

Please whine. Right now is the time. No wonder in many cultures, for example, in English and French, a whole tradition of whining and complaints has been created. It would never occur to anyone to condemn it, although certain rituals still need to be withstanded.

Only in the post -Soviet culture for nagging they shame and blame

Meanwhile, this is a great way invented by mankind to share negative emotions with its tribe, or, as it is now fashionable to say, a flock. It’s easier to survive heavy feelings by “smearing” them into several people than alone. But this is not just an opportunity to endure.

Nachaw is a creative act. It allows you to discharge the voltage accumulated in the psyche without action. That is, without rushing at the offenders with fists and weapons, without going to rallies, not putting on a foil hat. So, it is especially valuable in a situation of uncertainty, when it is not clear what to do. When the favorite recipe for modern coaching “do something” is very harmful. And we are now exactly in this situation.

If we carefully take a closer look at the whining, it turns out that this is not “nothing”, but a way to adapt. Gradually come to terms with disappointments and resentment of this year. In relation to the body, we say “aching” about the bruise, bruise, the wound - that you can’t fix it quickly, but the process in the body goes, and nagging is only its visible part. When we are in words, the same thing happens. When we tell and recall, it would seem, the same plot, for example, how tired of this meaningless distance learning, as you want, damn it, on vacation, how we missed the sea and infuriates the mask in the winter, they are foaming glasses from it - this is never “the same” plot. Each time, the story is gradually changing. Gradually, as an artist, the psyche adds new shades, new details to it. Unbearably irritating and patient is made tolerant.

So nagging is a natural painkiller that our psyche invented

It does not replace active work. After we cope with stress and accept a new picture of reality, we will definitely do something-and by this time it will be clear that.

It is useful to console others and listen to their nagging. In those quantities that are difficult for us. Remember that nagging is not a request for help, it is not a demand to do something for you to do something or make the aching one. In fact, nothing is required of you. Well, perhaps to cope with your own irritation, with the desire to say “just do something” or “Yes, you need ...”. Everything that the real is needed, he most likely knows himself. Just now there is no strength for it. And he needs this respite. If we ourselves are hanging out somewhere in the bottom area, we can always say: “I'm sorry, there is no strength to support you, not today.” Or: "I'm so tired that I can’t stand it anymore today." These are simple formulas that are not yet in our language, but they are needed so as not to endure through power and not explode later, accusing the other that he "only whines forever."

Adjust for the rituals

Finally, I propose to recall that before the New Year and Christmas there is a certain number of weeks. And to seize the New Year traditions - even those that seemed stupid, this year can be useful. In the end, they are from the previous, still strong and predictable world. Make garlands and furnace furnace, prepare gifts and draw cards, decorate the house, decorate the Christmas tree-maybe something will work. It will not be easy for a long time. But after the New Year, it will probably become a little easier.

Coronavirus Pandemia Psychology