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Permanent link://issue dated 11/29/2000
Roman Leibov

Publication date: November 29, 2000

Urgently in the room: cybernetics to serve the people! Draft text of the anthem.

Urgently in the room: cybernetics to serve the people!

Political information on the Ukrainian collective farm.

Chairman (reading from the newspaper): The delegation began with... um... an anthem...
The people are silent in bewilderment.
Chairman: Anthem... hmm... well, what a delegation, such a meeting!

(Old Soviet joke)

And that’s exactly what peasants say about writers.

Some people incorrectly believe that computerization of the entire country is not relevant to pressing problems and tasks.

Meanwhile, it seems to us that it is precisely with the help of technical means developed by domestic specialists that pressing issues should be resolved in the first place.

It so happened that the problem of the national anthem turned out to be a pressing issue today. For ten years she somehow hid bashfully, like a gopher in the shadow of the steppe wormwood, and then suddenly she began to tremble. Olympians have nothing to sing! The people shamefully confuse Glinka with Tchaikovsky and accuse him of all mortal sins! The red belt electorate is also dissatisfied and grumbles instead of having fun and rejoicing, as is typical for them! In general, it’s a pure matter of seams (or a march, if that’s more familiar to someone), and it’s necessary to turn back the wonderful melody of the composer Alexandrov. But for ten years Glinka’s melody was sort of like an anthem, and everyone stood up as expected, so nothing. Mussorgsky will tolerate it. Not in the theater. And so he is a genius, and his operas are performed everywhere. For example, "Prince Igor". And ten years is not a problem. Maybe they weren’t there, these ten years. You won't remember everything.

with the melody There seems to be certainty (and polls show it ), but with the words there is some confusion . In fact, Sergei Mikhalkov is a great poet, he described Uncle Styopa to us, and about how the Japanese fascists tortured the pioneer Misha, but the text that was recently published somehow does not reach the level of “Uncle Styopa”:

“Spreading its mighty wings above us, / The Russian eagle takes flight. / And the symbol of the Fatherland - the tricolor banner, / Leads the peoples of Russia to victory.”

Some kind of ominous image of the coat of arms, not to mention the impossibility of the expression “takes flight” in any case. That is, maybe that’s what they say about ballistic missiles, but, you see, the Byzantine eagle is a completely different thing. And what kind of victory is the tricolor leading the peoples of Russia to? We understand - intertextuality, a hint of the triumph of communism from the refrain of the previous edition. But every vegetable has its time. Whether you are a radish or anyone.

In general, to be honest, we didn’t like this option at all. And we decided to turn, as was said, to the best practices. There is potential. When the lyricists are silent, the physicists speak, we thought.

First of all, we went to the site stihi.ru, recently described in our section, and turned to the help of the famous “ Poet's Assistant ” program, which we asked to select the most complete equivalent for the old Soviet anthem. So that the rhymes are preserved and the meter is authentic. But the assistant was powerless. He just gave out the meaningless line “I can’t give the exact date.” What kind of pessimism is this, I wonder? The exact date is already known - December 31. More precisely - January 1st. As soon as the chimes strike. To go with champagne.

We were despondent and even, we admit, doubted the technical progress and developments of the domestic defense-industrial complex. But they didn’t grieve for long! We remembered that we have on our hard drive a wonderful old program called “Stihoplyuy” (version 4.1 for DOS, ╘ GrinchSoft, 1992). Stihoplyu has, of course, shortcomings - for example, he does not recognize any non-masculine nouns. And he doesn’t like verbs. But on the other hand, the masculine gender, from our point of view, maximally corresponds to the genre task, and while there are not enough verbs and there are no agreements, the eagle does not fly.

The resulting text may scare off the reader with its length. But I recommend that the reader not be afraid, but think about it. Who said, after all, that the anthem should be done in a minute? That it shouldn't be an epic? That the heroes of this epic cannot be Pipe, Speedometer, Dosimeter and Valenok?

And let them listen to how our Olympians sing in the ten lost years!

And then, the real diversity of the country requires a textual length adequate to the territory. So that everyone can find a verse or two to their liking. Read carefully, and you will be convinced that Stikhoplyuy quite correctly reflected complex ideological conflicts, national problems, the topic of permanent preparation for winter, issues of privatization of the aluminum complex, the difficult international situation, cultural traditions, and religious wealth... Read , in general, and envy. Better yet, sing:

a sultry speedometer is writing to me from a bachelorette party
Marxism-Leninism was comprehended behind the wall
district sixth fracture restless
malicious Trotskyism returned to the pub

eats octal methylene on the contrary
dosimeter solid transformer thin
departed from grief sonnet non-cash
astral bagel enviable gray-haired

the treble is full of thoughts, comprehending quickly
cartel strawberry binary thick
barn piercing true in the sea
uncompressed plain ivory ladle

dull chauvinism befell the whole horde
jumping knows the kicking city simple
charming lunar black ladle
unnecessary godless dispenser empty

size outstanding diameter at sea
your employee train is cast iron raw
astral troparion comprehending from grief
read the second ladle without a blot

influential laughter all-weather barren
walking mortal suffering noise
It's a cold bachelorette party
shoe hungry read at random

not sunken revisionism vertical
sonnet of those times the irresponsible mind
orchestra comprehending binomial
Mordent voiced, barely breathing, at random

especially since the incoming dosimeter is honest
blow poetic orchestra worst of all
eats a pendulum drunk harsh wonderful
eats the byte issued by the employee sin

that common harem vertical autumn
its developed scoring standard monolith
eats early troparion returned without laziness
liked the pharyngitis that leaked out

a hefty abstract dosimeter hundredth
but a massive proud canvas sob
regular home inspection is jumping again
the blow received a slow spike

people receptive grain barn
lit for fun brothel numerical
but clearly solvable winter ladle
funny brothel poisonous live

dosimeter thirsty warm transparent
trifle calmed down surrealism
dosimeter thinking wonderful successful
eats slowly bold deaf formalism

once the white pendulum doubled
significant warm leatherette hotel
trifle horse returned skillfully
dashing dark pluralism stearin

inspection evil harmful western honest
bad dermatosis resolves completely
finishing blow fashionable useful
a simple steamship reaches the bottom

that bottom is indignant, melting strange
jack basic archaic raw
but eccentric greedy Marxism without flaw
not a rare Moscow second pipe

decisive blow archaic
wrote the continent of those times, God's gift
brothel full of doom excellent egg
the law begs for beautiful nectar

over there wears a completely dejected mordent
me smart original law chauvinism
indignant fat scientist syndrome
paper gray boletus formalism

eats at a gallop deposit error-free accurate
classic stupid any pluralism
eats accepted dactyl unsuitable side
polite loyal what Leninism

the blow is not bad, the worst one is foreign
broken early earth speedometer
walking socialism cashless
eats a sweaty closed steel felt boot

manual methylene issuing skillfully
me a false deep gambling notebook
any organism is amazing and brave
the cartel calmed down on the contrary

in the fire the drop is exhausted and alluring
so the stormy Marxism had fun
diameter oral exciting rides
raspberry winter unsigned bottom

a hefty Moscow harem, the long-awaited one
troparion octagonal upset bitch
size amazing languid hazy
Qatar was honored, suddenly rejoicing

pearly true syndrome different
the scorched one wore complete ostracism
wore a devastating afternoon snack contagious
evil house untold similar asked

frost received by falling with a squirrel
transparent bad honorable Marxism
regular initial dosimeter small
all the iconic hundredth Marxism-Leninism

sonnet untold countless summer
and the grandson is the worst aluminum roll
standard merciless global last
material mature decisive cry

ladle entertaining robber shameless
covenant returnable fatal fate
notebook amazing sad offensive
eats slowly opportunism flow

alluring printed dispenser forced
eats down the undergrowth, giving out the gray hair
dictation numerical scorched without rules
revisionism lonely thin

treble God's gift rebuilt with a squirrel
steel arsenide permanent got out
but the high-pitched mother-of-pearl fine vulture
took out a dark pick and wrote

eating soft dictation modern shameless
artificial bold significant noise
eats sob front cautious malicious
eats the day the main difference is full of thoughts

vertical monolith drop disappeared
eats again pluralism emaciated harem
lucky harem stunning ballroom
the peace of those times was completely hardened

asked for a pass comprehending the spring
not rough shining ladle fragment
but the beech is emaciated, successful, pitch-black
straight dark noble mordent

diameter barren spiritual mobile
the castle brothel was going for a walk around the corner
diameter employee grumbles under the cherry tree
here is a bent lynx walking house

that pendulum is a given noise, merciless
not the vertical beech sways over there
sad global orchestra huge
suffering winter ready law

diameter overall abstract burgundy
round dance gets up formalism golden
eats maple day off continuous trouble
dosimeter similar thick

auxiliary hotel Pskov naive
doesn't know the snide live seminar
not some kind of associative felt boots
people antiworld allows Qatar

final tank orchestra weak
figured divine dactyl second
not opportunism calmed down with the toad
mordent is the worst, continuous raw

desirable attentive slender pipe
real speedometer opportunism
eats galloping careful orchestra worthy
and mass narrow package Trotskyism

harem returned famous humane
conditional contract inhumane empty
that tank young cartel is long awaited
scandal virtual printed simple

kalach mother-of-pearl employee explicit
I heard my godless trust more often
eats shine pass comprehending equal
Jewish decisive lower orchestra

burning carotene returned lunar
vast muzzled respectful rock
all suffering every string dosimeter
and your overthrowing tank term

red-haired sideboard naive who
the whole thirsty pink felt boot is gobbling up
infectious on fire amazing city
Marxism had fun in reverse

dosimeter early charming Prussian
non-literary sob homogeneous other
evil byte Turkic appendage Etruscan
desirable bachelorette party decent tame

eating the strawberry injectable dispenser
serial offensive dark orchestra
and Prussian dictation numerical transformer
down crying brothel shotgun horseback

the people of the antiworld have been honored from the edge
the thirsty pendulum is upset here
Fat egg syndrome is affecting me
and the entire labor vulture is mother-of-pearl

newly bent complete trifle virtual
the suffering abandoned grandson eats while falling
that small homemade crystal denarius
Troparion asynchronous gray-haired is full of torment

empty exhausted inspection aneroid
oblique returned afternoon snack wonderful
direct organism dark asteroid
dubious octal maple crazy

holy asteroid two-faced binary
any vitamin went for a walk slowly
marxism-leninism vulnerable commodity
soon eats the last dubious ball

people comprehending western rude
not pathetic Marxism is full of horse doom
speedometer clean doubled into pipes
covered stack dosimeter

evil pernicious civilian Marxism eclipses
eats falling copper pendulum on fire
example idle stadium comprehends
the whole low dosimeter suffering to me

his eccentric neon dactyl grumbles
decisive frequent gratifying bow
me a massive tank train universal
the dark kalach has calmed down

wore an active imperishable mediator
I heard a golden boletus coming down
scientist village wonderful modern
eats afternoon snack, scientist, broken, thick

french diameter rare astral
I yearn for surrealism for matins
the skeleton walks like a crystal dosimeter
ready-made egg core pacifism

If anyone thinks that the proposed text does not reflect something, please write (address is below). I will be happy to launch the program again and press the F9 and F5 keys. Stikhoplyu and I are not some kind of laureate - we don’t feel sorry for anything for the people.

╘1998, 1999, 2000 Roman Leibov E-mail: roman@admin.ut.ee
╘1998, 1999, 2000 Russian Journal E-mail: russ@russ.ru