"Strong, like a girl"

All childhood, photographer Maria Ionov-Gribin played with her brother at the Indians, shooting from toy bows. But when a warehouse of home weapons appeared in her house already with three own sons, she thought about what such games are teaching, and whether it is true that "thanks to the war from the boys, real men grow up." So the first part of the photo project “Game?” Was born: Maria took boys with toy weapons. But after that, mothers of girls wrote to her, who also willingly choose toy pistols and daggers instead of dolls. “Such matters” recorded monologues of their parents.

"True with his brother"

Marina Kozlova, Mom Martha

My daughter is 11 years old, she studies in the fifth grade. She is super -senior, adult: this year she herself decided that she needed to change school to a stronger one, she entered. Not a child, but an adult from birth. She is the eldest in the family, we have two more boys.

I would not say that she is a very fighting girl - she took pictures with her brother’s gun and would hardly have to ask for a separate one. But she never liked the “girls” pink dresses and games with girls - she is friends mainly with the boys. He fights with his brother truly, to the blood: he is the most violent in our family, she has to defend herself.

Marta photo: Maria Ionova-Garbin

In different periods, she gravitates to some kind of girl's piece, then to the boy. She has not yet entered the period of puberty and while he is determined with her sex, she knows herself and tries to understand what she is.

But now I am watching the boys and see how my youngest (a little over a year) is crazy about cars, garbage trucks, aircraft. Nobody tells him that now you need to sit and disassemble the cars, but he does not reach to play dolls that lie next to the cars. But Marta did not have this. And I think that, apparently, some gender pieces are formed genetically, depending on the gender, from birth, and the role of the parent is overestimated: much is formed before the birth of the child, and then-by the environment.

"I want the protection to be timely"

Olga Boykova, mother of Zhenya

Before the photo project, we just returned from a trip, where Eugene once again chose daggers at a flea market for herself - only the fact that we flew back “victory” stopped us from buying cold weapons. Eugene took only a small folding knife.

Zhenya is now studying in the seventh grade. The girl is unusual, with her non -standard interests, with character, at the same time fragile and elegant. When Zhenya was small, she had a braid, and now she is bald, with tunnels in her ears, walks in my giant things. If Zhenya had a lot of free money, then she would most likely lower everything to marketing, management, sociology, and psychology books.

From childhood, she dragged stones and twigs everywhere. Before her first class, they went to the Caucasus and from there brought her first folding knife, elegant, beautiful, inlaid,-before that she cut out of some Buratin dedashkin from sticks.

She probably wants to be like adults. When she went to school, I had a young man rather brutal appearance, who had a collection of knives - all in black, with T -shirts with skulls, in a jacket. And the sweet girl Zhenya after him changed into black and torn jeans-she completely licked the image and walked like that for some time.

Zhenya photo: Maria Ionova-Garbin

It seems to me, due to the fact that she is still a child, she is interested in being in different images. As a child, I sewed a lot of dresses for her, she walked beautifully dressed, a stream of compliments always poured, and she was used to it. She had the outfits mainly cute, girlish. Now in her wardrobe there is not a single dress at all.

I do not impose a clothing style for her, but I was the only time I changed her. I had a difficult relationship with Zhenya’s dad, and he took her without my knowledge for as much as six months. And when I returned her, she looked like a Kuzu house: some incomprehensible boyish clothing, all grimacing and torn. I don’t know how it worked, but I bought her pink glasses, a pink hat, a pink dress, combed her. Then I look, and the child is all pink. And I think: "God, Ol, what's wrong with you?" This happened, of course, not in normal condition.

She is often asked: "Girl, what subculture do you belong to?" And she: "Not any, but what, something is written on me somewhere?" It is not written, it is simply clear that not like everyone else. After seven years, she began to manifest herself as a person. She likes to organize herself and others. She does not have a model of male behavior, she is loyal to the LGBT community, for feminism, for any minorities, in order to save all the oppressed, even if they do not ask for it. Some time ago, she wanted to be Tombo-these are girls who behave like boys.

In my childhood, everything was completely different. I was brought up strictly, in Spartan conditions, they gave me sports in the section, even tried to train sambo. This generation is now more free - wider views, it is great. But I met aggressive feminists who think narrow -collars, tightly protest, and these are excesses. I want all the defense of my daughter to be timely.

"She can afford to be herself"

Olga Korovyakova, mom Ani

I have a fighting daughter. She is not a “girl-girl”-Anya goes to fights with swords. She was born like that - immediately a bandit. In contrast, my second daughter, when I offer her: "Eve, do you want to deal with Anya?" - says: "No."

From the very beginning, Anya loved more cars. At the same time, she played funny with them like a girl: one machine “breastfeed” a smaller machine. Or they played in her tea party. Some mix turned out. She loves to dress herself: she loves both dress and pants. I can never guess that she will put on the next time.

Anya photo: Maria Ionova-Garbin

I have no installation to educate Anya as a “real girl” - I think that she is good as she is. I once had a funny dialogue with her when she said that a strong "like a girl." That is, she has an understanding that the girls are stronger than the boys. I was very surprised by such a perception.

In my childhood, these stereotypes had a great influence: "This is a girlfriend, this is a boyish occupation." I loved to read more than playing dolls, my mother always told me that I am not like that. And Anya does not like to read - she loves to climb, run, more physically developed, she has a very good orientation in space, and they have a lot in common in terms of computer games. I like that she can afford to be herself and not feel some wrong.

“Why so? You are a girl! "

Alya Hestani, Mom Zlata

Zlata with young nails loved “star wars” and swords - to play with weapons. She had little dolls - she liked technical toys: collect - to disassemble. We have such a amount of Lego that you can build a separate apartment from it. And she chose [to build] not houses with flowers and dogs, but complex structures of starships.

When she was small, she had constant performances, competitions, exams, which were definitely necessary to be in dresses. And it tired her. She began to resist: "I do not want a skirt, I do not want a dress!" I did not insist: “As you want, and get dressed”, the style has been developed now. It seems to me that he looks like the one that was in my youth, in the 90s, a little militarians: trousers similar to the military, jackets, shirts, heavy boots. There is nothing like “girl”.

I gave her free rein from the very beginning. I did not want to grow a "sugar" girl. She has never been soft - has always been with her opinion. But it seems to me that it grows an adequate person, a harmonious teenager. I give her freedom of choice, but at the same time I am following that she knew how to negotiate with people, knew how to use it.

Zlata photo: Maria Ionova-Garbin

As a child, I came across gender stereotypes: I was interested in running into the workshop, grabbing the rubies, braids, drills, and grandfather and great -grandfather did not understand why I needed this where I climb, believed that the girl did not need it. But then they stepped over some of their views and began to take me with them.

It seemed to me that when my daughter was growing up, it would be much easier for her. But she also faces this. In the same school, when teachers begin to say: “Why is it? You are a girl! It is necessary! " Who needs it, why? They do not explain to her, of course. I also can’t explain to her why it should be so. I can only explain to her that people do not want to develop - apparently they are comfortable in this world with hard boundaries: who does what, who does not do what. These teachers are younger than me, but they are littered, live in some shackles and impose them on other people's children. I am sorry, but this did not go anywhere.

"To be a feminine and amazingly persistent fighter"

Anna Kostina, Mom Duni

I have four children. Three girls and one boy. All girls are different. I became a mother early quite early, and my ideas about how to raise children have changed with every child: I wanted a girl who was “breathing fogs”, and my eldest daughter wanted a boy, a brutal bully, and he was like that. And then I realized that there is no need to give a clear installation, and the next children are completely different.

Duna is eight years old, and she is like a plane that goes to the runway through life. The lights light up. Everything develops as she needs. Very brisk and very active. She has amazing emotional intelligence: greatly reads people, calculates the situation. Wise eyes from birth.

She is an athlete on skiing, very stubborn. Recently, it turned out that, it turns out, she was always scared, but she was going to, did not tell anyone, gathered her will into a fist and descended from this ice mountain. This is a shock for me.

Dunya grew up surrounded by toys not only of the older sister, but also of the older brother. She never had a distinction: “Play it because we are girls. And we don’t play it, because we are not boys. ” She was happy to play dolls with her older sister, but she could perfectly support the “boy” game: everything that concerns swords, weapons, shooters, a lasour, can put in place.

Dunya photo: Maria Ionova-Garbin

At the same time, she is feminine since childhood. The eldest daughter does not care what she is dressed in, she shopping is flour. And for Dunechka is a complete buzz. From childhood, she will greatly combine styles. Now the pretext of the age, more sports things appear - combined femininity and masculinity. I do not see contradictions here: you can be outwardly feminine, thin, elegant and be an amazingly persistent fighter. A great combination.

My grandmother said all my life: “Well, you are a girl. This cannot be done. " I have this main trigger. Why can't I do this? So what, what am I a girl?

Maternity is internal work on oneself, studying oneself and the outside world through children. They show that the world is much wider. And the more children, of different sexes, of different ages, the more this world, the angle of view changes, you become more flexible. Today I am a gentle, affectionate mother and loving wife, and tomorrow I need to go money to earn money, and I will tear everyone. And it's great when you can rebuild.

"Princess and warrior in one"

Svetlana Rastorgueva, Mom Vera

We have a lot of children's weapons at home, and it appeared even before the son. Vera asked her to buy a sword or shield, especially in museum stores somewhere in castles-some huge wooden things. What she starred with, she saw at the festival the reconstruction "Times and the era."

In many ways, this comes from her passion for films such as Star Wars. She has a bunch of Jedi swords, she is interested in martial arts. But in such games she is always in the role of a defender.

Recently, she watched Kung Fu Pandu and now endlessly jumps in the corridor, tries to jump in the air, show some acrobatics. But at the same time, she runs and says that she came up with a new scheme for embroidery, and disassembles the strings. She is all combined with her. On the one hand, there is a Jedi, and on the other, a girl who likes to sort out beads, cosmetics.

Svetlana and Vera Photo: Maria Ionova-Garbin

My daughter wants to be Princess Rapunzel, and on the other hand, not to preen and be what it is. The princess and a warrior in one - such a conflict is obtained.

I try to never say: “Do not swear, you are a girl! Don’t scream, don’t do it, you're a girl! ” As a child, I did not perceive this phrase as a threat. I did not behave like a kid. But she wore a lot of boyish clothes, since growth is above 180 centimeters - it was impossible to buy women's jeans of this size.

I think it's great, that they have a choice. Although it is very difficult for the parent. She did not like the teacher at school. He comes and says: “This teacher is rough. She says such words. I do not want to go to such a school. " The people of my generation would suffer, suffer to neurosis, and it would come out with a stream of diseases. And they do not tolerate.

"You need to defend your choice"

Vladimir Boldyrev, Father Virinea

When educating both my daughter and my son, I adhere to the same principles. For example, she fell from the swing, hit - we did not run to her specifically, did not reassure, because it was clear that nothing serious happened to do it on her own. And since then she ran around the site in the children's site, like Superman, she became independent. Absolutely the same principle with son.

Virineyna is 11 years old, it is curious and enthusiastic, but at the same time dispersed. There are literally a few things on which she is ready to focus for a long time, all the others are short -term. It is also very sociable - it can start a conversation with any person. But still quite naive.

Virinea photo: Maria Ionova-Garbin

She can walk in a unicorn costume to the street, can dye her hair-there are some experiments that children, in principle, should perform. She makes them, but necessarily under supervision, because there are a lot of negative experience around.

In the years when I grew up, there was a pressure of the environment on the street, at school and some circles, sections: if you come there with dyed hair, then no one will understand this. I was the first person at a school in a closed city of Baikonur to grow hair and walk with long hair, sometimes with a tail. Often flew from peers, and ended with a fight in the yard, publicly. I quickly filled someone with my nose, and that’s all-since then there have been no questions to my choice of appearance. Therefore, the child must be prepared for the fact that he should defend his choice.

Children of a woman of a photo station