"Two works are easier than on maternity leave"

Fathers who have taken leave to care for a child - about their life

According to the Social Insurance Fund, only 2% of Russian fathers take a vacation to care for the child. Especially for the Cold, Anna Alekseeva spoke with several of them about stereotypes, fears, pluses and minuses of the decree and whether they could go through this again or not.

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Studies show that in families where not only the mother, but also the father goes on maternity leave, relationships are better, and women reduce the risk of postpartum depression. Couples in which fathers even went into a short decree were divorced much less often (19% versus 32%).

According to the Labor Code of the Russian Federation, not only mom, but also dad, grandparents or other relative or guardian who actually cares for the child can go on vacation for a child under three years of age. At the same time, the law does not prohibit a part -time work or at home during this period with the right to preserve the right to receive benefits for state social insurance. Its size is 40% of the average earnings, but not higher than a certain amount (in 2021 it is 29,600 rubles ; the allowance is paid up to one and a half years). Despite this, the fathers who go on maternity leave are still often condemned. For example, on social networks, you can often see comments that "it is somehow wrong, somehow not in Russian-a man turns into a woman."

According to the VTsIOM , 63% of the Russians against the care of the child’s care was taken by the father, and 42% of men, on the contrary, would agree to take care of the newborn instead of his wife. According to the results of the study of the analytical center of NAFI, the vast majority (87%) of Russian men believe that both spouses should take care of the child and fulfill household duties, but the decree - female business. Only 1% of men in Russia, according to them, are ready to completely devote their time to care for the child.

"Periodically there was a feeling that I live in the endless day of the groundhog"

Yuri Yunusov, 32 years old

My decree is over: I stayed on vacation on the care of a child for eight months until my daughter went to the kindergarten. The first six months after the child was a spouse. When the daughter refused her chest, it was my turn. I work as a sisadmin in a sports club, my wife - a consultant to "1C: Accounting", and she earns a little more than me. In the future, large projects loomed to her. The upbringing of a child requires large financial costs, therefore, having consulted, we decided that I would go on maternity leave. Moreover, the leadership went to meet me: we agreed that I would do some of the work from the house. Given the minimum "maternity" at 5,000 rubles, I received half the usual. But if I had not worked at all, I would have lost skills. Even now, when I went to work, I had to remember the things that I used to do on the machine.

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Colleagues and acquaintances of my exit on maternity leave reacted calmly. Some, of course, were surprised and asked questions, how I would interact with the baby, but it was only one day that I was frank in my direction, when I heard from an outsider that the “decree is a female business”, and now I “not a man” at all. ” This division of duties into male and female is incomprehensible to me. A lot is entrusted to women in the modern world: they work and engage in the household and grow children. But these “real men”, after working with a salary of 10 thousand, come home, lie down with beer on the sofa and ask them not to touch, because they are tired, and let their wives deal with children. If I can help my wife, why not?

Of course, I had some fears. Still, men poorly read emotions, hints, it’s easier for us when they directly explain: I don’t like that, I want this. And then a small child who only agiles. But the more time you devote to the child, the faster you begin to understand him. The biggest difficulty for me was the inability to agree with my daughter about something in words. That is, I had to look for some other influence tools.

There were situations when my hands dropped. For example, when her daughter was sick or her teeth were cut. Well, give her a tablet that does not always help, sit and wait. This helplessness kills. A man should always do something, act, “hunt for a mammoth”, so sitting and waiting for us to be harder. We are not the guardians of the hearth, we are miners.

Almost all eight months of “Decree” we lived on a schedule - it was easier, and I clearly knew when and what to do. True, there were still problems. The daughter fell asleep well on the street in a stroller, but at home, it was only worth putting her on the bed, immediately woke up. Evening setting took a lot of time and effort. I periodically had the feeling that I live in the endless day of the groundhog. There was also very lack of communication. When the child was asleep, I corresponded with friends and colleagues in order to somehow make up for his lack. Well, in the evening on Fridays my wife let me go for a walk: if I had not met friends, I would not stand it for a long time.

I cooked and followed order in the house mostly my wife - I did not have the strength for it

It seems to me that women are more resilient than men: they can simultaneously monitor the child and do business - they need to erect a monument! I was only enough for my daughter: to feed, take a walk, play, tempt, put to sleep, bring it to the clinic. I prepared and followed the order in the house mostly my wife - I did not have the strength for it.

Honestly - in two works it is easier than on maternity leave. If you don’t like the work, you can quit, look for something new, and you need to finish the case with the decree, if you have taken it. You usually do not wake you up at three in the morning, and the child can wake up and cry at any time. Despite this, I am not scared by the prospect of going on vacation with a second child: it will be easier for me, because I am now about to imagine what to wait.

"I began to look at women's work differently"

Pavel Zudin, 32 years old

In February, my daughter will turn 3 years old, and I will return to ordinary life. I used to believe that sitting with a child is a female duty. “How so, a man - and on maternity leave? Not supposed! And in general, bicepses will disappear from feeding a child from a bottle and cubes on the stomach will resolve, ”the male ego said in me. But fate ordered differently. When we had a daughter, I worked as a simple civil servant, and my wife was engaged in business. If the wife went on maternity leave, her case would fall apart. Having soberly assessed the situation, I realized that I had to take a vacation to care for the child - because I did not lose anything. In addition, the child is more important than prejudices. The wife proposed to issue a vacation for her mother, but I decided to try it myself.

At work, they gave me a decree without problems. Only in the personnel department they were perplexed how to draw me up - I was there the first man who took a vacation to care for the child. Friends and acquaintances were not surprised at my choice, knowing that my wife has a business. One friend even asked me to persuade her husband, who earned much less than her, to this step, but he did not agree. They even wanted to take the plot about me in the morning program on the “first”, but it didn’t work out: I was from Tula, and the producers were looking for a hero from Moscow. I told a friend about this, and he replied: “And good! Then they would laugh at you in the city - the man sits on maternity leave! ”

I went on maternity leave when my daughter was 2.5 months old. Immediately after discharge of my wife from the hospital, I took a three -week vacation at work, and at first we looked after my daughter together. Once I had to spend a couple of hours alone with the baby - my wife had to urgently drive at work - and it was scary. The child was choking and yelling, but I did not know what to do, and called my wife. I cursed everything in these two hours. But over time, I was adapted, and I had no problems with changing the diaper and swaddling. Therefore, it was not so scary to go on maternity leave.

The first month was alone with the child: the daughter only ate and slept. In May, when the daughter was three months, I began to take her out for walks - it happened 30 km with a stroller! The hardest thing for me was to lay her to sleep. She fell asleep small only in a car car - she did not recognize the crib, so I had to take it with me and download it. The cradle is weighty, and the daughter fell asleep only after an hour and a half-then my hands fell off. When she grew out of the cradle, she began to sleep in our bed, but she did not fall asleep either at once. I tried to explain to her what to do, pretended to go to bed, and sometimes really cut down. When the child finally fell asleep, I could wash the dishes, read or just go about my business. The wife cooked in the evenings. Sometimes my mother helped the household - she lives nearby. Fortunately, at night the daughter always slept well, so I did not suffer from lack of sleep.

When my daughter began to walk, my life became a little more diverse. And then I began to work out at all while she was sleeping: I was engaged in the administration and filling of one site. By the way, for almost three years on maternity leave, I was weaned from office work and realized that there is nothing better for me on freelance, because I am a master for myself. Now I think, is it worth it to return to the old job at all? In the fall, my daughter went to kindergarten, so now I can get more customers. It is convenient that I myself build my schedule, and when my daughter is sick, I do not have to ask for the leadership. True, when I had to urgently work and no one could replace me, I thought: “Yo-mine, why did I agree to the decree!”

I can’t say that I fell a lot of life. Yes, I sat a lot at home, but still I sometimes tried to meet with friends, and even go somewhere with tents. Yes, and with my daughter we went to visit or just sat on a trolleybus or tram and rode around the city.

When my daughter is with me, says: “Daddy, you are my beloved, my good!” And how mom comes: “That's it, dad, go!” Even a little disappointing, because I bored with her from infancy, wiped the ass, and now, as she sees her mother, so immediately to her - and no one else needs it.

Despite the fact that my child is calm, the decree is still difficult, morally and physically. Many still believe that it is really relaxing on maternity leave. Of course! If I were offered to go through this again, I would have thought a hundred times.

I began to look at women's work differently. We, men, often belong to a well-groomed child, order in a house prepared breakfast-wise-din, washed and ironed as a reason. And if I hadn’t been on maternity leave, I wouldn’t even think that a clean child, a clean apartment in general and the kitchen in particular require large labor costs during the day - and I haven’t done it yet!

Someone believes that the decree is not a male business. Very male. Firstly, you help your loved one. Secondly, you completely take responsibility for the child. Over these almost three years, I became very attached to my daughter. I have friends who left the family and see their children only on weekends. For me, this is wildness. I can’t imagine how you can leave your child. Now I do not see my life without a daughter at all.

"I had fear: what will the authorities and colleagues say?"

Mikhail Chernov, 33 years old

My wife and I have been raising his son - he is a year and ten months. When my son was two months old, I went on vacation to care for the child, but the spouse is more engaged in the child, and I am at the patch. By the specialty, I am an electrical engineer, and my wife worked as a seller in the household chemical department. Even before the conception of the child, we agreed that she would quit and would engage in her health. This did not mean that it would not work in the future. Now the full maintenance of a woman and children is a man - I am against this ( according to Rosstat, in 2018, 53.2% of women and 67.8% of men worked in Russia. The situation when a wife earns more than a husband has practically stopped surprising Russians. - Note “cold” ). Three years before the birth of our son, we began to build a house in the village. In the evenings after work and all the weekend I was engaged in construction, and in the morning I went to work again. It was not easy.

When my wife became pregnant, I decided that I would take a vacation for the care of a child: I had long dreamed of getting freedom from hiring and doing my business. As it turned out later, it turned out to be more profitable and financially. The wife would have been laid by minimum payments, since her work experience was interrupted, and I received 38,000 rubles well for our region for the last two years, so I got “maternity” from me almost to the maximum, 25,800. Together with the benefit for the poor, which was paid to my wife, it went out of 35,000. That is, we could easily compensate for compensations, and I had a lot of free free ones for me. time.

When I wrote an application for a childcare leave, I had fear: what would the boss say? For a woman, going on maternity leave is a common thing for a man-well, only if there is no serious situation with a child and there is no one else to sit, but my wife does not work. And then I thought - what to be afraid of if this is my legal right? I want - and I'm leaving! I went to the frames for the form. There women work mainly, one said: “Handsome! I believed in you. " The statement wrote, carried the head to the signature, he grinned:

- What, true or what?

“Well, you understand that you cannot refuse me.”

He signed. One colleague pinned it, they say, I’ll now breastfeed the child. But I did not pay attention. Basically, everyone was interested in what we would live for and how I, a man, could go on maternity leave - I am a booter. Relatives and friends reacted normally, only some were surprised, because before that they did not know that the father could go on maternity leave. Mom on the playground giggled, regularly seeing me with a stroller. Fathers walking with children are generally a rarity. Then they became interested: what is it, I do not work, or what? “Wife? Why do you live? "

Not every man can cope with decree alone, I am definitely not one of those. I helped my wife follow the child, changed diapers, fed, washed the ass, drove my son to the clinic - my wife has no driver’s license. My wife was engaged in cooking because I have bad things with this. Now the son has grown up, categorically refuses to eat from my hands and does not want me to put it. For this - to mom. And washing the ass - only to dad.

Decree - not at all about vacation. This is a titanic work, because the child requires maximum attention and time. I immediately felt this, but many do not understand. After a month and a half, they called me from work: “Stop relax! When will you go to work? " And they still call periodically.

I worked for 10 years, and there is nothing special to recall, except for vacations. In fact, in a year you only live on vacation for a month, and even then colleagues periodically pull you. All the rest of the time you are missing at work, and someone also works at home-like a squirrel in a wheel. In the decree, I have some freedom, now I can decide for myself when and what to do. I took up business, to which my hands did not reach before. The house with his father was completed, the gas was carried out, only it remained to finish the little things. In the summer we plan to move. And if I had disappeared at work, the construction would have protracted for another 3-4 years, and I would live like a zombie. This is an illusion that a person can have time for something to work.

I see how the son grows. We just don’t think about it: it is accepted that dad earns, mom raises children. And I say to colleagues: “Yes, you don’t see your children! Well, after working in the store you will go in, you will solve some business, and there will be two hours on the child at best-and then, if the forces remain. On the weekend you are in a semi -fainting state: here you would be with your family, and you, as in a coma, try to move away from a five -day. ”