Mom in the pit

Father brutally beat Asya. She grew up and was able to run away from the house, but fell into the hands of another tyrant. Her whole life is a nightmare, but for the sake of her children, Asya is ready for everything

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Asce is twelve years old, she lies in the hospital with gastritis. She has long black hair, big brown eyes. She is a beauty, but a boy from the neighboring chamber teases Asya “Chernozhopa”. Asya - a Muslim, was born in Azerbaijan, but from two years he lives in Siberia. She knows that it is not Russian, but she is offended to hear the calls. “Black -skinned, black -skinned,” the boy Ace shouts in the face. She turns away and endures. Then the boy fits behind and painfully shoves Asya in her back. She does not withstand, pushes him back. He falls on the floor, tears her hair. Asya fights off. They will be distinguished by nurses, and the next day an angry father comes for Asya.

In the car, he hisses: “I will arrange you at home! Watch your family, disgrace your father! ” Asya squeezed into a lump and was silent. She knows: if the father says so, then it will not seem enough. In the elevator, the father beats his daughter with his fist in the face. And then another blow, from the side. Asi, everything floats in front of his eyes, rumors, and his further words rush from under the ground: “You are shit, you are a disgrace!”

***

This is Asino's memory one of the brightest and most offensive. She says: “I never told anyone about my childhood. I don’t know how to complain, show others my weakness. ” I say Ace that now she may not be afraid to be weak. That she can be herself. And on these words, she is filled with a waterfall of tears.

In the house of the father

"Dad is not good"

“We lived in Russia, but the family was Caucasian, I was raised in the severity of Muslim adats, ” says Asya. - My mother was a kind, but limp servant. She decided when to eat and when to go to the bathroom. The father did not allow her to solve something else. He systematically insulted and beat her. She never answered, just closed. Whenever he beat her, we and my older sister sat in his room and whispered to each other to the sound of blows that we will never have such a life. We will not allow anyone to treat us like that. And the older I became, the more often I thought that I would never be like a mother.

We asked her to leave her father many times. She said that we were still small, we do not understand anything in life. That she has nowhere to go, we will live on the street and starve. And that she suffers beatings for us, so that we have a roof and bread. So I remembered that children are severity, a burden. If something happens, they will not allow you to leave and fix everything. ”

For the first time, his father beat Asya when she was five. He left his daughter for a short while in a cafe under the supervision of a familiar woman, and she began to say Ace as her dad is good. “No, dad is not good,” Asya answered her. "Why?" - the woman was surprised. "Because he beats mom." Her words were handed over to her father, and in the evening he cut off Asya to the bruises.

“Dad was waiting for a kid, my birth did not bring him joy. He did not put me in anything, and if he paid attention to me - only to beat or call me. All the time he told me: “You are shit, you are nobody!” This is probably why I studied well. I went out of my skin to prove to my father that I was not shit. But he was not interested in my school successes. He was never satisfied with me. "

"I'll leave home!"

Asya and his sister were afraid of her father before panic. Their room was in the apartment, but they learned to hear the elevator. As soon as his doors opened on the floor, the girls began to rush around the room and hide into the corners. They knew that this was a father and that now someone from their family would be a bit. He always found a reason.

“Once my father beat me for going into the room, and I came out of it at that moment. I squeezed sideways between him and the doorway, but he grabbed me. He cried out: “You are an ill -bred shit, the elders must be respected!” He had a habit - beat on the head. My head was sick all the time ... Once he beat my sister so much that she wanted to jump out of the balcony. I miraculously managed to keep her. How then we cried with her! I then told my mother that I would leave home as soon as I graduate from school. I will live like Russians who enter the university and settle separately from parents. Mom said: “Where are you going, you are a girl! According to our adams, this is impermissible! He will kill you, forget about it!” But I still dreamed how I would leave home forever and this nightmare will end. ”

Asya entered the medical, she wanted to become a doctor. The profession was chosen by the medic because of her father. Doctors are respected, important people, maybe then the father will finally appreciate her? But the father continued to beat her, and the older she became, the more merciless the beatings were. Asse was ashamed to come to the university with a swollen face, she had everything hurt, she constantly cried. And there was no way out.

The way out is to get married

In the second year, Asya met on the Internet with Zaur. He lived in Chechnya, they became friends by correspondence. Asya told him about his difficult situation in the family, Zaur shared his response - in his house, not everything was smooth either. Zaur was attentive, sensitive, always ready to listen and regret. He mixed her and encouraged her. Asya found in him comfort and strength to live.

“I was not interested in marriage at that time. I wanted self -realization: to study, work. But I could only leave the house on our adams. Mom said, dad would be easier to kill me than to let go of an independent life. This happens in the Caucasus, when a brother kills a sister or father’s daughter ... I understood that this was not a joke.

Illustration: Alexey Sukhov for TD

Zaur called me to marry. He said that we will live in Islam, that in Islam they respect women, that he will love me, protect and protect me. I did not like him outwardly, but was good, was my support. And I, not seeing another way out, decided that this is not the worst option to leave home. Father, of course, would never have given consent to this marriage: I could only go up for the person of my nation. Therefore, I ran away with Zaur to Grozny. There was no way back.

In Grozny, I very quickly realized that I had stepped into another from one swamp. ”

In the house of the husband

You can’t give birth

The family of Zaura Asya did not accept, because she is Azerbaijan. They settled separately. A month later, Zaura's mother still paid a visit to them. Zaura was not at home, Asya, terribly nervous, covered it on the table.

“She went and said:“ Do not try to give birth to the children here! I can take you to an abortion. ” It turned out she thought I was in a position. I'm just numb. In the Caucasus, it is customary immediately after the wedding to give birth to children. If there are no children , it means that the problem is in marriage, the whole relatives begin to worry. And here it is. I am not a conflict person, I do not know how to swear, inflate and grind a quarrel. I smoothed out this conversation, and then told my husband everything. He said: “And you didn’t drive her out? I would have pushed her in a mutual!” He got down and grabbed me by the throat. I was scared, said that I would leave him. The next morning he apologized, said how much he loved me. I forgave. "

Wiping away the tears with a kitchen towel, Asya says that only now, at twenty -seven years old, she realized that it was a bell. What if you hit once, it will hit again. And then there was no understanding, there was no experience with a man. But she still knew one thing: you can’t give birth. If you give birth , the children will tie her to her husband and everything can be like a mother.

“A week after the apology, my husband hit me because of some trifle in the face. Then again, already stronger. I realized what kind of person he was, wanted to divorce. I called my mother, and she said that I would not even think about a divorce that the divorce would end with my death. “You will impose a shame on our whole family, and the father will kill you.” I knew that he was capable of this, and was afraid. In addition, I had nowhere to go. I decided to tolerate. I tried not to get pregnant, but, unfortunately, this happened.

When his mother found out about this, she said: “So that they die!” The husband said: “Make an abortion.” And then: “No, don’t do it, these are our children.” I understood that abortion was a way out, but the mother’s feeling did not allow him to make it. The same feeling is now the engine of what I am doing: trying to survive. ”

Beating is a comfort zone

Asya gave birth to twin boys, weak, with hydrocephalus. Immediately after the birth, Zaur moved his wife to the parental house. His father was deadly drank, his mother led the house. And Asina life has turned into hell. In the Caucasian family, absolutely all the care of the house is on the daughter -in -law. Asya dangled with her children in hospitals and at home received reproaches for this. The mother -in -law called her a whore who could not give birth to healthy children.

“Ilyas and Malik up to four years did not sleep normally and did not eat. There were days when I did not eat for several days, because I did not have time around the house. I remember how I warmed up the same tea all day and could not finish it. I cooked three times a day for the whole family, cleaned the two -story house and the yard, washed ... I had to walk with the children, play with them, give them medicine ... When I did not have time to stand up to the stove, my mother -in -law called me a whore. I was so offensive! I tried to turn to my mother again, but my father told me to convey that I was very glad that they were mocking me. “She ran away herself, now tolerate.” Sometimes at night I looked at my husband and thought: “I can kill him - and all this will end.” Can you imagine what I have come to?

On the first day of Ramadan, I had to prepare a lot of food, we were waiting for guests. Children cried all day on the second floor, I ran from them to the stove. The mother -in -law came up to me and with all her might gave a crack, my face became burgundy. I thought: “Well, my husband beats me. But this woman, who is nobody! I serve her here, raise her grandchildren. If she beats me, who is I at all? If everyone passing by can hit me, who am I?” I took the children and went to my friend. ”

Asya lived with her friend for a week. In order not to eat someone else's bread, I sold my golden ring. The money was quickly over, the children cried. It was necessary to buy them good nutrition, medicines. Asya could not sit on someone else's neck. To get a job too: there was no one to leave the children with. She realized that she could not cope, and returned to her husband because of the children.

“I suddenly realized what my mother was talking about. It was easier for me to endure the beatings than the material difficulties that are reflected on my children. I realized with horror that in our case, beatings are a comfort zone. This is better than life with children on the street. ”

The husband accepted Asya reluctantly: the crying children annoyed. In addition to Asi, no one was engaged in them. Sepped, wrapped, she managed to teach the twins the letters and numbers, because the doctor said that they could be mentally retarded. When the sons went to the kindergarten, Asya got a job in a cafe. I wanted to earn extra money to the escape and be sure of tomorrow. The husband did not like it.

“The boys were in the kindergarten, and he shouted:“ Children need a mother! ” He did not want to take them from the kindergarten during my days of shifts, did not want to spend time with them. And every day he shouted that I had to leave work, take them myself and sit with them. In one of these scandals, he said that I am a bad mother. These words were very touched by me, because I put all of myself in the children. I said that these are my children, that all the best and important that is in their life, I gave and give them. He hit me with his fist in the face, I hit the back of my head against the wall and lost consciousness. I woke up because my son sits on my chest and cries: “Mommy, wake up!” I was mutated, I could not get up. The husband stood on the threshold dressed. Probably scared that he killed me, decided to run away. I whispered from the floor: “I don’t want to live with you anymore, give me a divorce.” And he said: "You are divorced!" And left.

I got up, collected things, hugged the children and went nowhere. ”

On the street

Court and alimony

For several months, Asya wandered around my acquaintances. She worked as a waiter or a cleaner. I was terribly yearning for the children, it was a feeling that a piece had been cut off from her. But I could not return.

“I could not live without children, but I could no longer endure the beatings. I understood that the next time I could not wake up from his blows - and the children will not have a mother. And so I had a chance to establish my life and take them.

Of course, I tried to contact the children. She came to her husband’s house, but he did not let me in, shouted that if I want to see them, he should take them forever. "Am I obliged to feed and educate them?" I wanted to die due to the fact that I did not see the way out.

There were days when I had nowhere to live, nothing to eat ... I always lived in my parental house, never worked. There was always food, roof, clothes. I was not ready for life on the street. Although someone is ready for this? "

Only a year later, Asya found permanent housing: she rented a bed in a room with two girls. By this time, the husband was tired of the children and sometimes began to give them to Ace.

“I took my sons on the days when the girls were at work. But once Zaur was angry and said that he would not give me any more children. "Or you take them out for good, or you will not see them anymore!" He said that if I come to his house, he will send me to the next world. I have not seen the children for four months, and then gathered in my heart and went to court - sue.

In court, he said that I was a bad mother, poured me with mud. I said that I was ready for the fact that the children will live with him, but I want to see them. The court allowed me to take them twice a week. But when I came for the children, Zaur said that the court decisions were a side of him. Then I turned to the bailiff. And Zaur in response said: “Ah so! Then you will pay me alimony!” ”

Asya pauses in the story in order to “digest” this news about alimony once again. He wipes his swollen eyes and says: “I have grown in Russia and I know that many Caucasian men treat Russians with some neglect. Like, here we are men , and Russians are so -so men. But in Russia I have never heard of a situation where a man takes alimony from a woman!

I had nothing to pay for. I do not work officially, now I am leading a dance circle. This is a part-job for 4-5 thousand, I just have nowhere to take money for alimony! Recently I rented an apartment with one girl. I pay for rent, and I have almost nothing left. I save on everything, I almost do not eat, because when I take the children, I need to feed them, treat them with something tasty. After all, they still ask for one or the other ... And sometimes I can’t even buy chewing gum for 30 rubles. ”

Illustration: Alexey Sukhov for TD

Under the protection of "women"

"I'm slowly getting out of the pit"

Asya was looking for a way out, and someone told her about the organization “Women for Development”, which helps women who fell into trouble. So Asya met Lybkan Bazaeva, the head of the “women”. Libkan arranged a meeting of Asi, her ex -husband and psychologist of the organization from the Commissioner for the Rights of the Child in Chechnya. Asya recalls that at this meeting she first felt protection and felt her shoulder.

“I was in shock because there are such people! From this organization with us was a psychologist who was very involved in my situation. She did not just do her job, but sincerely empathized and tried to help me. The Commissioner and Mareth persuaded the ex -husband to abandon alimony, he even signed a settlement agreement, but at the court of Zaur sharply changed his point of view. The judge told her husband that he would disgrace Chechens, and appointed me the minimum payment - 6 thousand a month. In court there was a lawyer with me, who was given to me “women for development” for free. She said that we would fight. And I am ready to fight as much as I like, because now I am not alone. "

Asya says that “women for development” invited her to live in a crisis center for free. A comfortable building, where there is everything for life with children, a cozy room, free meals. But Asya refused.

“I don't want to relax. To survive and fight, I must be in good shape. I need to move forward to get out of the crisis. And I am ashamed to sit on someone on the neck ... Daddy's words sound in my ears: “You are shit, you are nobody, you are nothing!” I do not want to be a beggar, be anyone ... If I found out about the center earlier, when I had nowhere to live, without hesitation, I would have run. And now I got settled at the very least. When it seems to me that everything is hopeless, I look back and remember how I first slept on the street or from friends. How then took off the corner. And now we already have a whole apartment for two. There are bad conditions, but still better, I’m slowly getting out of the pit ... You know, after the last blow of Zaur, my jaw crunchs. I eat and hear: “XP-hr”. This sound reminds me that I will never return there. ”

"Mommy, you are not smeared!"

Already midnight, we are talking with Asya for more than two hours. Her sleepy sons Ilyas and Malik approach the screen. "Mommy, let's go to sleep with us, we want to sleep with you!" Asya kisses children in the top of the head and says that he will come soon. They obediently go to their room.

“We have a tradition: I stroke them until they fall asleep, ” says Asya. - Once I stroked Malik and felt that he had wet pants. And we always go to the toilet before going to bed! I asked: "Malik, what is it?" He shook. "Everything is fine, what happened?" I repeated. He answered in a whisper: "I described himself." “Why? You could ask for a toilet.” “When I ask for the toilet, dad scolds me!” I got cold. That is, he prefers to describe, but not to tell his father what he wants to be in the toilet. It is painful to realize that in relation to children he is the same as to me. I really want to pick them up, but I can’t subject them to difficulties, the lack of food ... In addition, my roommate does not want to live with two children. Not a single judge will give me the children until I arrange my life ... "

Asya stops and continues through tears: “Sometimes I think that I am a bad mother, that I am unbearable ...” At that moment, children run into the kitchen again. "You are not smeared!" - shouts Malik. "Mommy, you are not bad, you are the best!" - Elies picks up and hugs her neck. Asya stuttering in his ear: “Mom doesn’t think so, sometimes it seems like a mommy ...” - “Mom, why are you crying?” — Малик проводит пальцем по Асиному лицу. «Нет, дорогой, нет, я не плачу», — выдавливает Ася. «У меня хорошая мама!» — строго говорит Ильяс мне. На другой стороне экрана я утвердительно киваю.

***

Либкан Базаева говорит мне, что они будут рядом с Асей, будут помогать. Асе нужна стабильная работа с нормальной зарплатой, они постараются помочь с трудоустройством. Когда Ася встанет на ноги, они помогут ей в суде получить опеку над детьми. «Самое главное, что она уже с нами, наша, что в ее жизни появились люди, которым не все равно. Ася сильная, она со всем справится».

«Такие дела» помогают собирать деньги на поддержку организации «Женщины за развитие» и их большого проекта — кризисного центра «Мадина». Каждый день в организацию поступают звонки от женщин, которые убежали из дома, у которых отобрали детей, которым нечего есть и негде спать. «Женщины» стараются помочь всем, но их ресурсы ограничены: организация существует на пожертвования. Вы можете помочь им. Ваши 100, 200, 500 рублей позволят «Женщинам» крепче стоять на ногах и поддержать больше таких матерей, как Ася.