"May I have Natasha"

Ira lived in an orphanage all her life. When she became a teenager, nobody cares about her: such children are already rarely taken to families. Ira knew nothing about the adult world and, after adulthood, could be a gap, like many others. But Natasha appeared in her life

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The text was written with the participation of Tatyana Sibirtseva and Polina Shcherbakova

Ira never had her adult, no. She has brothers and sisters, but she personally does not know them. “She did not see her mother’s mother, except on the phone, she talked. There were only educators. Imagine, you have no one. Not a single person who would be yours, ”Natalya Matushevskaya tells me. For Ira, she became the first adult.

Natalya Matushevskaya, mentor of Irina photo: Anton Klimov for TD

A few years ago, Natasha, who had already grown her son, thought: could she take the child into the family? “I saw on social networks a photo of a girl from an orphanage. She began to find out about her, listened to herself. But while I was weighing for and against, she was taken away. Therefore, I decided to go to the orphanage by a volunteer, ”says Natasha.

Natalia and Irina Photo: Anton Klimov for TD

Volunteers held master classes and useful trainings in the orphanage, taught children to cook. Natasha says that the children are so non -self -state that they don’t even know that they need to put sugar in tea - in an orphanage he is sweet at once, as he ended up on the table. “Once they put the brought eggs in the freezer - well, they just didn’t know where their place was in the refrigerator, and how did they know?” She recalls.

Already in one of the first visits to the orphanage, Natasha met Ira - she was instructed to meet the guests and "show everything." Since then, they saw each other regularly, and it seemed to Natasha that it was this that she needed: she was not ready to adopt the child, but she wanted to be an older friend.

Irina photo: Anton Klimov for TD

Natalia underwent special training when the Irkutsk Foundation "Children of Baikal" recruited mentors from volunteers. “There was an acquaintance, 12-15 adults and children,” Natasha recalls. - We were asked who we would like in the wards, and the child also chose. And Ira said: “May I have Natasha”. ”

Protect relationships

When they became a couple, Ira had a difficult stage in life - time to determine the profession. Here I must say that the mentor Natasha can feed five hundred people. And this is not a joke: “I love to cook - due to this I earn. At first I was engaged in dinners and delivered them. And then somehow the order for a banquet for five hundred people came. I decided that it was fate, and took up catering. ”

Natalia and Irina on a walk photo: Anton Klimov for TD

Ira, looking at Natasha, decided to become a cook. She seemed to like to cook, and even worked out. One winter, Natasha agreed with acquaintances in the catering in order to show Ira an internal kitchen of the institution. When Natasha drove for Ira in an orphanage, she was already waiting for her on the threshold in summer sneakers. Nearby stood a director who said that Ira would not let go anywhere until she would overcome the winter. Ira flared up and generally refused to go.

Natasha did not pretend that nothing of the kind is happening, and said: “I am very sorry that you are going to me so now, because you yourself asked me to agree on everything. I am very upset, this is our relationship with you, have the honor to protect them. I thought you were cherishing them. ” Ira was dumbfounded, and then ran up, hugged Natasha and asked for forgiveness.

Natalia and Irina on a walk photo: Anton Klimov for TD

“She never had close people, and she did not know how to build a relationship,” Natasha explains. “And then she checked me, saw that this would not work with me, and went calmly changed clothes.”

But with a cook career, in the end, did not set. Once Natasha came to visit Ira and saw that all Irina girlfriends walk with beautiful braids. It turned out that this Ira is braided.

“She braided me, and then I asked:“ And what a fig is a cook then? You can learn on a hairdresser-stylist and make money on it. ” She agreed, and I began to find out where they teach this to us, ”says the mentor.

Natalia and Irina on a walk photo: Anton Klimov for TD

Ira, Natasha believes, “a little tear”, but in college at the open -door bottom where her mentor brought, she looked frightened. She was scared that the college was very far from the orphanage. To reassure her, Natasha showed how to get to the orphanage from the hostel. And then they rehearsed this path several times so that Ira would definitely get used to it. Now she is already graduating from college and earnings in a hairdresser.

It was also scary to call into the hostel. Ira and Natasha looked into several rooms, in one they saw order, in the other - a mess. “I explained that only in which she will live on her,” Natasha recalls.

"There was a return on her part"

In the relationship of a mentor and a child there is a candy-bouquet period, behind which a plateau follows, and then a crisis may occur. At first, both try to seem better than they really are, and then they really open.

Children in a pair can seem to check the mentor with terrible stories that happened to them in a blood family, trying to consciously or unconsciously pierce him, thus achieving some “nishtyaks”.

Natalia and Irina on the graduation of Irina in college photo: Anton Klimov for TD

For example, Ira, in a conversation with Natasha, once remembered her mother. “A prostitute,” Ira cursed, and then watched Natasha’s reaction. But Natasha remembered from the trainings that there is no need to be conducted for provocation, but she needs to be carefully heard - so the child would understand that he is safe, and for the first time in his life she would show his pain to another person.

In the case of a crisis, a curator and psychologist come to the rescue, who help the mentor and the child to figure out what is happening between them. If the difficulties are insurmountable, they “close” the couple, but this happens infrequently.

Natasha also talks about another difficulty - that adolescents are far from always enthusiastically related to the mentor. Once Natasha came to Ira from the other end of the city, having agreed in advance with her to go on their common affairs. Ira just slept. When Natasha woke her up, she replied: "Well, what the way she slept and overslept."

Upon need - a frequent feature of graduates of orphanages. Because there is no need to be obligatory if nothing depends on you in your life.

Natalia and Irina on the graduation of Irina in college photo: Anton Klimov for TD

“They themselves are unlikely to call, they are unlikely to ask how you are doing. Therefore, of course, it is difficult to build a relationship, this is a game of one gate. But Ira has no one but me, to whom she could at least just call, cry. She grows up - and now it is noticeable that it becomes more valuable to her. She became much more tender, calmer. There was a return on her part, ”Natasha smiles.

"I opened my eyes to adulthood"

We talked with Ira after meeting with her mentor, on the phone: “Natasha opened my eyes to my adult life. I was scared. When I left the orphanage, I was very lost, I was afraid to go out into people. I did not know what I wanted, but with her help I figured out myself. She introduced me to her Parikmacher friend, and after that I chose a profession. ”

Natalia and Irina on a walk photo: Anton Klimov for TD

Ira says that she plans not only to work, but also to study further - on a psychologist. “Natasha is the adult who will give me wise advice. And in general, you can talk to her about girl, ”Ira shared.

Natasha applies to this easier. “I do not think that Irina is independence is my merit. She simply has no illusion that there is some kind of mother who is waiting and loves somewhere, she simply could not quit drinking. And many have such an illusion. In addition, she categorically denies alcohol, but they have a common story: drugs, alcohol and prostitution. But Ira is not like that, she is very grip, ”says Natalia.

Natalia and Irina on a walk photo: Anton Klimov for TD Natalia and Irina on a walk photo: Anton Klimov for TD

But to be a grip is not enough. You need to understand why you can grab it, but for which you should not. The fact that Ira has these landmarks, Natasha’s great merit, who has been nearby for several years.

In addition to Irkutsk, the mentoring project (it is implemented by the Sunny City Foundation in partnership with local organizations) operates in 18 regions of Russia. Since 2014, 703 teenagers from orphanages have been able to find mentors. In order for the project to continue in Irkutsk, and also in Sterlitamak and the village of Petrovsky, it takes 1.5 million rubles to pay for the work of curators and psychologists who train mentors, and also help to select and save pairs.

Natalia and Irina on a walk photo: Anton Klimov for TD

Ten years ago, up to thirty years ago in Russia, only one graduate of orphanages out of ten lived in Russia. The rest drained, died of drugs, became criminals or ended with suicide. All because they did not feel at least someone needed. Please help the project “Mentoring” - let such adolescents as Ira will find an older friend who will not betray and in difficult times show what a real adult life is: responsibility and endless possibilities.

The material was created with the support of the Fund of Presidential Grants