Translated material
This is the headline of a farewell text
Today at 00:00, not only a new one, 2022 will come, but even after seven and a half years on the air, Samizdat "Butenka, yes you are a transformer" will forever be updated. The long-suffering publication, invented in the summer of 2007, will finally go to well-deserved peace. We undertake to support and pay for the hosting of our site, leave our materials untouched and transfer the archive to descendants as a museum. Finally - a couple of words from the founder and last editor -in -chief of Samizdat Yegor Mostovshchikov, who will tell what this publication has never become over all the years of its existence.
What can I say, standing at the funeral of someone so close that you can hardly imagine your own life without him? What words need to be chosen? Do I have such words? Once I came across a phrase that Samizdat is either a meme or a legend, and I can hardly say better. These four words are “my friend, you are a transformer”, which became a household name and went into folklore, first came to my mind in the summer of 2007, when I was 18 years old and I was lying on the floor of a rented apartment somewhere on the outskirts of Kyiv, where I and a group of the same young Prokhindes were engaged in student youth. Now I am 32, I am sitting in the middle of a snowy desert in a wooden house, where I need to constantly maintain fire so as not to stain to death, and I throw new logs into a sparkling flame. A whole life flashed.
I will say the main thing: I am happy that I finally managed to kill this publication. But I tried and more than once approached my goal. For many years I tried to kill him in my head, with all my might tried to stop his creation between 2007 and 2014, and at the moment when I was already sure that there would never be and could relax, he started - against my will, by itself, leaving me no choice. In this devilish scum, the heart hungry to life always beat! I was looking for any ways not to make this publication and not to engage in it-and he myself collected and wrote his first code, visited both its publisher, producer, art director, and author, edited more than half of 2500+ publications, went to incredible tricks, deceived himself, by the fate of being his chief editor-and he became them in the last two years publications to finish what has begun.
Looking back, I think that the focus was always in the fact that I knew: Samizdat could never become what he looks in my head and fantasies of the team, no matter how many thousands of people are thrown into this furnace forces, blood, sweat and years of life. Therefore, for me this publication is not a list of glorious achievements (and they are, and there are a lot of them, no matter what they say), but the cemetery of unrealized ideas. It turned out to make only 1 % of the plan, but even this percentage causes numbness.
Do you know why we generally use the word "samizdat"? I initially came up with this publication as a paper journal that is made, printed and spreads on its own by a group of like -minded people - samizdat! For several years, we developed the first printed number-with a color cover, where Theodore Glagolev’s face is buried in poisonous and beautiful colors, and on the second cover-theo is clogged between crazy news headers like messages about Pandu Gu-gu, who tore the Chinese boy’s legs, or about the Irish, who chopped off the hands of the Japanese catana. Inside you were waiting for truly crazy texts about slavery in the gag, drowning in Sochi, the militant of Alexander Vasyev “The Investigator’s Error” - a police officer who speaks and dresses like Rorshah, suspects that the death of a man who fell asleep with a cigarette on a sofa, under which a box of cartridges from a gun was not an accident (gunpowder and bullet They shot a sofa and owner), and a murder with a cunning staging. We tried to launch this magazine five times, and we almost succeeded - in December 2012, when everyone expected the end of the world predicted by Mayan (remember this?). But we did not work out, and the end of the world did not happen - because the end of the world happened for a long time, you simply did not notice. Therefore, instead of the magazine, they made a site.
I re -read the old notes and lists of our ideas, and from a mixture of horror and laughter, my hair stands on end on my back. In 2009, we wanted to make a closed-compartment-component to office plankton shirts that were similar to closed swimsuits-so that it could be worn by diapers and not to excommunicate to work to the toilet. It seems that I have recently seen this at Alik-it means that there is still a demand. We will release sad sweaters - with a sad smile! We draw our answer to the film “League of outstanding gentlemen” - with Raskolnikov, Chatsky, Chichikov, Bolkonsky, Glagolev and Prince Myshkin. We run the Yogurt blog, where we will in the spirit of American Streetstyle photographs shoot guards of shopping centers, saleswomen, postmen and grandmothers in a glass and ask how they see the world. We will make the “Anonymous Source” blog, in which, according to anonymous sources, changes in prices in the dining room of the State Duma and the like important political news will be highlighted. The “Slocked Cossack” section - our people are introduced into different organizations and institutions (it seems that the podcast “inside the sect” has grown from this). The dream is to open Batenkalend with Euthanasia Coaster! And be sure-the pavilion of idiocy at VDNH (it seems, I really dreamed of it and seriously even discussed it with someone). Theodore Glagolev’s apartment apartment in Arbat alleys: all the ways ask to behave quieter and with breathlessly telling how the Theo took the dinners in these rooms and arranged ballroom evenings, as if they had seen it all with their own eyes.
Let's not forget that we wanted to launch a whole television in the Gran-Gignol genre, and we planned it to call it “blind TV”. YouTube then did not really come to Russia, and in the concept we wrote that we would make a new generation entertaining television. The final weekly program is black and white, dumb, in the spirit of films with Charlie Chaplin to reduce catatonic despair from the news. Educational erotic program "Midnight V". The porn series “Minus ten diopters of passion” is the whole picture of a gap, only moans are heard. The futuristic show “Cigarettes-Taxi of the Future”: in the yard 2984, the whole planet is one large Russian colony, currency-cigarettes, and we look at the world through the eyes of an ordinary driver of a regular flying taxi in the form of a cigarette. The short film “Otis Ludaist”: our editor to the sounds of the RetUSES group pretends to be a Romanian cannibal, and slowly gnaws chicken bones. Sketch show “Frank Sinatra and Mudilo”, something called “26 centimeters of IQ” and “Slavic tin cutting”.
After all, we even developed the show “from shit and sticks”: we had to ride with an expert at some wild edges and engage in survival-there are worms, digging up the car with breaking nails, drink washer in the desert and turn urine into food. They only made a screensaver, but what! We never showed it - look what power, it looks like an ideal epitaph:
We took up the podcasts when we hadn’t talked about them in Russia, and then the Glagolev FM radio has grown and died, but it all started with the idea of the Nopass radio, which included such audio programs as Dumka. I quote: “In“ Duma ”the role of the leader is played by a small bear’s bear, which is asked completely reckless questions. Examples: “And if you think: in the metro, the tunnels are similar to arteries in the human body, and the entrance doors constantly open in one direction, then in the other, as if breathing ... Maybe the metro is one large living organism?” Or “and someone noticed that Batman’s head is similar to the head of the Egyptian deity of Anubis, only with a cut nose? He develops a thought, asking a lot of questions. Children's voice, as in cartoons”. ”
And here's also: the interactive section “ 178 completely unnecessary facts ” is a collection of facts about nature, animals, plants, human anatomy, physics, chemistry, algebra, geometry, literature. The invented, on the one hand, as a parody of a genre beloved in the media, a cut and notes in the fields is beautiful, no sense. On the other hand, as a convenient tool to quickly find a common language at any party. You imagine! The scope of the wings of hummingbirds is 2 millimeters. Incredible! And the flag of Alaska was invented by a 13-year-old boy! Fiction! We even created a workpiece for this collection on the site, added one and a half dozen of the same prohibitively useless facts there - and scored. It was assumed that any of our reader will be able to add his own fact, and the counter will never be updated. Why? The answer to this question could also complement the collection.
The community of authors and like -minded people was to be reborn into a real order, where they exchange knowledge and experience, help each other and smoke new careers. Theodore Glagolev was supposed to turn into a full -fledged interlocutor and become a guide into this marvelous new world, which can be endlessly studied, explained and finding stories. And here are ideas for the site! Let's put a large red button, when you click on which something sudden will happen-say, the anthem of Uzbekistan will turn on (there are no more ideas). When closing the site, pop-up jumps: "Want to leave the site?" And two buttons: “stay” and “no, make a starting”.
We arrange an exhibition and make the VR-installation "World in the Fire":
We rent a fashion gallery of contemporary art.
We arrange false excitement so that a kilometer queue is lined up. Everyone whisper and want to find out what is at the exhibition.
In the center of the hall is a large chair on the pedestal. The queue is built to him. Each next guest sits in a chair, and he is solemnly put on the head of VR-oki.
In glasses, the visitor sees the entire hall, the picture almost does not change - besides the fact that the flame is gently swaying at the bottom of the screen.
Here is such an idea!
They wanted to bury the editor of Vladislav Moiseev alive so that he would defeat the fear of death, and we arranged a party over the grave, and then he would climb to the surface and wrote a text about Russian death - with pictures of Oleg Pashchenko. They wondered how much the expedition would cost in Nepal-and at the tenth million rubles, bribes bribes, they decided to do something else. They calculated the cost of renting a vessel in order to get to a large garbage spot from the shores of Japan or Hawaii and make a documentary - they didn’t float anywhere, the garbage did not win. They dreamed of building a huge bust of Theo in Nikola-Lenivts-with eyes burning red light on the whole wasteland. Inside the head is the observation deck, a chopper is on duty on it, he has a sodoku, binoculars and a huge red button that he should press when the end of the world begins (the joke is that the end of the world has already come, so he will never press the button). What would happen if I pressed? Probably, the anthem of Uzbekistan would play. CCTVs are installed around and inside the head so that our readers can watch the observer on the site. Incredible!
They worked out the question: whether our acquaintances can be enough to glue the sticker with the logo on the body of a rocket that was supposed to start into space from Baikonur. The solemn and prohibited installation of the Bust of Theodore Glagolev in the center of Akademgorodok in Novosibirsk was almost struck, but it was already necessary to go to dinner - and further on the road, to Khakassia. This year they launched a series of five courses in storytellers-step 1, step 2, step 3, step 5, and only right during the funeral they opened step 4-e-mail course about self-editing . Why such an order? Walked as they knew how! They prepared the launch of the “Mir on Fire” section: residents of different cities in the world gather on the site in groups, write the news of hell from their region and compete with other cities for first place in the ranking. All messages are applied to the map, every month the winning city is sent and a bust of Theodore Glagolev in the branded colors of our headings is installed. Multi -colored busts are also collected on a page of cities - just like the Order of Lenin in hats of Soviet newspapers.
And I didn’t even open the net of publications with unrealized editorial plans - thousands, thousands of texts were never written, because there were always more ideas than forces, hands, time and money. What is the only interactive text about the take-off and the fall of the Azov City casino-the Russian Las Vegas, built in the middle of the Russian field of mud and slush to nowhere, where we specifically went to collect the material, but I never wrote the text. I open the ideas of texts. Japanese robot pastev! People against antidepressants! And how do you like the application “People who collect money on chat on social networks”? Explored male pregnancy! What is a “club of romance” and why people of this Tamagochi of the 21st century? How does the Libertarian sect arrange? And the sect of fans of figure skating? Who is Evgeny Ponasenkov and how does he threaten humanity? The descendants of the Romanovs: Who are they, what do they want and why are they needed? How hallucinogens formed modern Russia and how the priests were eaten by mushrooms. The same story: I collect mercury from broken thermometers / How I work swarming / How I was looking for a Zhirberg in the sewers of Moscow. Weights of service for cleaning the places of murder. Is it possible to freeze the Arctic back?
It may be good that nothing of this happened to us.
Finally, I will tell you another funny fact. Do you know why we have such a crazy rubricator? It is based on the so -called pyramid of the needs of the psychologist Abraham Maslow. It is curious: Maslow himself did not invent this pyramid, he portrayed his finds of human needs in the form of a hierarchy, where the last place occupies the most valuable and most difficult value - self -actualization and self -realization. The pyramid was drawn by the followers of Maslow to simplify the transfer of his ideas to the people, and we made a rubric from each of its steps. Resources - the need for food and food, protection - the need for safety, and so on. The idea was that in the world of the onset of the Apocalypse, each need is transformed into its opposite, and now we observe cannibalism, and violence endlessly gives rise to violence. The only thing we did not do was add a section based on the upper need to the rubricer. Because it is useless to compete in self -realization and creativity with the world, in which even the most violent fantasy and fiction will turn out to be a sparkle parody of reality.
Today we leave you in private with this world. We never set our task to somehow change it-we simply watched and said in the microphone that we see. It was still impossible to finish this work, so you can continue it after us - you just need to look out the window at the snow desert and listen to the cod of logs in the flame of the world.
Thank you very much to everyone who was here, to everyone who put your hand, to everyone who cursed, to everyone who remembers, to everyone who mourns, to everyone who rejoices. Happy New Year, friends! See you also.
Our patrol is over.
