“I went [*****]. You are no longer my sister "

People who quarreled with loved ones because of the war-about how politics has split their family

Because of the war with Ukraine, many Russians tore off relations with loved ones-they could not come to terms with the fact that Vladimir Putin’s actions were different. "Cold" talked with them about how they experienced conflicts with their relatives.

Special output of the podcast

“Brother wrote: Make War, Not Love. I cried "

Elizabeth, 21 years old, Moscow

Yesterday I sat in my studies, leafed through Instagram and saw that my senior cousin has posted a picture with the inscription "Make War, Not Love." It shocked me. I cried.

My brother is a military person, he worked in the structures of the FSB. We used to have a normal relationship. Of course, there were conflicts, but small, we supported each other. We previously discussed politics and converged on the fact that there are gaps in the public administration system in Russia. But I supported Navalny and went to rallies - and he was against it and told me to be more careful.

Once, after the rally, I got into his car, and he threw the handcuffs to me and said: “Get used to it,” bearing in mind that I would someday be in a pre-trial detention center. He said that I was stupid and I do not understand where I was climbing. But it was joking, and because of this we did not quarrel.

It was very painful for me to realize that in the current situation, my brother had such a position. I wrote to him that there should never be war, in no case, that there are negotiations and diplomacy. He replied: “There were negotiations, the ambassadors were. Now 72 hours of war - and it will be possible to sunbathe in the Crimea in the summer, but also in Odessa. ” I sent him.

I can’t say that everything, I have no brother or I hate him. But I understand that our communication will not continue for some time. I can’t perceive it as before.

My parents are against the war, but also do not believe that in this case Russia is an aggressor. With them I try not to even discuss it, because I really appreciate my parents. I can’t lose them.

"Between me and my mother, a huge abyss formed from nowhere"

Elizabeth, 26 years old, Moscow

Today I wrote to my mother for the first time in a few days. She talked about her emotions: what is hard for me, I am very angry, I am ashamed. She called back and asked why I was ashamed. I explained: it seems to me that including I allowed what is happening in my country. And she answered me: “I don’t think about it, my health is more expensive for me, I don’t want to worry about it.”

I know that my mother is a very emotional person. And I realized that she could not restrain her emotions if she had them. Therefore, I told her: “Maybe you just justify your indifference?” It probably sounded sharply, but it seemed to me that this is an honest question that I wanted to hear the answer.

Mom got angry, we began to scream at each other, and I heard crazy things. Caricature. It seemed to me that such “quilted jackets” simply do not exist - and if they exist, then my mother does not apply to them. She began to say that the Americans were to blame for everything, that Zelensky is a puppet, and the Ukrainians warmed the Nazis.

I fell into a stupor. I felt absolute powerlessness. I realized that I would never prove anything to her. Between me and my mother, a huge abyss formed from nowhere. I told her very much that I no longer want to talk about it. After some time, she wrote: let's abstract from politics. And I got angry again and replied: how can you abstract from what fills our life now? This is not what you can close your eyes for, it is impossible.

Mom invited me to come to her on the weekend, but I refused. What will we discuss? There is nothing else in my head now, but for her it is something insignificant, not worth attention. It's like talking to an alien - we cannot understand each other, this is impossible. Mom got angry, said that the Americans quarreled us, and after that I stopped answering.

I wanted to believe that I have a like -minded person in the person of the closest person - my mother. I did not need us to groan and gasp at each other in their arms. I just wanted to understand that my dear person shares my values ​​and is not captured by the fake stories invented by the TV.

War is like a litmus piece of paper. Yes, my mother and I always had different views, but we took it as the rules of the game: “You think so, I think differently, but we are ready to listen and understand each other.” And then I realized: no matter what I say, we will not hear each other, this is impossible. We discussed this with friends - they called such a relationship with parents when you are not discussing politics, "a non -decam pack." I have such relationships with grandparents. But now - knowing that my loved ones believe that Ukrainians themselves are to blame for everything - to be silent and pretend that nothing is happening, I cannot. For me, it is simply unthinkable.

The rules of the game that were in the family changed dramatically. It will be easier for me to minimize contacts with my family - otherwise our relationship, as I feel now, will become worse and worse. What will happen tomorrow - I don't know. Now I have such a state, as if I were looking at the cinema.

"Brother handed over to his mother that he did not want to communicate with me"

Katya (name changed), 28 years old

My younger brother and I sometimes cursed because he is a typical 22-year-old daring boy. He studies at the History of the Russian Orthodox University of St. John the Theologian. I have a suspicion that the story there is taught in a way convenient.

Previously, we argued on the topics of social justice such as black elves in the “Lord of the Rings” or feminists who “spoil” video games. We could have become alarmed, but after a couple of hours he said that I was wrong and partly the right I was. Sometimes we could not communicate for a couple of days, and then thaw. He treats me very well, at least earlier, tried to listen to my opinion.

Yesterday I saw his post on Instagram from the series “where you were eight years” - that Russia all this time called for compliance with the Minsk agreements, and when I decided to help the LDNR, everyone remembered these agreements. I wrote to him: “What kind of nonsense are you? There is literally war, they kill civilians, read about the hybrid war - all this time Russia has supported the separatists. ” To which he told me that in history and politics everything is not so clear and you cannot blame Putin in everything.

I tried to explain that it was Putin and his government unleashed the war, like Germany [in World War II]. And he said: "Do you want to say that this is Russian fascism?" And then he suffered that I was stupid and my brains were washed by the liberal media, I have no opinion and I repeat someone else's, Europe is to blame. I sat and fucked up, but said: "Bratish, I am in politics longer than you study." And he fell silent.

Then I made a repost of Zelensky’s appeal, to which he said that this was an information war, a manipulation, so that the Russians rebelled against the authorities, and accused me of the fact that I wanted a revolution. I told him:

- Are you completely a moron?

- All. I went [*****]. You are no longer a sister for me, ”and banned me on Instagram.

He handed over to his mother that he did not want to communicate with me. Mom was usually our mediator. But something until he listened to her. It's a shame to realize that my closest relative does not share an objective point of view and supports Russia's military operations. For me, this is a sign of stupidity and shortsightedness. After all, he has the opportunity to look at the world wider, but he does not use it. It is as if one of my relatives were homophobic.

I would not be surprised if I had a fight with my mother - she is a man of the older generation who broadcast conservative thoughts. And this is a young kid. It seemed to me that young people should be without this shit and not believe in propaganda. Moreover, a person studies a historian. We literally play the events of 1941 by notes, and the brother says that everything is not so clear and we are not to blame. This is a shock for me. It turns out that he is ready to quarrel with a loved one, protecting whom - Putin? To someone, but he definitely does not need protection.

I do not think that we had a fight for a lifetime. I hope that over time, his brains will get better. It seems to me that the matter is in youthful maximalism. But for me this position is fundamental, as an attitude to vaccination. I excluded from my circle of communication of anti -Wax and I treat them with caution, and now I have such an attitude towards my brother. Maybe I will treat him colder. He will no longer receive expensive gifts for his birthday.

“You and all consonants must be shot with you. I didn't raise you like that "

Diana (name changed), 24 years old

I was raised by dad and grandmother. Dad for me is a person who loves, protects, always listen, will laugh with you. Grandmother is a child of war, almost near her house there were tank battles during the Second World War, she saw all these horrors. Our relatives by grandmother live in Ukraine. Dad was born and lived as a child in Donetsk, then he took me there many times already from the Far East, and this is ten days by car. Now he lives near the border with Ukraine.

Since 2014, we began to look at the world differently. We both condemned what was happening, but he began to capture propaganda on TV, more and more, in the spirit of "America is bad, we are good." But it was he who taught me to listen to all the opinions of people and not to condemn them. What has changed?

The critical moment in our dad was on the day of the beginning of the war. A few days before, he already said that our government is well done, and repeated all these template phrases about “suffered eight years”, but on day x it went too far.

In the morning, when I saw the news about the war, I immediately called him - I was very worried about him. He replied that a bunch of planes flies, somewhere there are sounds similar to explosions, but it's okay, shoot and it will end, that's enough to endure this fascism. I was so amazed that I did not answer anything. In the evening I called him again, he did not answer, and so several times. My thoughts, of course, were about the worst.

I did not find a place for myself. And then the call:

- Dad! Papul! How are you Why didn't you answer for so long? I already thought something happened!

- Nothing happened. Everything is fine. They shoot right there.

I tried to speak without aggression, quietly so that he would not become more aggressive, but still said: “No, this is wrong, there is no excuse.” Then I heard a bunch of nasty things to myself, as if it were not my dad, but a stranger: about the Russian language and the Donbass - under the carbon copy from federal television channels. I began to say that the same people live in Ukraine as before, that the President chose the people. He got even more angry with me and said that I would never forget in my life: “You and all consonants with you must be shot. I didn't raise you like that. " And dropped the phone.

But everything is quite the opposite: the way I think is all thanks to him. But what happened to him is incomprehensible to the mind. After this conversation, he began to send me pro -government tiktoki, which directly shows that people were paid.

I don’t answer Tiktoki, I don’t look, I don’t read messages. I feel devoted.

I do not want to communicate with him. It will be necessary - it will call. But I decided for myself that without his apology, there would be no further communication. An apology for simply not listening to another point of view, but immediately began to condemn. An apology for the threat of life. Dad seemed to strike me with an ax on the head.

Maybe we will still communicate, but definitely not the next few months. Yes, it hurts me to realize this, but this is a reality.