Fun and get out

How sexualized violence is committed using drugs and how victims are cope with its consequences

According to the European Center for Drug Monitoring and Drug Enforcement Proceedings, over the past 10 years, the number of rape using psychoactive substances (surfactants) has grown in the world - alcohol and drugs. The criminals themselves add substances to the victims or find people while intoxicated and enjoy their helplessness. The exact statistics of such crimes do not exist - the victims rarely contact the police. “Cold” tells what people who survive violence under the influence of surfactants go through, and why their cases do not fall into official statistics.

On July 30, 2017, Veronica (the name changed at the request of the heroine) woke up on the bed in an unfamiliar room, lying on her side. The first thing she saw was other people's hands that held her wrists. It turned out that these were the hands of an unfamiliar guy - he lay behind, clasping Veronica and pressing him tightly. She realized that below the belt on her is nothing hesitated. The legs were cold, pulling in the lower abdomen. Veronica remembered that the day before she was at a party. The guy, now lying next to her, was also there - he poured drinks.

That summer she lived in the United States and worked as a waitress in Harrisberg - the capital of Pennsylvania. Veronica went there on the student program Work and Travel, which helps students find temporary work abroad.

Veronica was then 20 years old, and according to the US law, she could not buy alcohol. But on July 29, after the shift, she, along with her friends, went to the “underground party” in a private house, which their acquaintances shot - there no one checked the documents from the guests and you could drink any drinks.

In the kitchen, a guy who introduced himself to Bogdan spoke with her. He said that he also arrived in the USA in Work and Travel, and offered her a glass of red wine. “I drank, and then gradually I began to feel sick. Hands shook, everything went around before my eyes, ”says Veronica. This was the last thing she clearly remembered, then she woke up in the same bed with Bogdan.

“I looked around and recognized the house in which we had fun yesterday, but did not understand what happened to me,” says Veronica. - I remembered that I was sick all night, flashes of light remained in my memory. But there was no holistic picture. ” Realizing where she was, Veronica got up, put on her skirt and left.

Later, she carefully asked her friends about that evening, but they said that nothing strange happened. They allegedly noticed that Veronica became ill, but Bogdan assured them that he would take her out to breathe fresh air - so her friends were not worried. Veronica never dared to admit to them that she did not remember anything at all. She did not want at least someone to find out in what situation she ended up.

After the party, she collided several times with Bogdan in the city and once asked him directly: “Did we have something?” Bogdan laughed: “Do you remember anything? Everyone has drunk sex, I had another one with a girl yesterday. ” Veronica never saw him more. She recalls the last month of work in the United States with horror. Veronica says that she had a disgust for herself-due to the fact that she allowed that situation at the party. However, she still did not know what she did that evening and why. “Even after a conversation with Bogdan, I did not understand whether it was or not,” she says. Veronica thought to go to the doctor and check if she had everything with her health after what happened. “But I could not force myself to go,” she says. “She wound herself up: what if it turned out that I was infected with something?”

Invisible violence

When performing sexualized violence using psychoactive substances, the aggressor adds to the victim (less often-the injured) any substance that changes consciousness, or adds alcohol without its knowledge. Because of this, a person loses control of himself and may be in a helpless position. There are situations when the victim herself drank alcohol or consumed a substance, and the rapist took advantage of its condition.

Most often, criminals use substances with a sedative or disinterior effect, which are quickly excreted from the body. In English, they are even called “drug rape preparations” ( Date Rape Drug. - Approx. “Cold” ). From January 2000 to December 2002, the British forensic examination service analyzed 1014 samples of blood and urine injured from sexualized violence with surfactants. It turned out that most often criminals used alcohol (46%). In second place (34%) were prohibited drugs.

In 2010-2012, American researchers interviewed 41,174 people affected by sexualized violence. Of these, 26% of women and 30% of men said that during the rape they were under the influence of alcohol or drugs. This was also reported by 44.5% of men who were forced to commit sexual intercourse. At the same time, almost 30% of women, 32.4% of raped men and 14.6% of men forced to penetrate said that they used these substances against their own will.

Natalya Timofeeva, an employee of the independent charity center for helping the sexual violence of “sisters”, says that rape using psychoactive substances is one of the “most invisible” forms of such violence. The victims very rarely talk about what happened publicly - only 10% of them contact the police. An even smaller percentage of cases reaches ships.

Timofeeva explains: most often people who were mixed with surfactants do not immediately understand what happened to them. They have failures in memory, confused consciousness. Usually they need several days or even months to recover and realize what happened. During this time, drugs and alcohol are excreted from the body, and it becomes very difficult to prove the crime.

Clinical psychologist, expert of the Sisters Center, Ekaterina Yuryeva, says that girls who found themselves in such a situation have repeatedly turned to the organization. Some came with similar stories: they said that they did not drink alcohol at all or drank quite a bit-but for some reason they quickly lost control of themselves. The girls poorly remembered what exactly happened to them further, and were very scared.

Just an adventure

At the end of August, Veronica returned home to Kyiv. She still did not tell anyone about what had happened. She didn’t even admit to her boyfriend - Veronica seemed as if at that party she changed him, so she decided to keep everything secret.

She began to see friends less often, she had a disgust for her body and sex. Veronica says that at that time she began to cut his hands. “These were not a suicide attempt, just a desire to release emotions, because all this was unbearable,” she says.

Veronica tried to find support on the Internet: she anonymously told her story in one public. In response, angry comments began to come: "She gave it, and then accuses."

Veronica’s guy began to notice that she was behaving unusually, but wrote off her “depressive state” to problems with her parents. She could not tell him that she actually worries her, and in the end they parted.

Veronica says that the next three years she felt lost. She dreamed of nightmares: as if something bad had happened to her, but she forgot what exactly, and trying to remember.

In the end, she turned to a psychologist. At the first reception, he listened to her, asked: “Why can't you perceive what happened just as an adventure?” Veronica says that his words forced her to "shut up and close in himself." She did not go to this psychologist anymore.

A year later, she decided to make another attempt and signed up for another specialist. This time, therapy helped her. Gradually, she realized that she did not want to keep everything in herself anymore, and was able to share experiences with friends and ex -boyfriend.

“He had a new relationship at that time, and at first he did not want to communicate with me,” she recalls. - But still we met and spoke for a long time, it became easier for me. The guy was going to punish the offender, asked me a name, contacts and address. But I did not want to push him to such actions. It was enough for me that I was freed from the unspoken. ”

Although classes with a psychologist helped Veronica get rid of guilt and make contact with others, she still cannot build a romantic relationship with anyone. “It's hard for me to meet - I'm afraid of intimacy,” she explains. “And the fear of sex, which appeared after that case, has not gone anywhere.”

Victoria Ashchemina-a Gestalt therapist and an employee of the Nespi Psychological Assistance Center-says that therapy with this type of sexualized violence has their own characteristics.

“If a woman is attacked and she is conscious, she has a chance to fight back, scream,” the therapist explains. - Sexualized violence using substances is much more complicated. The victim is immobilized or lulling, she has no way to protect herself. This feeling of powerlessness becomes poisoning, we have to work with it for a very long time. We restore the feeling of “in fact I am not powerless”, that is, agency, proactivity. ”

Ekaterina Yuryeva from the Sisters center says that the victims of any sexualized violence often face a destructive sense of guilt. “If a woman was actively imposed on the idea that violence could be provoked and that she is“ to blame ”, if she believes in this myth, guilt will be very strong, and then we will work with this feeling,” Yuryeva explains. “But if the victim knows that the responsibility for violence always lies with who decided to commit him, if her relatives believed her and supported her, guilt probably will not be so strong.”

Special empathy

One evening about ten years ago, Maria came to a party to her friend Denis (the name changed), who lived in the center of St. Petersburg. The table was set in the apartment, other guests sat behind it - a married couple.

Maria remembers how she poured her tea and made a couple of sips - after that she immediately hit the chills and began to feel sick. Friends hinted that tea was not simple, but “magical”, but Maria did not understand them. She says that in childhood she was diagnosed with an autistic spectrum disorder-because of it, it can be difficult for her to recognize the irony in other people's words.

Maria says that after a while all the guests suddenly began to seem unusually friendly to her. She experienced euphoria and “special empathy” to all those present, she was pleased to “touch the world around him, things.”

Then the married couple retired in the next room, leaving Mary together with Denis. He began to undress her. “You understand why this is being done? It will be great, ”he said.

“Denis touched me everywhere, and then, apparently, decided that you can poke it,” Maria recalls. She did not resist, "hung somewhere in the clouds." According to her, they stayed alone for about four hours.

Mary remembered that at some point Denis began to behave rudely. “He strangled me. I can understand everything: I was impatient, ”she argues. “But why treat me so cruelly?” Why couldn't it be without it? ”

After that incident, Maria continued to communicate with Denis, as if nothing had happened. But after a while they still discussed that evening. Denis denied that he could commit violence, and even indignant: “You did not express your consent or disagreement. I thought everything was in order. ”

Maria herself was not sure that what had happened can be called rape. “It seemed to me that the circumstances were just taking shape in this way,” she says.

Now Mary is 30 years old, she has two little daughters. Over time, she began to take a completely different way to the situation that occurred in the apartment of her friend. “Sex is a valuable thing, you need to want it,” she says. “You can’t do something without a desire to do something.”

According to Maria, she would not want something similar to her daughters. Therefore, she teaches them to respect herself and her personal borders. “I explain where they have something to wash them on their own,” says Maria. - I allow not to kiss my grandmother when I do not want to. These are things that our parents missed. ”

Ekaterina Yuryeva from the Sisters center is sure that if the victim did not use the drug herself, but she was forced to do this, then she is in particular danger, because, among other things, the rapist can give her too much dose - as a rule, he doesn’t care with the victim and her health.

But from the point of view of the law, it does not matter whether the injured drugs accepted itself or forced it. The Russian Criminal Code does not generally have a separate article on sexualized violence using drugs. Most often, such crimes fall under an article on rape using the helpless state of the victim (part 1 of Article 131 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation).

The documents of the Supreme Court specify that a helpless state is a strong degree of intoxication, in which the victim is not able to understand what is happening, or cannot resist.

“It turns out that if the victim is under the influence of surfactants, but still can resist, her condition is no longer helpless,” says lawyer Tatyana Belova. “How much a person could be aware of his actions and in what condition he was - in each case establishes an examination.”

In general, according to Belova, in Russia the victim is quite difficult to prove that she was raped. In Russian law, rape is understood as "sexual intercourse with the use of violence, the threat or use of the helpless state of the victim." It turns out that actions committed without the consent of the second side are not considered rape if the aggressor did not threaten and did not beat it.

Due to such an interpretation of the concept of “rape”, only part of cases of real rape falls into the official statistics of crimes. And how many of them were committed using surfactants - it is impossible to recognize reliably.

The British review of crime, including data for the periods from March 2013 to March 2014 and from March 2016 to March 2017, shows: 6% of the victims of all rape were under the influence of drugs they added, and 34% reported that they drank alcohol before violence occurred.

No one will know

In 2018, Sasha (the name of the heroine changed) came to visit friends - that day they agreed to take drugs together. Before “pumping up”, Sasha asked one of her close friends to be a “sitter” - look after her so that she would not go through with a dose.

“I accepted, like everyone else. This was not our first party of this format, everything always went smoothly, ”she says. “At first I ate my usual dose.” Then Sitter proposed to continue - and the dose gradually increased by eight times. Sasha says that at first she “moaned with pleasure”, but then her head was dizzy, weakness appeared.

She scored a bath with ice water and climbed there right in clothes. Sitter, trying to bring Sasha to his senses, doused her with a stream from the shower, then he climbed into her bath.

“My teeth knocked,” she recalls. - He climbed to kiss me. Yes, at that moment I had universal love for everyone, but I still tried to say “no”. He lagged behind for a while. " But then, according to Sasha, Sitter climbed into her underpants.

She cried, asked her not to touch, but he did not react. “No one will know anything,” her friend promised her and began to put a member in her mouth. Sasha says she resisted, but soon she was tired - and then Sitter raped her. When she left the bathroom, her friend had already managed to tell everyone those present that Sasha “fucked”.

“My makeup spread, my lip was very swollen. Perhaps I myself “ate” her, or maybe from the blow, ”she says. - I looked like a battered whore. In addition, I remember little. ”

Sasha says that only a week later she realized that she had survived the rape. She did not tell her friends what really happened in the bathroom because she was sure that no one would believe her. According to her, everyone who was in that apartment still believe that they had sex with a friend by agreement.

Sasha says that after that case, friends often try to "get and fuck." “A year ago, one guy from that company came to me with MEFO ( Mephedron is a psychoactive substance, an euphoric. - Approx.“ Cold ” ) and wine,” she says. - He treated me, then we went to the sofa, listened to music, chatted. But at one moment, his hands slipped into my underpants. I immediately stopped this and asked him to leave. ”

Sometimes people mistakenly think that if a woman has taken alcohol or drugs in a male company, then she either wanted to have sex, or behaved stupidly and carelessly, and if something happened to her, she herself is to blame. “In fact, trusting people is normal, relax and relax, including drinking alcohol, is not a crime,” says Natalya Timofeeva from the Sisters center. “But to abuse other people's trust or a helpless state and committing violence is definitely a crime.”

Evenings of injuries

Андрей ( имя героя изменено ) и Денис познакомились, когда учились в школе. Андрей уже тогда понял, что он гей, а Денис называл себя бисексуалом. Они оба чувствовали, что отличались от большинства сверстников, и быстро подружились. После школы Андрей остался в родном Саратове, а Денис переехал в Волгоград к своей девушке, но друзья продолжали общаться и видеться.

Андрей заметил, что после переезда его друг стал злоупотреблять наркотиками и алкоголем. «Он юзал, начиная от травы и мефедрона, заканчивая тем, что он у своей бабушки крал барбитураты по рецепту и смешивал их с алкоголем, — говорит Андрей. — И мог две бутылки подобной хуйни выпить. Мне это не нравилось, но я жил в другом городе и ничего не мог сделать».

В декабре 2019 года Андрей приехал к Денису в гости на выходные. Он говорит, что при встрече сразу заметил, что его друг «обдолбан». Дома Денис налил Андрею джин, и они вместе легли на диван смотреть «Звездные войны». Андрей говорит, что сделал всего пару глотков, и его начало тошнить.

«Мне нужно проблеваться», — сказал он. После этого, как вспоминает Андрей, Денис оживился, стал лезть к нему в штаны и спросил: «Если я тебе отсосу, тебе станет лучше?».

«Он схватил мой член, — говорит Андрей. — Я не смог его оттолкнуть, ударить, это мой друг. Мне поплохело, я убежал в туалет». Заперев дверь, он стал думать, что делать дальше. «Мне было некуда идти, — вспоминает он. — Это была зима, три часа ночи. Денис стоит по другую сторону двери, извиняется, оправдываясь тем, что он обдолбан, признается в любви».

В итоге Денис пообещал купить другу билет домой. Поверив ему, Андрей вышел из туалета и начал быстро собирать свои вещи по комнате. Когда Андрей замешкался с замками на входной двери, Денис подошел помочь. «Вдруг он падает на колени, пытается стащить с меня штаны, хватает меня за ноги», — рассказывает Андрей.

Ему все-таки удалось вырваться и выбежать из квартиры. Но все время, пока Андрей шел до вокзала, Денис шел за ним по пятам. «Я орал на всю улицу: “Пошел на хуй”, а он клялся мне в вечной любви», — вспоминает Андрей.

После этого он заблокировал друга в социальных сетях. Никаких других действий он решил не предпринимать. «У меня не было мысли пойти в полицию, — говорит Андрей. — Во-первых, физически он меня не травмировал. Во-вторых, это мой друг. К тому же он был под наркотиками, и я, возможно, тоже, а мне не нужны проблемы с полицией. И это гомосексуальная история, а мы живем в России, я бы не стал ждать от нашей полиции сочувствия и помощи».

Юрист Консорциума женских неправительственных объединений Татьяна Белова говорит, что многие пострадавшие в таких ситуациях, как и Андрей, не решаются обратиться в полицию. «Могут возникнуть вопросы, откуда взялись вещества, — объясняет Белова. — Даже если пострадавший не имеет никакого отношения к наркотикам, полицейские уделят больше внимания самому факту употребления, чем насилию».

По словам Беловой, преступления, связанные с незаконным оборотом наркотиков, расследовать легче, чем изнасилования. Поэтому полицейские охотно ищут тех, кто продает запрещенные вещества, а вот заявления об изнасилованиях часто даже не принимают. Ведь иначе нужно будет «заморачиваться с поиском свидетелей и экспертизой».

У Андрея много подруг, и он нередко слышит от них истории о домогательствах и изнасилованиях. «Иногда наши встречи превращаются в вечера травм, — говорит он. — У меня нет подруги, у которой не было бы истории сексуализированного насилия. И совершают его, как правило, мужчины. Поэтому я понимал, что и со мной это тоже когда-нибудь случится. Это был вопрос времени. Когда я с этим сам столкнулся, это было травматично, но не удивительно».

Гештальт-терапевт Виктория Ашихмина рассуждает: «В культуре существует такой популярный образ, как “клофелинщица” — женщина, которая, будучи физически слабее мужчины, подсыпает ему клофелин, чтобы обокрасть. Однако подсыпать наркотики или подлить алкоголь, а потом изнасиловать может как женщина, так и мужчина. Точно так же, как стать пострадавшим/пострадавшей от сексуализированного насилия с применением психоактивных веществ может любой человек».

Ты себе надумываешь

Кристина и Михаил (имена изменены) встречались с мая 2021 года. Михаил часто ревновал Кристину, пара постоянно ссорилась. В октябре 2021 года они решили расстаться, и Михаил настоял на том, что нужно разойтись «правильно»: пригласил Кристину к себе на прощальный ужин.

Она сильно нервничала перед встречей — по словам Кристины, Михаил мог «выкинуть все, что угодно». Когда она пришла к нему в квартиру, ей стало нехорошо, начались зрительные галлюцинации — Кристина говорит, что у нее диагностирована параноидная шизофрения и при сильном волнении с ней такое случается. Михаил, заметив заторможенность в ее движениях, понял, что Кристине плохо, и, чтобы ее успокоить, принес стакан воды.

Через полчаса ей стало еще хуже, зрение затуманилось. Кристина почти наощупь пыталась написать в заметках на телефоне, что ей нужна помощь. Михаил, поглаживая ее по голове, придвинулся поближе и предложил заняться сексом, якобы это должно помочь ей успокоиться.

Кристина попыталась сказать, что она не хочет сейчас заниматься сексом, но у нее не получилось — она вспоминает, что в тот момент словно оцепенела. Она чувствовала все, что происходит с ее телом, но не могла пошевелиться.

«Дальше было вагинальное проникновение и анальное, — говорит она. — Это был мой первый анальный секс. Я не была к этому готова: не было ни смазки, ни предварительной подготовки. У меня потом начались проблемы с кишечником».

Когда сознание Кристины наконец прояснилось, она поняла, что уже снова одета и причесана. Михаил как ни в чем не бывало позвонил ее родителям и сказал: «Заберите ее, она психичка». У Кристины с родителями давно уже был отлаженный процесс: если у нее начинались галлюцинации, она звонила им, и за ней приезжала мама.

Она приехала и в этот раз. По пути домой Кристина попыталась рассказать маме о произошедшем. Мама знала, что у пары было много проблем в отношениях, и обвинила дочь в том, что та якобы сама знала, на что шла. Но на всякий случай все же посоветовала Кристине утром сделать экспресс-тест на наркотики.

В крови у Кристины обнаружились барбитураты и экстази. Кроме того, утром оказалось, что на руках у нее остались синяки от веревок, а на лице проступили следы от ударов. Кристина написала Михаилу сообщение о том, что он ее «накачал и изнасиловал», но он ответил: «Тебе кажется, ты себе надумываешь».

Кристина не стала писать заявление в полицию. «С моим диагнозом и наркотиками в крови? Они скажут, что я сама виновата, — объясняет она. — Эту историю придется пережить самостоятельно».

Она не могла понять, почему Михаил так жестоко с ней обошелся. Кристина заблокировала его во всех соцсетях, но он стал писать ей через «Сбербанк онлайн», звонить ее родителям и друзьям, подкидывать письма под дверь квартиры. Кристина говорит, что он пытался доказать ей, ее родителям и друзьям, что в тот вечер она неправильно его поняла — это был секс по согласию, а не изнасилование.

«Меня как будто ударили под дых, и я просто хватаю воздух ртом и ничего не могу сказать. Я разрушена как личность, я стерта как девушка, — говорит Кристина. — Меня не существует как человека. У меня нет контроля даже над своим телом, а раз я не могу контролировать саму себя, то зачем это все?».

Она говорит, что после этого случая стала задумываться о том, что такое насилие. Вспоминая отношения с Михаилом, она поняла, что в них и до этого были сексуальные контакты, на которые она не давала согласия. Просто раньше он не подсыпал ей наркотики.

Этот материал был подготовлен в середине февраля 2022 года, но в связи с начавшимся вторжением России в Украину мы отложили его публикацию.

Спустя некоторое время после интервью с Кристиной, автор узнала, что девушка возобновила общение с Михаилом. Свой поступок он объяснил ей тем, что долгое время употреблял наркотики. Молодой человек пообещал измениться.

17 февраля 2022 года родители Кристины сообщили «Холоду» что их дочь умерла. Причина смерти неизвестна — родные сказали, что девушка просто не проснулась однажды утром.