"It was all the same": how the victims of school persecution live

From the English language, the word "bullying" translates as "intimidation". Bulling is called aggressive and long -term mockery of one of the members of the team. Half of one person in a majority can happen anywhere, but most often people first encounter bullying in educational institutions. Someone falls the role of the victim, someone becomes the instigator, while others only observe what is happening

According to the sociological survey of 2019 (the author of the study - “Mikhailov and partners. Analytics”), every second teenager in Russia faced aggression at school, and a third of students became victims or witnesses of mental or physical violence.

I decided to show how adolescents experience injury from their classmates and teachers. Booking the heroes, I talked with them about what persecution is, how they survived the traumatic experience and why violence is a problem of society, and not a specific person.

I myself ran into bullying and in this project told the story of bullying me and my sister in high school.

"School years, I definitely will not remember how something bright"

Alice, 16 years old

Since childhood, I had problems with communication, I was incredibly shy. In the kindergarten, I had only one friend, but we smashed with her, went to different schools. From the first to fifth grade I had no friends, I was a man whom no one notices, which no one needs. When trying to start communication, they either sent me immediately or did not pay any attention after. Then I did not know how to communicate with people, I could not build any connections with classmates. Nobody spreads me rot, but they didn’t communicate with me, everyone just ignored me. If this cannot be called a “full -fledged” bullying, then the mockery of the class teacher is definitely possible. She didn't like me. Perhaps this was due to my dyslexia. This teacher inspired me that I was a lazy woman, that I was weak and because of this I have problems with reading and writing. She did not understand that this might be due to the work of my brain, and continued to inspire me that I was not doing enough and my laziness was to blame for the fact that it is difficult for me to read. A few years after the end of the elementary school, when I came to her with her classmates, she pretended not to notice me.

Alisapoto: Daria Yadrishchenskaya

In the sixth grade, I went to a new school, and what I did not want to remember. I got into the class of “evil major” from series about teenagers, into a class that was formed as a team in a year. Some classmates ignored me, since I was not cool enough for them: I did not have an outstanding mind, cool things. Others did not like it at all, and they openly discussed me. Once the girl came up, hit me in the face and said: "This is a joke." I then sat in a stupor and did not know what to do, because I still did not have social skills. The same girl once stood nearby and ate a chocolate. And I thought at that moment. Then she came up, spat out the chocolate and asked: "Do you want?"

At the end of the sixth grade, we had a school departure, and there I began to meet with my classmate. For the whole summer we met a couple of times, and I realized that this is some wrong relationship. At the beginning of the school year, I told a classmate, whom I then considered a friend that I want to part with him. Instead of support, she shouted about this to the whole class, and that boy was very offended by me. After that, all the boys of the class began to spread rot. They approached and condemned me for listening to K-Pop, that I was a feminist. In addition, I was imprisoned with a friend of that boy. I tried to start communication with him, because at least I needed a textbook, but he did not always share, distracted and called me. I do not know how I finished off the seventh grade, because in October I had an attempt to suicide.

Photo: Daria Yadrishchenskaya

Teachers did not care. Parents understood what was happening to me, 50 to 50 - because I myself did not know what was happening to me. For me, this was the norm since childhood.

That this situation is not the norm, I was helped by work on myself. This happened only after I spent a lot of time to gain social ties, after I began to understand psychology, analyze myself.

Now I am not embarrassed by this story. I left school and could not finish her studies to the eleventh grade. School years I definitely will not remember how something bright.

"I was a very correct girl"

Violetta, 16 years old

I think that bullying is a humiliation of a person, possibly for his difference from society, verbal or physical. Bulling is an attempt to put a person into a gray mass.

From the very beginning of the first grade, nit-picking began to me because of my good studies, due to the fact that I always looked from the needle and answered in the lessons. It annoyed the children, it annoyed the parents of the children. Sometimes someone else's parents came to me and asked dumb questions about my hair. They annoyed even my hair color! It all started with insults and turned into something more. I started stealing an office, select a pencil case.

Violettaphoto: Daria Yadrishchenskaya

In the third grade, my nose was broken - classmates threw a basketball in my face, everyone laughed. The administration did not understand in any way, everyone did not care. In the sixth grade, I was locked in the toilet for five hours. Neither the class teacher, nor the teacher - no one was looking for me, everyone did not care. I sat alone in the toilet and cried. Bulling continued until the eighth grade, when we were redistributed on profiles, then it became much easier. In high school, they are much better monitored by such situations, there is a special center here that stops all this.

I think that they poisoned me because I was a very correct child, they raised me like a “Christian girl”, I couldn’t do some things, speak on certain topics. I was a very correct girl.

I did not have support. I had a girlfriend, but during the way they poisoned me, she was just silent. She herself did not touch me, and it was already great. Mom did not know - I did not tell anyone. The class teacher was all the same. In every primary grade there is a child on whom everyone is draining their aggression, in our class there was me such a child. There were several guys who were just silent. Now I do not keep evil on them, they simply did not know what to do in such a situation. Nobody opposed aggression, classmates either poisoned me or were silent.

Photo: Daria Yadrishchenskaya

I started problems with socialization, I can’t communicate with people until a certain time, because it starts to seem to me that I am some kind of not so that I bother. I have problems with communication with people are still stretching. Probably, from that moment I had a “mask” that everything is fine, everything is fine, life is beautiful - but in fact everything is terrible. And now I have a habit of always smiling, laughing - this is my protective reaction.

"It seems that you are so alone"

Nastya, 17 years old

Before they started to poison me, I came across bullying, and it was a terrible experience. In the first grade, I studied with one boy who had problems with the nervous system, he was hyperactive, he was hard to study. His mother asked the teacher to be very tough with her child, each time to show that he is wrong. Once we wrote the prescriptions, and this boy coped poorly, then the teacher, in sight of the entire class, tore his notebook and threw it into the urn. The teacher in the first grade is a strong authority for children, there are only two options for a child in a bullet situation: either join the aggressor or look from the side. I chose the second option.

Nastafoto: Daria Yadrishchenskaya

I went to a new school in the second grade. And I think that the reason for further events was that children under the eleven years of age cannot adequately perceive the feelings of other people, it is difficult for them to understand that others also feel something. There was a sports boy in the new school, and when I came, a supergipative child, she began to actively bypass him in all sports, which was very angry. He was too hysterical and had a great influence on others, so the guys had no choice but to listen to him. Most often, it was an insult with words, but when the boys understood that it was difficult to finish me in this way, they began to act: they pulled the pigtails, sometimes they reached a fight.

Our class teacher was not a teacher by education at all, that is, she had only a mathematical education and few skills in pedagogy. She didn’t care what was happening in the class. Parents knew that I was subjected to persecution, and, of course, they supported me. Several times my mother approached the class teacher to resolve this situation, but this did not give any special fruits.

Photo: Daria Yadrishchenskaya

When you encounter bullying at school, adults seem to understand you, but it seems that you are so alone that others have not fallen into such a situation. In fact, this is not so. Many are faced with this and for some reason are silent more often about it, that is, as problems in the family, they cannot be taken to society. But I believe that bullying is not a problem of a particular family, but the problem of the society itself, which needs to be solved together. It is important to talk about it, to say that adolescents are extremely often encountered with bullying and this is not the norm.

"These children understand what assholes they were?"

Polina, 21 years old

I don’t know what caused my bullying. In general, I don’t know how a person can earn herbs, that he is offended, beat, wait after school. I still cannot figure out why this happened. They kicked me, pissed off after school, cut my clothes, things, spoiled my notebooks, stole tests. It was a company of girls, most of whom I have known since childhood, from the first grade we studied together. To be honest, turning back, I think: these children understand what assholes they were, or are they still so dumb that they have not even understood this? We are now reading the same Internet where the words “bullying”, “violence”, “Abuez” have appeared.

Polinapoto: Daria Yadrishchenskaya

I have a story, I tell me few. Having matured, I realized that this is called cyberbulling. The classmates with whom I was friends spent time together, periodically spent time without me. And once they created a page in VKontakte as if on behalf of one guy who was studying with me at school, met me. In general, I had an affair with a guy in VKontakte. I did not tell anyone about this, everything was very personally. I walked, looked at this guy at school, and then it turned out that my classmates created this page and they corresponded with me the whole group, a party.

I was always interested in why I got it. You come to your mother’s knees and this is: "Mom, well for what?" And my mother always said: “Polina, well, you see that they like to do this and watch your reaction. That is, you somehow react to this: crying, screaming, angry, anything. And they are interested in watching, this is like such an attraction. ” And I recently heard this phrase in adulthood, and she horrified me. My colleague said: “Well, I’m joking like that, because I like how you react to it, it's funny.”

Photo: Daria Yadrishchenskaya

There were teachers, people close to me who noticed that you can communicate with me in the lessons differently, and in general I was a favorite from some of them. They often focused on the fact that they behave incorrectly with me. I myself worked in the camp for a couple of years. And when you work with children, a child often appears in which you see yourself, and try to correct your mistakes, react sharply. I had a boy in the detachment who was poisoned, and at some point I realized that I could not do anything about it. He lived in the room of the boys, he had long pink hair, that's all, problems with self -identification. And he left home, and he cried, and a bunch of everything happened, but I understood that I could not. I did everything I could, from the side of the adult. It seems to me that every evening I cried from the fact that I did not understand what to do with this guy, but I perfectly understood how he felt.

"I was brutally offended, but I did not understand why"

Sasha, 19 years old

Bulling in my direction began because I was an amoebo. I was brought up very kind, I had a very religious grandfather and a educated grandmother. That is, on the one hand, “give everything to the other,” and on the other, “also do not show how you feel, since the manifestation of emotions is uncultural.” Therefore, I have always been super -lowering, I never said anything, I was the subject of ridicule. If they asked me something, I sincerely talked about my interests and was not shy. In addition, I could not give back, I could start climbing when they offend someone weak, but could not fight back.

Sashafoto: Daria Yadrishchenskaya

In the first grade, we had a boy, well, such a bugi, a bully, and I said something in response, showed my tongue or figure. And he ran to me and pushed the stairs. Then I hid the bruises under the clothes from my parents, because I did not want them to go to understand, I was ashamed, I thought that I could not be apparent. The second case, the class in the fifth, was associated with two boys, with whom we communicated well separately, but when they united, they harshly offended me, I did not understand why. They with the company of the guys broke my locker, broke my things.

Another example, I cannot call it tough, but it was very unpleasant to realize now. When I was in the primary school, I had no friends that I showed my poems (then I loved to write poetry) a mathematics teacher, and she said that I had no rhyme. That is, I came to her, because I had no one else to show, and she said that everything was bad.

Photo: Daria Yadrishchenskaya

We had several out -of -the -basis, who on a regular basis offended some classmates. There were girls there, there were those who lifted the other skirts. Because of this, I did not wear skirts above the knee before September-simply because these skirts lifted me all the elementary school, and I was ashamed, embarrassed. I think that the teachers clearly saw this, but what could they do? Because parents were still.

"If you complain, you must continue to crush"

Polina, 18 years old

In elementary school there were mockery associated with my excess weight. At first I did not perceive them seriously, because I was the person who was always loved was taken to all companies. And then, as they grow older, knuckles began. This happened, including from relatives. Nobody ever offended me physically, but unpleasant words were in my direction, and there were quite a lot of them.

Polinapoto: Daria Yadrishchenskaya

I recall this case: some not very adequate boy in elementary school decided to tell me something about my excess weight. Dad came to school to talk with that boy. But this stopped this child briefly, but he realized that if I complain to someone from the outside, then it hurts me very much and I need to continue to put pressure on it.

The experience of bullying is very much scored by your self-esteem, I still have very few constructive criticism in my head about assessing myself, and I look at myself with other people's eyes, very often I recall the conclusions, which was made by some non-significant people, and not myself. I begin to treat myself well, only if I know that someone likes me, or they show me more attention, or when someone directly says that I am cool. Moreover, I perceive such things only from unfamiliar people, because it seems that loved ones make me compliments simply because they love me and as if they should do it.

"They would not wish anyone like that"

Dasha and Katya, 17 years old

Starting from the first grade of one of our classmates, almost half of the class poisoned, including the class teacher. She focused on the fact that it is more difficult for him to socialize, study.

Then, already in the older grades, fifth-seventh, classmates began to poison another boy because of his appearance. It seems to us that our class teacher began this, because she directly spoke about his long hair, untidiness, and sometimes she could insult him when he was absent.

Katya and Dashafoto: Daria Yadrishchenskaya

In our direction, bullying began in the fifth grade, when we had changed the class teacher. From the very beginning, we did not have a relationship with her, to be honest, we ourselves do not understand why. We had an assumption that she did not like that they did not start to wave her hands, as she asked, on the line on September 1. After that, she reproached us many times for the appearance, it was supposedly forbidden to wear jackets and sweaters to school. Then it was winter and it was very cold at school, so we simply could not walk in other clothes, otherwise we would have froze. But she did not understand this. Once, at a class hour, she began with all the class very aggressively reporting us because of the sweaters.

We could not stand it and cried. It was impossible to continue to sit in the classroom, and we just left. Mom met us from school, and when we got into the car, she realized that I needed to do something with it, and went right away to talk with the class teacher. В момент, когда они разговаривали, весь класс сидел в кабинете. После этого разговора учительница зашла и сказала, что пишет отказ от нашего класса и что в этом виноваты мы и наша мама, соответственно. На следующий день началась самая жесть. Когда мы пришли в школу, все одноклассники облепили нас и начали обвинять в ее отказе от класса. Стоит отметить, что до этого момента она многим не нравилась и это был не первый раз, когда она решила написать отказ. Но тогда все вмиг поменяли свое мнение, и она вдруг стала жертвой.

Наши одноклассники угрожали нам, говорили, что если мы скажем этой учительнице еще что-нибудь, то они «закопают нас в землю», заставляли идти извиняться. Нашей маме звонили родители одноклассников и также обвиняли ее в чем-то. Отец одного из наших одноклассников сказал: «Если они [Даша и Катя] так близко к сердцу воспринимают крик учительницы, то почему бы вам [нашим родителям] побольше не кричать на них?»

Фото: Дарья Ядрищенская

После того как мы так и не извинились перед учительницей, к нам начало поступать еще больше угроз, и в итоге с нами перестали все общаться, даже те, кого мы считали друзьями. Когда все утихло, мы стали просто невидимками, казалось, что никто нас не замечает. От учителей не было никакой поддержки. Так как сама классная руководительница стала причиной буллинга, все остальные учителя либо поддерживали ее, либо никак не реагировали. Спустя два года мы перешли в другую школу.

«Проблема в том, что это норма»

Наташа, 20 лет

Для меня буллинг — это система тотального насилия. Когда людям проще оскорбить тебя не потому, что это какая-то их характеристика, а потому, что они не знают другого способа коммуникации. Буллинг — это то, с чем сталкиваются очень многие подростки. Буллинг — это травля, самая страшная — со стороны учителей, когда нет возможности адаптироваться, когда тебя не принимают в маленькое сообщество.

Когда я перешла в среднюю школу, я сразу оказалась в среде, где буллинг был нормой жизни. До того момента, когда я дошла до мысли, что что-то странное происходит, я была свидетелем очень многих ситуаций.

Natasha

Было сильное социальное разделение — на богатых и бедных, что, в принципе, странно в XXI веке. И когда я стала защищать каких-то детей, меня начали травить вслед. Я была свидетелем ситуаций, когда учеников поднимали с мест и могли позорить на весь класс, и все считали это абсолютной нормой.

В то время я очень много болела, это была реакция моей психики, потому что я не хотела идти в школу. И чем чаще я не приходила, тем сильнее меня обижали. В восьмом классе стало жестче, потому что начались алкоголь, наркотики. Все повзрослели и стали более жестокими.

В восьмом классе у нас была учебная поездка по литературе в Комарово. Я до этого никогда не была в лагерях, мне все это казалось очень классным. До этой поездки я никогда не пила алкоголь, а мои одноклассницы привезли его с собой. Во время выезда я выпила этот алкоголь и потеряла память, контроль над ситуацией. И слава богу, что я всего не помню. Я помню все только кадрами: как я в одном месте, в другом. В это время учителей рядом не было, никто не знал, где они. Это было в детском санатории, но всем вокруг было неинтересно, что с нами происходит, они такие: «Ну подростки выпьют, ничего страшного». Как потом выяснилось, я вписалась в историю с наркотиками, то есть я пошла к каким-то другим людям, познакомилась с ними. И когда я вернулась, мне стало плохо. Вызвали одну скорую, у меня остановилось сердце. Вызвали вторую, они меня откачали, увезли в больницу. Все это время учителей не было рядом.

Когда я поняла, что пришла в сознание, я уже сидела и рассказывала что-то, извинялась перед мамой. Это все было ужасно страшно, но это был детский сад по сравнению с тем, что было дальше.

Это были выходные, воскресенье я отлежалась, а в понедельник пошла в школу. На меня орали все. Эта новость быстро разлетелась: дети останавливали меня в коридоре, облепляли, не давали пройти. Моей подружке, которая как бы якобы меня напоила, писали: «Сдохни, мразь, ты позоришь нашу школу». А у нас же типа гимназии, как такое возможно. Самое страшное — это были не дети, я очень рано это поняла, а учителя. Меня вызывали к завучу и заставляли писать имена тех, кто меня напоил, тех, кого я должна была сдать. Но я ничего не помнила. Мне угрожали: «А мы занесем это в твое личное дело, и ты никуда не поступишь». Естественно, это чушь, но тогда я в это свято верила, и мне пришлось в восьмом классе решить, кого я сдам. Меня останавливали учителя в школе и высказывали мне, из-за этого я опаздывала и на меня орали на уроках. По школе это все разлетелось так, что мне пришлось научиться себя защищать. Когда я зашла в класс и мальчик сказал: «О, ты что, жива?» — я кинула в него стакан. И вместо того, чтобы обвинить его, обвинили меня. Я не знаю, почему меня оттуда не забрали. Учителя, которым я нравилась, резко изменили мнение обо мне.

Потом у меня начались проблемы с учебой, потому что я много болела, не хотела приходить туда, где меня травят, и это все накатывалось как снежный ком. У меня был конфликт с учительницей по математике, которая назвала меня при всем классе инвалидом. Пока меня не было, она ставила мне единицы. Как-то раз я подхожу к ней, наивная, и говорю: «У меня же есть все справочки». А она говорит: «Раз ты так много пропускаешь, приноси справку об инвалидности». Я начинаю рыдать, смотрю на всех остальных, а они молчат, все мои друзья молчат, потому что знают, что им тоже прилетит. Она могла меня унижать, ставить просто так двойки и тройки. Она ставила меня перед всем классом и говорила, что я ничтожество. Пять раз ты промолчишь, но на шестой надо что-то делать. В какой-то момент я осознала, что, если я не буду руководить ситуацией, мне уже никто не поможет. Это все дошло до того, что мы в открытую орали друг на друга. Когда взрослый человек орет на ребенка, это вообще страшно. Я как-то раз сказала ей: «Горите в аду» — и ушла.

Фото: Дарья Ядрищенская

Самое страшное в этом насилии то, что ты привязываешься к нему, ты не понимаешь, что это насилие, и тебе кажется, что все это норма, ты боишься куда-то уходить. И я помню, что даже после всего того, что я пережила, я говорила: «Мама, ну как же, я хочу там остаться». Хотя было очевидно, что это мрак.

Все это насилие оправдывалось тем, что «мы сделаем из вас гениев», или учителя говорили: «Если бы мы на вас не орали, вы бы были посредственностями». Я в какой-то момент подумала: «А на фига мне этот французский, если я каждый день рыдаю из-за него? Можно и без французского прожить, но с нормальной психикой».

Проблема в том, что это была система. Однажды в школу пришла учительница по французскому, она была очень милая, классная, заботливая, но через два года она превратилась в такую же мразь. Потому что, находясь в этой системе, ты имеешь два варианта: либо стать ее частью, либо уйти. Она начала так же орать на детей и насиловать им мозг.

Самое страшное, что никто из учеников этого не понимал, я была одна. Никто не понимал, все оправдывали насилие тем, что «эта школа дала нам блестящее образование». Я считаю, что на хрен образование, если я так поплатилась за него.

Проблема не в конкретном учителе, а в системе. У нас так принято, для нас это норма. Мне бы хотелось, чтобы люди перестали воспринимать это как что-то адекватное. Я хочу, чтобы дети могли встать и сказать: «Мне не нравится, как вы со мной обращаетесь».