I should have taken the bullet out

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House

On the morning of March 25, the Russian military came to my uncle, who lived next door to us, to inspect his house and yard. By that time, our village had already been under occupation for a month, we periodically heard the echoes of battles, automatic bursts and the sounds of shots from tanks. People sat in basements and cellars, did not go out into the street, but communicated, shouting to each other through the fence. The windows in the houses were covered with coarse cloth and adhesive tape so that light would not seep into the street. Many wrote on their gates "People live here."

The military told the uncle that everything was fine, that he should not worry, but that they might have to visit him again. After dinner, the same three young soldiers really came - already to our courtyard - and asked to inspect it for hidden ammunition and weapons. Mom escorted them to all the rooms in our yard, the soldiers thanked her, apologized and left. A few minutes later a car drove up to the house.

More than 10 people in military uniform came out of it. They unceremoniously tumbled into our area. Mom tried to tell their commander that everything had already been examined, but he replied that he had not seen it. The father explained that he had no weapons, but they took him out anyway, put him on his knees and ordered him to keep his hands behind his head.

Their commander called us Bandera and separatists. When I tried to ask why he made such a conclusion, he replied: “You are generally silent, we have already been told everything about you.” He also ordered my mother and I to go outside and take all the devices out of the house: phones, laptops, tablets, flash drives. We said that we would carry out the order, but they did not take out all the equipment. In social networks, many wrote that after such checks, the Russian military did not return it, so our phones were hidden and we were not going to give them to the soldiers. They cost us something.

Then the military began to open cupboards and bedside tables in all rooms, turn things over. They gutted my backpack, opened my wallet, but did not take the money. Although the bag with all the parental savings, which my mother hid in the yard, was taken away - there was a large amount that had been saved for years. They found a phone in my room and demanded to unlock it.

The commander said that he knew that I "sent something", but I stood by the fact that I communicated only with my relatives. I kept silent about the fact that I corresponded with the SBU officer and periodically informed him about the movement of Russian equipment between our and neighboring villages. I did not know this person personally, I got the contact to which I sent the data through acquaintances. Judging by the fact that the commander used to say: “We know who you are and what you did,” he was aware of this correspondence. Although the commander never found those messages, he told the soldiers: "Pack it!".

The soldiers advised me to take the essentials and dress warmly, "because it would be cold there." I was in such a state that I did not understand what things I needed to take and what they were talking about. My parents asked when I would be returned home. The soldiers replied: "Three or four days." They promised that they would only interrogate me and release me.

Cellar

That evening they took me to some private house, lowered me into a cellar and left me there to spend the night. In this cellar I met my uncle. He told me that after the morning search, the military also came to him, began to interrogate him about whether he was a member of the defense, whether he had a weapon. He answered that he was not a member of the defense and had nothing, and suggested that they search his yard to make sure of this. But they did not believe it - they hit the uncle on the head with the butt of a machine gun and detained him.

After some time, another local resident was brought to our cellar, he was already over 60 years old. According to him, he was detained for talking on the phone: the soldiers did not like it.

To be honest, it didn’t matter to me what someone was detained for, I was much more interested in the question of what would happen to us next.

Boiler room

The next morning, March 26, we were transferred to the neighboring village of Novy Bykov and placed in the boiler room of the local club. There we were interrogated. The military did not touch me, but they used physical force against the men. The prisoners were tied with their hands behind their backs and put on a bandage over their eyes.

I was the only one who had my eyes and hands untied, because I was appointed the “senior” among the prisoners: they said that I should supply water to the rest and provide medical assistance. On the very first day I ended up in the boiler room, a man was brought there with a wound in his right arm above the elbow. He told us that one of the Russian commanders shot at him. In the evening, our "guards" examined the wound and said that a doctor would come tomorrow.

Without waiting for the doctor the next morning, they cleaned the knife and handed it to me: I had to remove the bullet. I had never done anything like this before, but I understood that if this was not done, the wound would fester. After that, the wounded man was given anti-inflammatory pills and his arm was bandaged.

On the same day, I was forced to tell on a video about who I am, what I did. As I understand it, he was then handed over to the Russian special services. They told me: “You have the status of a gunner, you handed over the geopoints of our positions.” Allegedly, I walked around the village, collecting information. In fact, I watched only a small section of the road, which is visible from the window of our house. Five cars drove in the direction of Kyiv - I reported this, but I didn’t know where exactly their installations, cars or tanks were, and I didn’t give up any “positions”.

On March 27, we were all blindfolded and hands were put into a car and driven in an unknown direction. After some time, we were transferred to a truck. For several hours we drove across the field - that we had left the road, I learned from the soldiers. My hands were tied around some kind of metal pipe so that I couldn't do anything. Then we were put into a helicopter. When he landed, we were told that we were in Russia. We were immediately taken to some institution, where we were interrogated again.

On March 28, we were transferred to the town of Glushkovo in the Kursk region, where we went through several more days of interrogation. And on April 8, I ended up in the Kursk SIZO No. 1.

Camera with the word "mortuary"

When I was admitted to the pre-trial detention center, I was taken with the captive men into a corridor where there were no video cameras, put on my knees and beaten with truncheons on the lower back and buttocks. We were also beaten with electric shocks and punched in the head. As far as I know, such a measure was not applied to other girls.

At first, I was with two other captured Ukrainian girls in a cell designed for six people. Someone had scrawled the word "mortuary" on its wall. One of the girls had cancer: four days later she was released, and the two of us were transferred to a punishment cell, converted into a cell. It was next to the room through which the plumbing ran - it was damp and there were rats. There was very little space, it was impossible to move around the punishment cell, but we did not complain and tried to adapt to this environment: after we were accepted, we were not beaten and we understood that it could be worse.

In the pre-trial detention center, we were dressed in green overalls, taken to the shower once a week and forbidden to sit on the bunk during the day. They also threatened to cut me bald, but, fortunately, they never did. I have long hair that I never wanted to cut. I think they felt this fear of mine and put pressure on it on purpose.

We were fed three times a day. At first, the food was not tasty: it was noticeable that the potatoes were not peeled and not washed properly. But then something changed: the food acquired a taste, pieces of meat became more common. Fish was served every evening. Although the food was not as tasty as homemade, it was always warm - I will not say that we were starved.

We were the only women among the prisoners. In June, two more girls were brought to us, but in July one of them was taken away. Ukrainian men were kept in neighboring cells, but we were not allowed to interact with them. We were allowed to communicate only inside our own cell, and even then we were often ordered to “keep silence”.

They wanted to re-educate us: to make us think that everything that happens in Russia is good, but in Ukraine it is bad. Sometimes we were taken out into the corridor and shown footage of the bombed-out Mariupol, Luhansk and Donetsk regions with the message “this is what your government is doing, this is what your military is doing, this is how bad they are.”

Every day we sang the Russian anthem during the rise at six in the morning. Several times a day, we were played a playlist with patriotic songs: “Victory Day”, “Sky of the Slavs”, “We are Russians”, “Uncle Vova”. Speakers were installed in each cell, and every time we heard a song from this list, we had to line up and sing. If someone refused, he was threatened that they would come to “talk” during the check. Therefore, it was easier to sing once well, so that they would not find fault with you.

I was charged with an article on espionage, they said that I had collected information and conducted an investigation. I don’t know if a criminal case was initiated against me, but they didn’t take me to the courts. On May 5, people from the military police arrived who were involved in the investigation, they read out its results to me: allegedly, my actions did not cause damage to the Russian army, because no one died because of me. So I was acquitted. But they warned that if I return to the territory of Ukraine and continue my “activities”, they can again detain me and judge me according to the laws of Russia. I wrote a receipt that all this was clear to me, that it was read to me and announced orally, I did not need an interpreter. After that, they said: "Wait to be taken away for an exchange."

Even after that, new investigators came to us and tried to talk. I replied that I would not tell anything new, that by decision of the military police I was acquitted and included in the exchange list.

During these interrogations, they called me to tell the “truth” that, they say, I was recruited by the Ukrainian special services back in 2013. And no matter how I explained to them that I was not interested in politics, I taught computer science and mathematics to children at Brovary School No. 5, they did not believe me. And I had the most ordinary life: I worked hard, went to my parents on weekends, talked with relatives and friends. In the summer I went on vacation within the country, I never went abroad - it was enough for me that I could take students to another city on an excursion.

Ukraine

Despite the fact that I was “acquitted”, I still celebrated my birthday, September 15, in the pre-trial detention center. My cellmates and I poured water into mugs, they made a toast, and I wished that my main wish would come true - to return home.

Five days later we were transferred, as we were told, to a women's colony in the Kursk region. We were there until September 24, then we were returned to the Kursk pre-trial detention center, and on the 25th we were already taken to the city of Novozybkov in the Bryansk region. From there I was sent “with things to go out”, on September 29th.

Together with three men, they put me on a bus. We were in handcuffs. It was clear that we were being taken for an exchange: we were in the Bryansk region, near the Ukrainian border. First we were taken to Belarus, and from there we entered Ukraine. After some time we were dropped off, explained where to go, and released. We went where we were told, and saw captured Russian soldiers walking towards us, greeted them, saw the sign "Ukraine" and realized that this is it - we are at home.

Upon arrival, we were taken to the hospital for examination, a psychotherapist talked to us. After the beating in the pre-trial detention center, I started having problems with my back, I constantly felt pain in my lower back. I underwent computed tomography, revealed injuries, and now I am undergoing neurorehabilitation at the scientific and practical center.

During our detention in the pre-trial detention center, we were constantly told that Ukraine was practically gone, that Russian troops had taken Kyiv, and people everywhere were standing in lines for Russian passports. We did not have the opportunity to verify this information - we were tormented by a lack of understanding of what was happening at the front. Therefore, it is most difficult now to recover psychologically. It is too early to talk about a full recovery: this experience will forever remain in my memory.