Translated material
"Who will I become - well done or cold?"
Shcherbakov - about why for young Russians the world is unsafe chaos, in which you need to survive and adapt
The walls of this office must be high, but they are not, they are hidden under children's drawings. The style of "Bosch and Sons" prevails. These children are just as intently in the abysses around them and in themselves: they run somewhere and die; torture, violence, monsters, fear and hatred. Tanks and other grotesque infernalism, clowns-maniacs. Church with domes and houses with smoke from the pipe. Smooth to nausea rows of beds in wards, orphanages, barracks, prisons.
This is the office of the psychologist Nikolai Shcherbakov in the very center of Krasnoyarsk and the drawings of children. Very small and already grown. In Krasnoyarsk, to this day there could be much more than the 200s, hence the contingent for all armed conflicts with particularly wiped hands always scooped up. I will not say that this is the merit of Shcherbakov - in this hypothetical difference between what would happen to all the layers, and what is, and yet: the most dangerous, inhuman, difficult to put on such children - difficult, to the contingent of Shcherbakov. That's just one of those who could once get to Shcherbakov, but, unfortunately, did not hit, the Order of Courage came posthumously, and there was no one to transfer it to the military: there are no relatives, from four years old in the orphanage. These are orphans or social orphans - having given birth to them, the parents did not dry out. There is no one to cry about them. Many had/have only Shcherbakov. Guarded, patronage, just nailed to him. One teenager, the other, third. He went to the mountains with them, rescued from the cop and psychiatric hospitals, where they were sent for poor behavior, arranged and equipped them, taught to cope with pain inside, taught the main life lessons. He finally found suitable parents. Schcherbakov, understanding all the specifics of the case, organized real assistance in Krasnoyarsk for foster families, training them, prepared a lot of specialists of this profile, set the brains of guardianship workers and officials, his “bright heads” program saved hundreds of families from mistakes and decay. Now many of his guys in the troops. Part participates in his. And they are on constant connection with Shcherbakov. He continues to advise and teach them everything, remind them that now they and all their steps are online, everything is removed and written, and therefore they need to behave and they need to decently, and they report to him, they send the video. These complex children, their Brownian movement, which he somehow orders, helped him become an outstanding person. He stands in the way of the destruction that was destined for all his children. Such, leaving the orphanages, cripple themselves and others - simultaneously or gradually; alcohol, drugs, or hitting crime. Those who were saved, undermine and destroy the nasty character and “psychosomatics” - not to change their past and not deceive. Shcherbakov redirects these children. So it was before his, so now. To the question of who remains here and for what. This is written about him: “And I stand on the very edge of the cliff, over the abyss, you know? And my business is to catch the children so that they do not break into the abyss. You see, they play and do not see where they run, and then I run up and catch them so that they do not break. That's my whole job. Guard the guys above the abyss in rye. ”
- Of course, not to tell about all your orphanages. Let's talk about some. Someone serves on a call, someone has undergone partial mobilization, right?
-My everyone is still alive and well. J. from the Lebyazhinsky boarding school was in Ukraine, but now its regiment has been withdrawn to Russia, D. from the Bolsheoli orphanage-to Belgorod, writes that they are sleeping in a bunker, for security. He spoke at the military enlistment office with employees - they reply that they, conscripts, will not send anywhere. From K. Since the beginning of August, news has not been from the border, but the guys just explored: alive and well. V. was on the border, but now he returned to his part in the Far East. The guys wrote to me about C., I knew him, but did not work with him. He signed the contract. They wounded in the groin and in the thigh, already cured.
The contract and the buses are now advertised, banners are called to the Wagnerians, and the guy of 18 years old wrote to me yesterday - after our difficult conversation with him about his desire to make an appointment with the Cheka: “I realized for myself that I will now move away from the antidepressant *** and replace it for alcohol and forest.” Well, that is, he realized that his desire to fight was connected with his depression and suppressed aggression. So many different porridge from his head had to be pulled out - about American influence, cave ideas about peace, law, etc. The guy is intelligent and with normal trends. In the spring he came with depression. Now everything is much better, in the summer with a friend broke up, which brought him to such a state, and in the past he has several episodes of the non -working. He is well done that he was able to find the connection of these ideas and desires with depressive experiences.
And here is the correspondence with Ilya, October.
QUOTE
“I'll leave for mobilization. No, I'm not a fool, and this is not a joke. A summons came, I'll go. I do not want to run, invent something, I think my whole life, I’m considering every action. And here I do not want to think. They got me all. " -“My friend spent only six months in Chechnya under a contract in 2000, and he is still ashamed of him. I always treated you well, and people like you should live and do something worthwhile ... ”-“ I understand. I am already ashamed, for a long time. But I'm not a martyr and not a revolutionary, I am a hostage to circumstances. And I will adapt as they enter them ... Do not blame us, please, and God will forgive us. ” - “I do not blame anyone. Trying to prevent irreparable, as far as I can. Yes, let him forgive us and keep us. ”
You know, next to this guy, with Ilya, 22 years ago, I remember this very well, I suddenly experienced some kind of cosmic feeling-that we are not healthy, guests in this world. Ilya is now 32 years old, and then he was 10, and he often waited for his father after lessons while he took him by car, so we were nearby: I had lunch, and he was waiting for his father. We sat in a school dining room, and something next to us happened-the junior students said something ridiculous or did, I don’t remember, and not the point, but we, looking at them, suddenly, without saying a word, began to laugh, and I felt, along with a difficult spiritual community with this four-grader, although it is difficult to convey in words the following: we are our souls, that is, it is unknown in this stupid world They turned out to have brought them here with what wind, but at the same time we sometimes feel that we are not local, this world is not ours, not quite dear to us, but that, native, not here ...
You know, this “parish” can be explained quite scientifically that laughter and humor are our attempt to free oneself from the burden of the semiosis, the release of steam, returning to the bosom of nature, but for me it is only significant for what I experienced, and this happened thanks to Ilya, the “child of the 90s”. He studied well, not particularly striving. The family is complete, the father of the businessman is all I know. When he was in the second grade, his grandmother died, he missed her. He received a higher technical education, served. About six years ago, he called at night, happy and drunk, apologized and told me something good.
-Probably, riddles should remain in reality around us, but something has been going over the last time. Moreover, you find that the basic things that you have seen not so distorted are false before. For example, numerous records of telephone conversations of the fighters with mothers - not with friends, not with wives, but with mothers: how can you use a taboo, dirty vocabulary at these minutes? And just beyond the line, that mothers and sons said in the same dialect. And there is no stress, there are ordinary conversations. Mat is part of life, yes, but it looks like the legalization of incest. And reality seems to be blurring, the fiber is turning, everything seems to be like, but it’s already different in it, and in it the figures reminiscent of us like us, but not us. I remember how soldier’s mothers behaved in the late 80s, in the mid-90s. Now everything is different.
Then we saw how partial mobilization occurs. Here the woman escorts to the military echelon both son and grandson and thanks United Russia, which "helped to collect men on a long journey." Then these endless announcements about the fees of “humanitarian aid” for soldiers. Mothers collect cowards, socks, batteries - simultaneously with crutches and wheelchairs.
For some, this is the norm, the order of things. For others-something that rose from the depths, from the bottom, they cry, but they call those who leave and hide, "with the hide." And the third is obvious to the score of the template. Cognitive dissonance.
I also saw the relationship of mothers and sons differently.
The question is how much politics, social practices, in general, everyday life can change human nature, biology, initial attitudes? If with maternal instincts something is wrong-who or what is to blame?
- The words “mother” and “mat” are no coincidence the same -rooted. In total, 6.2 percent of children in Russia have a safe attachment to their mother. In St. Petersburg, 130 families were investigated, and these were people who agreed to take part in the experiment, that is, not marginals-120 pairs with children with medium or high income, 10 with low; Thus, real indicators in Russia can be even lower. In absolute numbers - 8 people from 130 families. At the same time, among 49 children brought up in the houses of the child, they did not find a single one with a safe pattern of attachment.
In civilized countries, this percentage in children from families is about 30. The numbers from the study by N. Pleshkova and R. Mukhamedrakhimov, scientists of the SPbSU, show that about half of the Russian children do not trust their mothers and are not ready to seek protection and support from them. And that approximately half of the Russian mothers behave not quite adequate to their children, since they are not sensitive enough to their basic emotional needs.
Safety, predictability, trust, empathy, heat, creativity, freedom in relations with mother are more or less accessible only by half of young Russians. The rest almost (or at all) do not know all this, and the world for them is an unsafe chaos in which you need to learn to survive and adapt.
In many ways, therefore, it is easy for us to manipulate. Therefore, we need a leader. Therefore, we willingly believe in different fairy tales. Therefore, we do not trust each other (and ourselves) and love to divide the world into black and white. Therefore, many have the feeling that enemies are enemies around, and in the move of the archaic, “concepts” and “kidding”.
As a result, our nation raised this deadly potential, and then noisily stiffed, spilled it out.
- It is clear that at the deep level everyone is to blame for everything. But on where we live mostly our lives, this is not so. And after all, at this superficial level, then there is no guilt at all, if everyone is to blame. Why: what is the reason that the investigation is the relationship of mothers with babies, Russian politics? Or - interdependent things, and one produces the other?
- Unprincessed, traumatic, dividing, tearing all human ties, the experience of the 20th century is the reason. To injuries from revolutions, repression and wars, we add a nursery from a two-three-month age-when the current rulers grew, postpartum leave was so. Pyatidneviki gardens. Infectious hospitals without parents. And the like depriving things with completely orphan effects in the end.
Hence, in many ways, our disunity, learned helplessness and pathological fear and servility before all kinds of authorities.
- Yes, the now -popular American neurobiologist Robert Sapolski also speaks of the same deep ties, about a certain predetermination of our reactions, actions (or their absence) from how the mother sang the song loudly, how quickly we heard our infant crying, and behind this, in turn, our great -great -grandfathers, their behavior and choice. I remember now the stingy story of my mother, how she ran from work in a nursery to breastfeed me. Two half -hour absences and one hourly were laid. In a nursery - either from two, or from three months, then the garden, every summer - on collective summer cottages with a kindergarten, an embroidered number "99" on underpants, T -shirts, panamae ...
- Two months - this, of course, is tin. I was given me exactly a year in the nursery, then it was already possible. So now we are and live as deprivans of an early age. The children turned out convenient, yes. Soviet psychologists rejoiced: they occupy themselves, do not strain their parents, tolerate, do not ask for anything to the last. The British found out that this is a consequence of attachment according to type A, the extreme forms of which (A+), when, for example, a two -year -old child nurses a mother after a binge, in adulthood they can result in addictions and serious deviations.
The film about Stirlitz shows such a person. Arounds are enemies, and he needs to hide his needs, views, play a double game. Meeting with his wife in the element cafe to the music of Tariverdiev - the experiences of a small child who got into the infectious disease:
Mother can only be seen through the window under which she stands in the courtyard of the hospital when older children will raise you to the windowsill.
- I remember this look of the older sister - lay with jaundice. It was only June, who went to the discharge were released into the courtyard. Behind a high fence, but there you could see.
- Well, the baby in the “seventeen moments”, the SSwing torments in front of the mother’s eyes also for a reason.
These people need to not only feel the power over the victim, but also force to suffer from their own helplessness of a person who loves the one they mock. Some kind of traumatic experience, it seems that they thus played out
Because once, in childhood, most likely, they also felt helplessly, and no one helped them then. I don’t humanize anyone - everyone who is involved and is sane at the same time should be judged, but I am a psychologist and try to understand what drives them.
Returning to the Stirlitz: at the end of the film, it seems that he saves his own inner babies, taking them out with his mother to safe Switzerland. At the same time, having heard from Kat that there is no future without the past.
[...] In recent years, the people have been systematically plunged into the fact that the psychoanalyst Melanie Klein called the paranoid-chizoid position-the state of the first months of life, when the baby does not yet distinguish external and internal and lives in a fragmented world, rather soulless and dangerous, because the baby projects his feelings to external objects and idealizes them, then Luto hates and tries to destroy. Different magical beliefs, “flat”, concrete worldview, lack of humor, the search for the enemy-all these are features of a paranoid-chizoid position that Klein contrasted ontogenetically later depressive position, in which the baby begins to perceive the mother as a separate being and even feels some responsibility for her feelings-for example, she pains her painfully.
Well, if in the late 80s and in the 90s in the media and in society as a whole a depressive position prevailed, more mature and responsible, more intelligent, voluminous, worried, then the last two decades could be observed a rollback to a paranoid-chizoid position, when everything is flat, primitive, specifically and stupidly replaced by meaningless, but very intense fears. The celebration of Victory Day with popcorn and soda under the slogan “We can repeat!”, Talk about nuclear ashes on central TV-all this is a clear paranoid-chizoid symptoms. While all depressive, everything that reminded of problems and troubles - the Memorial Society*, historian Dmitriev, politics of Nemtsov and Yavlinsky, musician Makarevich ** - all this was carefully suppressed and destroyed, as people allowed people to maintain an unpleasant reality.
The country slowly but surely plunged into psychosis, and it now has only two outputs -
recognize the presence of a serious and long disease and slowly and painfully recover
Continue to go crazy and as a result of being isolated in the hospital with subsequent forced treatment.
[...] Listen, well, without me, a lot has already been said about the sociopathic features of the present Russian government. About cynicism, deceit, coldness, behind which are such psychological phenomena as splitting, FALSE SELF, projection, etc. In the year 89, Grebenshchikov said in the “look”, arguing about Stalinism that all of us after decades of the scoop should be treated. I would add to this that, first of all, our commanders, especially immigrants from special services and other closed structures -, according to my observations, of different psychopathology, they demonstrate more than others. But let the psychiatrists of the future do this, and I will tell you better a bike.
It was in 2004-2006. We were suing the Feesbashnik P. from the district center of Sh.: He took from their former wife their common son eight years and did not allow them to communicate for several months that, even from the reviews of teachers, he greatly neurotized the child. Мать, приятная молодая учительница иностранных языков, обратилась в кризисный центр для женщин, где я консультировал, и мы решили идти в суд. На заседания я ходил исправно, чтобы добиться проведения независимой экспертизы мальчика. Там и узнал, из каких семей происходят фээсбэшники.
Сам П. мне показался гораздо более вменяемым, чем остальные члены его семьи (это клан какой-то был, а не семья, как мы с адвокатом матери отметили). Что-то человеческое в нем ощущалось, в отличие от остальных взрослых родственников. Недалекий глуховатый папаша, домашний деспот и психопат (спустя годы узнал, что он бил жену и наводил страх на детей — ну это и на процессе чувствовалось), и совершенно бесцветная, «никакая» мать, замученная жизнью, и похожая на корягу истеричка-сестра, вызвавшая общий смех демонстративной фразой в адрес бывшей невестки в конце своего выступления: «Ребенка ты не получишь, понятно?!»
Рядом со своим папашей фээсбэшник, на тот момент довольно высокопоставленный и пополневший, выглядел не взрослым мужчиной, а неуверенным подростком. Возможно, и за сына он так ухватился, потому что человеческое только в нем и находил. Жена его новая на процессе показалась мне какой-то бюрократической тумбочкой, примитивной, но хваткой бабенкой (такие обычно на рынке успешно торгуют, а она, насколько помню, в своем райцентре отвечала за работу с несовершеннолетними). Такой вот клан, спайка, духота и агрессия; кто не с ними, того срочно надо уничтожить. Тем контрастнее смотрелись рядом с ними бывшая жена П., ее мать, сестра и подруги: просто живые люди, приветливые, сомневающиеся, каждый — индивидуальность.
Экспертизы мы добились, но суд растянулся более чем на два года, мать этого не вынесла и уехала с новым мужем в Германию.
Спустя пять лет фээсбэшник П. при странных обстоятельствах застрелился на работе. Сын его сразу перестал быть нужен новой жене, и приехавшая мать за две недели оформила все документы и забрала его с собой, где он с тех пор и живет, выучился на инженера и отметил весной 26 лет.
ИЗ ПИСЬМА МАТЕРИ
«Они — П. с новой семьей — за все годы ни разу не съездили в отпуск, жене все было мало денег. Это не только мои слова, а тех, кто ее знает ближе. Они же и с меня высуживали алименты. Несмотря на то что я сидела с маленькой дочкой, сыну посылала или привозила одежду. Я только боялась, что они ему не разрешат ее надевать. Знаете, прошел всего день со дня смерти П., она сыну сказала: «Ты же к маме поедешь, тебе надо выписаться отсюда». А потом и ключи просила отдать. От мопеда сына сразу пропали ключи.Я очень боялась встречаться с его родственниками. Они и так были неадекватными, а здесь такое… Но прошло все более-менее спокойно. Просили не прерывать связь… Звонить!!! И я звоню сестре, сыну напоминаю позвонить деду с бабкой. Мне передают приветы. Как часто я хотела им отомстить, представляла, как на них отыграюсь за свои слезы. Но… человека не изменишь. Да и не хочу я в злобе жить. А со второй женой никто из них не общается. Вот такая интересная жизнь».
— Года два назад один бизнесмен рассказывал, как его компания набирала вахтовиков. У всех пришедших на собеседование парней (все от 20 до 30 лет, из малых городов и поселков) в графе «отец» — прочерк. And they did not support the conversation about this. It is not clear, says the businessman, where did they all come from in this world. Either the prison there, or an accident, war, a rampant crime. Then, he says, understand. Most likely, all these guys who are aware of, their future sons will also dash in this column. В малых городах, поселках отцы — или на вахте, или в тюрьме, или в запое.
То есть негативные тенденции из прошлого века никуда не уходят, они с нами. Пять лет назад, в относительно благополучные времена, более пяти миллионов из 17 миллионов российских семей — почти каждая третья — были семьями, где детей воспитывали матери-одиночки ( данные 2017 года уполномоченного при президенте по правам ребенка). Вы всегда много говорили о роли отцов, о том, что хорошо бы у подрастающих мальчиков был рядом с ними авторитетный взрослый. Вот и недавнее письмо нашего общего знакомого Михаила Афанасьева из тюрьмы получилось все об этом. Отцов нет. And it is not expected.
Что нам ждать от этого? Это же не чисто российская проблема — неполные семьи, да и вообще такой колеблющийся планетарный тренд — крах института семьи. Но почему именно в России безотцовщина на выходе дает такие уродливые явления и негативные, страшные процессы?
— Что нас ждет в связи с нынешней ситуацией, которая погубила и еще погубит огромное количество молодых дееспособных мужчин? Вопрос этот больше для социолога, но то, что это чревато катастрофическими последствиями для нас всех и для России в целом, по-моему, ясно всем вменяемым.
До людей начало доходить, за кого их держит власть, — если не до разума, то до органов чувств. Помните мультик 2000 года «Моя жизнь» про маленького поросенка? Жуткий, трогательный, а теперь и провидческий. Герой в финале задается вопросом: «Один дядя мне сказал, что я должен стать молодцом. Или холодцом?»
Нынешнее понимание очень травматично для наших в массе инфантильных и задуренных людей, многие предпочитают отрицать такую реальность и делать, что говорит начальство, либо деградировать. Но в любом случае, новое чувство, что тебя или твоих близких используют, — появилось.
Безотцовщина — да, проблема многих народов. Но нигде не было столь длительного травмирующего и в то же время разлагающего влияния на психику целых поколений людей того, что называлось советским строем, а сейчас — пустого, злобного «бобка». С мужчинами в ХХ веке у нас не заладилось. За сто лет уголовная мораль так или иначе проникла почти в каждую семью. Кто были большевики, если не уголовники? С соответствующими методами, риторикой и отношением к людям. Особенно к оппонентам, к тем, кто что-то из себя представлял.
В результате такой селекции был взращен советский человек во всей красе, обладающий одновременно чертами сироты и уголовника.
Фильму Динары Асановой «Пацаны» скоро 40 лет. Герой Приемыхова в нем пытается создать для трудных подростков заботу и справедливость хотя бы в своем трудовом лагере, но как только они попадают за его пределы, случается какая-нибудь криминальная жесть, в которой, если разобраться, виноваты совсем не они, а уроды-взрослые, от которых они зависят. Вороватые, злобные или просто тупые и безразличные взрослые. Словно бы весь этот социум существует лишь для того, чтобы давать человеческий материал для полицейских, судей да тюремщиков (теперь вот и для военкоматов). Они у нас, видимо, и есть главные «отцы». Тут вспоминаются эксперименты Милгрэма и Зимбардо, показавшие, что от расчеловечивания нас отделяет совсем ничего — достаточно дать нам власть, поставить нужные цели и снять ответственность.
В таких условиях все живое и разумное деградирует или гибнет, и в социуме, и в коллективном бессознательном нашем остается и воспроизводится лишь эта кондовая садомазохистская конструкция, при которой половина страны сидит, а вторая ее охраняет, и каждый, так или иначе, носит в себе этот ген тоталитаризма, когда он одновременно и агрессор, и жертва, и нужно очень много совместных усилий и времени, чтобы от этого излечиться.