The conspiracy of the blue monsters

How Haggi Waggi could destroy Russia

A series of toys of Haggi Waggi was banned in Russia. Roskachestvo issued claims for the “technical regulations for the content of phenol and the toxicity index”, but the deputy Maria Butina, the frontwomen of the campaign against “Western monsters-killer,” explained in her TG channel: “Toys <...> It was because of the main one that was removed from our market-on the basis of harmful psychological impact on children. <...> For the one who does not raise his children later feeds someone else's army. ”

Along with deputy wisdom, we tried to imagine what Russia would become in the very near future if these “shapeless monsters of acidic color” would remain in free sale ...

Dulles would be satisfied.

In American biolaboards in Ukraine, with the support of Finnish specialists who have just replenished the ranks of NATO scientists, a technology was still created that could conquer Russia. First, failures pursued Western strategists: both fighting mosquitoes and infected pigeons were powerless against the Russian people.

The decision came from the unexpected side. It is no coincidence that the patriots have been alarming for so long about the fact that video games are dangerous for new generations. The terrible creature from the horror, who appeared to the gamed -hammers in nightmares, is the toothy blue monster of Haggivaggi - has become the same necessary element.

Children throughout Russia happily bought soft toys - a merchae tootics of Haggie, without realizing what dangerous game they enter into. Friendly tooth really loved to hug children - but, hugging, in fact, he strangled them to death. There was no better a pink copy of Haggie - aimed them to death.

The diversification of the Haggivaggi line has reached an unthinkable scale: Haggi appeared of any color, size, smell and even taste - just to cover all segments of the population. The Kremlin leaders did not heed a few sensible voices from the State Duma: it seemed to them that the sweet charm of a monster, in which tenderness is combined with cannibalism, because “everything is not so clear” is exactly what Russia needs in the days of harsh military trials.

Passing TG channels distributed dentists with Khaki-Meach and with symbols Z and V; On the air of VGTRK, Vladimir Solovyov discussed with an expert in the costume of Kissi Missy the shelling of civil infrastructure of Ukraine; One of the volunteer battalions of the DPR was named in honor of Kissi Missy; Dmitry Rogozin took the pseudonym Haggie Roggi. Even the Dmitry Medvedev telegram channel did not stand aside and published a post, saying that "it would be easier for the head of the Western countries to agree with Haggie as the head of the Western countries than with these cannabis who were smoked by cannabis."

Those who dared to oppose Haggi-vaggism shut their mouths: some were declared foreign agents, toys from the special series Killy Willy, a clear hint of everyone who tried to rebel against a blue dictatorship.

The death penalty had to be returned; And punished guilty guillotine from the teeth of Haggie.

Children captured by toys did not immediately began to lose the appearance of respectable Russians. At first they said everything that we wanted to hear from them: “We will never know whether Haggie Vagigi is really a villain”, “He is right or is wrong, but Haggie Waggie is my country”, “But we know where he was eight years old.” And only then, when everyone was already accustomed, the oddities began. Children began to like blue more and more-and then the blue fur ... On the Internet, crossovers of the cult Quire-Roman “Summer in the Pioneer Tip” with the participation of Haggie and Killy began to appear ... And the absence of children in Haggie and Kissi formulated a clear understanding of the fact that being Childfrey was not only normal, but also the only right choice, since he made it Huggi! ..

Years passed. Russia is isolated, poor, closed.

And soon the only entertainment, the only idol of the youth remained only a cute blue toothy monster - good -natured Haggie.

And already many years later, when the president’s inauguration was no longer necessary to hold elections, suddenly an animator appeared in a costume of Haggie, no one paid attention to him. The young FSO officer, who checked all those present, grew up on Haggie toys - and therefore made a fatal oversight.

A terrible secret revealed.

In the CIA biolaboratives, the real one was bred - a huge, three -meter, thinking, living Haggie Waggie. Taking advantage of its popularity and tenderness of the ruling elites, Haggie went through a layer of bodyguards - and when the president held out his hand to take a photo to support the “popularity of the youth”, this real Haggi simply took and bit off his head.

Is it worth it to describe what happened to Russia after this terrible terrorist attack?

Needless to say, the remnants of patriotic resistance for years tried to understand when everything went wrong, and how could it be (if possible?) Prevent this disaster.

The answer was found.

With the help of a unique technology for moving in time, accessible only to true patriots (with its help, for example, the president, the President, who was devoured with the great figures of the past, Catherine II and Peter I), the remnants of patriotic resistance managed to convey to us, their ancestors, the Epistle.

The message is very simple, but sinister: “Russia will cope with any external enemy. The main thing is to stop the internal. His name is Haggie Waggie. "

This message from the future landed in the head of the deputies of Maria Butina and Tatyana Butskoy - and those, having thought and consulted with the Orthodox elders, made the only right decision. A series of publications in their telegram channels, they stopped the expansion of a terrible infection-and thereby saved Russia ... But, of course, it is not worth relaxing. At least, until the acting “Plan B” is still in action: no less, or even more dangerous toy Tick-current monster-named Siren-headed.