"I wrote with a caplok:" I'm afraid you! ""

The story of the activist Daria Heikinen, who is a year -old for the subscriber

In 2020, activist Daria Heikinen met online to Yuri - he often left comments under her posts. A year later, Yuri began to pursue Daria: to create numerous accounts on social networks, write her comments with insults, as well as assureing loved ones that she has a person’s disorder. “Cold” asked Haykinin to tell his story, and also asked Yuri why he was doing this.

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"I realized that I am the behavior of Yura" bothers me "

In September 2020, when I was 17 years old, almost every post in my telegram channel began to leave many positive comments by a person named Yura. Sometimes I answered them, and we had a discussion on political topics. Personally, we met in January 2021 during protests in St. Petersburg [in support of Navalny], but then we practically did not talk. In the same year, in February, we met already in Moscow during the laying of flowers in memory of Boris Nemtsov on the Bolshoi Moskvoretsky bridge. The only thing I knew about Yura at that time was 35 years old he is and he lives in Moscow.

In April 2021, I was beaten by a former partner. At first he strangled me for a long time, then dragged me around the apartment by the neck, and then pushed and ordered him to kneel and bark in front of him. When he stopped mocking me, I went to the bathroom. I was stunned, did not feel safe and did not know if this would continue when I left the bathroom. I just needed someone to know what was happening. I had a stretched relationship with my parents, and I was afraid that they would not understand me. Therefore, I turned to Yura as the only adult, who, as it seemed to me then, I could trust.

Because of the suffocation, it seemed to me that I could not speak, and I sent Yura a video in which I showed traces of beatings. He knew, like all my subscribers, that we cursed with the guy, so he realized [what happened] without explanation, regretted me and asked if help needed. I replied that no - the guy calmed down - and on this our correspondence with Yura ended .

A week or two after the incident, I wrote a post in the telegram channel, where I told about what happened: I needed to explain to my audience why I did not get in touch (later I deleted this post). In a commentary on the post, Yura came and wrote that he had talked with my former young man and realized that I was also to blame for the conflict. He accused those people who supported me in the comments. I did not like such a reaction, as well as the fact that he discussed the situation with my former, although they had never communicated before. I was terribly evil and offended, although at that moment I admitted the idea that I “brought it” to my boyfriend. For several months we did not communicate with Yura, but then I still decided to make peace with him.

Since then, I began to cross quite often with Yura at events and just meetings with friends in St. Petersburg. After such meetings, he brought me several times to the stop of intercity buses so that I could go home to the region. Once he gave me a book that I had long wanted, and when I began to act as my position in relation to Kadyrov (Heikinen more than once publicly opposed Kadyrov’s policy, accused the head of the Chechen Republic of reprisals against critics and called for his retreat.-Approx. “Kholoda”) , Yura gave me a gas cylinder. He often sent money to develop my blog and personal goals. Yura participated in the creation of the Mayak movement (the movement was created in 2021 by St. Petersburg activists; it conducted a campaign against Ramzan Kadyrov, helped independent candidates collect signatures in local elections and opposed the war. - Approx. "Cold"). He came to meetings, took part in the discussions, photographed us.

In July 2021, I realized that I was worried about the behavior of Yura. He could aggressively talk with me in common chats with associates or mention the beating, although I asked him not to do this. In the summer of 2021, I was first detained . After that, Yura wrote that I need to stop my activities so as not to get to prison (the screenshot of the message is not at the disposal of the editorial office; Yuri wrote a similar message to the mother of Daria, it has a “cold”. - Approx. “Cold”) . And I could not get into prison, according to his logic, because I am weak, I won’t stand it. My words about weakness were cut, and I asked why he got that I was weak. He answered me: "Do you remember how you cried?" I was shocked that a person was judging my weakness, because I saw how I cried when they beat me. On this our relationship ended.

In July 2021, I told the guys from the “Mayak” that I did not like how Yura treats me, they talked with him, and he went out of the movement. When asked by my associates, why he provokes me, he, according to them, replied that he was trying to temper me through pain and raise a strong person in me.

Anna Zamornikova, Clinical Psychologist

Stalking is a form of violence when one person provides another obsessive and undesirable attention. The actor of this type of violence persistently pursues the victim, including on the Internet, ignoring the lack of mutual interest.

Unfortunately, there is not a single way that, with a 100 percent probability, would help to stop the stalker, but there are things that it is important to remember if you are in such a situation.

First: the longer the pursuer is engaged in Stalking, the more difficult it is to believe that you do not deserve such an appeal. There may be an illusion that you could do something differently so that this does not happen. Remember: you are not to blame for anything and do not bear any responsibility for the actions of a stalker.

Second: you can catch yourself on depreciation. You can think: “Nothing happens,” “physically does not harm me any harm.” This is especially true for cyberstalking, when the pursuer does not enter into personal contact with the victim. Such thoughts do not help you cope, because fear, anxiety, loss of safety, become a background, and as a result, depreciation only reinforces our guilt and shame. Cyberstalking is also a form of violence. The fact that you feel fear and anxiety is adequate to the situation.

Third: tell relatives, friends and relatives about Stalker. If possible, notify a less close circle - neighbors and colleagues. Often the victims do not talk about stalking because of feelings of guilt, shame or fear. However, if your loved ones are not aware of the situation, it will be easier for a stalker to act. Take care of your safety: tell us about what is happening, put your loved ones on a quick set on the phone, think about the confidentiality of your data and passwords on the Internet, consult a lawyer how you can protect yourself and, in which cases, apply to the police.

Fourth: you can not panic. It is undesirable to change the place of residence or work. The stalker achieves this particular - so that you feel fear and he has more control. If you feel that anxiety and obsessive thoughts began to bother you too often, you are experiencing problems with sleep, appetite, mood, seek psychological help.

Fifth: it makes no sense to convince a stalker and enter into a dialogue with him. If the dialogue cannot be avoided, answer “no” to all sentences. It may seem that the vague answers will calm the pursuer, and unequivocal will be angry (“Suddenly I will make it worse”), it may seem to you that a little more and you will convince him, but for a stalker this is often a signal that you are ready to maintain communication and can agree to his requirements. Unfortunately, the stalker will not work to convince the stalker, no matter what arguments you cite. All your actions must be directed to defend yourself. Dialogs can only be used to collect evidence: write a telephone conversation on audio, to screech with correspondence.

Sixth: When we are persecuted, it may seem to us that control over our life is lost, that our whole life is in a stalker in the palm of his hand and is completely subordinate to Stalking. This is the internal reality of the stalker: his life narrowed at one point - the desire to get the victim. Remember that your life is much richer than the persecution of a person who really needs the help of a professional.

"He wants to expose me"

In November of the same year, I realized that what Yura does is called “stalker”: after leaving the movement, he started several dozen accounts in various social networks, from which he still comments on any mention of me on the Internet. Moreover, he leaves offensive comments not only under my posts, but also under the posts of other people. As far as I understand, he wants to expose me. He believes that I am unsuitable for political activity, that I am weak, that I am deceiving everyone and making myself a brave girl, which I really are not, and he alone knows the truth about me. At some point, Yura also had a version that I have a personality disorder. The fact that I should not exist in public space and politics, Yura wrote to my parents, young man and supporters.

Throughout the year, I blocked the numerous Yuri accounts, ignored his attacks, but he started new accounts and continued to write insults. I invited him to meet personally and talk, but Yura answered with a mockery. It is more interesting for him to terrorize me. He has a manner of answering a question with a question, and he is constantly trying to make me make excuses. When I offered to go to a psychologist or meet, he said: “I do not need to be a psychologist. This is not all in order with you, do you understand? ” He says that he does nothing wrong, for example, does not stand under my door, so he does not understand why I react so sharply. On March 1, 2022, I could not stand it and wrote him a message with a caploc: "I'm afraid of you!" “So that he is behind me.”

A few months after that, we posted on social networks an announcement of the last meeting of the Mayak. In the comments, Yura wrote that he would come. He really came, sat in the first row and silently shot me on camera throughout the event. Yura used to follow me with a camera. For example, in February 2022, he was waiting for me at Solovetsky Stone in St. Petersburg, where the rally of laying flowers on the anniversary of the murder of Nemtsov took place. When a journalist came up to me to take a comment, Yura began to shoot me, and then asked where my icon [movements].

"Cold" asked Yuri to comment on the situation with Daria. We publish his answer

No, of course [I do not think that I am engaged in stalking]. Although if you call the spelling of the controls on Twitter Stalking, then we are all stalkers.

I think that these messages do not hurt her? Yes, they probably hurt, like any critical or negative. Daria does not tolerate criticism from the word "completely."

I have a fundamental position - to ignore her banas, as Daria always uses banas or black list to eliminate uncomfortable issues or topics for discussion. In general, there are not many people among friends and native Daria who have not at least once visited a black list. This is such a model of behavior or protection, in my opinion, absolutely unacceptable, especially for a public person.

Over the past year, I saw Daria twice: on the day of Nemtsov’s memory at Solovetsky stone and at the birthday of the lighthouse. Friends called me to the Solovetsky stone. My being there did not depend on Daria, and I did not know whether she would be there or not. I came to the Mayak’s birthday, because I was one of its founders, well, in general, I was interested in what Daria would tell, maybe it would lie or embellish. There would be an online broadcast, I would have enough for me.

If I, one person, give her so much discomfort with my existence, then maybe public activity is not her, and in politics there is no place for her?

In the episode with beating, I only became convinced again that not everything is so simple with Daria. She told me that she was hit, but did not tell anything about what preceded this. Daria hid the details of the situation, because the conflict, as it turned out later, she provoked.

[Do I think my behavior] is undesirable? It is quite possible. Dangerous? No. What danger can a comment? And Daria’s mental peace has been disturbed for a long time.

"I just want him to keep up with me"

I don’t think that Yura will apply violence to me, but I have no guarantees. I will not contact the police, because usually law enforcement agencies are in no hurry to do anything, even when the victims of Stalking are subjected to direct threats. And if I come to the police, rather, because of my political activity, I will attract attention to myself than to the situation.

The first six months I tried not to tell anyone about the situation with Yura, not to show that it bothers me. It seemed to me that my fears would not be taken seriously and say: “The cops come to her with a search, and she worries about the comments of a strange person.” But gradually I began to realize that his actions go beyond the scope of the jokes and that my experiences are worth telling about them.

In January, I wrote about this situation on Twitter. So I was convinced that my experiences are not a trifle. But, despite the large number of supporting comments, this did not lead to the solution of the problem. Yura left a bunch of unpleasant comments under this thread. Many in the comments began to offer "to scare him well," but I do not consider this approach correct. I specifically do not name the surname of Yura (known for the editorial office. - approx. "Cold") . If something happened to him, I would feel guilty. I do not want someone to terrorize Yura how he terrorizes me. My goal is not to punish him, not to betray his personality, not to make him as bad as I do. I just want him to be behind me.

Alena Nestobei, lawyer of the consortium of female non -governmental associations

In Russia, you cannot be punished for persecution. Nevertheless, in some cases, you can attract a stalker, including on the Internet, under an article on illegal collection, storage and dissemination of information about private life (Article 137 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. - approx. “Cold”) . A person can be held accountable and for threats of deprivation of life, causing serious harm to health or insults, as well as for the implementation of illegal audio and video recordings (119 and 137 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation and Article 5.61 of the Code of Administrative Offenses.- approx. “Cold”) . According to these articles, it is often possible to bring stalkers to justice.

Our wards we recommend contacting the investigation authorities under the article on the collection of information about private life. In cases of physical persecution, when it comes to threats, to insist that the actions of a stalker threaten your life. Moreover, in cases where the personality of a stalker is known, when contacting the police, there is an opportunity to indicate him as a guilty person and present evidence of such a persecution.