"I want to ask for forgiveness from Ukrainians"

How the front -line experience made opponents of war from the Tuvan soldier and his mother

Tuva ranks first in Russia in terms of the number of people who died in the war per capita. A significant part of them falls on the 55th separate motorized rifle brigade formed in 2015 in the republic, known by the unofficial name “Black Bars”. Even the owners of peaceful specialties were eagerly recorded in it - there they offered a salary of up to 60 thousand rubles, significant money by the standards of the poorest region of the country. He settled down in the 55th brigade and Aydys, the son of Nastasya (both names are changed). He received a higher education, but could not find a job in a specialty. The contract solved his financial problems, Aids even took a mortgage apartment in the capital of the republic.

The service suited him. Idis especially remembered peacekeeping missions in Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan, when he first went abroad. At the beginning of 2022, the brigade was taken to Belarus - supposedly for exercises. Aydys called home every day. When the calls stopped, and everywhere they started talking about the "special operation", the mother suspected something was wrong. I began to worry, pray.

It turned out that the Aydis brigade was sent to Ukraine. Before that, phones and passports were selected from the soldiers. Fortunately, in the spring, his son returned home - he was released by the commander. Although Aydys did not stay in the war for long, this was enough to become her opponent and subsequently convince her mother. He is silent for a long time to say something to the Ukrainians, and then quietly says: "There is not enough words ...".

Especially for the “features”, journalist Vladimir Sevrinovsky talked (separately) with the soldier himself and his mother. On the first day, Aidis could not speak because of the shock from the declared mobilization and the prospect of forced return to the front.

The story of the soldier

On February 28, we went [to Ukraine] through Belarus, moved towards Chernigov. Our leaders themselves did not believe in what was happening. To the last. I don’t know for Donetsk, Lugansk, but no one even explained what we did near Kiev.

We were told that the enemy has no aviation - we will quickly go through. They said that in Chernigov, grandmothers are met, the soldier feeds. But during the march before [the village] of the Berry [Chernihiv region] we did not see anyone. Only gypsies on the "Lada" rode. Everything was like extinct. Yes, and the gypsies on their own, neither hello, nor hello.

We [close] did not encounter the Armed Forces. Basically, artillery worked. While they beat them, our columns were moving.

There was no connection between units. Fucked each other. The 74th [separate guards motorized rifle brigade] launched its drone, and we are without a concept. They thought he was Ukrainian, shot down. Then the officers shouted: “The last drone fucked! We are blinding, or something, will we advance? " They also knocked ours. While you are shouting to others - "Do not shoot, your own!" - Time passes, and it's too late.

At first it was empty in the berry. Three days [in early March] stood, then the Ukrainians began to get out of the basements, to run towards the school. There is refuge.

At first, in Urals (high -crossed trucks), we mainly slept, but as mines began to fly, the boys began to dig out, took houses to hide from the fragments. We went almost light-“Tigers” (army SUVs), “Nona” (Soviet self-propelled artillery installations 2C23 “Nona-SVK”), and we were met there tanks there. There was three days. My 82-mm mortars and I were at all about anything until the 120s arrived. Then it became normal. And so no adjustment. Sometimes they covered their own.

The food was designed for a short time. It is difficult with cigarettes, the boys smoked tea. The enemy made the wells unsuitable, chemists had to neutralize. While some went for water, others shot, caused fire at themselves. The enemy and turned out to be with the rear, fired at the back.

The two hundredths were sent, the wounded, and the commander told me - go from here. How we will look your mother in the eye (perhaps because he personally knew her and knew that the family was small - “hell”). You will work out in part. We left, then [according to the stories] it became tougher: out of 12 Urals, 6 burned down. The boys provided themselves necessary. The quadrocopters bought so as not to blindly go towards the enemy (in the summer, after the events described, quadrocopters, products and essential items were bought by the residents of Tuva, as reported in open sources - the “line”). The people quit a lot, now [new fighters] are signed for a contract from 3 to 11 months. In the unit, in Tuva, they said - either fire, or [go back and] fight on. I quit: I did not want to die, there was no motivation. Like many others. The Tuvans probably already understood everything, only some do not want to admit to themselves.

The story of the mother of the soldier

At first they [soldiers] did not realize that the war had begun. The son said that he saw the first killed when they went into the village of Yagodnoy. One civilian, wrapped in a blanket. And our boyfriend, from his company, is "two hundredth."

In the village, they took turns guarding each other, and then, he says, spat on everything, even slept without guard. No phones, no connection. They did not have a bath. Food sometimes too. Soldier ration, one for a few days. Tuvans, our guys, well done, were looking for a way out. The horse walks - he had to, he says, to fill up. It’s good that the tile was still taken to exercises. They cooked food on it. The bag of potatoes got. The chickens are ownerless. The population ran away, but they remained. They cooked chicken, he ate and was afraid: suddenly poisoned?

It was scary. They go in a column, for example, Ukrainians immediately in the middle of the salvo - and they direct all their strength to the back, bomb. And there were no big fighting. Only shelling.

In the spring, the son called and said that he had returned to Russia. Apparently, I prayed so much that the commanders heard, sent him home with the "two hundred" and the wounded. Lucky. [In Ukraine] they did not even have a concept to refuse [from the contract]. Otherwise, many would have done so. His other colleagues also returned [to Tuva] and terminated the contract. In the 55th brigade before the start of the war, 1300 people served. His acquaintance said that of them a quarter remained-someone was killed, the rest refused (there was no independent evidence of this information. According to the new Tuva movement , they terminated the contract from 200 to 600 Tuvans-approx. Ed.). New contractors are recruited to their places.

At first, the refuseniks were called traitors, they said that they were not men. But when the failures became massive, the opinion has slowly changed. Denfects specially create such conditions in order to force to go to Ukraine again. They cannot get a job. Lack of money, and people have loans. Since spring, we cannot send a certificate of income from the Ministry of Defense, and without it the bank does not give a deferment of a mortgage. Some go to the taiga for nuts, others to the sawmill, for low works, but this is a penny! And they do not take them to good places. The road is closed to power structures.

They were told about the fighters: 53 dollars per day surcharge - and that’s all. 53 thousand [rubles] he has a salary, and as a result he received only 60 or 70 thousand for that month. To some colleagues, even for the injury of money [so far], they did not transfer.

Since the son returned, he is against the war. At first, when he only arrived from Ukraine, even I did not understand him. We were zombified by propaganda. He said: “Mom, everyone [live] is normal there, in Ukraine!” I thought: my son always tells me the truth! I began to climb the Internet, leaf through, read. And enlightenment came to me. She herself wanted to know and understand why my smart educated son says one thing, and Moscow was different.

At first I was afraid of [post -traumatic disorder], protecting him. But, it seems, everything is fine. It only grinds sometimes, as if he wants to hide. Apparently, the consequences of shelling, experiences. Of course, the nervous system is broken. But there is no temper and aggressiveness. It is only very outraged when people support the war.

He has an apartment in Kyzyl, but he said: “Mom, I will be better with you. There, friends will come in to remember [killed comrades]. I'm hiring. " A lot of colleagues died. I say: Come on, son, for sure! And I feel calmer, and he is calm.

Tuvans relate to war differently. It all depends on education. Many believe that men should fight. Most are sure that Ukraine is the territory of Russia. It is useless to prove something to them. Although we argue that they can arrest us for this. Okay, I have nothing to lose. The son is sorry. I think people will understand only when they will affect this [directly]. When a loved one is called for war. And so they believe that you can still sit quietly. They think, if they are silent, it will cost.

On mobilization, someone goes calmly and calls not to sow panic, someone is hiding. In the brigade, they say, there was a boiler. But there is no great excitement, in Kyzyl silence. I don’t know how hundreds of thousands of mobilized are going to provide. The son said, and now only a third of the weapons is new, the rest is old.

Some themselves say to the relatives: "Go, fight for Ukraine!" Most likely, money is needed. There would be an opportunity, they would earn peacefully. But Putin has such a financial policy, he drove people into financial bondage so that they have nowhere to go. To pay off loans, they go to fight, kill people. And if a person dies, they say: but the family will receive money.

I want to ask for forgiveness among Ukrainians. When this “special operation” began, I really believed that there were Nazis. There was blind. I am ashamed of our country. For the army, I'm ashamed. Russia is overhaul. There used to be the Great Patriotic War, but now the great aggressive. I am leading a group on social networks, posting videos against war there, throwing information so that people are educated. Subscribers understand everything. After mobilization, their number has grown sharply. And she threw these videos to another group so that the people thought better of it, they lifted such barking on me, and they were deceived, and scared by the article ...

I want people not to be silent, to start doing something to restore order in the country. I want the people to wake up! There are, of course, understanding people, but there is not enough unification. Plutka. Although this partial mobilization has already given an impetus to move. Next, you need to do something so that our children are not sent to die there. And so that the Ukrainians do not die either.

The author thanks Eres Kara-Sala and the New Tuva movement for help in conducting a conversation.