"I love you baby"

Why do we use baby talk in relationships?

Lovers often use baby talk: they lisp, come up with nicknames and words whose meaning is known only to them, as if they are talking to a baby. This seems completely normal. But when and why did this start happening? “Cold” understands this and other issues related to baby current.

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Language specialists Preply surveyed 1,966 people speaking 14 languages ​​to find out what word lovers most often call each other. In the top five most popular words was “baby.” It also included “love”, “babe”, “honey” and “dear”.

“Baby” is perhaps the most international word used to address both children and adults. Presumably, it began to be used back in the 14th century to imitate the sounds made by babies. About three centuries later, at the beginning of the 17th century, infantile adults began to be called this way.

One of the first recorded uses of the word in the context of a romantic relationship was to a woman. In Aphra Behn's novel The Love Letter of a Nobleman and His Sister, the hero calls his sister and lover a “lovely baby,” without specifying the heroine's age. The first part of the work was published in 1684. Later, this word of endearment among adults was popularized in literature and music. "Hello! Ma Baby,” sang the king of ragtime, Arthur Collins, in 1899. Over the next 20 years, the word “baby,” which transformed into “boo,” “babe,” and then “bae,” was heard in the songs of Whitney Houston, the Beatles, Justin Bieber, Moby, Beyoncé, and the Rolling Stones. , Ariana Grande - the list is almost endless.

But as an appeal to men in popular culture, it began to be used, presumably, in 1963 in the song “Be My Baby” by the girl band The Ronettes, which was picked up a year later by Ruby Turner in the song “Baby, I Need Your Lovin.” Now “baby” is applied to children, animals and partners of any sex or gender.

In Russian, they use anglicism or a free translation like “baby”, “baby”, “baby” or “baby” - these words are also applicable to both adults and children. In Soviet songs there were “girls” and “sweet girl,” but over time the texts became bolder, they included “baby” and even addressing a man “my boy.”

Popular culture influenced the spread of baby current. Romantic partners began to use it, and it transformed: it became both gentle and rude and even vulgar.

Why we use baby talk

Initially, baby talk is a simplified form of language addressed to young children who cannot communicate like adults. Imitating children is a way to speak the same language with them. Linguist Maxim Krongauz explains that this way a child can master a language faster - this is a method of learning from simple to complex.

Speech similar to baby talk can be heard among lovers. Researchers from New York Universities at New Paltz and Binghamton found that about two-thirds of couples resort to “childish” language: they lisp, use diminutives or made-up words - just like parents with their children. This is how couples express intimate affection and “return to early experiences of maternal love,” explains anthropologist Dean Falk.

The use of baby current by adults helps create “group identity” and “bodily intimacy at the linguistic level,” similar to that in communication between mother and child, Kapitolina Fedorova, a professor at Tallinn University and a specialist in sociolinguistics, tells Kholod.

A similarity to baby talk is used not only by lovers, but, for example, by families or friends as an internal code for communicating “with their own” - for this, people resort to certain words or accents. For example, in families, some childhood words that the child spoke 20 years ago may remain in communication between parents and children. “This is a phenomenon of interpersonal communication when people create their own language in small family or friendly groups, which is incomprehensible and alien to others. By using it, they show themselves and others the special connection between each other,” Fedorov explains the popularity of baby current.

How does baby talk between adults differ from child-parent talk?

“In love talk there is no pronominal shift - this is when instead of “I, you, he, she, you”, “we” is used. For example, a woman says about her daughter: “Now we’ll comb Mashenka,” although only the mother will comb the girl. It’s quite difficult to imagine something like this between lovers,” explains Kapitolina Fedorova.

The second difference is that communication with children is not built on equal terms. The adult is responsible for the child, and their roles do not change: the parent cares, and the child receives care. “In adult relationships, the roles most often change, people mutually use “bunny,” “kitty,” “baby,” or “baby,” says Fedorova.

Sexologist Logan Levkoff believes that using the word “baby” in a relationship can be a signal of a desire to own a partner, comparable to the way some adults consider children their property. And it is not surprising that many simply do not like this treatment. But, according to Fedorova, adult baby talk in itself does not indicate inequality: “Here you need to look at the context, at the roles and their symmetry. Language manifestations are a symptom, not a cause. You need to look at the dynamics of the relationship. Power is always associated with asymmetry: if one person always uses baby talk, imperatives, and the second is silent or constantly asks for something, this is an inherently unequal relationship.”

What do animals have to do with it?

Imperative, that is, commanding, baby talk is used not only with children, but also with animals. Of the two thousand Americans surveyed by OnePoll, one in four call their pet their child, and one in three called themselves the “mom” or “dad” of their animal. With them, explains Kapitolina Fedorova, as with babies, the adult “seems to be playing for two,” imitating a dialogue. At the same time, with animals, unlike children, a person does not use hyperarticulation to teach them sounds - in this way, the intonations of a conversation with animals are similar to the speech of lovers or friends.

Here it is worth mentioning one more role of animals. In addition to baby talk and treating each other like children, couples come up with animalistic metaphors. The lovers' speeches are full of "bunnies" and "cats."

The word "pet" appeared in written English in the 16th century and meant both "pet" and "spoilt child." In Russia in the 18th century, the word “pet” was also used in several meanings, among which were “someone’s pupil” and “pet.” Almost immediately the word migrated into the language of lovers - in 1776, Empress Catherine used it in letters to Potemkin, who was under her patronage.

Treatment of a child, an animal and a partner can be very similar - animals are treated as children, and animal metaphors are used for children. Lovers use both constructs in speech.

Why children and baby animals seem “cute” to us

Baby talk builds on child and animal imagery because they often appear “cute” due to evolutionary adaptations. According to one theory, humans first tamed those wolves that were least similar in appearance and behavior to wild ones—they were more friendly and curious, and therefore received additional feeding.

In the 1970s, Soviet geneticist Dmitry Belyaev began an evolutionary experiment with the goal of repeating the entire path of domesticated animals. To do this, he selected several wild silver foxes, which were least afraid of humans. After several generations, the foxes became completely tame, wagging their tails and licking their hands. They also changed in appearance : their muzzles and paws became shorter, their fur became softer, their ears drooped, and their tails curled. Such traits are called paedomorphism: modern domestic animals often resemble the young animals of their ancestors in appearance.

Researcher Juliana Kaminski observed shelters for a year and noticed that dogs that could change their facial expressions were more often adopted. They raised their eyebrows and widened their eyes, making them appear larger, just like a puppy's. Biologist Ilya Kolmanovsky explains that a person cannot ignore animals that look like babies, because he turns on “nursing behavior” - the need to take care. The same “behavior” occurs in relation to children.

In the mid-20th century, Austrian zoologist Konrad Lorenz suggested that babies' cuteness was also an evolutionary adaptation, without which they would not have survived: it was necessary to give adults a stimulus that would make them want to care. Lorenz developed the concept of childishness in facial features and body shape, finding that those who possessed them appeared more attractive to other adults.

A natural liking for paedomorphic traits has become ingrained in the culture. For example, Mickey Mouse's eyes and head grew larger , his ears moved back, and his legs and arms became thicker. This image of the character is much more suitable for the criteria of a pretty appearance compiled by Konrad Lorenz.

How baby talk became part of the industry of endless childhood

One of the first to speak about eternal childhood as a refuge was the writer James Barrie, who created Peter Pan and a world in which children never grow up. “When I was a boy, I was terrified that the day would come when I would have to give up gaming, and I didn’t know how to do it,” wrote Barry . “I felt like I would continue to play, but in secret.” Later, the views of James Barry were studied by psychoanalyst Dan Kiley. In 1983, he wrote the book “Men Who Never Grew Up,” in which he described the “Peter Pan Syndrome” characteristic of adult, educated men who are fond of games and cartoons. Later, the term “kidalty” was coined for this phenomenon (from kid - “child”, and adult - “adult”).

“Culture is truly becoming infantile. For example, gender stereotypes are being erased. If previously the dominant discourse was “guys don’t cry,” and an adult man cannot lisp, then, accordingly, modern culture has softened, and these things have become more acceptable,” says philologist Kapitolina Fedorova.

Adult life can be overwhelming and exhausting, especially considering the amount of emotional energy people spend trying to create the image of a functioning adult. And then baby talk comes along, explains psychotherapist Nan Wise. In relationships, baby talk also reminds us of what it is like to be a child and signals that we have returned to the “vulnerability and vulnerability” of our childhood.

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