"God showed me that I live wrong"

“After that case, I started drinking and taking drugs again” - words that Oksana pronounces most often during our conversation. Oksana is 42 years old, she lives in one of the villages near Krasnoyarsk. For several years now, Oksana "in the eyeballs" and the years of use calls "a dark history." Oksanina addiction looked like a dark maze in which she occasionally saw small gaps, but she could not get out of it on her own

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"Breaking Bad"

Oksana was born in Krasnoyarsk. She grew up with her grandmother and mother, she did not know her father: he was in prison. Oksana now does not remember what exactly. After school, studying for a cook in a technical school, because grandmother and mother decided so. They always decided everything behind Oksana, solved hard and peremptorly - without participation and affection.

When the girl was 21 years old, my grandmother died. Mother suddenly decided to sell their common apartment for Oksana and buy another housing. Both began to drink with grief, “unnecessary acquaintances and communications” began.

“My mother and I had concrete booze. It all came to the point that in a drunk state we fell on the tricks of the black realtors, which have taken housing with fraudulent schemes. We have no corner left, so my mother returned to live in Krasnoyarsk with a grandmother's acquaintance, ”recalls Oksana. - Before my mother’s departure, I took her passport so that she would not drink the document. I then began relations with the guy and remained to live with him. My boyfriend planted me on light drugs. So we lived incomprehensible for what we moved incomprehensible where. I didn’t really think about my mother, I only knew that she was alive. ”

A few years later, on the eve of March eight, a bell rang: "Oksana, your mother died." It turned out that a week before she was found on the street (“my heart grabbed”). Without a passport, Oksana’s mother was issued to one of the hospitals in Krasnoyarsk, she was gone there.

“The guy and I went to Krasnoyarsk, searched for my mother in all the morgues. Then they learned that she was buried at the public expense at the public cemetery. At first, I did not really understand what happened, I lived without a mother for a long time. And then it came that I was left completely alone - and covered it. I started all heavy: alcohol, drugs. ”

Oksana would have preferred that the next eight years in her life would not be.

Oksanapoto: From the personal archive of the heroine

She tried to be treated in various rehabilitation centers, including Christian, she threw drugs and alcohol, but then she broke away again, because she did not understand what else to take her free time. The diagnosis of infertility at 30 also did not contribute to the way out of addiction. The parting with a young man seemed to help for a while, Oksana recovered, got a job as a conductor on the bus, but then fate brought them down again-and the girl returned to the old habits.

At the end of 2012, Oksana became pregnant, and in 2013 she gave birth to her daughter Katya-small, premature, and a half kilograms. The decree was a difficult test: the guy regularly raised his hand to Oksana, broke her nose. “Beat, beat, almost killed,” she recalls with horror.

A year later, Oksana realized that I had to run. I found a job: I got a bakery for burgers bakers, at the same time washed in the houses of floors for money. Marking in rented apartments with little Katya. I drank and used drugs again to fill in loneliness. The guy's mother helped with food, sat with her granddaughter when Oksana was replacing. At work, the girl met Ivan, relations spun. Second pregnancy, abortion.

“Vanya and I had a strange relationship then. I got used to loneliness and thought that I could not rely on him, so I did an abortion silently. After that, Vanya reported, and he so dreamed of children. They quarreled strongly, dispersed, ”says Oksana. - After a while, they gave each other a second chance. I became pregnant again, gave birth to Maxim's son, also tiny, premature. Two weeks after Caesarev, she had already entered the car wash: money was very necessary for expensive mixtures for Maxima. ”

"I made a terrible"

Oksana and Vanya either parted, then converged again. At times he went to the neighboring village to work, she washed the car and raised two young children. As she became pregnant again, Oksana does not remember. She noticed a rounded stomach only in the fifth month. And at the sixth she gave birth to baby Veronica weights of the whole half -kilogram. Fear of not cope with life covered Oksana so much that she decided to leave the baby in the hospital. Doctors and psychologist dissuaded her, but nothing helped.

“I was so disappointed in life then that I did not believe anyone. I thought: “Well, they will help me with diapers, and then what? How do I handle one with three children?” I left Veronica, but I did not sign the refusal of her. Vanya did not even report that his daughter was born. Yes, he did not know about my pregnancy, what was there, ”Oksana sighs.

Oksana with the eldest daughter Kateifoto: from the personal archive of the heroine

One and grief was not able to cope with, and Oksana again broke into drugs and alcohol. I tried that the children would not see her in this state, accepted her while they were sleeping.

“Once I went for Katya to her father and left Maxim on my friend, who treated the children well and offered help. I’m ashamed to speak, but I got drunk with the former to unconscious, and he turned off my phone. When I recovered and went into social networks, I almost turned gray: the neighbors posted a video in the district group in Viber, as Maxim walked alone on the playground. That acquaintance simply left him and left for business. And the guardianship authorities took Maxim into a temporary shelter, - Oksana lists in a trembling voice. - The idea that I would lose him forever was unbearable. I suddenly clearly realized that so God decided to show me that I have been living incorrectly. ”

In despair, Oksana called a friend in a similar situation: "Olya, I beg, help me how you returned your children from the shelter?" “There is such a crisis center in Krasnoyarsk -“ Mother and Child ”, go there,” she advised.

Oksana rushed for help at the center. She was not so scared to die as losing children. On the threshold, she burst into tears: “Tired of living like that, I can’t, I don’t want to. Help". Oksana was accepted by the then director of the Mother and Child Center Olga.

Oksana with the youngest daughter Veronikeyphoto: from the personal archive of the heroine

Oksana calls Olga an intercessor. Olga settled her in a crisis center with other mothers. A psychologist and lawyer began to work with Oksana. And most importantly, she was helped to return the children. Oksana had two ships - to deprive the rights to Maxim and to Veronica. Both meetings went smoothly. Oksana was not thrown stones, Olga defended the ward: "She is a good mother, I see how her life is changing."

“The eldest, Katya, I barely won from my grandmother, she wanted to deprive me of my parental rights,” says Oksana. - Maximu was returned to me after all the tests of PDN . I have not seen Veronica for a year, I only carried gearboxes with diapers at her child’s house. In 2020, because of the pandemic, I was not given to see her. They did not manage to adopt her in a year, and I realized that this is my chance. ”

When Oksana saw Veronichka two months after the trial, fell to her knees and burst into tears, and then for another year he literally knocked forgiveness from her daughter. “Vanya, you have a daughter, she’s only a year old,” Oksana said on the phone of Vanya. Vanya was delighted. Oksana set him a condition: "You must cure your dependence in order to see the children."

* * *

Now Oksana looks like she always dreamed: dresses, shoes, makeup, stacked hair, calm, affectionate smile. She returned the children, returned herself to herself, returned her loved one to Vanya.

Ivan successfully underwent treatment in the rehabilitation center, got a job for a new job, and in 2021 they got married.

The younger children of Oksana Maxim and VeronicaFoto: From the personal archive of the heroine

Katya is already a fourth -grader - a calm and reasonable girl, Maxim - elusive, lively, drives football. Veronichka - restless, inquisitive, goes to kindergarten and rhythmic gymnastics.

While Oksana still lives in the crisis center “Mother and Child” due to difficulties with rented housing. Her husband is in another center. This is a temporary measure until December, until the couple finds a suitable apartment.

The Center “Mother and Child” is one of the many projects of the Krasnoyarsk Foundation without orphans, which was created by Mozherin’s novel. Since 2007, the Fund has been doing everything possible to preserve children in the family: he selects orphans of mentors, conduct classes for adoptive parents, pays for the work of nannies who take care of infants-mudders in hospitals, and accompanies graduates of orphanages.

“The current director of“ Krasnoyarsk without orphans ”Ruslan Mokrousov is my husband,” says Lyudmila Mokrousova, curator of the Mother and Child center. -Once upon a time, we could not give birth to our own children, so we decided to take a child from the orphanage, so we were so carried away by an orphan topic that in 2019 we headed the fund. 12 adopted children passed through our family. Now we raise two, the rest have grown. In a crisis center, we provide women with children with housing, food, clothes. Most of the wards in a past life was dependent. In the crisis center, psychologists and lawyers work with them. We help the wards with the registration, paperwork, obtaining benefits, and most importantly, we teach them how to take responsibility for ourselves, our inner world and children. ”

Here they are taught both to cook, and look for work, and care for children, and also - reveal talents. And so it happened with Oksana. A gift was seen in it. Now Oksana is a well -known cook in narrow circles. She loves and knows how to cook, and especially to make dumplings, dumplings, bake pancakes. In the fund she was presented with an electric meat grinder - a huge help in the case, purchased products, helped to compose a social contract and designed as a self -employed one. And Oksana launches her own small business - the production of semi -finished products.

Oksana’s children hold the semi -finished products that she prepares for sale photo: from the personal archive of the heroine

“I like it when people are delicious. I am already making business cards and leading groups in social networks to expand, ”Oksana boasts with a smile.

If the fund had not happened in Oksana’s life, then maybe there would be no children, husband and beloved business. Please help the Krasnoyarian Foundation without orphans, the main purpose of which is to preserve children in the family, so that every mother and child in a difficult situation will have the opportunity to have a house and a right shoulder. Thanks a lot!

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The material was issued with the support of the Absolute Help charity.