"Life in Russia taught to be afraid." How LGBT pairs are raising children in Argentina

At 35 years old on October 11 The world celebrates the Kaming-Auta Day. Russia, according to a study by the European branch of the Ilga human rights organization, is recognized as one of the worst countries for LGBT life. WITH The beginning of the war and the adoption of a new discriminatory law on gay propaganda, many same-sex couples left Russia and filed a petition for political asylum in other countries .

Argentina became one of the most popular countries for the emigration of LGBT people, where same-sex marriages are legalized, children born in the country give a passport and after two years of life you can apply for citizenship. The correspondent of the North. Realiy spoke with the same-sex families who escaped from the northwestern regions of Russia after childbirth, their experience of a camming art and the inability to raise children in their homeland due to fear of losing them.

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"He threatened to find out whose child he was, and cause guardianship"

32-year-old Christina and 23-year-old Vlad together for the fourth year-from the beginning of the pandemic. In April 2022, their son was born, they lived in the Gatchina district of the Leningrad region. In October, women hastily left for Argentina because of fears that they would take the child.

“Our son appeared back in Russia, although we planned to give birth to him abroad, but the borders with Argentina were then closed,” Christina told the North. Reali. - Already about to fly to Brazil, but my grandmother died, a deal to sell the house, and Vlada got into the hospital with the threat of miscarriage. I had to hand over tickets and stay in Russia. When the war with Ukraine began, we could not leave quickly, because there were births on the nose and we had to go to the doctor in St. Petersburg. We were very afraid of rallies and persecution, simply because we were already in constant stress. When you expect a child, you must first take care of yourself and the family, so it was scary to express some opinion against the war, given that we are generally such a category of citizens that should always be hidden.

According to Christina, life in a homophobic country has long taught her to hide and hide. Parents climbed into her personal diary and read the notes, and found out that she was LGBT.

- I had a fairly unpleasant conversation with me, my mother at first aggressively reacted to my orientation. She exceeded me responsibility, said that I needed to "fix." I promised to her that I would try to reinter myself, dreamed of falling in love with the boy. She experienced a huge feeling of guilt and shame. But in the end, my mother was able to accept me, although it took a lot of time. At school, due to the fact that I am a lesbian, was subjected to bullying. It was 2006-2007. And then, after the adoption of the first law on the 2013 LGBT propagand, the attitude in society worsened to us, and at some point I encountered internal homophobia and myself, ”recalls Christina.

He and his wife made a marriage while still in Russia - online, in the state of Utah, the USA.

“Now parents and relatives know that we are a couple and married,” says Christina. - But I had to hide relations from new acquaintances, to look closely how safe it is and is worth mentioning. On the streets of Russia, it is impossible to be open: you had to keep a physical distance, you cannot look at each other in a certain way. Such a life is wild stress. We could not feel ourselves, because it was constantly necessary to pretend to be security purposes. Before the war, I was not particularly hidden. There were many attacks from the society at least because of a short haircut. Strangers approached the streets and insulted. Similar was in social networks. At some point, she was so tired that she unsubscribed from everything “compromising” and tried to lead a very ordinary life so that in my direction there were as few questions as possible.

The main problems began when the child appeared.

“After childbirth, we lived in a small village of Pudidity, where we had to come up with an explanation where the child suddenly came from,” says Christina. - They invented a legend about health in order to explain to doctors and neighbors, why, at 22, Vlad needed to do IVF. Then the questions from the pediatricians began. Initially, it was very scary to call a patronage nurse home. As a result, she came to us instead of once, as expected, several. There were questions where the parents of Vlada, how long we will live together. The health worker behaved impudently: she wanted to put my wife on a hard diet, tore off her son’s navel and poured tea there, which stood on the table for several days, although we asked not to do it. The nurse named every day and once, when Vlad did not answer, came to our house with other people, while there was nobody. As a result, upon returning, we received a notification with a request to urgently report the location of the son. Another time, they tried to forbid me to walk with a child, supposedly only Vlad can walk with a stroller.

With two dogs, a cat and a child, they moved to St. Petersburg, but the problem did not end there. This time, their family haunted the chairman of the house where they rented an apartment.

- He threatened to call custody so that his son was taken away. He followed us, walked on his heels, talked in a very rude and aggressive form. After the incident, when the chairman did not let me home at night and spit in the face, we even called the police. However, law enforcement officers, having learned that this man is the chairman of the house, immediately took his side, and I was put up with some kind of abnormal, ”continues Christina.

After this incident, the girls realized that being at home is unsafe. They spent days in the parks for days and only by night they returned home to sleep.

“Due to lack of sleep and all stress, we were very vulnerable,” says Christina. -On one of the days they returned home late, and the chairman began to scream at us. This was the last straw - we fled to friends. Then it became clear that we must quickly leave Russia. Our acquaintances at that time gathered in Argentina, and we went there in October 2022, and went to refugee.

In Argentina, Christina is engaged in the development of the blog and writes a book about emigration, and Vlada makes desserts to order. The girls received a residence permit of Argentina for refugees (Residencia Precaria), but after a year of being in the country the interviews did not pass, since the flow of refugees is too large.

- Life in Russia taught to be afraid and create legends, hiding who we are to each other. Even in Argentina several months passed, while we were able to calmly hold hands on the streets and not experience mixed feelings, introducing themselves to wives, and not sisters or friends. This is like a situation where a dog, which is used to it, is always beaten, presses his head whenever they bring her hand over her to stroke. In Buenos Aires, we are an ordinary family. Each time, telling about ourselves the locals, we do not get any reaction, except for exclamations, how beautiful we are. Friends who fled to Argentina from the same problems live here with the same stories, and in fact you understand that it is not alone with their family. As a result, you cease to feel obligated by someone to pretend, ”says Christina.

But separation from parents, friends and beloved city is not easy.

-When we watch films shot in St. Petersburg, and see some familiar places, we cry, even if it is a comedy. At the same time, we are grateful that in Argentina we can feel at home. It is clear that you can’t become someone else, because we still grew up in Russia, there are some cultural bindings, I like to communicate in Russian and it is very difficult from the homeland. Having left so spontaneously, we still tried to somehow morally justify our relatives, but when we adopted a new law on the promotion of LGBT, we realized that we made the right decision. I do not think that in the near future Russia is waiting for an improvement in terms of attitude to LGBT, but I do not lose hope that freedom will come to our country again, ”says Christina.

"They stuffed life in four suitcases"

31-year-old Sofia and 32-year-old Nastya are doctors. They have been familiar for eight years, six of which are in a relationship. They have a son Artem, he was born in St. Petersburg in November 2021. For a year now the three of them have been living in Buenos Aires.

-Nastya and we are doctors-rehabilitologists. Nastya in Russia worked in the state unit of the Ministry of Emergencies, and I had my own massage office, ”says Sofia quartz. - I worked for myself, so I led a fairly open lifestyle, directly answered customers to questions about my personal life. I always accepted my attraction to women. Mom always supported me, although she thought that I was a renewal. We met dad when I was already an adult. During pregnancy, I told him that Nastya is not a girlfriend and we live together. He reacted negatively. He asked anyone not to tell from friends and in social networks. We have not communicated with dad for three years.

Sofia under 20 was in a serious relationship only with girls. But then she realized and accepted her bisexuality.

- I wanted diversity and try sex with men. It was difficult to limit myself, although I was then in a relationship with a girl. When I told Nastya two years after the start of the relationship that the partner would not have prevented us, she went nuts and had been loaded for several months. In the end, she answered: "Well, it is necessary." We found a man with whom we "talked" for a certain time. I will not call it an open marriage. Rather, sexual diversity. Moreover, I can’t love a man or live with him, but for sex they didn’t come up with anything better than a living man! There is no such cool toy that would replace all the sensations, - Cvartz admits.

Sofia and Nastya, along with her son, left for Argentina a year ago.

“After childbirth, the nurse came to us and asked why I was a single mother,” recalls Sofia. - Arriving for the first time, the doctor first asked not about my well -being, but saw a double bed and blurted out: "Are you sleeping together?" I got so fucked up. I was just written out, I was no after Caesarean, but here it was. Well, she realized and replied that the "sister" was sleeping in the second room. There were several reasons to leave Russia. First: when Artem was two months, they came to us from social protection to check the child and with whom I live. As a doctor, I know that just such organs do not come and, most likely, medical workers reported to our family. It was very unpleasant, then we left for friends. Two months ago, social protection came to the address of my registration in St. Petersburg, but, fortunately, we were no longer there.

Also, according to the quartz, the Family Departure was influenced by the war with Ukraine.

- On February 24, I joyfully walked around the park in St. Petersburg. There was a snowball, the baby was asleep, as here a message comes from a friend from Kyiv that the tanks went there. I remember: as I stood still, I stood - in such a shock I was. Then they discussed with Nastya that we had to hurry and complete all their affairs. In addition, at the beginning of the war, Nastya at work learned that she lives with me. Her friend told another employee that Nastya had a son. After that, relations in the team became tense. When mobilization began, all employees of the Ministry of Emergencies were booked. All but Nastya. Then she was simply told that it was necessary to hand over the passport to the personnel department. Then we realized that we were leaving. Gathered exactly in a week, stuffing life in four suitcases. We flew to Argentina through Turkey, and when we were there, they called me from the military registration and enlistment office, told me to collect things and come, so we both risked both mobilized, ”says Sofia.

According to her, Argentina approached them through the budget, plus a visa -free entrance captivated. They received a residence permit in December, in Argentina they got married. Friends from Russia, but not relatives, even came to their wedding.

- Mom Nastya still does not know that she is in Argentina. Once she said that she would hang if Nastya calls Artem her child. But soon the wife plans to tell everything to relatives. Of the minuses of life in a new country - with the economy there is a full ass. I have the first economic education. I do not know how the locals take it out. But there is a huge plus - these are people. I had goosebumps when I began to communicate with local children and saw how reverently and carefully they communicate with my son, they say how beautiful he is. Adults in Argentina are very polite. When I went in public transport pregnant in Russia, they looked at me with neglect. It was read on their faces: "Oh, the pregnant woman has come, now he will ask for a way." In Argentina with a child, I never rode standing standing. I am not saying that in Russia all the bastards and animals are all excellent, I just watched such a contrast in percentage, ”says Sofia.

- When she arrived in Argentina, she immediately exhaled and felt in maximum safety. I realized that you can take Nastya without fear by the hand, hug and kiss on the street. Of course, she sometimes removed her hand, and I: "Yes, that's it, relax. You can even go on my head. We are in Argentina." The only thing we really miss is St. Petersburg weather. It is terribly not enough rain and snow. I just want to walk around familiar places because we did not have time to say goodbye to Russia. I really love Peter, but it happened as it happened. I do not regret emigration, just such a warm sadness, ”says Sofia quartz.

The caming art day appeared in 1988 in the United States to increase the appearance of LGBTK+ people. The holiday is universal, but mainly it is celebrated in liberal democratic countries, where homosexuality is accepted by a majority, same -sex marriages are legalized and there is anti -discrimination legislation. On this day, shares of visibility and hanging a rainbow flag - a symbol of the community. Discrimination of LGBT representatives in the Russian Federation is enshrined at the state level. In 2013, the first law was adopted on the so -called "propaganda of LGBT" among minors, after which the number of persecution and crimes on the basis of sexual orientation grew. After the start of the war with Ukraine, in December 2022, the second law on gay propaganda entered into force. Now the ban on the dissemination of any information that, according to the Russian authorities, “promotes non -traditional sexual relations, pedophilia or sex change,” acts not only among children, but also people of all ages. In July 2023, the law "On the ban on the transgender transition" entered into force, which prohibits transson to change documents and receive hormone therapy. Such discriminatory laws lead to inciting hatred in relation to LGBT, unleashing their hands with homophobic citizens. Today, LGBT people live in fear or are forced to leave Russia, asking for political asylum.