"Are you at all eat?"

What is skinnyiming and what people are faced with who seem too thin to others

Discrimination and negative comments due to appearance can affect people with any figure, including “too thin”. Some are convinced that this is a far -fetched problem, because being slender is a privilege. In fact, condemnation of the human body can forever change its self -perception and even cause mental disorders. “Cold” talked with people who survived the skinnyiming, and learned from psychologists how to resist him.

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Fed through tears, hysteria and physical punishment

Before the school, Anastasia Nechaev (the name was changed at the request of the heroine), who was engaged in gymnastics, did not offend the comments of relatives and coaches about her thinness. But in high school, Nastya began to notice the difference between herself and classmates who began puberty. Then the boys began to joke about her low growth and thinness, "lack of forms." After Nastya went to another school, girls began to laugh at her.

“Girls received signs of attention from the guys, and I - vile jokes addressed to me. For example: “Here you put on your shoes on your feet, gloves on your arms, and the bra for what?” In addition, they constantly tried to touch my chest to check if she was. I turned everything jokingly and laughed with them because I could not resist this, ”says Nechaeva.

The girls commented on not only classmates, but also her relatives. They believed that it was unhealthy and that Nastya eats little, so they fed her forcibly, "through tears, tantrums and physical punishments." And once her grandmother decided that her granddaughter was infected with worms, and began to treat her with parasites.

In addition, at a school physical examination by a gynecologist, it was reported that she could not have children because of thinness and still not occurring menstruation and that she needs to be examined.

“I hated my appearance, the lack of chest and hips,” says Nechaeva. -I cried every evening because no guy was looking at me. I began to consider my body, comparing with others and every day I felt more and more not like everyone else. Meanwhile, the guy in whom I was in love said that I would have a couple of sizes more and it would be normal. ”

According to the clinical psychologist Khristina Kuzmina, regular body cheating can lead to depression, depression and comprehensive post -traumatic disorder (CPTSR). Also, according to the project on the mental health of Helpguide, body cheating can lead to overeating , excessive physical exertion and other symptoms of food behavior disorders, dysmorphophobia and anxiety.

No one thinks that it can somehow hurt

A similar happened with Nikita Starostin. By about the fifth grade, his classmates began to be divided into those who are “stronger and stronger”, and “thin and small”. Starostin, according to him, belonged to the second. They began to laugh in physical education, saying that he was “jigs” and “nothing can.”

“This is a story not only about thinness, but also about dominance,” recalls Starostin. - In Russian schools, they are often divided into botans and those who digge nerds. If you were chosen by a botan, then you find yourself alone against the majority. And at some point you begin to think that something is wrong with you. ”

Another reason for the ridicule of Starostin at school was his funnel -shaped chest. “Normal people have a mucous process above the solar plexus, and I have a recess that looks a little like a dent,” he explains. According to him, classmates constantly poked it in it, after which he fixed the feeling that he was special, but “so,”. Because of this, according to Starostin, he had no desire to even try to be attractive: "I just did not love myself, my body, my own characteristics-these thin hands, a hollow on the sternum, thinness."

At the University of Starostin, he also ran into skinnyshiming, but already from nurses. “They said:“ Lord, the hands are thin, the waist is thin. Are you not eating at all? ” He recalls. “No one thinks that it can somehow hurt.”

According to Kuzmina, comments about someone else's appearance are normalized in society, and some people may really not understand that this is unpleasant - they make them out of the desire to help. Others have an idea that a person completely controls how much he weighs. But the weight and shape of the body is little to talk about health problems and can be due to genetically.

How can you resist this?

According to a psychiatrist and psychotherapist Georgy Mishanov, if skinnyiming begins at home, then this can provoke injury in the team. “The atmosphere in the family is more important than at school. With their comments, adults touch the child and “undermine” his self -esteem. Without support in the family, children are violated by psychological adaptation, and they can come to school with an already inspired invisible label, because of which they begin to touch them. If the child is confident in himself, defends his boundaries and shows what can exist in the team and unite, then the probability of bullying is much lower, ”he says.

“Any persecution always exists with the support of adults,” adds Kuzmina. -Children are often just surprised when they see something new. But the way they will relate to this is determined by adults-children from somewhere take these phrases and behavior. ”

According to Mishanov, if the persecution occurs outside the family, parents need to support the child: “The task is not to immediately look for a decision, to punish the guilty or learn to give back. It is more important - to be near and divide the experiences. ”

The second step should be a trip to the psychologist. According to Mishanov, this will help to figure out what is happening to the child: he has an RPP or, for example, background depression that needs to be treated.

Before the onset of 15 years, a child can visit a psychologist only with the consent of legal representatives - parents or guardians. If they are against it, you can try to contact the crisis center, trust services or psychological chats, where they provide assistance anonymously. You can also turn to a school psychologist, but they, as George Mishanov says, more often other tasks, for example, screening and conducting classes, so they can not always provide qualified assistance. If a teenager over 15 years old has encountered Bodyshewing, then he can seek psychological help.

Over time, you even find pluses in this

Now Anastasia Nechaeva is 26 years old, in her environment there are no people who allow her toxic phrases about her appearance, and, contrary to the forecasts of gynecologists, she gave birth to a daughter. According to her, she could not completely get rid of the complexes, but she learned to see the beauty in her body - in this she was helped by photographs of herself, which she did for her partner.

Georgy Mishanov says that psychological injuries after such phenomena as skinnyshiming, that is, caused by the environment, and not their own beliefs, are easier to give in to therapy: “In this case, the survivors of the bullying have a more stable self -esteem, since they have their own values ​​and their understanding of beauty.”

He also adds that such traumatic experience still does not happen without consequences. A person can even portray recovery, but in private with himself or with provoking factors, the experienced experience can manifest itself in the form of depression, distrust of the world, the difficulties in finding his place in society and establishing strong social ties.

According to Kuzmina, it does not matter what a person looks like - the causes of body -shaking can be sought in who allows himself such behavior. In some cases, comments about the body may be a projection of the commenting experiences, while others intentionally want to hurt. For example, on the Internet, they often resort to body cheese as an argument in a dispute or use it as a way to pour negative emotions.

“Even the most“ ideal ”and conventionally beautiful people hear unpleasant comments on their appearance,” Kuzmina explains. “You can directly ask why a person says this, and then explain that this is unpleasant or insulting for you.” This will help to build personal boundaries. ”

When Nikita Starostin entered the university, the persecution stopped and it became easier for him. He realized that the figure could not be fixed because of genetics: despite swimming, dancing, firing from onions, as well as the fact that he began to eat more, “to get out” from thinness did not work. Others who consider him beautiful helped him to accept himself. “Over time, you even find pluses in this, you look at yourself differently: if I get through the fence, I will not get stuck in it,” he jokes.