Dungeon | Colta.ru

On the eve of the next New Year, Kolta cannot get rid of the habit of summing up, at least intermediate ones. Evgenia Vezhlyan , Anna Narinskaya , Ella Rossman and Olga Sedakova - from different countries and cities - about what is happening to us today.

What was happening deprived me of the speechlessness, but the slightest desire to express, inform, announce what I can think about it. But, generally speaking, it’s impossible to think: I just stand in front of this, dumbfounded; At first, almost two years ago, with some hope that all this will end soon (“You will see, by the fall!”, My friend of the composer said), as some kind of fainting or a sick dream. How it ends is unknown, but simply because it is too incompatible with life to continue. It remains incompatible with life, but it continues, as if nothing had happened, and is gaining momentum. And I also do not want to talk about new speeds (every day on hellish news). Experts, analysts, commentators are talking about them - and I have never listened to such a number of political, economic, and military analytics before.

Maybe the desire to report something (let not Urbi et orbi , but unknown to whom - as a famous letter in a bottle) is speechless. It is not the ability to select words and arrange them in an interesting order. I’m afraid that I have nothing to inform, except for grief, shame, confusion, indignation, disgust ... The whole muddy suspension of oppressing and wounding feelings, which hundreds of voices also express in Russian - or do not express, but live with it silently. And, I heard, it becomes easier for many because it is expressed. "The time of sorrow is not when we suffer from evil, but when we do evil." This is John Chrysostom. I always thought the same way. And I can’t help but feel like an evil in this work.

There is an ancient assimilation of the state to the ship. I will not give examples from Horace or Dante. So, I feel on a ship, which suddenly and it is not known why I attacked the whole world . Suddenly, of course, in my opinion: historians, political scientists and other experts will explain that all this was not suddenly and that much was led to that. But for me, a piece of abyss is located between any eyeliner and direct implementation. No matter how many Raskolnikov conceived and ponder his project to abolish the percentage, until he really hit with an ax, nothing has happened yet. I would say that this abyss is the instinct of being : one’s own, alien, general, instinct innate and not necessarily aware. This leap through the abyss is made in real action, not in the "plans" and "intentions." Exact, ultra -precise and not very accurate explosive devices of the near and far radius of action. Millions (without exaggeration) of broken destinies, torn families, spread throughout the planet, broken to the ashes of villages and cities, extended with funnels and mined - that is, deadly for tens of years in advance - fields, charred trees, killed living creatures, wild, home, from the red book, explosive seas, heaven, heaven, which has become an irrelevant deadly threat ... Looking at the sky, here, in the city and especially in my Tula gum, I can no longer think about it, about the deadly sky. Why do I list what everyone knows? Just because before that I am stalling. All this two years ago, it seems, could not be. And I think: it is good that one or the other dear man managed to leave the world in which this could not be.

I said about "suddenly." As for the “unknown why”, no of the proposed explanations (“why”) does not seem to me at least any satisfactory. And no more than others, fantastic and delusional, - the simplest, selfish: what, in fact, the self -interest of this ship to follow the course, which, as everyone remembers, was sent? And his team, I think, knows how it actually is poorly arranged, worn, broken, stolen.

Together with the instinct of being from which I began, the instinct of reason is also lost. I'm not talking about some high mind, but about the simplest, simple practical mind. Such things are done not why and not why.

Together with the “mythopoetic” way, the ship-state that I started, my eyes are relevant in front of my eyes, which obscures all rational explanations. This image can already be attributed to mystical, and I, respectively, are no worse than those who announce that "our main enemy is satanism." In my defense, I will say that I mean, first of all, a spatial image. Dungeon as a central spatial image. Here he did not appear suddenly. I have been watching its phenomenon for a long time. Maybe he caught my eye because the fear of the dungeon was more than the main thing - just the only fear of my childhood. This fear seems to have no scientific name, like acrophobia, fear of height. When the grandmother opened the cellar cover and was going to go down the potato with a lantern or with a candle, I almost shouted in a voice: “Don't go there!” I was afraid that she would not return from there-or would return some kind of changed. That you just can’t visit the standard of living below. All the horror was there: in a special feeling of bottom, compression, in the damp lifelessness of the void in the ground, in its motionless darkness, where the light does not penetrate, and no wind, no air movement penetrates. In the night darkness on the surface of the earth is lighter already from air movements. And one more thing: there is a suspicion or foreboding that all this raw cavity is filled with something or someone. There is not a secret, but some kind of bad secret. You do not have to look into it. In short, the ideas about blindness, about the prison, the field of death, about the hell, about the unclean power are connected with the dungeon.

So, the dungeon crawled into the world in recent years. Many were amazed at the ugliness of statues and various scenery, which for no reason appeared even on playgrounds. Their ugliness was somehow unprecedented. They seemed to crawl out of the ground. And usually they crawled out to the end. Some of them remained there. In the light, on the surface of the earth, there is no such ugliness. They brought them to their classroom and impassable darkness. Not completely out of the dungeon, the threatening statue of Prince Vladimir also seems to me because he does not have a commensurate pedestal. He is menacingly coming straight from the ground. All these ugliness carried one message: the threat of reprisals.

For the first time, many years ago, this topic - the choice of life in the dungeon - struck me in the "repentance" of Tengiz Abuladze. There, the monstrous Varlah lives his old age in the bunker. He, as everyone remembers, was hiding there from the light and aimed in the sun before his death in some ritual dance. Now this image can be called prophetic, then he surprised and seemed a little poster. And he was remembered.

Now we looked around and heard about life leaving or driven into the dungeons: about life from a week a week in cellars and under the collapses of houses, about school lessons in the subway, in shelters, and cellars. And on the fronts: trenches, dugouts, trenches. Military tunnels. We in Russia have only seen enough and heard about this, and in Ukraine we are really familiar with these dungeons.

But this is one side: departure, escape, detention in the dungeon. Another and, in my opinion, even more terrible, is the one with which I started: the exit of the dungeon or, in other ways, the underworld to the light of God. I can’t describe this. But then in what is happening that seems incredible and incompatible with life, all this cruelty and nonsense happens - as before - in the light - in darkness, stuffiness, nonsense and apparently the irresistible power of the dungeon that rose and hanging above the ground. Above our land, in any case.

As a real breakthrough of this darkness and severity for me, the last word of Sasha Skochilenko sounds in court: the amazing anthem of the miracle of the living, the Swiss Ehrfurcht Vor Dem Leben , reverence for life. This power is the power of not only these words themselves, but the fact that a person says these words because of the lattice, having heard his sentence, is the answer to the power of the dungeon.